1 00:00:00,354 --> 00:00:02,934 NARRATOR: Kids, on New Year's Day 2012, visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com 2 00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:04,936 Uncle Marshall took a trip to Minnesota 3 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,921 to see someone he truly missed. 4 00:00:11,727 --> 00:00:14,029 Hey, Pop. 5 00:00:14,031 --> 00:00:16,247 I can't believe it's been a year. 6 00:00:16,249 --> 00:00:19,233 I think the most appropriate way 7 00:00:19,235 --> 00:00:22,570 to honor your memory today... 8 00:00:22,572 --> 00:00:23,872 is to get blasted 9 00:00:23,874 --> 00:00:25,840 and watch the Vikings make the Bears 10 00:00:25,842 --> 00:00:26,958 their furry little bitches. 11 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,960 Go, Vikes! MOURNER: Shh. 12 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,679 Sorry for your loss. 13 00:00:30,681 --> 00:00:33,181 (softly): Which is what we'll be saying to the Bears 14 00:00:33,183 --> 00:00:34,599 in about three hours, right, Pop? 15 00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:37,385 NARRATOR: Kids, tailgating at the Vikings-Bears game 16 00:00:37,387 --> 00:00:40,388 was a tradition for Uncle Marshall and his dad. 17 00:00:40,390 --> 00:00:41,806 That's how the government 18 00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:44,425 covered up the UFO crash in Roswell: 19 00:00:44,427 --> 00:00:47,946 by canning the sliced up alien carcasses 20 00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:54,919 and calling it Spam. 21 00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:56,154 Wow. 22 00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:58,540 Is there anything you don't know, Dad? 23 00:00:58,542 --> 00:00:59,774 No. 24 00:00:59,776 --> 00:01:01,609 I know most stuff. 25 00:01:01,611 --> 00:01:03,995 And in your honor... 26 00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:07,966 three decades of pork fat, lighter fluid and Bengay. 27 00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,300 (sniffs) 28 00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:11,669 Dear God, that's the stuff. 29 00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:14,339 So much to catch you up on. 30 00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:17,475 So, last night was New Year's Eve. 31 00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:19,460 That's a crazy story. 32 00:01:19,462 --> 00:01:21,880 MARSHALL: So you haven't told your dad that you're pregnant yet? 33 00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,465 No. But why should I? 34 00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:26,300 My dad has never been there for me. 35 00:01:26,302 --> 00:01:28,970 This is just another chance for him to let me down. 36 00:01:28,972 --> 00:01:31,906 Lily, you have to tell him. 37 00:01:31,908 --> 00:01:34,993 He's at some board game convention in Chicago. 38 00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:37,579 He's your dad. (sighs) 39 00:01:37,581 --> 00:01:39,247 I don't see why people aren't getting this. 40 00:01:39,249 --> 00:01:40,532 Shoplifter does not promote crime. 41 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:43,334 It celebrates it. (phone ringing) 42 00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:44,986 Excuse me. 43 00:01:44,988 --> 00:01:46,320 Yeah. 44 00:01:46,322 --> 00:01:47,872 Hey, Dad. 45 00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:51,509 I'm, uh, calling with some pretty big news. 46 00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,344 I'm pregnant. 47 00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:55,263 Great. Thanks. 48 00:01:57,675 --> 00:02:01,675 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x13 ♪ Tailgate Original Air Date on January 2, 2012 visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com 49 00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:05,700 == sync, corrected by elderman == visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com 50 00:02:10,179 --> 00:02:12,363 MARSHALL: Anyway, Dad, Ted and Barney's New Year's Eve 51 00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:14,616 wasn't off to a great start, either. 52 00:02:14,618 --> 00:02:16,151 Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's 50 bucks, 53 00:02:16,153 --> 00:02:17,351 and the line starts out there. 54 00:02:17,353 --> 00:02:19,353 Uh, we're regulars. Oh, in that case, 55 00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:21,206 the line starts out there, and it's 50 bucks. 