1 00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:03,311 Kids, have I ever told you 2 00:00:03,313 --> 00:00:05,596 the story of how I met your father? 3 00:00:05,598 --> 00:00:06,897 Well, I'll just skip ahead 4 00:00:06,899 --> 00:00:09,433 to the moment I told him I was pregnant. 5 00:00:10,936 --> 00:00:13,187 W... What happened? 6 00:00:13,189 --> 00:00:14,488 Did I pass out? 7 00:00:14,490 --> 00:00:16,274 Not exactly. 8 00:00:16,276 --> 00:00:18,409 I'm pregnant. 9 00:00:21,663 --> 00:00:24,448 Are you sure you're not just getting fat? 10 00:00:26,451 --> 00:00:28,919 Oh, yeah. 11 00:00:28,921 --> 00:00:31,339 So, um, you're pregnant. 12 00:00:31,341 --> 00:00:32,373 Yeah. 13 00:00:32,375 --> 00:00:34,175 Huh. 14 00:00:34,177 --> 00:00:36,544 Looks like nobody told your boobs. 15 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,332 What happened? 16 00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:42,633 Did I pass out? 17 00:00:42,635 --> 00:00:43,384 Oh, my... 18 00:00:43,386 --> 00:00:44,501 Please stop hitting me! 19 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,771 Hey. 20 00:00:46,773 --> 00:00:51,058 Are... Are you sure you're... 21 00:00:51,060 --> 00:00:52,977 Well, no, not positive. 22 00:00:52,979 --> 00:00:54,395 I'm a week late. 23 00:00:54,397 --> 00:00:56,614 But I'm never late; it's a point of pride with me. 24 00:00:56,616 --> 00:00:57,681 I'm going to go 25 00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,867 see the doctor on Monday to find out for sure. 26 00:00:59,869 --> 00:01:03,070 Until then, not a word of this to anyone. 27 00:01:03,072 --> 00:01:04,288 Not even Kevin? 28 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,958 I mean, it's probably his. 29 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,827 I've spent years training my boys 30 00:01:09,829 --> 00:01:11,212 to swim the other way. 31 00:01:11,214 --> 00:01:13,164 Kevin and I haven't had sex yet. 32 00:01:14,066 --> 00:01:16,533 If I'm pregnant, you're the dad. 33 00:01:18,387 --> 00:01:20,537 That's wonderful! 34 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,722 Huh? 35 00:01:21,724 --> 00:01:23,674 I'm gonna be a daddy! 36 00:01:25,825 --> 00:01:29,825 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x12 ♪ Symphony of Illumination Original Air Date on December 21, 2011 37 00:01:29,850 --> 00:01:33,850 == sync, corrected by elderman == 38 00:01:41,485 --> 00:01:43,912 Okay, one scotch for me, 39 00:01:43,913 --> 00:01:45,596 one iced tea on the rocks glass for Mommy. 40 00:01:45,598 --> 00:01:46,547 Stop it. 41 00:01:46,549 --> 00:01:47,548 Sorry, sorry. 42 00:01:47,550 --> 00:01:48,599 Keeping it secret. 43 00:01:49,752 --> 00:01:52,253 Oop, I think I gave you the wrong one. 44 00:01:52,255 --> 00:01:53,437 Here, let me just... 45 00:01:53,439 --> 00:01:55,389 Give it to me. Drop... let go. 46 00:01:55,391 --> 00:01:58,726 Take it away from you. 47 00:01:59,611 --> 00:02:01,946 Barney, why are you so happy about this? 48 00:02:01,948 --> 00:02:02,947 Because this is perfect. 49 00:02:02,949 --> 00:02:04,315 I want to be a dad. 50 00:02:04,317 --> 00:02:05,950 This is not good news. 51 00:02:05,952 --> 00:02:07,235 I have a boyfriend. 52 00:02:07,237 --> 00:02:09,153 Yeah, but if Kevin weren't around... 53 00:02:09,155 --> 00:02:10,121 It doesn't matter! 54 00:02:10,123 --> 00:02:12,323 I don't want kids. 55 00:02:12,325 --> 00:02:13,541 I've never wanted kids, 56 00:02:13,543 --> 00:02:17,378 and never, in a million years, will I ever want kids. 57 00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:20,047 Sorry, kids. 58 00:02:20,049 --> 00:02:22,383 I can't have a baby. 59 00:02:22,385 --> 00:02:23,467 Hey, guys! 60 00:02:23,469 --> 00:02:27,054 Guess what this is! 61 00:02:27,056 --> 00:02:29,290 One of your socks? Boom! You're huge. 62 00:02:29,292 --> 00:02:32,459 No, it's our unborn son's Christmas stocking. 63 00:02:32,461 --> 00:02:34,011 Grandma Gunderson started knitting it 64 00:02:34,013 --> 00:02:36,397 the day Lily and I got married. 65 00:02:36,399 --> 00:02:40,401 She died before she could finish. 