1 00:00:00,516 --> 00:00:03,470 By the fall of 2011, technology had taken 2 00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:06,639 a lot of the intrigue out of life. 3 00:00:07,705 --> 00:00:11,023 The Internet had everyone's wall of information. 4 00:00:12,391 --> 00:00:15,610 Nothing was a mystery anymore. 5 00:00:18,063 --> 00:00:20,007 But, kids, there was a time before that, 6 00:00:20,008 --> 00:00:22,475 way back in the dark ages. 7 00:00:22,477 --> 00:00:23,876 Are you people insane?! 8 00:00:23,878 --> 00:00:26,363 The most popular food in America is the cheeseburger! 9 00:00:26,365 --> 00:00:27,847 No way! It's pizza! 10 00:00:27,849 --> 00:00:31,067 Are we forgetting about a certain Mr. Furter, 11 00:00:31,069 --> 00:00:32,652 first name Frank? 12 00:00:32,654 --> 00:00:35,054 Um, what did every kid bring in their lunchbox 13 00:00:35,056 --> 00:00:37,223 every day till grade eight? 14 00:00:37,225 --> 00:00:38,891 Pancakes with maple syrup. 15 00:00:39,694 --> 00:00:41,161 Thanks, Canada. 16 00:00:41,163 --> 00:00:43,913 We're looking for a food the average American eats. 17 00:00:43,915 --> 00:00:45,398 - Yeah. Yeah. - Oh! 18 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:46,700 Chinese food. 19 00:00:46,702 --> 00:00:49,169 And then came the smartphone. 20 00:00:51,071 --> 00:00:52,339 Hey, remember 21 00:00:52,341 --> 00:00:55,759 when we were arguing about the most popular food? 22 00:00:56,794 --> 00:00:58,044 It's bread. 23 00:00:58,046 --> 00:00:59,796 Hm. 24 00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:02,182 And the barroom debate was dead. 25 00:01:02,184 --> 00:01:04,250 You guys are idiots! 26 00:01:04,252 --> 00:01:07,053 Okay, not completely dead. You are seriously telling me 27 00:01:07,055 --> 00:01:08,555 you don't want to open that envelope 28 00:01:08,557 --> 00:01:10,757 and find out if you're having a boy or a girl? 29 00:01:10,759 --> 00:01:14,444 Nope. Dr. Sonya only gave us this in case we wanted to know. 30 00:01:14,446 --> 00:01:16,146 But we don't. 31 00:01:16,148 --> 00:01:18,815 Lilypad and I are just gonna wait till that baby pops out 32 00:01:18,817 --> 00:01:20,200 and enjoy the big surprise. 33 00:01:20,202 --> 00:01:22,902 Look, I have pretended to be a licensed therapist 34 00:01:22,904 --> 00:01:25,071 enough times to know there is something unhealthy 35 00:01:25,073 --> 00:01:26,906 about your not wanting to find out. 36 00:01:26,908 --> 00:01:29,159 - Back me up here, Kev. - No, no, no, no, no. 37 00:01:29,161 --> 00:01:32,495 This real therapist won't risk upsetting 38 00:01:32,497 --> 00:01:36,216 his wonderful new girlfriend by analyzing her wonderful friends. 39 00:01:37,218 --> 00:01:40,053 No matter how mentally unbalanced they may be. 40 00:01:40,055 --> 00:01:41,171 I hear you. 41 00:01:41,173 --> 00:01:42,789 I don't think you do. 42 00:01:42,791 --> 00:01:45,725 We just don't want to burden our little angel 43 00:01:45,727 --> 00:01:49,062 with all kinds of gender-specific expectations. 44 00:01:49,064 --> 00:01:51,765 Boys can do ballet; girls can play football. 45 00:01:51,767 --> 00:01:53,575 Hell, the Green Bay Packers have been 46 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:54,800 proving that for years. 47 00:01:57,688 --> 00:02:00,490 That would've gotten a big laugh at a sports bar. 48 00:02:00,492 --> 00:02:02,492 Well, I say define gender roles early. 49 00:02:02,494 --> 00:02:04,744 All the other girls got a pretty dress 50 00:02:04,746 --> 00:02:07,364 and a cake when they turned 14. 51 00:02:07,366 --> 00:02:08,665 Me... 52 00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:10,917 I want to go home, Daddy! 53 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:14,754 That direction is nothing but wolves. 54 00:02:16,006 --> 00:02:20,510 And 40 kilometers that way is the mining town of Smithers. 55 00:02:20,512 --> 00:02:23,329 I'd take my chances with the wolves. 56 00:02:25,599 --> 00:02:28,551 I'll see you in three days. 57 00:02:28,553 --> 00:02:31,304 Well, wait, wh-what am I supposed to eat? 58 00:02:31,306 --> 00:02:34,357 Hey, you've got a knife, the forest is full of animals-- 59 00:02:34,359 --> 00:02:36,142 what do you want, a buffet? 