56 00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:23,024 You got a problem with that? 57 00:02:23,026 --> 00:02:25,894 NARRATOR: Kids, here's why we didn't have a problem with that. 58 00:02:27,379 --> 00:02:30,448 And he was even scarier without the toupee. 59 00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:31,966 No problem. It's a little drafty. 60 00:02:31,968 --> 00:02:33,751 We'll get you a nice hot cocoa. 61 00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:38,506 Check it out. 62 00:02:38,508 --> 00:02:40,809 Sandy Rivers' New Year's Eve show. 63 00:02:40,811 --> 00:02:43,094 (scoffs) Thank God I don't have to produce 64 00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:44,262 this frozen pile of poo. 65 00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:45,513 How'd you dodge that bullet? 66 00:02:45,515 --> 00:02:48,733 Well, maybe Tina, the producer, he, uh, picked, 67 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,351 is more talented than I am... 68 00:02:50,353 --> 00:02:53,188 at lying down while Sandy does his business on her. 69 00:02:53,190 --> 00:02:55,356 Does it bother you that this pervert's 70 00:02:55,358 --> 00:02:56,858 on the air, and you're not anymore? 71 00:02:56,860 --> 00:02:58,193 Do you miss it? 72 00:02:58,195 --> 00:02:59,527 (laughs) 73 00:02:59,529 --> 00:03:02,580 What? Why would... why would I miss it? 74 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:04,749 No. I would rather 75 00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:07,919 be warm and cozy here in denial-- my apartment. 76 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,420 Robin, I'm no therapist-- 77 00:03:09,422 --> 00:03:11,372 wait, yes, I am-- 78 00:03:11,374 --> 00:03:14,075 but I've got a New Year's resolution for you. 79 00:03:14,077 --> 00:03:15,409 Get back on camera. 80 00:03:15,411 --> 00:03:18,763 Mine was going to be "make a sex tape," so... two birds. 81 00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,248 (phone rings) 82 00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:22,217 Hold that thought. 83 00:03:22,219 --> 00:03:23,935 Hello? 84 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,253 Sandy? 85 00:03:25,255 --> 00:03:26,604 Tina quit. 86 00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:29,023 The woman I love just quit. 87 00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:31,142 Love? She's my everything, Robin. 88 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:34,729 My sun, my stars, my oxygen. 89 00:03:34,731 --> 00:03:37,482 Plus, she likes it fast and dirty, 90 00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,617 and that's how Sandy rides. 91 00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,536 I need you here ASAP. 92 00:03:41,538 --> 00:03:42,987 MARSHALL: Are you kidding me? 93 00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:44,405 Marcus? 94 00:03:44,407 --> 00:03:45,790 What the heck are you doing here? 95 00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,742 What the heck are you doing here? 96 00:03:47,744 --> 00:03:51,045 I wanted to see Dad today-- in private. 97 00:03:51,047 --> 00:03:52,780 Well, I had the same idea, 98 00:03:52,782 --> 00:03:55,884 and I drove all the way from Mom's, so get lost. 99 00:03:55,886 --> 00:03:58,303 I flew here, so you get lost. 100 00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:00,505 Um, I'm trying to have a poignant moment 101 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:03,508 with our departed father, turd face. 102 00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,310 Well, I'm trying to feel Dad's spirit 103 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,896 flow through my soul, butt breath. 104 00:04:07,898 --> 00:04:09,480 I'm reaching out to the beyond 105 00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:12,300 to touch Dad's inner light, ass clown. 106 00:04:12,302 --> 00:04:15,570 I hear Dad's voice like an ethereal song 107 00:04:15,572 --> 00:04:18,907 guiding me toward salvation, douche nozzle. 108 00:04:19,825 --> 00:04:21,859 - Dibs on Dad. - Dibs on Dad times infinity. 109 00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:23,161 Oh! Ooh. 110 00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,079 I'll just pretend like you're not here. 111 00:04:26,448 --> 00:04:27,665 (stammers) What? 112 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,684 Dad, do you hear something? 113 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:33,705 Perhaps the high-pitched whine of someone who wet their bed 114 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,340 until they were 11! 