1 00:00:00,373 --> 00:00:04,258 NARRATOR: Kids, in October 2011, your Aunt Robin was in therapy. 2 00:00:04,259 --> 00:00:06,792 And against all logic, it was actually going well. 3 00:00:07,149 --> 00:00:08,515 But why? 4 00:00:08,517 --> 00:00:11,318 Why-why am I constantly looking for reasons not to be happy? 5 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:14,405 Maybe because the idea of finally being happy... 6 00:00:14,407 --> 00:00:16,106 terrifies you. 7 00:00:16,108 --> 00:00:19,293 Bro, you are killing it today. 8 00:00:19,295 --> 00:00:20,944 Pshh! 9 00:00:22,130 --> 00:00:23,497 We got something good here. 10 00:00:23,499 --> 00:00:25,949 We are totes gonna conquer my fear of abandonment! 11 00:00:25,951 --> 00:00:27,384 I can't see you anymore. 12 00:00:27,386 --> 00:00:29,553 (laughs) Nice. 13 00:00:29,555 --> 00:00:31,588 "Oh, no! You're abandoning me!" 14 00:00:32,424 --> 00:00:34,624 Oh, no. You're abandoning me? 15 00:00:34,626 --> 00:00:37,561 I'm sorry. I'm moving to Alaska. 16 00:00:37,563 --> 00:00:41,015 NARRATOR: And that might have been the end of it. 17 00:00:41,017 --> 00:00:42,266 But a week later... 18 00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:44,318 Kevin?! 19 00:00:45,303 --> 00:00:46,487 What are you doing here? 20 00:00:46,489 --> 00:00:50,774 Okay, look, I lied to you about moving to Alaska. 21 00:00:50,776 --> 00:00:52,943 I-I had to stop seeing you. 22 00:00:52,945 --> 00:00:54,228 Why? 23 00:00:54,230 --> 00:00:56,547 'Cause I think you're cute. 24 00:00:56,549 --> 00:00:58,382 And ethically, I can't be your therapist 25 00:00:58,384 --> 00:01:00,217 if I'm attracted to you. 26 00:01:00,219 --> 00:01:02,819 Oh, I get it. You dump me as a patient 27 00:01:02,821 --> 00:01:04,505 just so you can ask me out? 28 00:01:04,507 --> 00:01:05,639 I'm not gonna ask you out. 29 00:01:05,641 --> 00:01:06,974 You're not? 30 00:01:06,976 --> 00:01:09,810 No. We met in therapy. 31 00:01:09,812 --> 00:01:12,579 It's inappropriate for me to date a patient. 32 00:01:13,348 --> 00:01:15,699 Anyway, it was nice seeing you. 33 00:01:16,518 --> 00:01:19,503 Hey, wait. 34 00:01:19,505 --> 00:01:21,004 How do you define "date"? 35 00:01:21,006 --> 00:01:24,141 Two people having a meal together, 36 00:01:24,143 --> 00:01:25,192 sitting across the table 37 00:01:25,194 --> 00:01:26,643 making googly eyes at each other... 38 00:01:26,645 --> 00:01:30,981 What about two people eating alone, sitting side by side, 39 00:01:30,983 --> 00:01:34,184 making googly eyes at the coffee maker? 40 00:01:34,186 --> 00:01:36,704 Okay, it's not a date. 41 00:01:36,706 --> 00:01:38,122 Exactly. Not a date. 42 00:01:38,124 --> 00:01:40,991 NARRATOR: And so Robin and Kevin had breakfast alone, 43 00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:45,412 side by side every day that week. 44 00:01:46,948 --> 00:01:48,382 Until finally... 45 00:01:53,938 --> 00:01:54,705 Oh, hey! 46 00:01:54,707 --> 00:01:56,507 Sorry. No cabs. 47 00:01:56,509 --> 00:01:58,208 Ran 40 blocks all the way here. 48 00:01:58,210 --> 00:01:59,560 May have knocked an old lady 49 00:01:59,562 --> 00:02:01,211 into the street, don't know, I didn't look back. 50 00:02:01,213 --> 00:02:02,262 Let's just go on a real date. 51 00:02:02,264 --> 00:02:03,931 Yeah, that might be a good idea. 52 00:02:03,933 --> 00:02:05,399 Finally! 53 00:02:07,591 --> 00:02:11,591 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x05 ♪ Field Trip Original Air Date on October 10, 2011 54 00:02:11,592 --> 00:02:15,092 == sync, corrected by elderman == 55 00:02:15,117 --> 00:02:20,499 ♪ 56 00:02:20,602 --> 00:02:22,586 Oh, I can't wait to see that movie. 57 00:02:22,588 --> 00:02:23,554 Is it good? 58 00:02:23,556 --> 00:02:24,772 Awesome. Wait, totally hypothetically, 59 00:02:24,774 --> 00:02:27,224 do you like movies with a shocking twist where all 60 00:02:27,226 --> 00:02:28,943 the main characters die at the end? 61 00:02:28,945 --> 00:02:30,061 Yes. 62 00:02:30,063 --> 00:02:31,362 You will love this movie. 63 00:02:31,364 --> 00:02:32,697 Hey, guys. 64 00:02:32,699 --> 00:02:33,948 Hey, Marshall. What's up? 65 00:02:33,950 --> 00:02:35,616 Well, I'll tell you what's up. 66 00:02:35,618 --> 00:02:37,802 You know how my boss, Garrison Cootes, is, 67 00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:39,737 like, the most famous environmental lawyer 68 00:02:39,739 --> 00:02:40,554 in the world? 69 00:02:40,556 --> 00:02:42,206 ALL: Yeah... 70 00:02:42,208 --> 00:02:45,576 I mean, it's him or the other guy. 71 00:02:45,578 --> 00:02:46,911 Sir Anthony Howel? 