60 00:02:36,144 --> 00:02:38,061 Papa...! 61 00:02:38,063 --> 00:02:41,231 Happy birthday, son...! 62 00:02:42,650 --> 00:02:45,068 Got any thoughts on that, Doc? 63 00:02:45,070 --> 00:02:47,937 If you guys think I'm going near that, you're crazy. 64 00:02:47,939 --> 00:02:49,906 Why'd you emphasize "you're"? 65 00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:52,183 No reason. You're pretty. 66 00:02:52,193 --> 00:02:56,193 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x06 ♪ Mystery vs. History Original Air Date on October 17, 2011 67 00:02:56,194 --> 00:03:00,194 Subtitles by Scorpion. 68 00:03:05,005 --> 00:03:07,071 By the way, do you guys want to come over tomorrow night 69 00:03:07,096 --> 00:03:08,296 for sangria and tapas? 70 00:03:08,477 --> 00:03:10,310 Si. Muchas gracias. That sounds awesome. 71 00:03:10,312 --> 00:03:11,928 Great. We're also gonna paint the nursery. 72 00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:14,814 Oh, and a quick update on the sangria and tapas-- 73 00:03:14,816 --> 00:03:16,483 that's cancelled. Mmm... 74 00:03:16,485 --> 00:03:17,517 Guess what smooth son of a bitch 75 00:03:17,519 --> 00:03:20,219 just picked up a girl at the bar? 76 00:03:20,221 --> 00:03:22,155 Barney, you're cheating on Nora already? 77 00:03:22,157 --> 00:03:23,590 No, guys, it's me. 78 00:03:23,592 --> 00:03:25,391 Janet McIntyre. 79 00:03:25,393 --> 00:03:26,576 Struck up a conversation at the bar 80 00:03:26,578 --> 00:03:28,661 while ordering, she guessed bread right away, 81 00:03:28,663 --> 00:03:31,055 we laughed, it was a thing, boom, going 82 00:03:31,056 --> 00:03:32,229 out tomorrow night. 83 00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:35,668 - So, she said yes just like that? - Just like that. 84 00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:36,858 There's something wrong with her. 85 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,083 No, no, no, no. 86 00:03:38,323 --> 00:03:39,405 Stop it. They always do this. 87 00:03:39,407 --> 00:03:41,624 Every time I go on a first date, 88 00:03:41,626 --> 00:03:43,960 they snap right into research mode. 89 00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:45,428 It started by accident. 90 00:03:45,430 --> 00:03:47,881 Ooh. 91 00:03:48,732 --> 00:03:50,099 Hello? 92 00:03:50,101 --> 00:03:52,302 Ted, we did a little Internet research 93 00:03:52,304 --> 00:03:53,603 on your Mia Plumley. 94 00:03:53,605 --> 00:03:54,821 We just sent you 95 00:03:54,823 --> 00:03:56,222 a picture of her from six months ago. 96 00:03:56,224 --> 00:03:58,208 I don't understand-- is Mia standing behind 97 00:03:58,210 --> 00:04:01,611 this morbidly obese wo... Oh, my God! 98 00:04:01,613 --> 00:04:04,096 They had cookies and cream. 99 00:04:04,098 --> 00:04:06,282 And what you were saying about how women feel 100 00:04:06,284 --> 00:04:08,768 they have to starve themselves makes so much sense. 101 00:04:09,286 --> 00:04:12,121 Ooh, hot dogs. Score! 102 00:04:12,123 --> 00:04:14,324 After that, background checks 103 00:04:14,326 --> 00:04:17,243 became standard operating procedure. 104 00:04:17,245 --> 00:04:19,329 The date with Nadine went great. 105 00:04:19,331 --> 00:04:21,214 Unless you guys found something. 106 00:04:21,216 --> 00:04:22,799 Are you sitting down? 107 00:04:22,801 --> 00:04:24,784 No. 108 00:04:26,504 --> 00:04:30,590 She's wanted in Florida on crystal meth charges. 109 00:04:30,592 --> 00:04:33,510 She breeds pit bulls for dog fighting. 110 00:04:33,512 --> 00:04:35,345 - Also, the FBI... - What's this link? 111 00:04:35,347 --> 00:04:37,397 Oh, she also writes online movie reviews. 112 00:04:37,399 --> 00:04:40,466 Anyway, she's still married to a death row inmate convicted... 113 00:04:40,468 --> 00:04:43,469 She gave Annie Hall two out of ten stars? 114 00:04:43,471 --> 00:04:45,772 "Slow and overrated"? 115 00:04:45,774 --> 00:04:48,324 Really? That's your takeaway? 116 00:04:48,326 --> 00:04:50,493 It's the Wood Man at the height of his powers. 117 00:04:50,495 --> 00:04:53,446 The way he broke the fourth wall by talking directly to camera? 118 00:04:53,448 --> 00:04:55,331 People have been ripping that off ever since. 119 00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:58,952 Can you believe this guy? 120 00:04:58,954 --> 00:05:00,420 Paula Vincenzo. 