115 00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:36,541 Ten. 116 00:04:37,593 --> 00:04:41,679 Anyway, Dad, since it's just the two of us... 117 00:04:43,165 --> 00:04:45,300 Lily and I were going to spend New Year's 118 00:04:45,302 --> 00:04:46,684 unpacking the baby room. 119 00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:49,887 Um, sweetie, why is this book in here? 120 00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:51,606 That's Enigmas of The Mystical. 121 00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:52,690 It's all about mysterious 122 00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,192 and unexplained phenomena. 123 00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:56,978 Don't you remember the TV commercials from the '80s? 124 00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:59,230 ANNOUNCER: June 17th, 1983. 125 00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:00,898 Tempe, Arizona. 126 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:03,101 A woman makes a chicken salad sandwich. 127 00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,019 EERIE WHISPERING: Chicken salad sandwich. 128 00:05:05,021 --> 00:05:06,904 ANNOUNCER: Halfway across the country in Michigan, 129 00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,623 her daughter is compelled to make 130 00:05:08,625 --> 00:05:11,525 almost exactly the same sandwich. 131 00:05:11,527 --> 00:05:12,910 EERIE WHISPERING: Tuna salad. 132 00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:14,512 ANNOUNCER: Coincidence? 133 00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:17,165 Or an enigma of the mystical! 134 00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:18,883 (thunder crashing) 135 00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:22,503 Yeah, those enigmas always seemed a bit thin to me. 136 00:05:22,505 --> 00:05:25,473 Thin? Lily, this is 200 pages 137 00:05:25,475 --> 00:05:29,043 of detailed accounts about Bigfoot, ghosts, 138 00:05:29,045 --> 00:05:31,429 aliens abducting people from their beds and probing them. 139 00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,147 I'm going to read it to Baby Eriksen 140 00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:34,382 at night-night. 141 00:05:34,384 --> 00:05:36,351 You really want to read our kid 142 00:05:36,353 --> 00:05:37,902 bedtime stories about monsters? 143 00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,737 First of all, I wouldn't use the "M" word. 144 00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:40,989 Only they can call themselves that. 145 00:05:40,991 --> 00:05:42,390 And secondly, are you really saying 146 00:05:42,392 --> 00:05:44,492 you don't want to raise our child as a believer? 147 00:05:44,494 --> 00:05:46,444 (chuckles) I don't want to brainwash our child 148 00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:48,496 to believe in something with no proof. 149 00:05:48,498 --> 00:05:50,231 It's not about proof; it's about faith. 150 00:05:50,233 --> 00:05:52,500 Faith is what gives life shape and meaning. 151 00:05:52,502 --> 00:05:54,419 I mean, if there aren't yetis or leprechauns, 152 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,504 what's the point of even getting up in the morning? 153 00:05:56,506 --> 00:05:57,789 I don't know. 154 00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,508 Wife, unborn child, drop a deuce? 155 00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:03,711 Lily, don't you think it's a bit narcissistic 156 00:06:03,713 --> 00:06:07,048 not to allow for something bigger than us out there? 157 00:06:07,050 --> 00:06:09,467 Something whose beauty and power 158 00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,686 and majesty humbles us? 159 00:06:11,688 --> 00:06:13,521 God? Werewolves. 160 00:06:14,306 --> 00:06:16,357 (crowd cheering) 161 00:06:16,359 --> 00:06:19,060 So, as the countdown to 212 continues, 162 00:06:19,062 --> 00:06:20,812 a quick warning, America: 163 00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,815 Tina Henderson is a soulless bitch 164 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:26,784 who will stomp on your heart. 165 00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:29,203 (crying): I need you back, Tina. 166 00:06:29,205 --> 00:06:31,122 I love you. 167 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,825 Well, if that's as bad as it gets, we might be okay. 168 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,943 Bathroom break. 169 00:06:37,162 --> 00:06:38,413 (unzipping) 170 00:06:38,415 --> 00:06:39,714 Oh, good. 171 00:06:39,716 --> 00:06:41,916 It's on the Jumbotron. 