66 00:02:40,403 --> 00:02:41,435 I miss stockings. 67 00:02:41,437 --> 00:02:43,404 My stepdad Clint made us get rid of anything 68 00:02:43,406 --> 00:02:46,140 that reminds him of the commercialization of Christmas. 69 00:02:46,142 --> 00:02:48,492 I thought you said he dresses up as Santa. 70 00:02:48,494 --> 00:02:51,195 Yeah, but, uh, to protest gender stereotypes, 71 00:02:51,197 --> 00:02:52,580 he plays Santa as a woman. 72 00:02:52,582 --> 00:02:54,198 Though, he keeps the beard. 73 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,535 The result is disturbing. 74 00:02:57,537 --> 00:02:58,836 Well, we should go. 75 00:02:58,838 --> 00:03:00,788 We have to get to We B Babies 76 00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:03,040 so that we can register for our shower. 77 00:03:03,042 --> 00:03:04,325 No can do. 78 00:03:04,327 --> 00:03:08,429 Um, I have a big project that I'm working on. 79 00:03:08,431 --> 00:03:12,383 This is Richard Holdman's house in East Meadow. 80 00:03:12,385 --> 00:03:15,636 Last year, he had the most visited Christmas display 81 00:03:15,638 --> 00:03:16,887 in the tri-state area. 82 00:03:16,889 --> 00:03:18,773 But not this year. You know why? 83 00:03:18,775 --> 00:03:21,508 Because Big Fudge has come to town, 84 00:03:21,510 --> 00:03:23,527 and he brought his two friends: 85 00:03:23,529 --> 00:03:26,013 Mannim... Steamroller. 86 00:03:26,015 --> 00:03:27,014 Game on. 87 00:03:28,184 --> 00:03:29,033 Are you okay? 88 00:03:29,035 --> 00:03:30,184 Yeah. 89 00:03:30,186 --> 00:03:32,453 Uh, it's just, um... 90 00:03:32,455 --> 00:03:34,572 I hate Mannheim Steamroller. 91 00:03:34,574 --> 00:03:36,324 Isn't there anyone else you can use? 92 00:03:36,326 --> 00:03:39,477 Come on! Who am I gonna use if not the Steamroller?! 93 00:03:39,479 --> 00:03:41,495 I don't know. AC/DC? 94 00:03:41,497 --> 00:03:43,347 AC/DC? 95 00:03:43,349 --> 00:03:45,499 Robin, do you have any idea 96 00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:48,135 why they call them Mannheim Steamroller? 97 00:03:48,137 --> 00:03:52,390 Because they rock... so hard, so festively, 98 00:03:52,392 --> 00:03:56,761 that steam comes out of your brain. 99 00:03:56,763 --> 00:03:58,479 As it melts. 100 00:03:58,481 --> 00:04:01,215 So I have to go to We B Babies by myself? 101 00:04:01,217 --> 00:04:03,050 Robin and I will go with you. 102 00:04:05,387 --> 00:04:07,738 Barney, what are we doing here? 103 00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:09,890 I want to show you that having a kid 104 00:04:09,892 --> 00:04:11,442 is nothing to be afraid of. 105 00:04:12,912 --> 00:04:15,413 Kids. Stop. 106 00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:19,750 Okay, first on the registry: 107 00:04:19,752 --> 00:04:20,785 nipple butter. 108 00:04:20,787 --> 00:04:21,735 Uh-oh. 109 00:04:21,737 --> 00:04:22,870 As you breast-feed, 110 00:04:22,872 --> 00:04:24,738 your nipples stretch out, like, four inches 111 00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:26,290 and get all dry and cracked. 112 00:04:26,292 --> 00:04:28,092 The nipple butter stops the bleeding. 113 00:04:29,928 --> 00:04:33,097 My four-inch nipples are going to crack and bleed?! 114 00:04:33,099 --> 00:04:36,884 Yes, but while the baby is gnawing on your bleeding nips, 115 00:04:36,886 --> 00:04:39,753 look what she'll be wearing. 116 00:04:44,142 --> 00:04:47,094 Insane Duane? 117 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,531 Barney? 118 00:04:50,533 --> 00:04:53,284 Insane Duane was your father's best friend, 119 00:04:53,286 --> 00:04:56,537 back in the days before he met me or your Uncle Ted. 120 00:04:58,407 --> 00:04:59,907 We're going back to her place. 121 00:04:59,909 --> 00:05:00,908 Boom! 122 00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:02,410 All right, you win! 123 00:05:02,412 --> 00:05:04,778 Here's 20 for picking up a girl with only one word. 124 00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:06,780 And here's another 20 for that word being "boner." 