121 00:05:00,422 --> 00:05:01,871 She's in the bathroom. 122 00:05:01,873 --> 00:05:02,822 What's wrong with her? 123 00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,791 Total psycho. Her Facebook wall 124 00:05:04,793 --> 00:05:07,994 has a link to a site about dating inanimate objects. 125 00:05:07,996 --> 00:05:09,996 For most of last year, she was engaged... 126 00:05:09,998 --> 00:05:12,348 to a mini fridge. And there's pictures: 127 00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:14,384 her and the mini fridge on a hike, 128 00:05:14,386 --> 00:05:16,436 her and the mini fridge in wine country, 129 00:05:16,438 --> 00:05:18,221 here's the mini fridge meeting her parents... 130 00:05:18,223 --> 00:05:19,973 Run like the wind. 131 00:05:22,227 --> 00:05:25,562 So... want to go back to my place? 132 00:05:25,564 --> 00:05:27,614 Yeah, all right. 133 00:05:29,516 --> 00:05:31,296 Well, thanks to us, you ran screaming from 134 00:05:31,321 --> 00:05:32,521 that freak show, right? 135 00:05:32,621 --> 00:05:34,871 - Absolutely. - Cuckoo! 136 00:05:36,407 --> 00:05:38,074 So what's the problem? 137 00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,125 You need us. 138 00:05:39,127 --> 00:05:40,359 No, I don't, okay? 139 00:05:40,361 --> 00:05:41,844 I don't want a background check. 140 00:05:41,846 --> 00:05:43,913 I want adventure and excitement. 141 00:05:43,915 --> 00:05:45,331 Look, if it's a choice 142 00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:47,183 between mystery and history, 143 00:05:47,185 --> 00:05:49,218 I want mystery. 144 00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:50,620 In fact... 145 00:05:50,622 --> 00:05:52,221 Ted, I wouldn't... 146 00:05:52,223 --> 00:05:54,390 Uh, Janet. 147 00:05:54,392 --> 00:05:56,593 I have a theory. People don't get the chance 148 00:05:56,595 --> 00:05:58,861 to just discover each other anymore, so... 149 00:05:58,863 --> 00:05:59,896 here's my idea. 150 00:05:59,898 --> 00:06:01,314 Before we go out tomorrow, 151 00:06:01,316 --> 00:06:04,067 let's not do any prior Internet research on each other. 152 00:06:04,069 --> 00:06:06,636 It sounds like I'm hiding something horrible, doesn't it? 153 00:06:06,638 --> 00:06:08,104 I'm pretty sure you're a serial killer. 154 00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:09,388 I'm not. I'm not. 155 00:06:09,390 --> 00:06:11,407 It's just, you know, like, when my parents met, 156 00:06:11,409 --> 00:06:13,392 they didn't have the Internet-- they just went out 157 00:06:13,394 --> 00:06:15,278 on a blind date and fell in love. 158 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:17,163 That's nice. And they're still together? 159 00:06:17,165 --> 00:06:18,247 Right up to the divorce. 160 00:06:18,249 --> 00:06:21,334 The point is, I'd love to get to know you 161 00:06:21,336 --> 00:06:23,636 in person, not on my computer. 162 00:06:23,638 --> 00:06:25,588 I like that. What started out 163 00:06:25,590 --> 00:06:28,007 sounding really creepy turned out really sweet. 164 00:06:28,009 --> 00:06:31,177 That's kind of my move. 165 00:06:31,179 --> 00:06:32,629 And she was 166 00:06:32,631 --> 00:06:34,831 on board with the whole "no Internet" thing? 167 00:06:34,833 --> 00:06:36,799 She loved it. 168 00:06:37,751 --> 00:06:38,935 The bitch is hiding something. 169 00:06:38,937 --> 00:06:40,803 The bitch is totally hiding something. 170 00:06:44,997 --> 00:06:46,448 Hey, Ted, before you leave-- 171 00:06:46,450 --> 00:06:49,267 is Janet McIntyre M-A-C or M-C? 172 00:06:49,269 --> 00:06:51,303 For the last time, I don't want to know 173 00:06:51,305 --> 00:06:52,904 anything about her before the date. 174 00:06:52,906 --> 00:06:55,824 You might want to see this, Ted-- naked pictures. 175 00:06:55,826 --> 00:06:57,659 That's not Janet. 176 00:06:57,661 --> 00:06:59,444 Who, now? 177 00:06:59,446 --> 00:07:01,213 Seriously... 178 00:07:01,215 --> 00:07:04,332 if you guys respect me as a friend... 179 00:07:04,334 --> 00:07:05,884 stop looking. 180 00:07:10,189 --> 00:07:12,724 Well, Ted was pretty clear there, so... 181 00:07:12,726 --> 00:07:13,958 let's shut those laptops 182 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,461 and go help Lily and Marshall, just like we promised. 