172 00:06:41,918 --> 00:06:43,384 Oh, finally. 173 00:06:43,386 --> 00:06:44,618 Yeah, that'll be 100 bucks each. 174 00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:46,471 What? You said 50. 175 00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:48,639 That was before the place got crowded. 176 00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:49,790 Okay? It's New Year's Eve. 177 00:06:49,792 --> 00:06:51,092 People get rowdy and break stuff. 178 00:06:51,094 --> 00:06:52,260 The cover protects us. 179 00:06:52,262 --> 00:06:54,729 Plus, you get these festive hats. 180 00:06:54,731 --> 00:06:56,797 For an additional 15 bucks. 181 00:06:56,799 --> 00:06:58,683 They're wet. 182 00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:00,268 Dry ones are 20. 183 00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:01,819 That's it. 184 00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:03,488 Don't bother, everybody. 185 00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:04,906 MacLaren's is a rip-off! 186 00:07:04,908 --> 00:07:06,157 (scoffs) You'd all be better off 187 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:08,476 coming upstairs to my place for a beer. 188 00:07:08,478 --> 00:07:10,745 Hey, dude. You serious? 189 00:07:11,646 --> 00:07:15,333 Ted, do you remember a couple yea ago, 190 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:18,652 we had the best idea of a time? 191 00:07:18,654 --> 00:07:20,004 We should buy a bar. 192 00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,507 Of course! We could buy a bar! 193 00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:24,292 The name of our bar? 194 00:07:24,294 --> 00:07:26,794 Puzzles. 195 00:07:26,796 --> 00:07:29,163 People will be like, "Why is it called Puzzles?" 196 00:07:29,165 --> 00:07:31,682 That's the puzzle. 197 00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:34,502 A bar where no one's overcharged, 198 00:07:34,504 --> 00:07:37,605 where everyone feels valued and respected. 199 00:07:37,607 --> 00:07:39,190 A bar... 200 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:42,193 where we get chicks drunk and bang them. 201 00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,145 We're opening Puzzles tonight. 202 00:07:44,147 --> 00:07:47,365 Of course we're opening Puzzles tonight! 203 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:50,851 Aren't you going to ask us why it's called Puzzles? 204 00:07:50,853 --> 00:07:52,453 Nope. 205 00:07:52,455 --> 00:07:54,322 Okay. 206 00:07:54,324 --> 00:07:57,792 ROBIN: Okay, we're back live in 30 seconds. 207 00:07:57,794 --> 00:07:59,160 I don't know. 208 00:07:59,162 --> 00:08:02,130 Uht's see if he's still wearing his mic. 209 00:08:02,132 --> 00:08:04,582 SANDY: Taxi, take me to Tina's house. 210 00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,250 50 West 67th. 211 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,802 MAN: Sir, this is a falafel stand, 212 00:08:07,804 --> 00:08:09,220 and you're sitting in the hummu 213 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,555 (sighs) 214 00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:11,923 Okay. 215 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,392 Run the montage of people who died this year until I get back. 216 00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:15,593 And add Sandy, 217 00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:17,812 because when I find him, I'm going to kill him. 218 00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,138 - Anyway, Dad... - Stop hogging Dad already. 219 00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:31,408 - I've got stuff to tell him, too. - Like what? 220 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,510 You're still living with Mom, and you have no job. 221 00:08:34,345 --> 00:08:35,645 Go ahead. 222 00:08:35,647 --> 00:08:37,681 So, anyway... 223 00:08:38,683 --> 00:08:41,401 July 8, 19. (screams) 224 00:08:41,403 --> 00:08:42,569 Cheyenne, Wyoming. 225 00:08:42,571 --> 00:08:45,405 A hunter spots a hairy form in the fore. 226 00:08:45,407 --> 00:08:46,690 Bigfoot. 227 00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:47,858 His story is dismissed 228 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:50,410 because, to be honest, he'd been drinking 229 00:08:50,412 --> 00:08:52,979 and had a history of mental problems. 230 00:08:52,981 --> 00:08:54,581 But was it a hoax? 231 00:08:54,583 --> 00:08:56,533 Or was it an enigma of the... 232 00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:59,035 It was an idiot in a gorilla suit. 233 00:08:59,037 --> 00:09:00,987 Enigma. Gorilla suit. 234 00:09:00,989 --> 00:09:04,174 Enigma! Gorilla suit! 235 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:05,825 Marshall? Marcus? 