1 00:00:01,661 --> 00:00:03,796 Hey, guys. Where are Marshall and Lily? 2 00:00:03,798 --> 00:00:05,714 Something terrible happened. 3 00:00:05,716 --> 00:00:07,516 Are they okay? Are they in the hospital? 4 00:00:07,518 --> 00:00:08,784 No. 5 00:00:08,786 --> 00:00:12,821 Somewhere much... much worse. 6 00:00:12,823 --> 00:00:14,056 Long Island! 7 00:00:14,058 --> 00:00:15,557 Tonight, we're moving out there for good. 8 00:00:15,559 --> 00:00:19,111 Yeah. Here are your spare keys to our new house. 9 00:00:19,113 --> 00:00:20,512 Long Island? 10 00:00:20,514 --> 00:00:21,897 I don't understand. 11 00:00:21,899 --> 00:00:24,099 You can get spray tans here. 12 00:00:24,101 --> 00:00:25,184 I never let myself 13 00:00:25,186 --> 00:00:27,319 believe this day would really come. 14 00:00:27,321 --> 00:00:28,570 It's like when they canceled 15 00:00:28,572 --> 00:00:30,856 Party of Five for the second time. 16 00:00:31,825 --> 00:00:35,844 I mean when they... canceled sports. 17 00:00:35,846 --> 00:00:38,647 Guys, we'll still see each other all the time, 18 00:00:38,649 --> 00:00:40,148 and we'll talk on the phone. 19 00:00:40,150 --> 00:00:42,201 And I know people say that having kids means 20 00:00:42,203 --> 00:00:43,702 you won't see your friends anymore, but... 21 00:00:43,704 --> 00:00:45,254 Oh, God, this is good-bye, isn't it? 22 00:00:45,256 --> 00:00:46,622 No. Stop it. 23 00:00:46,624 --> 00:00:47,873 Guys, this doesn't 24 00:00:47,875 --> 00:00:49,124 change anything. 25 00:00:49,126 --> 00:00:52,378 We are only a 46-minute train ride away. 26 00:00:52,380 --> 00:00:53,512 Just pop out 27 00:00:53,514 --> 00:00:54,847 whenever you want. 28 00:00:54,849 --> 00:00:57,716 So... I guess this seat is open. 29 00:00:59,937 --> 00:01:01,937 I'll go get a chair. 30 00:01:04,057 --> 00:01:05,391 So that's it. 31 00:01:05,393 --> 00:01:06,842 No more Marshall. 32 00:01:06,844 --> 00:01:07,893 No more Lily. 33 00:01:07,895 --> 00:01:09,511 They're gone. 34 00:01:09,513 --> 00:01:11,513 Which means... 35 00:01:11,515 --> 00:01:14,182 no lame married couple 36 00:01:14,184 --> 00:01:16,902 shooting down all my amazing ideas. 37 00:01:16,904 --> 00:01:18,987 Guys, great news. 38 00:01:18,989 --> 00:01:21,964 I'm the new leader of the gang! 39 00:01:21,966 --> 00:01:25,966 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x14 ♪ 46 Minutes Original Air Date on January 16, 2012 40 00:01:25,991 --> 00:01:29,991 == sync, corrected by elderman == 41 00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:38,223 Marshall and Lily were almost done decorating their new home. 42 00:01:38,225 --> 00:01:39,925 I like it there much better. Yeah. 43 00:01:39,927 --> 00:01:41,042 There was only one problem. 44 00:01:41,044 --> 00:01:42,594 Wrong! 45 00:01:42,596 --> 00:01:45,046 This can't go here. 46 00:01:45,048 --> 00:01:47,149 Kids, when he found out she was pregnant, 47 00:01:47,151 --> 00:01:48,717 Lily's estranged father 48 00:01:48,719 --> 00:01:50,903 unexpectedly showed up on her doorstep. 49 00:01:50,905 --> 00:01:52,905 It was a gesture she appreciated. 50 00:01:52,907 --> 00:01:55,591 But after two weeks, they'd had just about enough. 51 00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:56,942 That has to go there 52 00:01:56,944 --> 00:01:58,827 to cover up the splintery floorboard. 53 00:01:58,829 --> 00:01:59,778 And you can't hang 54 00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:01,196 this picture here. 55 00:02:01,198 --> 00:02:03,665 This isn't plaster; it's dried toothpaste. 56 00:02:04,584 --> 00:02:07,436 Guys, you're so lucky I'm here. 57 00:02:07,438 --> 00:02:09,121 I grew up in this house. 58 00:02:09,123 --> 00:02:11,573 I know it like the back of my hand. 59 00:02:11,575 --> 00:02:14,293 And this lamp absolutely cannot be here. 60 00:02:14,295 --> 00:02:16,044 Why not? 61 00:02:16,046 --> 00:02:18,180 Blocks my view of the Widow Rodriguez 62 00:02:18,182 --> 00:02:20,349 doing her Jane Fonda workouts. 63 00:02:20,351 --> 00:02:22,267 Isn't she a little old, Dad? 64 00:02:22,269 --> 00:02:25,254 Oh, you didn't see her when I was a kid. 65 00:02:25,256 --> 00:02:28,457 In my mind, she'll always be 54. 