183 00:07:16,463 --> 00:07:17,929 Let's leave 184 00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:21,483 the laptops here and go paint that baby room. 185 00:07:22,852 --> 00:07:24,836 Without laptops. 186 00:07:24,838 --> 00:07:26,488 Or bring the laptops. Either way. 187 00:07:26,490 --> 00:07:28,973 This is exciting. 188 00:07:28,975 --> 00:07:30,475 I give you... 189 00:07:30,477 --> 00:07:33,328 the color our child will grow up with. 190 00:07:33,330 --> 00:07:36,581 Yellow, like the sun. 191 00:07:36,583 --> 00:07:39,317 Or daughter. Pun snuggle. 192 00:07:39,319 --> 00:07:43,205 Oh, God, this room's about to get its first spit-up. 193 00:07:43,207 --> 00:07:45,340 Just open the envelope already! 194 00:07:45,342 --> 00:07:47,592 Kevin, will you please tell Barney that it is 195 00:07:47,594 --> 00:07:50,428 perfectly normal for us to want to preserve the mystery. 196 00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:52,931 I'm not here to analyze; I'm here to win boyfriend points. 197 00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:55,884 By the way, you all look great, especially Robin. 198 00:07:55,886 --> 00:07:58,019 Come on, if you don't know the gender, 199 00:07:58,021 --> 00:08:00,555 you're gonna get generic crap at the baby shower. 200 00:08:00,557 --> 00:08:02,440 But if you do know the gender, 201 00:08:02,442 --> 00:08:05,310 you'll get, oh, I don't know, this! 202 00:08:05,312 --> 00:08:06,862 Marshall! Lights! 203 00:08:07,697 --> 00:08:09,698 Okay. 204 00:08:11,368 --> 00:08:14,302 When little Jack's not turning double plays, 205 00:08:14,304 --> 00:08:16,087 he's turning heads with this 206 00:08:16,089 --> 00:08:18,139 home run of an outfit! 207 00:08:18,141 --> 00:08:20,158 And if it's a little girl... 208 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,695 This royal ensemble may leave you speechless, 209 00:08:23,697 --> 00:08:25,330 but it's sure to make little Sally say, 210 00:08:25,332 --> 00:08:28,550 "I wuv you, Mommy, and I wuv my dress, 211 00:08:28,552 --> 00:08:32,204 and I would love to see you in the shower." 212 00:08:32,206 --> 00:08:34,556 Sorry, I kind of fell out of character in that last part. 213 00:08:34,558 --> 00:08:37,576 But if you don't know the gender... 214 00:08:37,578 --> 00:08:41,096 Little Fran is sure to be the pariah of the playground 215 00:08:41,098 --> 00:08:44,366 in this hermaphroditic burlap sack. 216 00:08:44,368 --> 00:08:46,468 ♪ ♪ 217 00:08:46,470 --> 00:08:47,936 Marshall! Lights! 218 00:08:50,156 --> 00:08:51,573 Barney, 219 00:08:51,575 --> 00:08:54,025 you don't really care abo'. 220 00:08:54,027 --> 00:08:54,776 No. You just 221 00:08:54,778 --> 00:08:55,760 can't stand 222 00:08:55,762 --> 00:08:57,329 not knowing something. 223 00:08:57,331 --> 00:08:59,281 That's ridiculous! 224 00:08:59,999 --> 00:09:00,999 Marshall, will you... 225 00:09:01,001 --> 00:09:02,517 will you hold these for a second? 226 00:09:02,519 --> 00:09:03,618 Yeah, sure. Why? 227 00:09:03,620 --> 00:09:05,453 Because I gots to know! 228 00:09:05,455 --> 00:09:07,505 Oh, Barney, no! Help! Get him off of me! 229 00:09:07,507 --> 00:09:10,125 Everybody hold it! Hold it! 230 00:09:10,127 --> 00:09:13,211 I found Janet McIntyre, who's been widowed three times. 231 00:09:13,213 --> 00:09:15,297 She's obviously killing her husbands! 232 00:09:15,299 --> 00:09:17,933 Oh, my God! 233 00:09:17,935 --> 00:09:19,551 They're six minutes into the date. 234 00:09:19,553 --> 00:09:21,886 Ted's probably already told her that he loves her! 235 00:09:21,888 --> 00:09:23,438 We've got to get down there! 236 00:09:25,425 --> 00:09:27,225 Nobody's going anywhere! 237 00:09:27,227 --> 00:09:28,259 Why?! 238 00:09:28,261 --> 00:09:29,778 Kids, at that moment, 239 00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:31,763 Kevin thought back to his earlier rule... 240 00:09:31,765 --> 00:09:34,115 This real therapist won't risk 241 00:09:34,117 --> 00:09:36,267 upsetting his wonderful new girlfriend 242 00:09:36,269 --> 00:09:38,436 by analyzing her wonderful friends. 243 00:09:38,438 --> 00:09:40,138 ...and threw it out the window. 