125 00:05:06,782 --> 00:05:08,416 Thank you. 126 00:05:08,418 --> 00:05:13,120 I'll meet you back here in an hour when I'm done with, uh... 127 00:05:14,122 --> 00:05:15,556 Ah, who cares what her name is; she won't be 128 00:05:15,558 --> 00:05:16,640 around long enough for it to matter. 129 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,009 Nice! 130 00:05:21,813 --> 00:05:24,849 Shh... 131 00:05:24,851 --> 00:05:26,684 I can't believe I haven't seen you around. 132 00:05:26,686 --> 00:05:29,603 Well, after Sheila and I had that quickie, 133 00:05:29,605 --> 00:05:34,241 my life's been playdates, preschools and poops. 134 00:05:34,243 --> 00:05:36,160 I haven't set foot in a bar in years. 135 00:05:36,162 --> 00:05:37,828 You stopped drinking? 136 00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:40,781 Oh, I still drink. 137 00:05:42,284 --> 00:05:44,168 Vaginal numbing spray. 138 00:05:44,170 --> 00:05:45,753 Apparently, after child birth, 139 00:05:45,755 --> 00:05:48,372 your hoo-ha looks like Rocky Balboa's face. 140 00:05:48,374 --> 00:05:51,425 - You can't have a baby! - I can't have a baby! 141 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,995 The next day, we went to the doctor. 142 00:05:54,997 --> 00:05:56,347 Well, Mrs. Scherbatsky, 143 00:05:56,349 --> 00:05:58,332 I'm sure that you and your husband... 144 00:05:58,334 --> 00:05:59,767 Uh, he's not my husband. 145 00:05:59,769 --> 00:06:00,718 Oh, I'm so sorry. 146 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:01,835 Your boyfriend then. 147 00:06:01,837 --> 00:06:02,803 He's not my boyfriend. 148 00:06:02,805 --> 00:06:03,971 Oh, bozhe. 149 00:06:03,973 --> 00:06:05,973 All right, well, I will just cut to the chase. 150 00:06:05,975 --> 00:06:07,024 Wait! Wait. 151 00:06:07,026 --> 00:06:09,676 All right. 152 00:06:09,678 --> 00:06:11,111 Okay. 153 00:06:11,113 --> 00:06:12,279 All right, we're ready. Good. 154 00:06:12,281 --> 00:06:14,615 Um, you: not pregnant. 155 00:06:14,617 --> 00:06:16,183 Yeah! 156 00:06:16,185 --> 00:06:17,568 - Oh, yeah! - Yeah! 157 00:06:17,570 --> 00:06:19,520 That's what I'm talking about! 158 00:06:22,875 --> 00:06:24,708 Yeah, you know, you know! 159 00:06:24,710 --> 00:06:27,194 Again, sorry kids. 160 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,030 Hey, mister. 161 00:06:30,032 --> 00:06:32,082 Are you putting up all these Christmas lights? 162 00:06:32,084 --> 00:06:34,368 Oh, kid, by the time I'm done, 163 00:06:34,370 --> 00:06:37,338 you're gonna be able to see this son of a bitch from outer space. 164 00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:39,256 Ah, cool. 165 00:06:39,258 --> 00:06:41,342 I wanted to put lights on our house, 166 00:06:41,344 --> 00:06:44,595 but my dad says he's too busy with work and stuff. 167 00:06:46,398 --> 00:06:50,818 Hey, what do you say, uh, you come back here next weekend 168 00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,186 and help me out? 169 00:06:52,188 --> 00:06:53,237 Yeah! 170 00:06:53,239 --> 00:06:55,055 You've got yourself a deal. 171 00:06:55,057 --> 00:06:56,390 I'm Scott. 172 00:06:56,392 --> 00:06:59,726 I'm... Mr. Eriksen. 173 00:06:59,728 --> 00:07:01,111 Thanks, Mr. E. 174 00:07:04,199 --> 00:07:05,783 Mr. E. 175 00:07:05,785 --> 00:07:08,085 Looks like some little scamp just earned the right 176 00:07:08,087 --> 00:07:10,120 to put the Vikings helmet on baby Jesus. 177 00:07:12,173 --> 00:07:15,175 Later that week, as I was enjoying every second 178 00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:16,677 of not being pregnant... 179 00:07:16,679 --> 00:07:18,245 Next on Teenage Mommies... 180 00:07:18,247 --> 00:07:20,514 But you said you would watch Bella. 181 00:07:20,516 --> 00:07:22,383 I have cheerleading practice. 182 00:07:23,752 --> 00:07:25,619 Sucks to be you, Braces. 183 00:07:26,606 --> 00:07:28,973 Oh. Um... 184 00:07:28,975 --> 00:07:30,608 Yello! 