66 00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:34,279 I know he means well, but I can't take it anymore. 67 00:02:34,281 --> 00:02:36,097 He won't leave, and-and he's acting 68 00:02:36,099 --> 00:02:37,933 like this is his house. No, I know. 69 00:02:37,935 --> 00:02:40,452 And these annoying notes he keeps leaving around? 70 00:02:40,454 --> 00:02:43,155 "I need absolute silence when practicing the drums." 71 00:02:43,157 --> 00:02:46,107 "Do not touch the fudge in my nightstand." 72 00:02:46,109 --> 00:02:48,794 "We need ant traps for my nightstand." 73 00:02:48,796 --> 00:02:51,446 I find myself hiding out here 74 00:02:51,448 --> 00:02:53,415 just because it's the only room in the house 75 00:02:53,417 --> 00:02:54,583 where he can't boss us around. 76 00:02:54,585 --> 00:02:55,801 Great news. 77 00:02:55,803 --> 00:02:58,286 I put new batteries in the old intercom system. 78 00:02:58,288 --> 00:03:00,472 Now we can communicate at all times. 79 00:03:00,474 --> 00:03:02,641 Mickey out. 80 00:03:03,626 --> 00:03:06,011 Look at what's become of our booth. 81 00:03:06,013 --> 00:03:08,347 Looks like my old shop teacher's hand-- 82 00:03:08,349 --> 00:03:10,999 just sort of missing something. 83 00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,734 Enough! 84 00:03:12,736 --> 00:03:15,153 I am sick of you two wallowing in sadness, 85 00:03:15,155 --> 00:03:16,772 instead of doing the healthy thing 86 00:03:16,774 --> 00:03:18,574 and pretending anyone who leaves you 87 00:03:18,576 --> 00:03:21,026 never existed in the first place. 88 00:03:21,028 --> 00:03:22,494 I hate to agree with Barney's 89 00:03:22,496 --> 00:03:23,645 near-paralyzing abandonment issues, 90 00:03:23,647 --> 00:03:25,030 but he has a point. 91 00:03:25,032 --> 00:03:26,198 You can't just stop living 92 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,983 because two of your friends moved away. 93 00:03:27,985 --> 00:03:29,368 Precisely. 94 00:03:29,370 --> 00:03:33,205 Now, as new group leader, I say we go out and do something 95 00:03:33,207 --> 00:03:35,624 that we never would have done with Marshall and Lily here. 96 00:03:35,626 --> 00:03:37,042 Ooh. 97 00:03:37,044 --> 00:03:41,880 Remember that amazing idea I had that one time? 98 00:03:41,882 --> 00:03:44,666 Let's go to a strip club. Nope. 99 00:03:44,668 --> 00:03:46,635 So what do you say? 100 00:03:46,637 --> 00:03:49,337 Let's declare our independence 101 00:03:49,339 --> 00:03:52,941 with an on-da-peen dance. 102 00:03:55,111 --> 00:03:56,395 On-the-peen dance. 103 00:03:56,397 --> 00:03:57,896 No, we got it. We got it. 104 00:03:57,898 --> 00:03:59,180 Let's go to a strip club! 105 00:03:59,182 --> 00:04:00,232 Well... 106 00:04:00,234 --> 00:04:01,516 I'm going to miss them anywhere. 107 00:04:01,518 --> 00:04:03,652 Might as well see some cans while I'm at it. 108 00:04:03,654 --> 00:04:04,853 I'll take it! 109 00:04:04,855 --> 00:04:06,622 Robin, Kevin, you in? 110 00:04:07,707 --> 00:04:09,491 Kids, early in any relationship, 111 00:04:09,493 --> 00:04:12,194 there's a phase where you don't say no to anything. 112 00:04:12,196 --> 00:04:14,930 Because you want to seem interesting... 113 00:04:14,932 --> 00:04:17,299 adventurous... 114 00:04:17,301 --> 00:04:19,051 and open-minded. 115 00:04:19,053 --> 00:04:21,169 I call it Early Relationship Chicken. 116 00:04:21,171 --> 00:04:23,388 Well, I'm open to anything. 117 00:04:23,390 --> 00:04:25,841 Oh, mos' def. 118 00:04:25,843 --> 00:04:27,709 So... So... 119 00:04:27,711 --> 00:04:30,062 I don't want to go to a strip club. 120 00:04:30,064 --> 00:04:31,597 I don't want to go to a strip club. 121 00:04:31,599 --> 00:04:33,815 But I don't want him to think I'm some prude. 122 00:04:33,817 --> 00:04:36,935 Man, we've been saying "so" for a while. 123 00:04:36,937 --> 00:04:38,937 Yeah! Yeah! 124 00:04:40,274 --> 00:04:41,440 Yes! 125 00:04:41,442 --> 00:04:44,159 Tonight is going to be legen-- 126 00:04:44,161 --> 00:04:46,445 Wait, are we sure it's a good idea to go to a strip club? 127 00:04:46,447 --> 00:04:50,332 Shut up, Lily! I'm in charge now-- dary! 128 00:04:52,051 --> 00:04:53,669 I've got no cell reception. 