72 00:02:46,913 --> 00:02:49,297 ALL: Yeah... 73 00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:51,415 Anyway, he's an important guy, okay? 74 00:02:51,417 --> 00:02:52,984 And so today at work, 75 00:02:52,986 --> 00:02:55,136 I was trying to show him that I'm tough. 76 00:02:55,138 --> 00:02:56,971 I've been thinking about this 77 00:02:56,973 --> 00:02:58,222 settlement offer we're about 78 00:02:58,224 --> 00:03:00,308 to get from Gruber Pharmaceuticals. 79 00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:02,226 If it's anything less than $20 million, 80 00:03:02,228 --> 00:03:03,293 then I'm gonna grab 81 00:03:03,295 --> 00:03:06,063 those corporate Earth rapists by their... 82 00:03:06,065 --> 00:03:08,065 Okay, I'm just gonna say something. 83 00:03:08,067 --> 00:03:09,984 I'm growing a child in my belly, 84 00:03:09,986 --> 00:03:11,902 a child that just developed ears. 85 00:03:11,904 --> 00:03:14,572 This is a very thin sweater. 86 00:03:14,574 --> 00:03:16,324 So please, if you must tell your story... 87 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:17,942 just make it cheerful. 88 00:03:17,944 --> 00:03:19,560 Cheerful. 89 00:03:19,562 --> 00:03:21,696 Okay... 90 00:03:21,698 --> 00:03:23,414 Then I'm gonna grab those corporate... 91 00:03:23,416 --> 00:03:24,849 employees... 92 00:03:24,851 --> 00:03:26,817 by their sweaty, dangling... 93 00:03:26,819 --> 00:03:27,835 hands... 94 00:03:27,837 --> 00:03:30,487 and squeeze until those greedy sons of... 95 00:03:30,489 --> 00:03:32,790 parents... realize that I'm the baddest mother... 96 00:03:32,792 --> 00:03:35,676 nature lover around. 97 00:03:35,678 --> 00:03:38,512 It's like watching The Breakfast Club on TBS. 98 00:03:38,514 --> 00:03:40,431 So what did he say? 99 00:03:40,433 --> 00:03:45,102 Marshall, bend down so I can put my arm around you. 100 00:03:45,104 --> 00:03:47,221 That's all the way down. That's good. 101 00:03:47,223 --> 00:03:49,190 Gruber Pharmaceuticals is a company full 102 00:03:49,192 --> 00:03:51,142 of well-meaning people doing their jobs, 103 00:03:51,144 --> 00:03:53,227 just like you and me. 104 00:03:53,229 --> 00:03:55,980 Guys, I'm afraid that Garrison Cootes has gone soft! 105 00:03:55,982 --> 00:03:57,982 He's like a teddy bear! 106 00:03:57,984 --> 00:04:00,568 A teddy bear or an Ewok? 107 00:04:00,570 --> 00:04:02,737 You know, cute and cuddly around the village, 108 00:04:02,739 --> 00:04:04,655 but once the battle starts... 109 00:04:04,657 --> 00:04:08,042 He'll smash in your metal skull with giant swinging logs. 110 00:04:08,044 --> 00:04:09,160 Marshall! 111 00:04:09,162 --> 00:04:10,411 Okay, he'll hug you 112 00:04:10,413 --> 00:04:12,830 until you agree to peaceably shut down the Death Star. 113 00:04:12,832 --> 00:04:14,031 NORA: Hi, sweetie. 114 00:04:14,033 --> 00:04:15,149 Hey. 115 00:04:15,151 --> 00:04:16,867 What are we all talking about? 116 00:04:16,869 --> 00:04:17,985 Ewoks. 117 00:04:17,987 --> 00:04:19,253 Ugh, I hate the Ewoks. 118 00:04:19,255 --> 00:04:21,472 The only good thing about Ewoks in that movie? 119 00:04:21,474 --> 00:04:23,373 You got to see some of them die. 120 00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:26,010 Well, I fancy a pint. 121 00:04:27,378 --> 00:04:28,979 Nora hates Ewoks. 122 00:04:28,981 --> 00:04:30,881 Well, I have to break up with her. 123 00:04:30,883 --> 00:04:32,917 Be gentle when you tell her, guys. 124 00:04:32,919 --> 00:04:35,519 I'll call you from Vegas. Tell me how it went. Okay. 125 00:04:35,521 --> 00:04:36,487 Okay, Barney! 126 00:04:36,489 --> 00:04:37,554 Sit down! 127 00:04:37,556 --> 00:04:38,889 Not liking Ewoks 128 00:04:38,891 --> 00:04:41,409 is no reason not to date somebody. 129 00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:43,994 Yeah, I mean, who knows what the rules are, ya know? 130 00:04:43,996 --> 00:04:46,664 I mean, you're dating a girl who doesn't like Ewoks, 131 00:04:46,666 --> 00:04:48,565 I'm dating my former therapist. 132 00:04:48,567 --> 00:04:49,617 - Oh! - Eww! 133 00:04:49,619 --> 00:04:51,452 We are gentlemen of Harvard! 134 00:04:51,454 --> 00:04:52,886 It's not a big deal! 135 00:04:52,911 --> 00:04:54,699 Robin, if you asked a hundred people, 136 00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:56,543 "Who's the worst person you could possibly date?" 137 00:04:56,575 --> 00:04:58,125 they'd all say, "Your therapist." 