236 00:09:05,827 --> 00:09:07,928 What are you guys doing he? 237 00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:09,930 Having a private moment with Dad. 238 00:09:09,932 --> 00:09:13,016 No, I'm having a private moment with Dad. 239 00:09:13,018 --> 00:09:16,269 No, I'm having a private moment with Dad. 240 00:09:16,271 --> 00:09:17,854 ANNOUNCER: Touchdown, Vikings! 241 00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:19,672 (whooping) Boom! Yeah! 242 00:09:19,674 --> 00:09:21,108 (celebratory laughter) 243 00:09:21,110 --> 00:09:23,310 (laughter stops abruptly) 244 00:09:25,797 --> 00:09:27,164 Anyway, Dad, 245 00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:30,117 since it's still just the two of us, 246 00:09:30,119 --> 00:09:32,685 I'll go on. 247 00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:39,409 I've always envisioned Puzzles as a literary salon, 248 00:09:39,411 --> 00:09:41,545 where Gotham's intelligentsia hold court 249 00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:43,880 on art, philosophy and literature. 250 00:09:43,882 --> 00:09:45,382 Great. 251 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:48,418 And while you're distracting the nerds and fatties, 252 00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:50,703 I'll be in the VIP room getting it in. 253 00:09:50,705 --> 00:09:52,589 Uh, yeah, dude, I don't know 254 00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:55,258 where you got a velvet rope, but you can't 255 00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:57,394 use my room for anonymous sex. 256 00:09:57,396 --> 00:09:59,346 I'm kind of a neat freak that way. 257 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:01,214 Hey, guys, I have an idea for Puzzles. 258 00:10:01,216 --> 00:10:07,571 (inhaling through teeth) What if... What? 259 00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:09,489 Oh. Okay. I understand. 260 00:10:09,491 --> 00:10:10,890 But he we like your energy. 261 00:10:10,892 --> 00:10:12,637 How would you like to be our star bartender. 262 00:10:12,638 --> 00:10:13,387 (gasps) 263 00:10:13,412 --> 00:10:14,894 I've always wanted to be a bartender. 264 00:10:14,896 --> 00:10:16,196 It's just like being a therapist. 265 00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,843 You listen to people's problems, pretend to care, 266 00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:19,068 but you can drink openly, 267 00:10:19,168 --> 00:10:21,501 instead of having to hide your booze in a coffee mug. 268 00:10:21,503 --> 00:10:22,836 Great. Oh, check it out. 269 00:10:22,838 --> 00:10:25,422 We worked out a theme song for Puzzles. 270 00:10:25,424 --> 00:10:26,923 While I was carrying 100-pound kegs 271 00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:28,925 up four flights of stairs? Awesome. 272 00:10:28,927 --> 00:10:31,211 ♪ ♪ 273 00:10:34,382 --> 00:10:37,417 ♪ Puzzles is a place where people go ♪ 274 00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:40,387 ♪ To feel like they belong ♪ 275 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:43,523 ♪ Gonna take advantage of dumb drunk girls ♪ 276 00:10:43,525 --> 00:10:45,058 No, we're not. 277 00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:46,810 ♪ That would be wrong ♪ 278 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:51,531 ♪ A place where wit and wisdom bloom ♪ 279 00:10:53,284 --> 00:10:56,936 ♪A place to bang chicks in Ted's room ♪ 280 00:10:56,938 --> 00:10:59,573 - Not gonna happen. - We'll talk about it. 281 00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:03,910 ♪ At Puzzles, we all fit together ♪ 282 00:11:03,912 --> 00:11:06,246 ♪ And I'm the bartender! ♪ 283 00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,265 (inhales sharply) 284 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:09,583 I'll go get the other kegs. 285 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,584 Probably a good idea. 286 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:14,004 We got to work out some harmonies. 287 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:15,722 ♪ And I'm right here ♪ ♪ No, you actually down here ♪ 288 00:11:15,724 --> 00:11:18,058 Excuse me, sir? About the TVs, 289 00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:19,759 we in the middle burying my aunt, so... 290 00:11:19,761 --> 00:11:21,595 Oh I'm sorry. We'll keep it down. 291 00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:23,897 No, I just want to check out the score. 