185 00:07:32,394 --> 00:07:35,062 Uh, yeah, I can come back in. 186 00:07:35,064 --> 00:07:38,365 Robin, we ran some tests last week. 187 00:07:38,367 --> 00:07:42,570 This is going to be difficult to hear. 188 00:07:42,572 --> 00:07:46,373 And then the doctor said a bunch of medical stuff that... 189 00:07:46,375 --> 00:07:49,293 well, the gist of it was this. 190 00:07:49,295 --> 00:07:51,462 I can't have a baby. 191 00:07:56,317 --> 00:07:58,651 No. You can't have a baby. 192 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,457 Uh, great. 193 00:08:02,459 --> 00:08:07,279 Uh, well, I mean, um, not-not great. 194 00:08:07,281 --> 00:08:08,363 I mean, I've never wanted kids, 195 00:08:08,365 --> 00:08:10,482 so if it has to happen to someone... 196 00:08:10,484 --> 00:08:14,236 Robin, is there anyone you can talk to about this? 197 00:08:14,238 --> 00:08:15,871 Perhaps a close friend? 198 00:08:15,873 --> 00:08:18,206 I knew I could have talked to my friends. 199 00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:20,041 But, it's just, I already knew 200 00:08:20,043 --> 00:08:22,127 exactly how they would all react. 201 00:08:22,129 --> 00:08:25,163 Ted would go into overdrive trying to make me feel better. 202 00:08:25,165 --> 00:08:26,548 You need comfort food. 203 00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:28,900 Fried chicken, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes. 204 00:08:28,902 --> 00:08:30,752 Open your present, I'll work on these shoulders. 205 00:08:30,754 --> 00:08:33,121 Okay, just breathe, relax, eat your chicken. 206 00:08:33,123 --> 00:08:34,840 Come on, eat, breathe, 207 00:08:34,842 --> 00:08:37,058 open it, breathe, open it, eat. 208 00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:38,626 Robin, why are you so tense?! 209 00:08:39,563 --> 00:08:41,563 Lily would just implode. 210 00:08:41,565 --> 00:08:45,800 And here I've been going on and on about babies. 211 00:08:45,802 --> 00:08:50,071 Oh, I am such a bad friend! 212 00:08:51,741 --> 00:08:53,775 And I'd wind up comforting her. 213 00:08:53,777 --> 00:08:54,743 It's okay. 214 00:08:54,745 --> 00:08:57,645 You have to punch me in the face! 215 00:08:57,647 --> 00:08:59,948 Marshall would ask me a ton of questions 216 00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:01,499 I don't know the answers to. 217 00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,652 - Have you thought about adoption? - Um, well... 218 00:09:03,654 --> 00:09:05,337 Does this kind of thing run in your family? 219 00:09:05,339 --> 00:09:06,171 Uh... 220 00:09:06,173 --> 00:09:07,205 What was the date, duration 221 00:09:07,207 --> 00:09:10,008 and consistency of your last period? 222 00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:12,627 And your father would bend over backwards 223 00:09:12,629 --> 00:09:14,095 trying to make me laugh. 224 00:09:14,097 --> 00:09:16,497 A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar-- 225 00:09:16,499 --> 00:09:18,850 no, a barbershop-- no, a post office-- 226 00:09:18,852 --> 00:09:21,386 no, it's two priests-- no, it's two ducks-- 227 00:09:21,388 --> 00:09:23,671 no, a priest holding a duck-- and he's Polish. 228 00:09:23,673 --> 00:09:24,973 The priest, not the duck. 229 00:09:24,975 --> 00:09:26,641 Actually, the duck could be Polish, too. 230 00:09:26,643 --> 00:09:27,859 Doesn't matter. 231 00:09:27,861 --> 00:09:29,694 Yes it does. The duck's not Polish. 232 00:09:29,696 --> 00:09:30,779 And when that didn't work, 233 00:09:30,781 --> 00:09:32,948 he would actually bend over backwards. 234 00:09:32,950 --> 00:09:34,583 Pratfall! 235 00:09:34,585 --> 00:09:36,134 Ow! 236 00:09:36,136 --> 00:09:39,520 The bottom line is, I didn't feel like talking about it. 237 00:09:39,522 --> 00:09:41,656 So when Ted asked... 238 00:09:41,658 --> 00:09:43,575 Hey, Robin, you okay? You look upset. 239 00:09:43,577 --> 00:09:46,962 I just came up with the first lie that popped into my head. 240 00:09:46,964 --> 00:09:48,997 Yeah. Uh... 241 00:09:48,999 --> 00:09:51,633 I just found out I can never... 242 00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:55,253 be a pole-vaulter for the Canadian Olympic team. 243 00:09:55,255 --> 00:09:57,389 I'm too tall or something. 