138 00:04:58,127 --> 00:04:59,877 Except the ones saying "Barney." 139 00:04:59,879 --> 00:05:02,263 Hey! Yeah, that tracks. 140 00:05:02,265 --> 00:05:04,081 Well, I should get going. 141 00:05:04,083 --> 00:05:05,933 I got the big field trip tomorrow. 142 00:05:05,935 --> 00:05:06,801 Field trip? 143 00:05:06,803 --> 00:05:07,635 Yeah. I'm taking 144 00:05:07,637 --> 00:05:08,803 my Intro to Architecture class 145 00:05:08,805 --> 00:05:10,354 to the GNB Tower construction site. 146 00:05:10,356 --> 00:05:11,772 I'm trying to get them interested 147 00:05:11,774 --> 00:05:13,357 in architecture as a career. 148 00:05:13,359 --> 00:05:15,425 Why? Are we running out of buildings? 149 00:05:15,427 --> 00:05:16,894 Are we running out of boring people? 150 00:05:16,896 --> 00:05:18,646 Guys, this is a big deal, okay? 151 00:05:18,648 --> 00:05:20,781 If I can get just one kid interested in 152 00:05:20,783 --> 00:05:21,932 becoming an architect... 153 00:05:21,934 --> 00:05:24,452 Okay, I'm just gonna stop you right there. 154 00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:26,487 Ted, it's an Intro class. 155 00:05:26,489 --> 00:05:28,691 Yeah, don't try to Stand and Deliver 156 00:05:28,692 --> 00:05:29,440 an Intro class. 157 00:05:29,441 --> 00:05:32,493 Nobody takes an Intro class to get on any other path 158 00:05:32,495 --> 00:05:35,246 but the path to not being hungover anymore. 159 00:05:35,248 --> 00:05:39,333 I learned that in my Intro to something-ology class. 160 00:05:39,335 --> 00:05:41,752 Well that's fine for something-ology, 161 00:05:41,754 --> 00:05:44,054 but tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. sharp 162 00:05:44,056 --> 00:05:47,258 Intro to Architecture is going on a field trip! 163 00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:48,642 All 200 of 'em. 164 00:05:48,644 --> 00:05:49,660 Well, it's 9:45. 165 00:05:49,662 --> 00:05:52,229 I guess the other 170 of you got lost, 166 00:05:52,231 --> 00:05:53,597 so we'll just start. 167 00:05:53,599 --> 00:05:57,101 Now, some might say you guys are just taking this class 168 00:05:57,103 --> 00:06:00,571 because it's easy or because you've confused architecture 169 00:06:00,573 --> 00:06:02,356 with archaeology and think we're gonna do 170 00:06:02,358 --> 00:06:04,141 some cool Indiana Jones stuff today. 171 00:06:04,143 --> 00:06:05,943 But I think that... 172 00:06:08,330 --> 00:06:12,666 I think just maybe, we got some future architects in the house. 173 00:06:12,668 --> 00:06:17,288 Show of hands: who's thinking about a career in architecture? 174 00:06:19,791 --> 00:06:22,209 Well, today, all that's gonna change. 175 00:06:22,211 --> 00:06:24,161 Follow me. 176 00:06:25,797 --> 00:06:27,548 Hey. Uh, sorry, 177 00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,450 nobody gets in here without a site pass. 178 00:06:29,452 --> 00:06:33,053 It's okay, I'm Ted Mosby, the architect of this building. 179 00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:35,472 I don't care if you're the archaeologist of this building. 180 00:06:35,474 --> 00:06:36,607 Site's closed. 181 00:06:42,147 --> 00:06:43,831 Moving on! 182 00:06:45,516 --> 00:06:46,800 NARRATOR: That morning, Marshall's firm 183 00:06:46,802 --> 00:06:48,452 was getting the settlement offer 184 00:06:48,454 --> 00:06:50,905 from Gruber Pharmaceuticals, and Marshall couldn't wait 185 00:06:50,907 --> 00:06:53,958 to see the teddy bear turn into an Ewok. 186 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,861 Gruber Pharmaceuticals dumped toxic waste into Frog Creek, 187 00:06:57,863 --> 00:07:00,548 a tributary of the Trout River that feeds into Clearwater Lake. 188 00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:03,717 All three of which now need new names. 189 00:07:04,719 --> 00:07:09,539 So it's time to win one for Mother Earth. 190 00:07:09,541 --> 00:07:11,759 Let's take out the trash, shall we?! 191 00:07:11,761 --> 00:07:14,011 - Yes! - All right, everyone grab a bag. 192 00:07:14,013 --> 00:07:15,813 Blue is recycling, green, compost. 193 00:07:15,815 --> 00:07:17,815 There we go. 194 00:07:19,184 --> 00:07:20,884 Sheila... 195 00:07:20,886 --> 00:07:23,003 we're ready to hear your offer. 196 00:07:32,197 --> 00:07:36,667 $24,000? 197 00:07:40,538 --> 00:07:43,207 Yeah , that seems reasonable. 198 00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,461 NARRATOR: Kids, I was wandering the city 199 00:07:49,462 --> 00:07:51,443 with 25 Intro to Architecture students 200 00:07:51,444 --> 00:07:53,478 when your Uncle Barney came to my rescue. 