244 00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:42,374 You're all the most codependent, incestuous, 245 00:09:42,376 --> 00:09:44,709 controlling group of people I've ever met! 246 00:09:46,445 --> 00:09:49,497 By the way, you all look great, especially Robin. 247 00:09:49,499 --> 00:09:51,616 Oh, mm-mm. 248 00:09:53,469 --> 00:09:56,254 This is so great. 249 00:09:56,256 --> 00:09:58,122 Right? See, if we'd researched each other, 250 00:09:58,124 --> 00:10:00,225 we'd both be secretly steering the conversation 251 00:10:00,227 --> 00:10:01,559 one way or the other. 252 00:10:01,561 --> 00:10:02,978 But this is more exciting, right? 253 00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:04,095 Way more exciting. 254 00:10:04,097 --> 00:10:06,147 I mean, we can talk about anything we want. 255 00:10:06,149 --> 00:10:08,483 Anything. 256 00:10:11,271 --> 00:10:12,970 So... 257 00:10:13,789 --> 00:10:16,191 ...how was the traffic getting here? 258 00:10:16,193 --> 00:10:18,243 You picked me up at my apartment. 259 00:10:19,111 --> 00:10:20,695 I certainly did. 260 00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:23,198 Oh, my God, 261 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,983 I've lost the ability to talk to girls without the Internet. 262 00:10:25,985 --> 00:10:28,420 My brain is completely shutting down. 263 00:10:28,422 --> 00:10:30,988 So, are you folks gonna have dinner or just drinks? 264 00:10:32,292 --> 00:10:33,991 I-I don't know. 265 00:10:34,794 --> 00:10:37,295 What the hell was that, Kevin? 266 00:10:37,297 --> 00:10:38,513 We're all crazy just because 267 00:10:38,515 --> 00:10:40,015 I'm looking up some stuff on the Internet, 268 00:10:40,017 --> 00:10:41,999 and Barney wants to know the baby's gender? 269 00:10:42,001 --> 00:10:44,602 Well, to be honest, 270 00:10:44,604 --> 00:10:46,771 I noticed some other disturbing... 271 00:10:47,723 --> 00:10:49,507 Never mind. 272 00:10:49,509 --> 00:10:50,892 It's nothing. I'm sorry. 273 00:10:50,894 --> 00:10:52,527 I gots to know! 274 00:10:52,529 --> 00:10:54,863 Okay, last night alone... 275 00:10:54,865 --> 00:10:57,282 When-When are you coming back? 276 00:10:57,284 --> 00:10:59,701 Because I miss you, silly! 277 00:11:02,288 --> 00:11:03,455 Wait, who's he talking to? 278 00:11:03,457 --> 00:11:05,623 Shh, I'll be back soon. 279 00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:07,525 Yeah, you want me to bring you a pretzel? 280 00:11:09,946 --> 00:11:12,297 Ted's texting me from the bathroom. 281 00:11:13,417 --> 00:11:15,500 Oh. 282 00:11:15,502 --> 00:11:16,668 I don't get it. 283 00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:18,887 - It's just a "C" with an apostrophe. - Oh. 284 00:11:18,889 --> 00:11:19,921 Oh, yeah. 285 00:11:19,923 --> 00:11:22,340 Sometimes when one of us is on the can, 286 00:11:22,342 --> 00:11:24,893 we'll, uh, sneak a peek and then text each other, 287 00:11:24,895 --> 00:11:26,895 you know. 288 00:11:26,897 --> 00:11:30,548 Symbols to describe what your bowel movement looks like? 289 00:11:32,051 --> 00:11:35,937 This morning, I took an ampersand. 290 00:11:35,939 --> 00:11:37,555 Last summer, I dropped a deuce 291 00:11:37,557 --> 00:11:39,824 that actually looked like the number two! 292 00:11:42,529 --> 00:11:45,663 When you worked late Wednesday, 293 00:11:45,665 --> 00:11:49,834 I... I got lonely and... 294 00:11:49,836 --> 00:11:53,070 I watched Survivor without you. 295 00:11:55,075 --> 00:11:57,175 Practically the only unhealthy behavior I didn't see 296 00:11:57,177 --> 00:11:59,794 from you people was physical violence. 297 00:12:06,919 --> 00:12:08,386 Yeah. 298 00:12:08,388 --> 00:12:09,804 At least we don't do that. 299 00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:12,223 And to top it off, 300 00:12:12,225 --> 00:12:14,058 all the meddling in Ted's love life, 301 00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:15,426 not to mention Lily's pregnancy? 302 00:12:15,428 --> 00:12:18,763 It all strikes me as just deeply dysfunctional. 303 00:12:19,732 --> 00:12:21,950 So what you're saying is, we're fine? 304 00:12:24,988 --> 00:12:27,655 So, while this font is often 305 00:12:27,657 --> 00:12:29,624 mistaken for Helvetica, 306 00:12:29,626 --> 00:12:33,077 the fact is... 307 00:12:33,079 --> 00:12:35,880 it's Helvetica Bold. 308 00:12:36,665 --> 00:12:38,616 I can actually hear the sound 309 00:12:38,618 --> 00:12:41,352 of her vagina being boarded up. 310 00:12:42,838 --> 00:12:44,556 I got to be honest, Janet. 