129 00:04:53,671 --> 00:04:55,287 I wanted to call Ted. 130 00:04:55,289 --> 00:04:56,371 This feels weird. 131 00:04:56,373 --> 00:04:58,073 The last time I lived this far from him 132 00:04:58,075 --> 00:04:59,124 was my semester abroad. 133 00:04:59,126 --> 00:05:01,126 You never did a semester abroad. 134 00:05:01,128 --> 00:05:02,577 That's what I called it when we lived 135 00:05:02,579 --> 00:05:04,446 on opposite sides of campus. 136 00:05:04,448 --> 00:05:06,465 Wrong! 137 00:05:06,467 --> 00:05:08,317 Please tell me you're not plugging that in there. 138 00:05:08,319 --> 00:05:11,303 Yes, Mickey, that's exactly what I'm doing. 139 00:05:11,305 --> 00:05:12,921 All right, fine. I won't say anything. 140 00:05:12,923 --> 00:05:15,440 It's... just that this was my room 141 00:05:15,442 --> 00:05:16,758 when I growing up, 142 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,977 so I know it a little better than you. 143 00:05:18,979 --> 00:05:21,763 Lot of great memories here. 144 00:05:21,765 --> 00:05:24,483 Mostly just discovering my body. 145 00:05:25,401 --> 00:05:26,702 That's it. 146 00:05:26,704 --> 00:05:28,036 Mickey, since you got here, 147 00:05:28,038 --> 00:05:30,322 you've been nothing but judgmental and pushy 148 00:05:30,324 --> 00:05:33,075 and strangely obsessed with your adolescent sex life. 149 00:05:33,077 --> 00:05:34,326 Tomorrow morning, 150 00:05:34,328 --> 00:05:36,111 you're out of here. 151 00:05:36,113 --> 00:05:38,279 Well, I-I've just been trying to help you... 152 00:05:38,281 --> 00:05:39,715 We don't need your help! 153 00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:45,286 I... 154 00:05:45,288 --> 00:05:46,972 Oh, it-it's okay, baby. 155 00:05:46,974 --> 00:05:48,807 It had to be done. 156 00:05:55,165 --> 00:05:56,765 Too bad the one person 157 00:05:56,767 --> 00:05:58,633 who could stop you from making mistakes like that 158 00:05:58,635 --> 00:06:00,502 was told he has to move out next month. 159 00:06:00,504 --> 00:06:03,338 Tomorrow! Tomorrow! 160 00:06:04,424 --> 00:06:06,474 Would either of you like a dance? 161 00:06:09,113 --> 00:06:10,612 I'm always ready to rock. 162 00:06:10,614 --> 00:06:13,448 And I'm always ready to roll. 163 00:06:13,450 --> 00:06:15,784 So... So... 164 00:06:15,786 --> 00:06:18,003 I'm not ready to rock. 165 00:06:18,005 --> 00:06:20,172 Rolling makes me dizzy. 166 00:06:22,008 --> 00:06:23,792 Hell, yeah! Yeah! 167 00:06:23,794 --> 00:06:26,845 I'm buying my man a lap dance, 'cause that's just how I do! 168 00:06:26,847 --> 00:06:28,496 Party like a rock star! 169 00:06:28,498 --> 00:06:30,615 Party like a rock star... 170 00:06:30,617 --> 00:06:32,217 Uh, hey, guys. 171 00:06:32,219 --> 00:06:33,468 It's Ted. 172 00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:35,170 Um... you're probably busy with the move still. 173 00:06:35,172 --> 00:06:36,438 Um... 174 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,391 Give me a call if you want to gab. 175 00:06:39,393 --> 00:06:41,727 Sorry about using the word "gab." 176 00:06:41,729 --> 00:06:44,062 Ted, stop pining over Marshall and Lily. 177 00:06:44,064 --> 00:06:45,981 Have some self-respect. 178 00:06:45,983 --> 00:06:48,516 Now, put this fiver in your mouth so... 179 00:06:48,518 --> 00:06:50,518 that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with... 180 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:51,737 Barney! Wh-what? 181 00:06:51,739 --> 00:06:53,121 I'm allowed to miss them, okay? 182 00:06:53,123 --> 00:06:54,456 They're my two best friends. 183 00:06:54,458 --> 00:06:55,957 I'm your two best friends! 184 00:06:56,859 --> 00:06:58,126 And we're here tonight 185 00:06:58,128 --> 00:07:00,695 to show you there's no need to miss something 186 00:07:00,697 --> 00:07:03,298 when you can replace it with something better. 187 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:06,134 Gentlemen, say hello to J-J-J-Jasmine! 188 00:07:17,513 --> 00:07:19,347 Remember her? 189 00:07:19,349 --> 00:07:22,350 - So, a while back, we discovered- 190 00:07:22,352 --> 00:07:23,851 Lily had a doppelganger 191 00:07:23,853 --> 00:07:27,388 who was a Russian stripper. 