244 00:09:57,391 --> 00:09:58,556 Robin, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Robin. 245 00:09:58,558 --> 00:09:59,591 I had no idea. That's terrible. 246 00:09:59,593 --> 00:10:01,509 Can we get some fried chicken over here, stat! 247 00:10:01,511 --> 00:10:04,596 I am such a bad friend! 248 00:10:04,598 --> 00:10:06,514 Three slutty nuns show up at St. Peter's-- 249 00:10:06,516 --> 00:10:07,816 Wait, wait, they're not slutty. 250 00:10:07,818 --> 00:10:09,567 Well, they are, but you're not supposed to know that yet. 251 00:10:09,569 --> 00:10:10,718 Um... 252 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,053 Hey, baby, what's up? 253 00:10:12,055 --> 00:10:14,389 Hey, uh, listen, the construction of 254 00:10:14,391 --> 00:10:16,024 the Symphony of Illumination is taking 255 00:10:16,026 --> 00:10:17,242 a little longer than I thought. 256 00:10:17,244 --> 00:10:19,277 Good thing I have Scott here to help me. 257 00:10:19,279 --> 00:10:20,412 Right, Scott? 258 00:10:20,414 --> 00:10:22,080 You betcha, Mr. E! 259 00:10:22,082 --> 00:10:22,914 Bad news. 260 00:10:22,916 --> 00:10:23,949 Robin's too tall 261 00:10:23,951 --> 00:10:25,733 to be an Olympic pole-vaulter. 262 00:10:25,735 --> 00:10:27,369 Has she filed an appeal with the IOC? 263 00:10:27,371 --> 00:10:28,837 Have you filed an appeal with the IOC? 264 00:10:28,839 --> 00:10:30,789 Can she make herself shorter by slouching? 265 00:10:30,791 --> 00:10:32,173 Can you make yourself shorter by slouching? 266 00:10:32,175 --> 00:10:33,458 Has she considered going back to school 267 00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:34,709 and competing at the collegiate level? 268 00:10:34,711 --> 00:10:36,594 Have you considered going back to school and... 269 00:10:36,596 --> 00:10:38,046 I don't want to talk about it. 270 00:10:38,048 --> 00:10:39,965 Sorry. 271 00:10:39,967 --> 00:10:41,800 I love you, baby. See you tomorrow. 272 00:10:41,802 --> 00:10:43,301 Okay, I love you, too. 273 00:10:46,256 --> 00:10:47,272 Scott? 274 00:10:47,274 --> 00:10:48,640 Scott, I dropped my phone. 275 00:10:48,642 --> 00:10:50,108 Yep, found it. 276 00:10:50,110 --> 00:10:51,393 Could you bring it up here? 277 00:10:51,395 --> 00:10:52,694 You got it. 278 00:10:52,696 --> 00:10:55,196 Hey, while I'm at it, can I get you a beer? 279 00:10:55,198 --> 00:10:58,616 He wants to bring the old man a beer. 280 00:10:58,618 --> 00:10:59,734 Yeah, sure. 281 00:10:59,736 --> 00:11:01,486 Uh, there's a whole case in the fridge. 282 00:11:01,488 --> 00:11:02,654 Thanks, son. 283 00:11:02,656 --> 00:11:05,540 Do you, do you mind if I call you "son"? 284 00:11:05,542 --> 00:11:07,659 You can call me whatever you want... 285 00:11:07,661 --> 00:11:09,461 jackass. 286 00:11:13,132 --> 00:11:14,449 Scott? 287 00:11:14,451 --> 00:11:15,917 The ladder fell. 288 00:11:16,752 --> 00:11:19,120 Scott? 289 00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:25,477 ♪ ♪ 290 00:11:33,686 --> 00:11:35,303 Scott! 291 00:11:35,305 --> 00:11:38,123 What are we doing? 292 00:11:40,642 --> 00:11:42,477 Listen, um, 293 00:11:42,479 --> 00:11:44,129 I know things have been kind of weird 294 00:11:44,131 --> 00:11:45,947 between you and me these past couple weeks, 295 00:11:45,949 --> 00:11:47,332 so I just want to say I'm... 296 00:11:47,334 --> 00:11:48,917 I'm glad we're back to where we started. 297 00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:50,651 - Yeah. - Friends with benefits. 298 00:11:50,653 --> 00:11:51,953 - No. - Just like always. 299 00:11:51,955 --> 00:11:53,288 Never been that. Just friends. 300 00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:55,173 With benefits. We'll talk about it later. 301 00:11:55,958 --> 00:11:58,209 Look at all these babies. 302 00:11:58,211 --> 00:12:00,211 Isn't it crazy how, now that we're not having one, 303 00:12:00,213 --> 00:12:01,679 babies are cute again? 304 00:12:02,498 --> 00:12:04,049 Look at that one. 305 00:12:04,051 --> 00:12:05,083 I'm good. 306 00:12:05,085 --> 00:12:06,834 No, I'm serious. Look, look. 307 00:12:06,836 --> 00:12:08,436 Damn it. 308 00:12:08,438 --> 00:12:10,638 That thing's cute as crap. 309 00:12:12,174 --> 00:12:13,808 Screw you, baby. 310 00:12:15,528 --> 00:12:17,312 Scott? 