292 00:11:23,899 --> 00:11:26,233 Actually, I'm trying to have 293 00:11:26,235 --> 00:11:28,301 a private moment with my dad, so... 294 00:11:28,326 --> 00:11:29,487 Oh. 295 00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:31,821 It's just that I used to goto Vikes's 296 00:11:31,823 --> 00:11:34,574 with my aunt; may she rest in peace. 297 00:11:40,081 --> 00:11:42,082 Anyway, so back to my story. 298 00:11:43,618 --> 00:11:46,336 She also loved burgers. 299 00:11:50,841 --> 00:11:54,594 So now, back to my story. 300 00:11:54,596 --> 00:11:56,546 Aunt Laura sure loved a toasted bun. 301 00:12:02,219 --> 00:12:04,387 Tina, please tell me Sandy's here. 302 00:12:04,389 --> 00:12:06,640 Don't worry, he's here. 303 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:08,892 And we're back... together! 304 00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,227 He told me he loves me, he's sorry, 305 00:12:11,229 --> 00:12:13,396 and I'm the only girl for him. 306 00:12:14,515 --> 00:12:16,866 You know, since we'll here, 307 00:12:16,868 --> 00:12:19,069 and we're all horny... 308 00:12:20,788 --> 00:12:23,189 I don't know what went wrong. 309 00:12:23,191 --> 00:12:24,941 Well, proposing the three-way was bad, 310 00:12:24,943 --> 00:12:26,376 starting without us was worse, 311 00:12:26,378 --> 00:12:28,945 finishing in the hallway was the nail in the coffin. 312 00:12:28,947 --> 00:12:30,297 No! Stop drinking! 313 00:12:30,299 --> 00:12:32,582 I gotta get you back on air! 314 00:12:32,584 --> 00:12:34,200 But I'm single and ready to mingle! 315 00:12:34,202 --> 00:12:36,419 Hello, there. 316 00:12:36,421 --> 00:12:40,173 Oh, the Twitter-verse blowing up about 317 00:12:40,175 --> 00:12:42,258 a new apartment-themed bar called Puzzles. 318 00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:43,560 Why is it called Puzzles? 319 00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:45,312 That's the puzzle! 320 00:12:45,314 --> 00:12:48,014 Anyway, this VIP room has a maximum occupancy 321 00:12:48,016 --> 00:12:50,934 of two people including me, so eeny... 322 00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,820 and the rest of you may go. 323 00:12:54,772 --> 00:12:57,907 It's funny, but it seems each time 324 00:12:57,909 --> 00:13:01,027 I read James Joyce's Ulysses, 325 00:13:01,029 --> 00:13:03,396 it's a different book, 326 00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:06,533 begging the question: Has the book changed... 327 00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,952 or have I? 328 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,503 (belches loudly) 329 00:13:10,505 --> 00:13:12,038 (glass breaks) 330 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,741 Okay, people are getting rowdy and drunk and breaking things. 331 00:13:14,743 --> 00:13:16,909 I know this goes against the Puzzles mission statement 332 00:13:16,911 --> 00:13:19,462 you made me memorize, but we gotta raise our drink prices. 333 00:13:19,464 --> 00:13:22,182 All right, just a little bit so no one will notice. 334 00:13:26,420 --> 00:13:28,221 ALL: Boo! 335 00:13:29,306 --> 00:13:30,890 Poodles sucks! 336 00:13:30,892 --> 00:13:33,393 MARSHALL: And that's when the night turned to absolute crap. 337 00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:38,648 ♪ At Puzzles, we all fit together ♪ 338 00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:45,622 ♪ On sunny days or stormy weather ♪ 339 00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:49,626 ♪ So pull up a chair and sit'♪ 340 00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:52,379 (vomits) ♪ To share and stories to tell ♪ 341 00:13:52,381 --> 00:13:56,616 ♪ Puzzles is a place where everybody feels at home ♪ 342 00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:59,419 BARNEY: ♪ And we bang chicks in Ted's room. ♪ 343 00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:01,954 What-what do, what do, what do we do? 344 00:14:01,956 --> 00:14:04,090 MARSHALL: And so Puzzles got a bouncer, 345 00:14:04,092 --> 00:14:06,309 All right, you know what, you guys? 346 00:14:11,565 --> 00:14:12,606 No. No, no, no, no, no, you said double 347 00:14:12,607 --> 00:14:14,023 what MacLaren's was paying me. 348 00:14:14,802 --> 00:14:17,136 And why isn't anyone wearing the hats I brought up?! 349 00:14:20,257 --> 00:14:22,442 "November 14th...(shrieks) 350 00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:23,410 "1982. 351 00:14:23,412 --> 00:14:26,780 "Everglades National Park, Florida. 