192 00:07:27,390 --> 00:07:28,923 Look at her, Ted. 193 00:07:28,925 --> 00:07:30,608 She's just like old, 194 00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:31,692 less-good Lily, 195 00:07:31,694 --> 00:07:33,027 but instead of bossing us around, 196 00:07:33,029 --> 00:07:34,278 she shows us her boobs. 197 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:35,846 No touching. 198 00:07:35,848 --> 00:07:38,149 Okay, a little bossing us around. 199 00:07:38,151 --> 00:07:40,151 I call her Better Lily. 200 00:07:40,153 --> 00:07:43,538 Hey, Better Lily, please dance for my friend. 201 00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:45,873 Barney, I don't need a lap dance. 202 00:07:45,875 --> 00:07:48,326 I need to talk to my friends. 203 00:07:48,328 --> 00:07:50,694 Who says you can't do both? 204 00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:52,380 Talk to her. She's got ears. 205 00:07:52,382 --> 00:07:54,531 Yes, she does have ears. 206 00:07:54,533 --> 00:07:56,584 You want to touch my girlfriend's boobs? 207 00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:58,052 50 bucks. 208 00:07:58,054 --> 00:08:01,722 Wait-- Better Lily is dating this behemoth? 209 00:08:01,724 --> 00:08:03,841 Sound like anyone you know? 210 00:08:03,843 --> 00:08:05,542 That's New Marshall. 211 00:08:06,478 --> 00:08:08,946 This is our gang now. 212 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,560 Hey, guys, Ted again. 213 00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:25,896 Starting to think you forgot about me. 214 00:08:25,898 --> 00:08:27,999 Or replaced me with some cool neighbor. 215 00:08:28,001 --> 00:08:29,450 What's his name?! 216 00:08:29,452 --> 00:08:31,235 I'm totally kidding. 217 00:08:31,237 --> 00:08:32,787 Anyway, uh... 218 00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:34,755 just trying to remember what your faces look like. 219 00:08:34,757 --> 00:08:36,674 Ted, when they serve alcohol at a strip club, 220 00:08:36,676 --> 00:08:38,376 you're not allowed to show your vagina. 221 00:08:38,378 --> 00:08:41,596 100 bucks, and you will see the world, my friend. 222 00:08:41,598 --> 00:08:43,881 They're already ignoring my calls? 223 00:08:43,883 --> 00:08:45,433 Look, I'm realistic. 224 00:08:45,435 --> 00:08:48,185 I knew I'd have to get used to going to the dentist alone, 225 00:08:48,187 --> 00:08:50,054 but I didn't think they'd cut me out completely. 226 00:08:50,056 --> 00:08:51,055 If they don't 227 00:08:51,057 --> 00:08:53,140 need us, we don't need them. 228 00:08:53,142 --> 00:08:54,942 Yes! Finally! 229 00:08:54,944 --> 00:08:57,812 By the way, did you see how she opened that bottle? 230 00:09:00,198 --> 00:09:01,666 Whoa. 231 00:09:01,668 --> 00:09:04,585 Lights out in the suburbs is... is really dark. 232 00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:05,936 Where's the fuse box? 233 00:09:05,938 --> 00:09:07,238 I don't know. 234 00:09:08,157 --> 00:09:10,074 I know where it is. 235 00:09:10,076 --> 00:09:13,744 Maybe I could fix it for you, if I wasn't so busy packing. 236 00:09:13,746 --> 00:09:15,112 You know what? 237 00:09:15,114 --> 00:09:17,114 I bet the fuse box is in the basement. 238 00:09:17,116 --> 00:09:18,633 I'll just... I'll go find it myself. 239 00:09:18,635 --> 00:09:19,967 How hard can it be? 240 00:09:21,137 --> 00:09:23,387 As hard as that desk you just walked into? 241 00:09:27,009 --> 00:09:28,592 Good burn, Mickey. 242 00:09:28,594 --> 00:09:31,562 You deserve a little nightstand fudge for that one. 243 00:09:31,564 --> 00:09:32,963 Where do I look? 244 00:09:32,965 --> 00:09:34,649 I mean, I can't look at her chest. 245 00:09:34,651 --> 00:09:36,017 Damn it! I just did. 246 00:09:36,019 --> 00:09:37,818 Maybe Robin didn't notice. 247 00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:40,637 Man, he's really up in those jugs. 248 00:09:41,690 --> 00:09:42,990 Shake it, baby! 249 00:09:42,992 --> 00:09:44,808 A playa's gotta play! 250 00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:46,277 This is weird. 