311 00:12:17,314 --> 00:12:18,513 Scott! 312 00:12:18,515 --> 00:12:20,532 What is going on? 313 00:12:20,534 --> 00:12:22,233 Hey, Mr. E. Scott... 314 00:12:22,235 --> 00:12:24,986 if you do not let me down, I am going to scream 315 00:12:24,988 --> 00:12:26,871 my head off until someone comes to help me, 316 00:12:26,873 --> 00:12:30,208 and then you're going to have to explain all of this to the cops. 317 00:12:30,210 --> 00:12:31,859 And then you'll have to explain why there's 318 00:12:31,861 --> 00:12:34,329 a picture of my ding-dong on your phone. 319 00:12:34,331 --> 00:12:35,830 There is no picture of your... 320 00:12:35,832 --> 00:12:38,216 There is now. 321 00:12:38,218 --> 00:12:40,218 Oh, yeah, that's a beauty. 322 00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:41,419 Scott? 323 00:12:41,421 --> 00:12:43,204 Scott! 324 00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:46,057 Scott! 325 00:12:46,059 --> 00:12:47,559 Marshall keeps 326 00:12:47,561 --> 00:12:50,562 asking me to text him pictures of my boobies. 327 00:12:50,564 --> 00:12:52,347 After all these years, 328 00:12:52,349 --> 00:12:55,233 he sometimes still acts like a teenager. 329 00:12:55,235 --> 00:12:56,734 I'll be right back. 330 00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:04,826 Insane Duane. 331 00:13:04,828 --> 00:13:07,996 It's Sane Duane now. 332 00:13:07,998 --> 00:13:10,365 You used to be magnificent. 333 00:13:18,457 --> 00:13:20,542 Are you okay? 334 00:13:20,544 --> 00:13:24,429 Yeah, yeah, um, I guess this, um, 335 00:13:24,431 --> 00:13:28,099 this pole-vaulting thing is finally hitting me. 336 00:13:28,101 --> 00:13:29,184 I don't get it, Robin. 337 00:13:29,186 --> 00:13:31,886 Did you really want to be a pole-vaulter? 338 00:13:31,888 --> 00:13:35,590 No, no, I was, uh, I was always 339 00:13:35,592 --> 00:13:38,026 adamantly against having a... 340 00:13:38,028 --> 00:13:40,311 uh, a pole-vaulting career, 341 00:13:40,313 --> 00:13:42,430 even though it's what most women want. 342 00:13:42,432 --> 00:13:44,816 Most women want to be a pole-vaulter? 343 00:13:44,818 --> 00:13:46,985 In Canada-- it's very big up there. 344 00:13:46,987 --> 00:13:48,653 You know, it's, it's meet a nice guy, 345 00:13:48,655 --> 00:13:51,456 get married, vault some poles, 346 00:13:51,458 --> 00:13:52,891 but I... 347 00:13:52,893 --> 00:13:55,460 never wanted that. 348 00:13:55,462 --> 00:13:57,778 Of course, it's one thing not to want something. 349 00:13:57,780 --> 00:14:00,131 It's another to be told you can't have it. 350 00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,218 I guess it's, it's just nice knowing 351 00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:08,306 that you could someday do it if you changed your mind. 352 00:14:09,742 --> 00:14:13,678 But now, all of a sudden, that door is closed. 353 00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:19,417 What about the one where you ski and shoot at the same time? 354 00:14:19,419 --> 00:14:21,653 That seems like something you'd be good at. 355 00:14:23,189 --> 00:14:25,973 Oh, my God, Robin, look at this. 356 00:14:25,975 --> 00:14:27,659 O Cana-dorable! 357 00:14:27,661 --> 00:14:28,660 Am I right? 358 00:14:28,662 --> 00:14:30,195 Excuse me. 359 00:14:30,963 --> 00:14:33,665 Yep, this works. 360 00:14:37,922 --> 00:14:39,593 Scott, when I get 361 00:14:39,594 --> 00:14:40,893 down from here, you are going 362 00:14:40,895 --> 00:14:43,312 to be in big, big trouble, mister. 363 00:14:43,314 --> 00:14:44,680 Come on, Mr. E. 364 00:14:44,682 --> 00:14:47,099 Didn't you ever cut loose when you were a kid? 365 00:14:47,101 --> 00:14:49,518 That's irrelevant. 366 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,937 I mean, of course I did. 367 00:14:51,939 --> 00:14:54,156 One time, when my parents were out of town, 368 00:14:54,158 --> 00:14:58,244 my brothers and I set the basement on fire 369 00:14:58,246 --> 00:15:01,447 hosting an amateur wrestling exhibition. 