201 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:57,115 Okay, guys, seeing a building get built, not that exciting. 202 00:07:57,117 --> 00:07:59,817 What's really exciting is the financial side of... 203 00:07:59,819 --> 00:08:01,285 Sit down, Ted, I got this. 204 00:08:01,287 --> 00:08:04,539 Hey, Weird Beard, lights! 205 00:08:04,541 --> 00:08:06,824 College... it's a confusing time. 206 00:08:06,826 --> 00:08:07,925 Oh, no. 207 00:08:07,927 --> 00:08:11,646 Studies show that 83% of all college students 208 00:08:11,648 --> 00:08:13,681 desperately need... 209 00:08:13,683 --> 00:08:15,667 sex lessons! 210 00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:17,552 Lights! 211 00:08:17,554 --> 00:08:19,704 Barney, these are 18-year-olds! 212 00:08:19,706 --> 00:08:23,040 Ted, these are 18-year-olds! 213 00:08:23,042 --> 00:08:25,376 You have a girlfriend. 214 00:08:25,378 --> 00:08:26,594 But she doesn't like Ewoks! 215 00:08:26,596 --> 00:08:27,478 So what? 216 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:31,566 So what?! Bieber, lights! 217 00:08:31,568 --> 00:08:37,105 In 1983, George Lucas introduced the world to the Ewoks, 218 00:08:37,107 --> 00:08:40,842 a race of creatures indigenous to the second moon of Endor. 219 00:08:40,844 --> 00:08:42,844 Now, the Ewoks have a rich back-story 220 00:08:42,846 --> 00:08:44,245 that the movie didn't really go into. 221 00:08:44,247 --> 00:08:45,413 Barney, why don't you just skip 222 00:08:45,415 --> 00:08:47,498 to the part about you and Nora? 223 00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:49,250 (sighs) Fine. 224 00:08:58,677 --> 00:09:00,077 Ah, yes. 225 00:09:00,079 --> 00:09:04,348 Ultimately, Ewoks split Star Wars fandom into two camps: 226 00:09:04,350 --> 00:09:09,437 those born before, and those born after May 25, 1973: 227 00:09:09,439 --> 00:09:12,640 the Ewok Line. 228 00:09:12,642 --> 00:09:15,727 Anyone born on this side of the Ewok Line was 229 00:09:15,729 --> 00:09:18,129 at least ten years old when Jedi came out, 230 00:09:18,131 --> 00:09:22,433 and thus too old for something so cloying and cute. 231 00:09:22,435 --> 00:09:29,373 Anyone born on this side loved the Ewoks because, why? 232 00:09:30,492 --> 00:09:32,410 They reminded you of... 233 00:09:32,412 --> 00:09:33,494 Our teddies? 234 00:09:33,496 --> 00:09:35,963 They reminded you of your teddies. 235 00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:37,799 Thank you, Gina. 236 00:09:37,801 --> 00:09:39,584 How do you know her name? 237 00:09:39,586 --> 00:09:44,121 And so... by the immutable laws of the Ewok Line, 238 00:09:44,123 --> 00:09:48,593 my 29-year-old girlfriend who hates Ewoks 239 00:09:48,595 --> 00:09:54,315 must in fact be no younger than... 37. 240 00:09:54,317 --> 00:09:56,601 That's only a year younger than Will's mom. 241 00:09:56,603 --> 00:09:58,820 How do you know my mom? Class dismissed! 242 00:09:58,822 --> 00:10:00,321 I need to be alone. 243 00:10:00,323 --> 00:10:01,806 All right, we're moving on. 244 00:10:01,808 --> 00:10:03,191 Ooh, can I come? 245 00:10:03,193 --> 00:10:05,276 (cell phone rings) Hey, baby. 246 00:10:05,278 --> 00:10:08,780 Hey, I just want to remind you we have Dr. Sonya at 4:00. 247 00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:11,482 I'll be there. I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm bummed. 248 00:10:11,484 --> 00:10:14,035 We got our settlement offer today: 249 00:10:14,037 --> 00:10:17,321 $24,000 from a billion-dollar company. 250 00:10:17,323 --> 00:10:19,774 Wow. I take it people aren't happy about that. 251 00:10:19,776 --> 00:10:22,827 We won! Champagne and cake for everybody! 252 00:10:22,829 --> 00:10:23,961 They're celebrating. 253 00:10:23,963 --> 00:10:24,962 I mean, it's crazy. 254 00:10:24,964 --> 00:10:27,431 We have no right to be eating cake. 255 00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:29,851 There's cake?! I'm on my way! 256 00:10:29,853 --> 00:10:33,337 NARRATOR: Meanwhile, the worst field trip of all time was still trucking. 257 00:10:33,339 --> 00:10:36,307 All right, this, this is exciting, okay? 258 00:10:36,309 --> 00:10:37,692 This is the very room 259 00:10:37,694 --> 00:10:40,144 where I had the idea for the GNB Tower. 260 00:10:40,146 --> 00:10:43,013 Now, Webster's defines "inspiration" as... 261 00:10:43,015 --> 00:10:45,700 Hold on. It's still loading. 262 00:10:45,702 --> 00:10:46,701 Uh, hey, roomie. 