251 00:09:46,279 --> 00:09:48,579 I'll just look her in the eyes. 252 00:09:48,581 --> 00:09:52,333 Is he falling in love with this stripper? 253 00:09:52,335 --> 00:09:53,650 Quick, do something cool. 254 00:09:54,503 --> 00:09:56,037 Make it rain, son! 255 00:09:56,039 --> 00:09:57,338 Money ain't no thang! 256 00:09:57,340 --> 00:10:01,258 Damn it, there was a 20 in there. 257 00:10:08,133 --> 00:10:10,000 Hello, Mr. Eriksen. 258 00:10:10,002 --> 00:10:11,602 From the sound of the wind chimes, 259 00:10:11,604 --> 00:10:13,854 I hear you've made it to the first floor. 260 00:10:13,856 --> 00:10:15,940 Okay... you know what, Mickey? 261 00:10:15,942 --> 00:10:19,643 You can save the creepy game master routine. 262 00:10:19,645 --> 00:10:22,563 It's only kind of terrifying me. 263 00:10:22,565 --> 00:10:25,032 Oh, but the game has just begun. 264 00:10:25,034 --> 00:10:27,851 I call it "Try Not to Bang into All the Furniture and Stuff 265 00:10:27,853 --> 00:10:32,356 on Your Way to the Fuse Box in the Basement, Marshall." 266 00:10:32,358 --> 00:10:34,625 That's just a working title. 267 00:10:34,627 --> 00:10:36,127 Hey! 268 00:10:36,129 --> 00:10:39,080 Got a little boob glitter on your eyebrow, Mac Daddy. 269 00:10:39,082 --> 00:10:41,031 Straight pimpin'. 270 00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:43,134 Barney, you got a little bit, too. 271 00:10:43,136 --> 00:10:45,386 Where? 272 00:10:46,922 --> 00:10:48,055 Did I get it? 273 00:10:48,057 --> 00:10:49,206 Yeah, you got it. 274 00:10:49,208 --> 00:10:50,808 Who needs Marshall and Lily? 275 00:10:50,810 --> 00:10:52,727 We got a new gang, 276 00:10:52,729 --> 00:10:55,312 and we're all going to hang out together forever. 277 00:10:55,314 --> 00:10:56,764 My shift is done. 278 00:10:56,766 --> 00:10:57,932 Good-bye. 279 00:10:57,934 --> 00:10:59,550 Wait, stop! 280 00:10:59,552 --> 00:11:02,052 Technically, this song's not over, so we still own you. 281 00:11:02,054 --> 00:11:04,155 Plus we're best friends! 282 00:11:04,740 --> 00:11:05,940 Where to next? 283 00:11:05,942 --> 00:11:07,441 We go to underground poker game 284 00:11:07,443 --> 00:11:09,777 in mostly-abandoned insane asylum. 285 00:11:09,779 --> 00:11:11,445 Yes! 286 00:11:11,447 --> 00:11:13,531 This is gonna be awesome, 287 00:11:13,533 --> 00:11:15,549 and when it is, I want you all to remember 288 00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:17,868 who led you there: Barney Stinson, 289 00:11:17,870 --> 00:11:19,754 new group leader. 290 00:11:30,098 --> 00:11:31,515 Yay! 291 00:11:31,517 --> 00:11:34,751 I'm winning all your chippies! 292 00:11:36,221 --> 00:11:37,772 Let's not drink when we're... 293 00:11:37,774 --> 00:11:38,773 I'm thirsty; it's good. 294 00:11:38,775 --> 00:11:40,107 It's good. 295 00:11:41,527 --> 00:11:42,977 Marshall, I just remembered 296 00:11:42,979 --> 00:11:46,030 I saw a box of matches in the drawer by the trash can. 297 00:11:46,032 --> 00:11:48,232 Okay, thanks, baby. 298 00:11:55,190 --> 00:11:57,374 Lily, I can't find them. 299 00:11:57,376 --> 00:11:59,710 Looking for these? 300 00:12:01,664 --> 00:12:03,464 Oh, right, you can't see me. 301 00:12:03,466 --> 00:12:07,384 Um, well, I'm burning the matches you so desperately need. 302 00:12:11,056 --> 00:12:13,274 Aah, ooh, ow! 303 00:12:13,276 --> 00:12:15,142 Ow. 304 00:12:15,144 --> 00:12:16,177 Hah! Oh! 305 00:12:17,346 --> 00:12:20,130 Mickey... guess who found the basement stairs? 306 00:12:20,132 --> 00:12:22,466 I'll be down at that fuse box in no time, 307 00:12:22,468 --> 00:12:24,801 and when I get there, 308 00:12:24,803 --> 00:12:27,971 I'm sure that I'll figure out how fuse boxes work, 309 00:12:27,973 --> 00:12:29,306 so it'll be fine. 310 00:12:29,308 --> 00:12:30,658 Hey, Marshall, 311 00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:32,910 I know I've been messing with you, 312 00:12:32,912 --> 00:12:35,312 but seriously, that second step, don't... 313 00:12:35,314 --> 00:12:37,414 I don't want to hear it, Mickey. 