311 00:12:44,558 --> 00:12:47,642 First of all... this is Times New Roman. 312 00:12:48,511 --> 00:12:49,961 Second, I'm having trouble 313 00:12:49,963 --> 00:12:51,930 coming up with things to talk about. 314 00:12:51,932 --> 00:12:53,798 You? I'm sitting here thinking, 315 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:57,018 "Damn it, I wish I had something as good as that font thing. 316 00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:58,486 That's gold." 317 00:12:58,488 --> 00:13:00,522 Guys, I'm so sorry I said anything. 318 00:13:00,524 --> 00:13:04,108 Um, you basically called my friends mentally ill. 319 00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:06,611 Yeah, you think some lame apology will fix that? 320 00:13:06,613 --> 00:13:09,330 What if I just paint the rest of the room by myself? 321 00:13:09,332 --> 00:13:11,749 Apology accepted. 322 00:13:11,751 --> 00:13:13,117 Okay, let's do this. 323 00:13:13,119 --> 00:13:14,752 Let-Let's find out each other's likes and dislikes. 324 00:13:14,754 --> 00:13:15,954 Start with something totally random. 325 00:13:15,956 --> 00:13:17,539 Like, um, oh, I don't know. 326 00:13:17,541 --> 00:13:20,324 Are you a fan of-- I don't know-- 327 00:13:20,326 --> 00:13:22,343 Annie Hall? 328 00:13:22,345 --> 00:13:25,296 I'm guessing that's not random at all, and you use that movie 329 00:13:25,298 --> 00:13:27,215 to test whether a girl is cool? 330 00:13:27,217 --> 00:13:28,933 No, it's-it's the first movie that popped into... 331 00:13:28,935 --> 00:13:30,635 I love Annie Hall. Oh, thank God you're cool. 332 00:13:30,637 --> 00:13:32,470 But just as things started 333 00:13:32,472 --> 00:13:34,522 to go well with Janet McIntyre... 334 00:13:34,524 --> 00:13:36,808 Whoa. I just found Janet McIntyre. 335 00:13:36,810 --> 00:13:39,027 The Janet McIntyre. 336 00:13:45,234 --> 00:13:49,070 Sweet... mother... of God! 337 00:13:55,211 --> 00:13:56,995 Uh, well, I got to run to the restroom. 338 00:13:56,997 --> 00:13:59,080 No internet, Mister. 339 00:13:59,082 --> 00:14:00,865 If you find out my deep, dark secret, I'll have to kill you. 340 00:14:00,867 --> 00:14:02,417 It's just my friends checking up on me. 341 00:14:02,419 --> 00:14:04,419 I'll politely let them know we're having a lovely time. 342 00:14:04,421 --> 00:14:05,870 Okay. 343 00:14:07,256 --> 00:14:09,757 Ted says, "I'm not clicking on the link, so leave me alone." 344 00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:12,427 And then either texted me a bunch of symbols for profanity, 345 00:14:12,429 --> 00:14:13,544 or got food poisoning 346 00:14:13,546 --> 00:14:15,546 and dropped the weirdest deuce of all time. 347 00:14:15,548 --> 00:14:17,649 You guys have to see this. 348 00:14:17,651 --> 00:14:19,484 No. We're with Ted on this. 349 00:14:19,486 --> 00:14:21,385 We don't want to find out about Janet, 350 00:14:21,387 --> 00:14:24,055 just like we don't want to find out about the baby. 351 00:14:24,057 --> 00:14:25,406 Because we like mystery, 352 00:14:25,408 --> 00:14:27,492 whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, 353 00:14:27,494 --> 00:14:30,528 or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, 354 00:14:30,530 --> 00:14:32,363 or the gender of our little miracle. 355 00:14:32,365 --> 00:14:33,698 Thanks for putting those together 356 00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,066 in the same sentence, sweetie. 357 00:14:35,068 --> 00:14:36,417 Mm. 358 00:14:36,419 --> 00:14:39,120 Look, if you guys don't want to know, how about this? 359 00:14:39,122 --> 00:14:41,706 Let me look, and I won't tell you. 360 00:14:41,708 --> 00:14:43,508 Absolutely not. Fine. 361 00:14:44,344 --> 00:14:45,543 Baby, if it will shut him up, 362 00:14:45,545 --> 00:14:46,628 what's the harm? 363 00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:50,682 Can I...? 364 00:14:55,805 --> 00:14:57,805 This may have been a mistake. 365 00:14:57,807 --> 00:14:59,557 Boy! 366 00:14:59,559 --> 00:15:00,925 Do I like babies! 