263 00:10:46,703 --> 00:10:49,403 Robin! Hey, what are you doing here? 264 00:10:49,405 --> 00:10:52,156 Well, I was about to get my swerve on. 265 00:10:52,158 --> 00:10:54,041 You were? 266 00:10:54,043 --> 00:10:56,460 So you're the therapist. 267 00:10:56,462 --> 00:10:59,580 You know, it's one thing to pretend to be a shrink 268 00:10:59,582 --> 00:11:01,632 and bang your patients. That's normal. 269 00:11:01,634 --> 00:11:05,336 But to do it for real? A little creepy, bro. 270 00:11:05,338 --> 00:11:06,921 Okay, it's not creepy. 271 00:11:06,923 --> 00:11:09,006 BOTH: Ehhhh... it's creepy. 272 00:11:09,008 --> 00:11:10,842 Class, show of hands: 273 00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:13,711 Who thinks it's creepy to date your therapist? 274 00:11:13,713 --> 00:11:15,346 - Pollstered. - Get out! 275 00:11:15,348 --> 00:11:17,381 All right. We're moving on! 276 00:11:17,383 --> 00:11:18,716 So, class, to your left, 277 00:11:18,718 --> 00:11:21,402 you will see some excellent examples of 278 00:11:21,404 --> 00:11:25,072 what we'd call windows. 279 00:11:25,074 --> 00:11:26,908 So where are we going now? 280 00:11:26,910 --> 00:11:27,909 I have no idea. 281 00:11:27,911 --> 00:11:29,410 This is a disaster. 282 00:11:29,412 --> 00:11:31,395 Some of them are already starting to go home. 283 00:11:31,397 --> 00:11:34,081 Although we seem to have picked up a German family. 284 00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:36,000 BARNEY: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 285 00:11:36,002 --> 00:11:38,736 That thing with Robin and her creepy therapist 286 00:11:38,738 --> 00:11:39,737 gave me an idea. 287 00:11:39,739 --> 00:11:41,706 Ted, we have here a way 288 00:11:41,708 --> 00:11:44,575 to solve every single debate we've ever had! 289 00:11:44,577 --> 00:11:46,410 I mean, just look at the sample: 290 00:11:46,412 --> 00:11:49,463 guys, girls, blacks, Asians, a German family. 291 00:11:49,465 --> 00:11:52,049 You can't pay for that kind of focus group! 292 00:11:52,051 --> 00:11:54,752 Is macaroni salad really a salad? 293 00:11:54,754 --> 00:11:56,253 Hands up if you say "no." 294 00:11:57,255 --> 00:11:58,272 Ha! 295 00:11:58,274 --> 00:11:59,273 Jacob or Edward? 296 00:11:59,275 --> 00:12:00,257 Who says Edward? 297 00:12:00,259 --> 00:12:02,226 Ha, ha. See? I told you. 298 00:12:02,228 --> 00:12:04,612 It's Edward James Olmos. 299 00:12:04,614 --> 00:12:08,282 Would you rather have sex with a dead human being 300 00:12:08,284 --> 00:12:11,035 or a live an...? Dude. 301 00:12:11,037 --> 00:12:12,603 What? Find the line. 302 00:12:12,605 --> 00:12:15,072 Who thinks David Hasselhoff is awesome? 303 00:12:16,041 --> 00:12:17,742 Hmm. It's true. 304 00:12:17,744 --> 00:12:19,460 Okay. I've got one. If you're dating a girl, 305 00:12:19,462 --> 00:12:20,962 and she lies about her age, 306 00:12:20,964 --> 00:12:22,930 who says break up with her? 307 00:12:22,932 --> 00:12:25,166 Yes, yes, but what if the person she's lying to 308 00:12:25,168 --> 00:12:27,284 is notoriously shallow about age? 309 00:12:27,286 --> 00:12:29,637 Okay, but what if early in our relationship, 310 00:12:29,639 --> 00:12:30,972 she made a really big deal 311 00:12:30,974 --> 00:12:32,590 about wanting to not lie to each other? 312 00:12:33,475 --> 00:12:34,642 What if she's hot? 313 00:12:35,510 --> 00:12:36,677 Who wants five bucks? 314 00:12:37,596 --> 00:12:39,263 Pollstered! 315 00:12:39,265 --> 00:12:40,765 Let's do this. 316 00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:42,183 (giggling) 317 00:12:42,185 --> 00:12:44,235 (clears throat) 318 00:12:45,153 --> 00:12:46,971 (murmurs) Hmm? Yeah. 319 00:12:46,973 --> 00:12:47,989 (giggling) 320 00:12:47,991 --> 00:12:48,990 Mm... 321 00:12:48,992 --> 00:12:50,491 Okay, this is creepy. 322 00:12:50,493 --> 00:12:51,993 It's Crispin Glover creepy. 323 00:12:51,995 --> 00:12:53,411 You were my patient. 324 00:12:53,413 --> 00:12:54,695 You shared intimate stuff. 325 00:12:54,697 --> 00:12:56,497 It would be like dating your gynecologist. 326 00:12:56,499 --> 00:12:58,616 You were vulnerable. 327 00:12:58,618 --> 00:13:01,118 That's not something we can move past. 328 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,287 (sighs) Guess not. 329 00:13:04,206 --> 00:13:07,508 So, dating your gyno, that's bad, too? 330 00:13:07,510 --> 00:13:08,676 Oh, Robin. 331 00:13:08,678 --> 00:13:10,378 Kidding! 