314 00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:43,420 Oh, my knee! 315 00:12:44,373 --> 00:12:45,372 Ow! 316 00:12:45,374 --> 00:12:48,592 And watch out for my drum set. 317 00:12:50,512 --> 00:12:52,179 I win again! 318 00:12:52,181 --> 00:12:53,430 I was bluffing. 319 00:12:53,432 --> 00:12:55,316 I didn't even have enough cards. 320 00:12:58,053 --> 00:13:00,003 Ted, please stop winning. 321 00:13:00,005 --> 00:13:02,556 Hey, look, it's the New York City skyline. 322 00:13:02,558 --> 00:13:04,558 ♪ We built Chip City 323 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:05,693 Uh, uh! 324 00:13:05,695 --> 00:13:09,029 ♪ We built Chip City on all your dough ♪ 325 00:13:09,031 --> 00:13:11,398 ♪ Built Chip City Hit it! 326 00:13:17,343 --> 00:13:19,343 You know Butterfly-knife. 327 00:13:19,376 --> 00:13:22,378 I'd expect this from Face Tattoo... 328 00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:24,197 or Jagged Cheek Scar, 329 00:13:24,199 --> 00:13:26,933 or Larry, 330 00:13:26,935 --> 00:13:27,767 but not you. 331 00:13:27,769 --> 00:13:29,668 Why don't I get nickname? 332 00:13:29,670 --> 00:13:31,137 Because you have too many things, Larry. 333 00:13:31,139 --> 00:13:32,355 You get one thing! 334 00:13:38,179 --> 00:13:41,347 See, that's why you bring New Marshall. 335 00:13:47,454 --> 00:13:50,356 We go to party in slaughterhouse. 336 00:13:50,358 --> 00:13:51,858 You come? 337 00:13:52,409 --> 00:13:54,293 Please, God, no. 338 00:13:54,295 --> 00:13:59,499 Don't let me be in charge of the gang anymore. 339 00:13:59,501 --> 00:14:01,918 I can't believe Dr. Kevin doesn't remember me 340 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,387 from our sessions three years ago. 341 00:14:04,389 --> 00:14:05,505 Is that the lunatic 342 00:14:05,507 --> 00:14:07,890 that stabbed all those prison guards? 343 00:14:07,892 --> 00:14:10,092 We gotta hit that party! 344 00:14:10,094 --> 00:14:11,427 I'll never find love. 345 00:14:11,429 --> 00:14:13,712 We got to hit that party! 346 00:14:13,714 --> 00:14:15,982 Sweet. 347 00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:18,851 Lily? 348 00:14:18,853 --> 00:14:22,438 I think we made a mistake moving out to the suburbs. 349 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,407 I miss our home. 350 00:14:24,409 --> 00:14:27,360 I miss our booth with our friends. 351 00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:33,082 And I'm pretty sure I have a drumstick... 352 00:14:33,084 --> 00:14:35,735 somewhere bad. 353 00:14:35,737 --> 00:14:38,070 Dad, why are you acting like this? 354 00:14:38,072 --> 00:14:40,239 Well, I was just trying to be helpful, 355 00:14:40,241 --> 00:14:42,625 but you guys want me out by the Fourth of July. 356 00:14:42,627 --> 00:14:43,676 Tomorrow. 357 00:14:44,596 --> 00:14:46,512 You know what a helpful father, 358 00:14:46,514 --> 00:14:48,965 not to mention grandfather, might do? 359 00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:51,517 Get these lights back on. 360 00:14:56,924 --> 00:14:58,558 Okay, Marshall, listen up. 361 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,643 I'm gonna get you to that fuse box. 362 00:15:00,645 --> 00:15:03,646 Can't you just come down here and do it for me, please? 363 00:15:03,648 --> 00:15:05,698 I don't know anything about this house. 364 00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:06,899 No, Marshall... 365 00:15:06,901 --> 00:15:10,152 you don't know anything about your house. 366 00:15:13,457 --> 00:15:16,609 All right, we got a lot of work to do. 367 00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:19,328 Wait here, we get you 368 00:15:19,330 --> 00:15:21,614 on VPI list for party. 369 00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:25,134 You give us, uh, $200 per person. 370 00:15:25,136 --> 00:15:26,335 Cover charge. 371 00:15:26,337 --> 00:15:28,754 That's pretty steep for a cover charge. 372 00:15:28,756 --> 00:15:30,923 Is very good party. 373 00:15:30,925 --> 00:15:35,828 Is party for, uh, New York "Yunkees" and Coca-Cola. 374 00:15:35,830 --> 00:15:37,179 Oh, my God. 375 00:15:37,181 --> 00:15:39,181 A Coca-Cola Yankees party? 