352 00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:29,649 "Five mysterious lights dance in the night sky. 353 00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:32,285 "A ray shoots down, lifting the park ranger, 354 00:14:32,287 --> 00:14:35,872 "who, to be fair, was going through a bad divorce 355 00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:40,126 and had a habit of lying to get attention." 356 00:14:40,128 --> 00:14:42,045 I hate this job, Sandy! 357 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:44,264 I went into journalism to make a difference, 358 00:14:44,266 --> 00:14:46,800 but you have made that impossible. 359 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:48,718 You know, to be honest, it hasn't been 360 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,687 an easy couple months for me. I've made mistakes. 361 00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:53,106 I've felt alone. I had to let go of dreams 362 00:14:53,108 --> 00:14:54,724 I didn't even know I had. 363 00:14:54,726 --> 00:14:56,943 So here's the deal: 364 00:14:56,945 --> 00:14:58,344 You're gonna get back on air 365 00:14:58,346 --> 00:14:59,979 and count us into a better year, 366 00:14:59,981 --> 00:15:04,567 because I just can't do 2011 anymore. You with me? 367 00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:06,986 He's not with me, is he? 368 00:15:13,305 --> 00:15:15,423 Anyway, Dad, where was I? 369 00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:17,368 You know what? Fine, get out of here! 370 00:15:17,370 --> 00:15:19,620 We don't need ya! 371 00:15:21,456 --> 00:15:24,425 And why doesn't anybody like these hats? 372 00:15:24,427 --> 00:15:28,429 I made these hats. 373 00:15:28,431 --> 00:15:30,097 It's because they' wet, Doug. 374 00:15:30,099 --> 00:15:32,716 Why are they all wet?! 375 00:15:32,718 --> 00:15:34,835 Were those our last customers? 376 00:15:34,837 --> 00:15:36,854 Let me go check the bathroom. 377 00:15:39,641 --> 00:15:41,275 (blows note on horn) 378 00:15:41,277 --> 00:15:43,527 You must be from the escort service. 379 00:15:45,013 --> 00:15:50,734 The scenario is high school wrestling match. 380 00:15:50,736 --> 00:15:52,736 (phone rings) 381 00:15:54,239 --> 00:15:55,188 Hello? 382 00:15:55,190 --> 00:15:57,791 So get this: I lost Sandy Rivers. 383 00:15:57,793 --> 00:15:59,793 Funny you should mention that. 384 00:15:59,795 --> 00:16:00,861 It's almost midnight! 385 00:16:00,863 --> 00:16:02,880 What am I gonna do, go on the air myself? 386 00:16:02,882 --> 00:16:06,050 Listen... Wait. Yeah, do that! 387 00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,718 No, I-I can't actually. 388 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,554 Yes, you can. It's what you really want and you deserve it. 389 00:16:10,556 --> 00:16:12,556 Kevin, that's not how it works. 390 00:16:12,558 --> 00:16:13,974 Sounds like that's your only choice. 391 00:16:13,976 --> 00:16:16,060 New York's a big city. 392 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:18,228 Sandy Rivers could be anywhere. 393 00:16:19,514 --> 00:16:22,416 And... wrestle! 394 00:16:23,985 --> 00:16:25,569 Hey. 395 00:16:25,571 --> 00:16:28,388 I'm sorry, baby. 396 00:16:28,390 --> 00:16:30,074 I just... I want our kid 397 00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,409 to believe that the universe is magical. 398 00:16:32,411 --> 00:16:34,445 You know, like my dad taught me. 399 00:16:34,447 --> 00:16:36,363 You know what my dad taught me? 400 00:16:36,365 --> 00:16:38,615 Nothing... 'cause he was never there. 401 00:16:40,835 --> 00:16:44,872 "June 22nd, 1996, Brooklyn, New York. 402 00:16:44,874 --> 00:16:48,742 "A man misses his daughter's high school graduation. 403 00:16:48,744 --> 00:16:50,961 "Later, she discovers her babysitting money 404 00:16:50,963 --> 00:16:52,963 "has been spent on a board game called 405 00:16:52,965 --> 00:16:55,966 Who Stole The Babysitting Money?" 406 00:16:55,968 --> 00:16:58,052 He never saw the irony in that. 407 00:16:58,054 --> 00:17:01,555 "December 31st, 2011. 408 00:17:01,557 --> 00:17:05,559 "A woman calls her father to tell him she's pregnant. 409 00:17:05,561 --> 00:17:08,645 says, 'Great. Thanks,' and hangs up on her." 410 00:17:08,647 --> 00:17:12,099 And after pushing her to call him, 411 00:17:12,101 --> 00:17:16,620 a Big Foot is discovered in her husband's mouth. 412 00:17:17,739 --> 00:17:19,940 I'm glad you're a believer, baby, 413 00:17:19,942 --> 00:17:24,661 but I'm never gonna believe in an "enigma of the mystical" 414 00:17:24,663 --> 00:17:27,831 unless I see it with my own eyes. 415 00:17:27,833 --> 00:17:29,750 Because the truth is, 416 00:17:29,752 --> 00:17:34,254 my father never taught me believe in anything but myself. 