332 00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:12,079 Look, we've got another one! 333 00:13:12,081 --> 00:13:14,098 (laughing) 334 00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:15,499 Come on, have a bite. 335 00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,385 No, it's a matter of principle. 336 00:13:17,387 --> 00:13:18,853 I don't care how good it is, 337 00:13:18,855 --> 00:13:20,471 I'm not gonna have a third piece of cake! 338 00:13:20,473 --> 00:13:24,508 Okay, guys, you all had a lot of fun today, 339 00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:27,395 but now it's time... to have even more fun! 340 00:13:27,397 --> 00:13:29,597 Another cake! 341 00:13:29,599 --> 00:13:31,365 MARSHALL: Another cake?! 342 00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:33,317 What is the matter with you people?! 343 00:13:33,319 --> 00:13:37,855 That settlement today was a flaming pile of... 344 00:13:37,857 --> 00:13:39,757 puppies... 345 00:13:39,759 --> 00:13:41,542 that aren't on fire! 346 00:13:41,544 --> 00:13:43,711 Look at what's happening to the environment, 347 00:13:43,713 --> 00:13:45,413 and we're here doing the limbo? 348 00:13:45,415 --> 00:13:48,499 I mean, we should be ashamed of ourselves! 349 00:13:56,842 --> 00:13:59,510 Sir, all I meant was... 350 00:13:59,512 --> 00:14:01,896 Ten years from right now, 351 00:14:01,898 --> 00:14:05,049 everyone outside in that bullpen will be dead. 352 00:14:05,051 --> 00:14:06,517 What? 353 00:14:06,519 --> 00:14:08,436 I've seen the latest research, Marsh. 354 00:14:08,438 --> 00:14:10,004 You know how I'm always saying 355 00:14:10,006 --> 00:14:12,023 it's not too late to save the planet? 356 00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:14,058 It's too late to save the planet. 357 00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:17,244 There's nothing to do but sit back 358 00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:20,931 and await our inevitable doom. 359 00:14:20,933 --> 00:14:22,333 (noisemaker tooting) 360 00:14:22,335 --> 00:14:23,901 Oh, my goodness, a piñata! 361 00:14:23,903 --> 00:14:25,336 Just give me one minute, Larry. 362 00:14:25,338 --> 00:14:26,904 Thank you. 363 00:14:26,906 --> 00:14:30,257 Our grotesque, inevitable doom! 364 00:14:31,209 --> 00:14:33,044 Now, of course, you can't go around 365 00:14:33,046 --> 00:14:34,095 telling all the people 366 00:14:34,097 --> 00:14:35,846 that the good ship Environmentalism 367 00:14:35,848 --> 00:14:37,414 has sailed off into the sunset. 368 00:14:37,416 --> 00:14:39,050 There would cause a panic. 369 00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:40,901 So, instead, what we do is, 370 00:14:40,903 --> 00:14:43,354 we come to work, we put on a happy face, 371 00:14:43,356 --> 00:14:45,606 and we sue the big guys 372 00:14:45,608 --> 00:14:48,092 for just enough money for some cake 373 00:14:48,094 --> 00:14:52,563 before the unfiltered rays of the sun fry us like chalupas, 374 00:14:52,565 --> 00:14:55,533 and our lungs fill up with salt water, 375 00:14:55,535 --> 00:14:57,952 and we all die! 376 00:14:57,954 --> 00:15:00,538 Mmm. This cake is delicious. Everything's fine. 377 00:15:04,714 --> 00:15:05,764 Ugh, this day sucks. 378 00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:08,213 Kevin and I are kaputski. 379 00:15:08,215 --> 00:15:09,831 You think that's bad? 380 00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:12,167 The world is coming to an end. 381 00:15:12,169 --> 00:15:14,069 You think that's bad? 382 00:15:14,071 --> 00:15:18,206 My girlfriend is 37! 383 00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:21,510 And my field trip is not going as well as I'd hoped. 384 00:15:21,512 --> 00:15:23,662 Hmm. 385 00:15:23,664 --> 00:15:25,564 This day sucks. 386 00:15:25,566 --> 00:15:28,183 Professor Mosby, is the field trip over? 387 00:15:28,185 --> 00:15:30,018 We'd like to go home. 388 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:31,603 Yeah, it's over. 389 00:15:31,605 --> 00:15:33,772 Auf wiedersehen. 390 00:15:33,774 --> 00:15:35,440 I just wanted to inspire them, 391 00:15:35,442 --> 00:15:38,893 you know, like my professors inspired me. 392 00:15:38,895 --> 00:15:42,114 But here we are, at the end of the day... 393 00:15:42,116 --> 00:15:43,665 Hey, class, quick question. 394 00:15:43,667 --> 00:15:46,418 Uh, is anyone here thinking of becoming an architect? 395 00:15:48,288 --> 00:15:50,172 (clucks tongue) 396 00:15:51,624 --> 00:15:53,759 Really? 