376 00:15:39,183 --> 00:15:41,400 That sounds like a real thing. 377 00:15:44,021 --> 00:15:46,672 Okay, now, Marshall, take three steps forward, 378 00:15:46,674 --> 00:15:49,775 while ducking underneath the broken ceiling fan. 379 00:15:50,911 --> 00:15:52,011 Now look to your left 380 00:15:52,013 --> 00:15:54,030 and spit. 381 00:15:55,533 --> 00:15:56,666 That's the water heater. 382 00:15:56,668 --> 00:15:58,117 Want to stay away from that. 383 00:15:58,119 --> 00:16:02,371 That baby is hotter than the Widow Rodriguez in a unitard. 384 00:16:02,373 --> 00:16:06,509 Okay, now past the washer and dryer is the hardest part. 385 00:16:06,511 --> 00:16:09,845 You're gonna have to belly-crawl underneath the ping-pong table 386 00:16:09,847 --> 00:16:11,764 and don't so much as nudge it. 387 00:16:11,766 --> 00:16:12,848 Why not? 388 00:16:12,850 --> 00:16:15,685 Because there are 900 dominos set up 389 00:16:15,687 --> 00:16:17,520 in the shape of Barbara Eden. 390 00:16:17,522 --> 00:16:20,139 Big, big I Dream Of Jeannie fan. 391 00:16:24,194 --> 00:16:25,144 I'm clear. 392 00:16:30,618 --> 00:16:33,235 I don't know what that sound is, Mickey. 393 00:16:33,237 --> 00:16:35,354 That's the sound of Barbara Eden never banging me. 394 00:16:35,356 --> 00:16:36,405 That's what that is. 395 00:16:36,407 --> 00:16:38,324 Dad, get it back. 396 00:16:38,326 --> 00:16:41,460 Come on. 397 00:16:41,462 --> 00:16:44,046 Okay, Marshall, 398 00:16:44,048 --> 00:16:45,748 take three steps forward, 399 00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:48,167 and you should be at the fuse box. 400 00:16:48,169 --> 00:16:50,336 Do you think he made it? 401 00:16:53,924 --> 00:16:55,558 I did it! 402 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,009 No, Marshall... 403 00:16:57,011 --> 00:16:59,228 you did it. 404 00:17:01,682 --> 00:17:03,683 that night inspired 405 00:17:03,685 --> 00:17:05,851 Mickey's one and only successful board game-- 406 00:17:05,853 --> 00:17:09,689 ♪ With splintery floorboards and rusty nails ♪ 407 00:17:09,691 --> 00:17:14,193 ♪ Make sure you don't get impaled ♪ 408 00:17:14,195 --> 00:17:15,461 ♪ Lites Out! 409 00:17:15,463 --> 00:17:18,364 Brought to you by Aldrin Games! 410 00:17:18,366 --> 00:17:20,700 Well, judging from how many clients 411 00:17:20,702 --> 00:17:22,568 that hooker has serviced, 412 00:17:22,570 --> 00:17:24,170 I'd say we've been here almost an hour. 413 00:17:24,172 --> 00:17:26,288 Ted, we've been robbed. 414 00:17:26,290 --> 00:17:29,408 Better Lily and New Marshall would never rob us. 415 00:17:29,410 --> 00:17:31,327 They're our best friends. 416 00:17:36,767 --> 00:17:38,417 Damn it, Ted. 417 00:17:38,419 --> 00:17:40,886 New Marshall is an escaped zoo bear 418 00:17:40,888 --> 00:17:44,190 and the only thing that Better Lily is better at than our Lily 419 00:17:44,192 --> 00:17:45,891 is over-the-pants hand stuff. 420 00:17:45,893 --> 00:17:48,260 I'm assuming. 421 00:17:48,262 --> 00:17:49,445 I'll admit it. 422 00:17:49,447 --> 00:17:50,946 I can't lead this group. 423 00:17:50,948 --> 00:17:52,732 We need Marshall and Lily. 424 00:17:52,734 --> 00:17:54,600 But they're gone, aren't they? 425 00:17:54,602 --> 00:17:57,069 I mean, it'll go from seeing them a couple times a week, 426 00:17:57,071 --> 00:17:58,871 to a couple times a month, 427 00:17:58,873 --> 00:18:01,207 and then it'll just be holiday parties. 428 00:18:01,908 --> 00:18:04,076 Then the years pass, 429 00:18:04,078 --> 00:18:05,745 and you find out Marshall's dead, 430 00:18:05,747 --> 00:18:08,297 and you're there for Lily emotionally at first, 431 00:18:08,299 --> 00:18:11,617 but then it becomes sexual, and you feel guilty, 432 00:18:11,619 --> 00:18:14,587 but maybe that guilt just makes it dirtier and better... 433 00:18:14,589 --> 00:18:15,954 No, I won't let that happen. 434 00:18:15,956 --> 00:18:17,506 Especially that last part. 435 00:18:18,675 --> 00:18:21,126 Look, I know I've been a little drunk and naive tonight, 436 00:18:21,128 --> 00:18:22,178 but here's what's gonna happen. 437 00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:23,512 First, we're gonna leave a note 438 00:18:23,514 --> 00:18:25,564 for Better Lily and Arvydas, they're worriers. 