367 00:15:01,694 --> 00:15:02,477 Girl! 368 00:15:03,062 --> 00:15:04,112 ...friend, 369 00:15:04,114 --> 00:15:05,930 your hair looks fantastic! 370 00:15:06,365 --> 00:15:08,149 Twins! 371 00:15:08,151 --> 00:15:10,401 was the feel-good movie of 1988. 372 00:15:10,403 --> 00:15:13,037 Okay, Barney, hey, it doesn't matter what you guys say. 373 00:15:13,039 --> 00:15:14,238 We're not gonna cave. 374 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:15,573 Yes, we are! 375 00:15:15,575 --> 00:15:17,558 Oh, just open your eyes. 376 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,044 This gender-neutral yellow is horrible! 377 00:15:20,046 --> 00:15:22,580 We're clearly gonna paint over the whole thing! 378 00:15:22,582 --> 00:15:24,615 That's what you want to hear. 379 00:15:24,617 --> 00:15:26,050 I gots to know! 380 00:15:26,052 --> 00:15:27,719 Yeah. 381 00:15:27,721 --> 00:15:30,138 "It's a..." 382 00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:32,056 It's a... 383 00:15:32,058 --> 00:15:33,725 Where is the rest of the card? 384 00:15:33,727 --> 00:15:35,476 I ripped it in half. 385 00:15:35,478 --> 00:15:37,461 I knew you'd be desperate to see it, 386 00:15:37,463 --> 00:15:38,763 and I'll give it to you. 387 00:15:38,765 --> 00:15:41,933 All you have to do is admit that mystery is stupid 388 00:15:41,935 --> 00:15:45,403 by reading about Janet McIntyre. 389 00:15:45,405 --> 00:15:47,138 This is in no way emotional extortion. 390 00:15:47,140 --> 00:15:48,523 You guys are great. 391 00:15:48,525 --> 00:15:50,658 Fine, we'll look at your laptop. 392 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,445 Sweet... 393 00:15:54,447 --> 00:15:57,081 mother... of God. 394 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:00,335 I can't really see the computer screen. 395 00:16:00,337 --> 00:16:02,370 It just went down the wrong pipe. 396 00:16:04,708 --> 00:16:06,758 Whoa. 397 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,043 If Lily and Marshall want me to click on it, 398 00:16:09,045 --> 00:16:11,846 maybe Janet really does have a deep, dark secret. 399 00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:14,265 What's going on? 400 00:16:14,267 --> 00:16:15,433 I'm a prostitute. 401 00:16:15,435 --> 00:16:16,351 You didn't think I was 402 00:16:16,353 --> 00:16:17,468 actually into you, did you? 403 00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:18,886 Sort of. 404 00:16:20,974 --> 00:16:23,174 Get it together, Mosby. 405 00:16:25,677 --> 00:16:27,078 Oh. 406 00:16:28,481 --> 00:16:30,347 You don't buy beer, you rent it. 407 00:16:30,349 --> 00:16:31,783 Am I right? 408 00:16:31,785 --> 00:16:33,201 This is the men's room. 409 00:16:33,203 --> 00:16:34,786 I know. 410 00:16:34,788 --> 00:16:35,753 I'm a dude. 411 00:16:45,131 --> 00:16:48,132 Listen, there's something you should know. 412 00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:50,385 I lied. 413 00:16:50,387 --> 00:16:52,220 I only kind of liked Annie Hall. 414 00:16:56,341 --> 00:16:59,260 I gots to know! 415 00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,716 Sweet... 416 00:17:05,718 --> 00:17:08,436 mother... of God. 417 00:17:19,543 --> 00:17:21,694 Hey. 418 00:17:24,921 --> 00:17:26,922 Ted, are you okay? You look freaked out. 419 00:17:26,924 --> 00:17:29,558 I'm not freaked out. 420 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,994 I was freaked out. Why? 421 00:17:31,996 --> 00:17:34,963 'Cause I had just discovered that Janet McIntyre was... 422 00:17:34,965 --> 00:17:37,199 amazing! 423 00:17:58,371 --> 00:18:02,457 And just like that, the wall went up. 424 00:18:02,459 --> 00:18:04,459 Okay, he looked at Janet McIntyre's 425 00:18:04,461 --> 00:18:06,328 Internet extravaganza. 426 00:18:06,330 --> 00:18:08,347 Here's the other half of the card. 427 00:18:14,137 --> 00:18:16,138 Wait. Should we do this? I... 428 00:18:16,140 --> 00:18:18,473 I don't know. I mean, my soul says no, 429 00:18:18,475 --> 00:18:21,026 but these hideous yellow walls scream yes. 430 00:18:21,028 --> 00:18:23,812 Should I just stop, or...? 431 00:18:23,814 --> 00:18:26,315 Sweet mother of God! 432 00:18:26,317 --> 00:18:29,701 A dog in Ottawa ran all the way to Saskatoon! 433 00:18:30,536 --> 00:18:31,853 What? 434 00:18:31,855 --> 00:18:33,121 We figured out the Janet thing. 