370 00:15:02,565 --> 00:15:04,917 There were some theatrics. 371 00:15:04,919 --> 00:15:07,286 See, you get me. 372 00:15:07,288 --> 00:15:10,456 I don't think of you as some dummy I trapped on the roof. 373 00:15:10,458 --> 00:15:14,627 I think of you more like, like my dad. 374 00:15:16,046 --> 00:15:20,266 Can we keep the party going for 30 more minutes, please? 375 00:15:22,886 --> 00:15:24,887 Okay, Scott. 376 00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:27,556 Thanks, Pop. 377 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:33,145 It's fine, kid just needed to blow off some steam. 378 00:15:40,436 --> 00:15:41,453 No! 379 00:15:41,455 --> 00:15:44,623 Grandma Gunderson knitted that! 380 00:15:44,625 --> 00:15:48,244 Scott...! 381 00:15:48,246 --> 00:15:49,628 That was crazy. 382 00:15:49,630 --> 00:15:51,964 She just ran out of there crying. 383 00:15:51,966 --> 00:15:53,465 Now she's not answering her phone. 384 00:15:53,467 --> 00:15:56,418 She's been acting really weird for a few weeks now, 385 00:15:56,420 --> 00:16:00,422 really since the night we discussed the hurricane. 386 00:16:00,424 --> 00:16:01,790 Barney, you split a cab home. 387 00:16:01,792 --> 00:16:03,342 Did she say anything? 388 00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:08,297 We didn't really talk much. 389 00:16:08,299 --> 00:16:09,398 Well, lucky for us, 390 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,318 someone at this table is skilled 391 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,070 in the art of detection. 392 00:16:15,855 --> 00:16:17,489 Robin's upset. 393 00:16:17,491 --> 00:16:20,326 She and Kevin are having trouble. 394 00:16:20,328 --> 00:16:22,144 - He cheated on her. - No way. 395 00:16:22,146 --> 00:16:25,831 Kevin's an honest, decent guy who never on his best day 396 00:16:25,833 --> 00:16:27,816 could pull a hotter chick than Robin. 397 00:16:27,818 --> 00:16:29,668 Maybe Robin cheated on him. 398 00:16:29,670 --> 00:16:33,488 Maybe Robin is the dirty bird who slept with someone else. 399 00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:35,758 I don't know, this pole-vaulting thing seems 400 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,659 like a slam dunk to me. 401 00:16:37,661 --> 00:16:39,595 Oh, it is so obvious. 402 00:16:39,597 --> 00:16:40,930 Barney. 403 00:16:41,831 --> 00:16:43,015 What is the name of that guy 404 00:16:43,017 --> 00:16:44,683 you worked with-- uh, Randy? 405 00:16:44,685 --> 00:16:45,884 It was Randy. 406 00:16:45,886 --> 00:16:46,852 Wait a second. 407 00:16:46,854 --> 00:16:49,021 I just cracked this case. 408 00:16:50,274 --> 00:16:51,673 The little maple leaf onesie. 409 00:16:51,675 --> 00:16:53,609 It made her homesick. 410 00:16:53,611 --> 00:16:54,560 That's why she's so upset. 411 00:16:54,562 --> 00:16:55,644 She's not going home for Christmas. 412 00:16:55,646 --> 00:16:58,147 She wants me to invite her to Ohio. 413 00:16:58,149 --> 00:17:00,015 That's got to be it! 414 00:17:00,017 --> 00:17:02,067 Either that or she slept with Barney. 415 00:17:15,248 --> 00:17:17,800 Oh, you must be Scott. 416 00:17:17,802 --> 00:17:20,219 Oh, hello, ma'am. 417 00:17:20,221 --> 00:17:22,554 It's nice to finally see your face. 418 00:17:22,556 --> 00:17:25,057 Well, I'd better go hit those books. 419 00:17:25,059 --> 00:17:28,543 Hold it right there, young man. 420 00:17:29,346 --> 00:17:32,147 This is for helping out my husband. 421 00:17:32,983 --> 00:17:35,651 Wow, 50 bucks. 422 00:17:35,653 --> 00:17:36,819 Merry Christmas. 423 00:17:45,745 --> 00:17:48,414 Lily! 424 00:17:48,416 --> 00:17:50,616 An airplane ticket to Cleveland? 425 00:17:50,618 --> 00:17:52,618 I know it's not Canada, but it starts with a "C" 426 00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:55,037 and it's cold as balls, so get packed. 427 00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:56,755 You're coming home with me for Christmas. 