439 00:18:25,566 --> 00:18:27,016 Oh, buddy. Then, 440 00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:29,769 we're gonna go see Only Marshall and One-Of-A-Kind Lily 441 00:18:29,771 --> 00:18:31,136 because they're our best friends 442 00:18:31,138 --> 00:18:32,471 and they're only 46 minutes away. 443 00:18:32,473 --> 00:18:33,739 Are you with me? 444 00:18:33,741 --> 00:18:36,025 Kind of resent the power grab, but okay, let's go! 445 00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,142 Hey, 446 00:18:37,144 --> 00:18:38,994 do you want to come to Long Island with us? 447 00:18:38,996 --> 00:18:42,448 Uh, well, still a few more hours before the sun comes up. 448 00:18:42,450 --> 00:18:44,166 So... 449 00:18:44,168 --> 00:18:45,751 No. No? 450 00:18:45,753 --> 00:18:46,652 Is that bad? 451 00:18:46,654 --> 00:18:49,371 No, it's great. 452 00:18:49,373 --> 00:18:50,840 Ooh, that felt so good. 453 00:18:50,842 --> 00:18:53,158 I hate doing things and going anywhere! 454 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,426 Oh, new experiences suck! 455 00:18:55,630 --> 00:18:57,847 While we're at it, I hate high-fiving you! 456 00:18:57,849 --> 00:18:59,014 I know. 457 00:18:59,016 --> 00:19:00,382 We're adults who are sleeping together, 458 00:19:00,384 --> 00:19:02,218 not teens pledging a frat. 459 00:19:06,973 --> 00:19:10,392 Oh, man, I really liked the high-five. 460 00:19:10,394 --> 00:19:14,680 The next morning, Marshall and Lily woke up to a surprise. 461 00:19:20,787 --> 00:19:23,772 Hey, what are... what are you guys doing here? 462 00:19:23,774 --> 00:19:28,160 Just wanted to make sure this key worked. 463 00:19:28,162 --> 00:19:30,529 We missed you. 464 00:19:30,531 --> 00:19:32,631 Give mama a hug. 465 00:19:33,717 --> 00:19:35,701 Oh... 466 00:19:35,703 --> 00:19:37,469 Don't check your voicemail. 467 00:19:37,471 --> 00:19:39,255 Y-You might have a couple weird ones. 468 00:19:39,257 --> 00:19:40,890 You hear this?! 469 00:19:40,892 --> 00:19:42,992 This is the sound of me moving on. 470 00:19:47,831 --> 00:19:52,101 Yeah, I'm a stripper. 471 00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:55,137 Okay, who wants pancakes? 472 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,441 Which two of you want pancakes? 473 00:19:59,443 --> 00:20:00,576 I'll make more. 474 00:20:00,578 --> 00:20:01,610 Oh, good-good-good, 'cause I want pancakes. 475 00:20:01,612 --> 00:20:02,695 There you go. 476 00:20:02,697 --> 00:20:03,946 Thank you, okay. 477 00:20:03,948 --> 00:20:05,381 Enjoy them. 478 00:20:05,383 --> 00:20:07,149 Hey, honey, look, 479 00:20:07,151 --> 00:20:08,617 I'm sorry I was a jerk before. 480 00:20:08,619 --> 00:20:11,003 Okay? I'll leave right after breakfast. 481 00:20:11,005 --> 00:20:12,671 I'll crash with some friends. 482 00:20:12,673 --> 00:20:14,123 Dad, you know what? 483 00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:15,407 You can stay. 484 00:20:15,409 --> 00:20:16,258 Oh, thank God. 485 00:20:16,260 --> 00:20:18,243 I got no friends. 486 00:20:18,245 --> 00:20:20,095 I'll be here two weeks, tops. 487 00:20:20,097 --> 00:20:23,132 It wasn't two weeks. 488 00:20:23,134 --> 00:20:24,917 Would the five of us always live 489 00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:26,852 within a few minutes of that booth? 490 00:20:26,854 --> 00:20:30,845 No, that's life, kids, but here's what I discovered. 491 00:20:31,923 --> 00:20:34,340 Our booth was wherever the five of us were together. 492 00:20:34,874 --> 00:20:38,874 == sync, corrected by elderman == 493 00:20:41,177 --> 00:20:42,861 That's right, Widow Rodriguez. 494 00:20:42,863 --> 00:20:44,196 Stretch it. 495 00:20:44,198 --> 00:20:45,847 Work those gams. 496 00:20:45,849 --> 00:20:47,716 Ooh, yeah. 497 00:20:47,718 --> 00:20:49,401 Grab that left arm. 498 00:20:49,403 --> 00:20:51,703 Clutch that chest. 499 00:20:51,705 --> 00:20:54,249 Fall down really fast. 500 00:20:54,514 --> 00:20:57,003 Oh, my God! Somebody call 911! 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net