397 00:15:53,761 --> 00:15:55,928 Yeah, dude. I mean, 398 00:15:55,930 --> 00:15:57,579 all jobs suck, 399 00:15:57,581 --> 00:15:59,581 but it's 4:00 in the afternoon, 400 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,550 and you're out at a bar with your friends, 401 00:16:01,552 --> 00:16:03,769 so the hours can't be that bad. 402 00:16:03,771 --> 00:16:05,387 So... 403 00:16:05,389 --> 00:16:07,773 yeah, I don't know, I'd think about it. 404 00:16:07,775 --> 00:16:11,092 (voice cracking): I got through to you. Oh! 405 00:16:11,094 --> 00:16:14,763 I mean, that is, if becoming a deejay doesn't pan out. 406 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:17,983 You are gonna be a great architect. 407 00:16:17,985 --> 00:16:20,101 NARRATOR: He became a deejay. 408 00:16:22,772 --> 00:16:24,072 Robin, what are you doing here? 409 00:16:24,074 --> 00:16:25,614 I told you I can't be your therapist. 410 00:16:25,639 --> 00:16:26,459 I know. 411 00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:28,943 Today, I am your therapist. 412 00:16:28,945 --> 00:16:29,944 What? 413 00:16:29,946 --> 00:16:31,163 You said yourself, 414 00:16:31,165 --> 00:16:33,415 I'm always looking for reasons not to be happy. 415 00:16:33,417 --> 00:16:35,334 Well, I'm trying to change that. 416 00:16:35,336 --> 00:16:37,452 So, if the only reason we can't be together 417 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:39,454 is because I was in a vulnerable place 418 00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:41,139 for the first two hours we knew each other 419 00:16:41,141 --> 00:16:45,427 then that is two hours of vulnerability you owe me. 420 00:16:46,312 --> 00:16:47,346 Sit down. 421 00:16:47,348 --> 00:16:49,297 Okay. 422 00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:53,819 Okay, but I must warn you, as a professional, I'm immune to... 423 00:16:53,821 --> 00:16:54,786 Tell me about your mother. 424 00:16:54,811 --> 00:16:56,934 Everything she says is a manipulation! 425 00:16:56,973 --> 00:16:58,273 When I was seven years old... 426 00:16:58,275 --> 00:16:59,941 Mr. Cootes. 427 00:16:59,943 --> 00:17:01,827 - Hey. - Listen, I've been thinking 428 00:17:01,829 --> 00:17:03,745 a lot about what you said yesterday, 429 00:17:03,747 --> 00:17:05,280 about how we're all gonna die. 430 00:17:05,282 --> 00:17:06,581 Oh, I'm not gonna die. 431 00:17:06,583 --> 00:17:09,701 I bought an old mine shaft in Colorado. 432 00:17:09,703 --> 00:17:12,738 I've spent the last six months filling it with canned goods, 433 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,874 assault rifles and all five seasons of Friday Night Lights. 434 00:17:15,876 --> 00:17:18,760 Okay, first of all, you can skip season two. 435 00:17:18,762 --> 00:17:22,163 Second of all, after our talk... 436 00:17:22,165 --> 00:17:25,751 I came pretty close to giving up myself. 437 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:29,304 But then I went to the doctor with my wife... 438 00:17:29,306 --> 00:17:30,305 and... 439 00:17:30,307 --> 00:17:31,640 (taps key) 440 00:17:31,642 --> 00:17:33,942 I saw this. 441 00:17:35,945 --> 00:17:38,380 Boy or girl? 442 00:17:38,382 --> 00:17:40,515 I don't know. 443 00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:43,285 But I know I sure as hell can't give up now. 444 00:17:43,287 --> 00:17:45,737 So, if you're just looking for someone 445 00:17:45,739 --> 00:17:48,123 to hold the other end of the limbo stick, 446 00:17:48,125 --> 00:17:51,209 you got the wrong guy for the job, and you know why? 447 00:17:51,211 --> 00:17:53,962 'Cause you're three feet taller than everyone in this office? 448 00:17:53,964 --> 00:17:56,965 No. Because if I am gonna work here, 449 00:17:56,967 --> 00:17:58,800 then first thing tomorrow morning, 450 00:17:58,802 --> 00:18:00,869 I'm walking down to Gruber Pharmaceuticals, 451 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,838 and I'm rejecting their offer. 452 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,173 Even if I have to do it myself. 453 00:18:05,175 --> 00:18:07,175 (door opens) 454 00:18:07,177 --> 00:18:11,680 Listen, I want you to know... I know. 455 00:18:11,682 --> 00:18:12,681 Know what? 456 00:18:12,683 --> 00:18:14,282 Nora. 457 00:18:14,284 --> 00:18:15,684 Barney. 