428 00:17:56,757 --> 00:17:58,507 Yeah, nice try, dude. 429 00:17:58,509 --> 00:17:59,541 I wouldn't go to Cleveland 430 00:17:59,543 --> 00:18:03,245 for $125 million paid over six years. 431 00:18:03,247 --> 00:18:04,263 Still? 432 00:18:04,265 --> 00:18:05,848 Still with the LeBron jokes? 433 00:18:05,850 --> 00:18:07,099 Where's that ring, huh? 434 00:18:07,101 --> 00:18:09,101 Where's that ring he's supposed to have by now? 435 00:18:09,969 --> 00:18:11,753 Look, I just-- I thought you were bummed 436 00:18:11,755 --> 00:18:13,305 about not going home for Christmas. 437 00:18:13,307 --> 00:18:14,423 Are you kidding? 438 00:18:14,425 --> 00:18:16,775 I love New York at Christmas. 439 00:18:16,777 --> 00:18:19,111 It's so quiet and peaceful. 440 00:18:20,196 --> 00:18:22,614 Got my eggnog to keep me company, so... 441 00:18:22,616 --> 00:18:24,900 Robin, what's wrong? 442 00:18:24,902 --> 00:18:26,952 - Nothing. - Just tell me. 443 00:18:26,954 --> 00:18:28,570 Why do you need to know so bad? 444 00:18:28,572 --> 00:18:29,738 So I can cheer you up. 445 00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:31,273 It's not your job to cheer me up. 446 00:18:31,275 --> 00:18:32,241 Yes, it is. 447 00:18:32,243 --> 00:18:34,326 Cheering you up is my job. 448 00:18:34,328 --> 00:18:36,161 Well, then, you're fired. 449 00:18:36,163 --> 00:18:37,162 You can't fire me. 450 00:18:37,164 --> 00:18:38,447 I'm union, bitch. 451 00:18:38,449 --> 00:18:39,915 It's not your job to cheer me up. 452 00:18:39,917 --> 00:18:40,966 - Yes, it is. - No, it's not. 453 00:18:40,968 --> 00:18:41,884 Yes, it is. 454 00:18:41,886 --> 00:18:43,452 No, it's not. 455 00:18:45,388 --> 00:18:47,789 Merry Christmas, Ted. 456 00:18:48,641 --> 00:18:50,843 Merry Christmas. 457 00:18:53,396 --> 00:18:57,766 So, kids, I settled in for a Christmas alone. 458 00:18:57,768 --> 00:19:00,569 I appreciated that Ted wanted to cheer me up, 459 00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:03,472 but honestly, it wasn't necessary. 460 00:19:03,474 --> 00:19:05,441 So I can't have kids. 461 00:19:05,443 --> 00:19:07,192 Big deal. 462 00:19:07,194 --> 00:19:09,611 This way there's no one to hold me back in life, 463 00:19:09,613 --> 00:19:11,246 no one to keep me from traveling 464 00:19:11,248 --> 00:19:12,647 where I want to travel, 465 00:19:12,649 --> 00:19:14,500 no one getting in the way of my career. 466 00:19:14,502 --> 00:19:17,319 If you want to know the truth of it, 467 00:19:17,321 --> 00:19:20,155 I'm glad you guys aren't real. 468 00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:36,171 Really glad. 469 00:19:53,206 --> 00:19:55,374 Damn it. 470 00:19:56,527 --> 00:20:00,062 ("Highway to Hell" by AC/DC playing) 471 00:20:08,805 --> 00:20:11,706 Yes, it is. 472 00:20:12,875 --> 00:20:15,928 Look, you don't want to tell me what's wrong, fine. 473 00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:17,229 I don't need to know. 474 00:20:18,331 --> 00:20:21,049 But you can never stop me from trying to cheer you up. 475 00:20:22,018 --> 00:20:23,101 It's a fact of life. 476 00:20:23,103 --> 00:20:25,487 You're just gonna have to deal with it. 477 00:20:25,489 --> 00:20:26,555 Ted... 478 00:20:26,557 --> 00:20:28,440 Hold on, hold on, this is the best part. 479 00:20:30,293 --> 00:20:34,396 ♪ I'm on the highway to hell ♪ 480 00:20:34,398 --> 00:20:38,500 ♪ On the highway to hell ♪ 481 00:20:39,252 --> 00:20:42,955 ♪ Highway to hell... ♪ 482 00:20:42,957 --> 00:20:46,358 Kids, your Aunt Robin never became a pole-vaulter, 483 00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,343 but she did become a famous journalist, 484 00:20:48,345 --> 00:20:51,563 a successful businesswoman, a world traveler. 485 00:20:51,565 --> 00:20:53,182 She was even briefly a bullfighter-- 486 00:20:53,184 --> 00:20:55,750 that's a funny story, I'll get to that one later. 487 00:20:55,752 --> 00:20:59,721 But there's one thing your Aunt Robin never was. 488 00:20:59,723 --> 00:21:00,755 She was never alone. 489 00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:06,810 == sync, corrected by elderman == 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net