417 00:17:34,256 --> 00:17:38,092 Well, if it helps at all, I believe in you, too. 418 00:17:39,978 --> 00:17:43,013 Then there's a pretty good chance I don't exist. 419 00:17:43,015 --> 00:17:44,264 How dare you?! 420 00:17:44,266 --> 00:17:46,299 (chuckles) 421 00:17:48,086 --> 00:17:50,354 Oh, my God! 422 00:17:50,356 --> 00:17:53,190 This is Robin Scherbatsky filling in for Sandy Rivers. 423 00:17:53,192 --> 00:17:55,075 You know, America, 424 00:17:55,077 --> 00:17:58,412 tonight I've been groped, stepped in puke 425 00:17:58,437 --> 00:17:59,447 and until 10 minutes ago 426 00:17:59,448 --> 00:18:03,500 had no idea I would be on national television. 427 00:18:03,502 --> 00:18:04,718 That's my girl. 428 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,006 But that's the magic of New Year's. 429 00:18:07,031 --> 00:18:08,931 When that clock strikes midnight, 430 00:18:08,991 --> 00:18:10,424 we all get a fresh start. 431 00:18:10,426 --> 00:18:14,595 And I don't know about you, but I could really use one. 432 00:18:14,597 --> 00:18:18,465 And that magic moment starts in ten... 433 00:18:18,467 --> 00:18:20,167 nine... 434 00:18:20,169 --> 00:18:23,487 NARRATOR: That night became a turning point in Robin's career. 435 00:18:26,524 --> 00:18:28,392 But we'll get to that. 436 00:18:29,477 --> 00:18:31,028 They're nice hats, Doug. 437 00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:34,014 They're wet but they're nice. 438 00:18:34,016 --> 00:18:37,017 ...three, two, one. 439 00:18:37,019 --> 00:18:39,203 (all cheering) 440 00:18:41,206 --> 00:18:43,073 And that's the story of New Year's Eve. 441 00:18:43,075 --> 00:18:44,958 You know, I've been thinking 442 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,628 that the reason I got so intense with Lily 443 00:18:47,630 --> 00:18:51,131 about Enigmas of the Mystical is that, well... 444 00:18:51,133 --> 00:18:53,250 Could you pass the pickles? 445 00:18:54,919 --> 00:18:57,921 ...with you gone, I feel the mystical a little less. 446 00:18:57,923 --> 00:19:00,090 Can you hand me the chips? 447 00:19:00,092 --> 00:19:02,926 Sometimes I feel you a little less. 448 00:19:02,928 --> 00:19:06,713 That's why today was so important because I just... 449 00:19:06,715 --> 00:19:07,881 I needed to... 450 00:19:10,718 --> 00:19:14,905 Did you just open a beer on my father's headstone? 451 00:19:14,907 --> 00:19:16,406 Actually, it's a hard cider. 452 00:19:16,408 --> 00:19:19,660 NARRATOR: And just as he was about to lose it... 453 00:19:19,662 --> 00:19:21,445 Hey, Marvin, can you pass me a burger? 454 00:19:21,447 --> 00:19:22,863 Hey, not Marvin. Marshall. 455 00:19:22,865 --> 00:19:25,232 Sorry, it's just, you're so much like your pop. 456 00:19:25,234 --> 00:19:27,835 Your Uncle Marshall thought back 457 00:19:27,837 --> 00:19:29,786 to all those tailgates with his father. 458 00:19:31,572 --> 00:19:33,406 Hey, mind if I grab one? 459 00:19:33,408 --> 00:19:35,909 The more the merrier! All right. 460 00:19:35,911 --> 00:19:43,383 ♪ The time has come to heal our wounds ♪ 461 00:19:43,385 --> 00:19:50,757 ♪ The time has come, it's coming soon... 462 00:19:50,759 --> 00:19:54,061 And he realized that maybe private moments are overrated. 463 00:19:54,063 --> 00:19:55,312 You know what? 464 00:19:56,981 --> 00:19:58,365 The more the merrier. 465 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,034 Hey, guys. 466 00:20:01,036 --> 00:20:04,771 ♪ The time has come to heal the wounds. ♪ 467 00:20:07,909 --> 00:20:08,792 Happy New Year. 468 00:20:08,794 --> 00:20:10,544 BOTH: Happy New Year. 469 00:20:13,298 --> 00:20:16,650 January 1st, 2012, East Meadow, New York. 470 00:20:16,652 --> 00:20:20,320 A woman answers her door to find something more enigmatic 471 00:20:20,322 --> 00:20:22,956 and mysterious than Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. 472 00:20:22,958 --> 00:20:24,341 Dad? 473 00:20:24,343 --> 00:20:26,059 Hey. 474 00:20:26,061 --> 00:20:27,728 I thought you were in Chicago. 475 00:20:27,730 --> 00:20:29,580 I was. 476 00:20:29,582 --> 00:20:32,766 Great. Thanks. 477 00:20:32,768 --> 00:20:35,736 My daughter's having a baby! 478 00:20:40,074 --> 00:20:42,576 Did you drive all night? 479 00:20:42,578 --> 00:20:43,694 Yeah. 480 00:20:43,696 --> 00:20:47,080 Well, Teddy and I split the drive. 481 00:20:47,082 --> 00:20:49,950 This guy's a maniac behind the wheel. 482 00:20:51,286 --> 00:20:53,086 Congrats, Princess. 483 00:20:57,709 --> 00:20:59,009 Happy New Year, Dad. 484 00:20:59,011 --> 00:21:03,011 == sync, corrected by elderman == visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net