458 00:18:15,686 --> 00:18:16,718 Nora. 459 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,219 Just say what you're gonna say! 460 00:18:18,221 --> 00:18:19,604 I know you're old! 461 00:18:19,606 --> 00:18:22,157 And I've been struggling with it, 462 00:18:22,159 --> 00:18:25,059 but when I look at you... 463 00:18:25,061 --> 00:18:27,395 I don't care, because I really like you. 464 00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:32,567 And because for 37, you are keeping it toit! 465 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:34,870 You think I'm 37? 466 00:18:34,872 --> 00:18:36,822 Well, if you were really 29, 467 00:18:36,847 --> 00:18:38,117 then you would have been a little kid 468 00:18:38,125 --> 00:18:41,009 the first time you saw the Ewoks and you would have loved them. 469 00:18:41,011 --> 00:18:42,474 Barney, I didn't see any of the Star Wars 470 00:18:42,499 --> 00:18:43,944 movies until last year. 471 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:48,884 You... you're 29! 472 00:18:50,052 --> 00:18:52,086 You still have one good year left. 473 00:18:52,088 --> 00:18:54,272 - What? - Nothing. 474 00:18:54,274 --> 00:18:55,807 Mm... 475 00:18:55,809 --> 00:18:57,476 But Naveen's the neurosurgeon, 476 00:18:57,478 --> 00:18:59,594 so of course he gets all the attention! 477 00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:00,896 Oh, Naveen is so smart, 478 00:19:00,898 --> 00:19:03,815 he operates on people's brains! 479 00:19:03,817 --> 00:19:05,901 Well, guess what, Mom?! 480 00:19:05,903 --> 00:19:08,620 I treat the human mind! 481 00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:10,622 Our time is up. 482 00:19:10,624 --> 00:19:11,940 (exhales) 483 00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,708 I don't think this is gonna work. 484 00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:15,410 I scared you off, didn't I? 485 00:19:15,412 --> 00:19:19,164 No, I mean, I don't think I can be your therapist. 486 00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:21,800 You're really cute. 487 00:19:23,069 --> 00:19:24,486 NARRATOR: The next day, 488 00:19:24,488 --> 00:19:26,671 Marshall returned to Gruber Pharmaceuticals alone. 489 00:19:26,673 --> 00:19:29,791 I mean, you admit that you polluted the lake. 490 00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:30,959 We got the evidence. 491 00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:32,961 We got the charts. 492 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:35,147 The fish... 493 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,683 Fish, huh? 494 00:19:38,685 --> 00:19:40,569 Fish are weird. 495 00:19:40,571 --> 00:19:43,205 You ever think about the names of fish? 496 00:19:43,207 --> 00:19:44,689 I mean, come on. 497 00:19:44,691 --> 00:19:45,974 Carp. 498 00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:48,910 Garrison, what a nice surprise. 499 00:19:48,912 --> 00:19:51,413 Your star apprentice was just, uh... 500 00:19:51,415 --> 00:19:53,081 "Floundering." 501 00:19:53,083 --> 00:19:55,083 Little, little fish humor 502 00:19:55,085 --> 00:19:56,418 for you guys. 503 00:19:56,420 --> 00:19:57,752 It was not going well. 504 00:19:57,754 --> 00:20:00,455 I'm here to turn down the 24,000. 505 00:20:00,457 --> 00:20:04,342 Well, I can maybe get you 24,500. 506 00:20:04,344 --> 00:20:09,881 Not... good... enough. 507 00:20:14,070 --> 00:20:16,170 Where are we going? 508 00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:18,440 To war, son. 509 00:20:18,442 --> 00:20:21,226 We're going to war. 510 00:20:22,678 --> 00:20:25,397 We're going to save the planet. 511 00:20:25,399 --> 00:20:30,485 NARRATOR: And kids, as we now know, they did. 512 00:20:33,305 --> 00:20:34,772 Hey, you know what was on last night? 513 00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:36,144 - Stand and Deliver. - Mm. 514 00:20:36,169 --> 00:20:37,369 - So good. - Mm-hmm. 515 00:20:37,693 --> 00:20:40,344 Whatever happened to Jacob James Olmos? 516 00:20:40,346 --> 00:20:41,545 Who? 517 00:20:41,547 --> 00:20:44,515 Jacob James Olmos. Whatever happened to that guy? 518 00:20:44,517 --> 00:20:46,216 He never existed. 519 00:20:46,218 --> 00:20:47,484 It's Edward James Olmos. 520 00:20:47,486 --> 00:20:49,186 You're Olmos correct. 521 00:20:49,188 --> 00:20:51,555 It's Jacob James Olmos. 522 00:20:51,557 --> 00:20:53,607 - It's Edward James Olmos. - Jacob James Olmos. 523 00:20:53,609 --> 00:20:55,278 Edward James Olmos. 524 00:20:55,303 --> 00:20:56,320 - You're joking, right...? - Are you serious...? 525 00:20:56,345 --> 00:20:58,106 - Seriously. - Jacob James Olmos. 526 00:20:58,206 --> 00:21:02,206 == sync, corrected by elderman == 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net