435 00:18:33,123 --> 00:18:34,456 I'm catching up on Canada. 436 00:18:38,161 --> 00:18:39,861 You're with me on this, right? 437 00:18:39,863 --> 00:18:42,697 Otherwise, I can go down, and I can get the card. 438 00:18:42,699 --> 00:18:43,465 Absolutely. 439 00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:45,417 Oh, thank you. 440 00:18:47,536 --> 00:18:49,755 And so the gender remained a secret, 441 00:18:49,757 --> 00:18:53,175 but Janet McIntyre's life no longer was. 442 00:18:53,177 --> 00:18:55,143 There was only one problem. 443 00:18:55,145 --> 00:18:56,728 Ted, what's going on? 444 00:18:56,730 --> 00:18:59,264 Nothing. 445 00:18:59,266 --> 00:19:01,549 Did I mention that I'm the youngest architect 446 00:19:01,551 --> 00:19:03,986 in New York history to have a skyscraper built? 447 00:19:03,988 --> 00:19:05,720 Oh. So, I'm not quite 448 00:19:05,722 --> 00:19:08,240 as far beneath you as you might think. 449 00:19:08,242 --> 00:19:10,275 Why would I think that? 450 00:19:10,277 --> 00:19:12,694 No reason, but this one time in sixth grade, 451 00:19:12,696 --> 00:19:15,664 I saw a raccoon trapped in a gutter, and I told my dad, 452 00:19:15,666 --> 00:19:17,532 and the firemen came and got it out, 453 00:19:17,534 --> 00:19:20,502 so it's not like I pulled a baby from a creek or anything, 454 00:19:20,504 --> 00:19:21,753 but at least I didn't ignore it 455 00:19:21,755 --> 00:19:24,673 and keep lighting bugs on fire with my magnifying glass. 456 00:19:24,675 --> 00:19:26,792 We had one promise, and you broke it. 457 00:19:26,794 --> 00:19:28,660 What are you talking about? 458 00:19:28,662 --> 00:19:30,578 You looked me up, and now you find me intimidating. 459 00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:32,848 Why-Why would I find you intimidating, okay? 460 00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:35,083 It's not like I donated a kidney, 461 00:19:35,085 --> 00:19:36,351 but I donated blood once, 462 00:19:36,353 --> 00:19:37,585 although I wound up fainting, 463 00:19:37,587 --> 00:19:39,721 and they had to put it all back in. 464 00:19:39,723 --> 00:19:41,940 I was so excited about this. 465 00:19:41,942 --> 00:19:45,227 But now you're just a blubbering idiot like the rest of them. 466 00:19:45,229 --> 00:19:46,695 No, I ain't! 467 00:19:46,697 --> 00:19:49,781 I mean, no, I never do that thing you says. 468 00:19:50,951 --> 00:19:52,651 What I mean is, you gooder than me 469 00:19:52,653 --> 00:19:55,704 no make difference! 470 00:19:55,706 --> 00:19:58,123 And that's that. 471 00:19:58,125 --> 00:20:00,492 I wish to God I'd never clicked on that link. 472 00:20:00,494 --> 00:20:01,910 I'm sorry, Ted. 473 00:20:01,912 --> 00:20:03,778 We were just trying to help. 474 00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:06,164 I said it was meddling and manipulative, 475 00:20:06,166 --> 00:20:08,166 but Kevin insisted we butt in. 476 00:20:11,888 --> 00:20:13,255 No, it's my fault. 477 00:20:13,257 --> 00:20:14,806 I never should have looked. 478 00:20:14,808 --> 00:20:17,676 In the battle of mystery versus history, 479 00:20:17,678 --> 00:20:19,644 it's best not to know. 480 00:20:19,646 --> 00:20:22,314 Lily Pad? 481 00:20:22,316 --> 00:20:23,849 What? 482 00:20:23,851 --> 00:20:26,234 We're having a boy. 483 00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:29,488 We're having a boy. 484 00:20:29,490 --> 00:20:30,805 We're having a boy! You're having a boy! 485 00:20:30,807 --> 00:20:32,858 We're having a... we're having a boy. 486 00:20:32,860 --> 00:20:34,359 We're having a boy. 487 00:20:34,361 --> 00:20:35,694 We're having a boy. 488 00:20:35,696 --> 00:20:38,080 I'll go buy some blue paint. 489 00:20:48,549 --> 00:20:50,550 It needs sharpening. 490 00:20:50,552 --> 00:20:54,137 You see? I told you three days would go by in no time. 491 00:20:54,139 --> 00:20:55,805 Phineas, take us up! 492 00:20:55,807 --> 00:20:57,223 Well, in case you were wondering, 493 00:20:57,225 --> 00:20:59,526 it rained the entire time I was in the Caribbean. 494 00:20:59,528 --> 00:21:03,707 Thank you for asking. 495 00:21:03,709 --> 00:21:07,709 Subtitles by Scorpion 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net