1 00:00:01,688 --> 00:00:03,858 Kids, in the spring of 2012, visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com to download 2 00:00:03,860 --> 00:00:06,510 your Uncle Barney went off the grid for a couple weeks. 3 00:00:06,515 --> 00:00:08,548 So I was relieved when I got a text 4 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,217 asking me to come over to his place. 5 00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:11,852 Glad to hear from you, buddy. 6 00:00:11,854 --> 00:00:14,771 I was worried something bad happened... 7 00:00:15,773 --> 00:00:16,890 ...to you. 8 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,424 Welcome, brother. 9 00:00:18,426 --> 00:00:19,776 What is this? 10 00:00:19,778 --> 00:00:23,447 Ted Evelyn Mosby, 11 00:00:23,449 --> 00:00:24,698 you are about to be sworn to secrecy 12 00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:27,784 through the sacred vows of a Bro Oath, 13 00:00:27,786 --> 00:00:30,070 or "Broath." 14 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:33,957 Please, put on your "brobe." 15 00:00:33,959 --> 00:00:36,126 Yeah, I'm not putting on the "brobe." 16 00:00:36,128 --> 00:00:37,828 Ted, just... 17 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:40,280 just... Okay? 18 00:00:40,282 --> 00:00:43,500 ♪ Broooo... ♪ 19 00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:46,253 Wait, are they chanting "bro"? 20 00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:47,620 ♪ Bro... ♪ 21 00:00:47,622 --> 00:00:49,622 I got some local monks to record this. 22 00:00:49,624 --> 00:00:51,258 Yeah! I got a monk guy. 23 00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,259 Cool, right? 24 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:53,510 It actually is, yeah. 25 00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:54,728 I'll burn it for you. 26 00:00:54,730 --> 00:00:56,563 Just remind me after The Broath. 27 00:00:56,565 --> 00:00:59,149 Anyway, Ted Evelyn Mosby, 28 00:00:59,151 --> 00:01:04,470 this ritual forever binds you to keep a solemn secret... 29 00:01:04,472 --> 00:01:05,772 Which is? 30 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,407 I really like this Quinn girl! 31 00:01:07,409 --> 00:01:09,526 We've been spending tons of time together, 32 00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:10,977 and I want the gang to meet her. 33 00:01:10,979 --> 00:01:12,746 but I'm afraid they're gonna disapprove because, 34 00:01:12,748 --> 00:01:16,166 - well, you know. - I did know. You see, 35 00:01:16,168 --> 00:01:17,801 Quinn was a stripper... 36 00:01:17,803 --> 00:01:20,871 who had swindled Barney out of quite a bit of cash. 37 00:01:20,873 --> 00:01:22,789 We're inviting everyone to dinner at Quinn's, 38 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,508 and I want them to keep an open mind, 39 00:01:24,510 --> 00:01:25,992 which brings us to The Broath. 40 00:01:25,994 --> 00:01:29,129 Place your hand on The Bro Code. 41 00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,847 Yeah, yeah, yeah... 42 00:01:30,849 --> 00:01:32,999 Repeat after me. 43 00:01:33,001 --> 00:01:36,720 I, Ted Evelyn Mosby... 44 00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:40,974 "I, Ted "Why Did I Ever Tell You My Middle Name" Mosby..." 45 00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:43,610 ...solemnly swear not to tell our friends 46 00:01:43,612 --> 00:01:45,011 that Quinn is a stripper. 47 00:01:45,013 --> 00:01:47,013 "...solemnly swear not to tell our friends 48 00:01:47,015 --> 00:01:50,066 that Quinn is a stripper" who duped you out of lots of money. 49 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,651 You're only supposed to repeat after me. 50 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,153 "You're only supposed to repeat after me." 51 00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:54,154 - Stop it. - Stop it. 52 00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:56,489 Silence! 53 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:59,459 Look, I know that things started out sketchy 54 00:01:59,461 --> 00:02:01,795 with me and Quinn, but I really like her, so please. 55 00:02:01,797 --> 00:02:03,696 Do you, 56 00:02:03,698 --> 00:02:07,968 Ted Middle-Name-Omitted Mosby, 57 00:02:07,970 --> 00:02:11,221 swear to uphold this Broath? 58 00:02:11,806 --> 00:02:13,440 I do. 59 00:02:13,442 --> 00:02:16,476 Barney's dating a stripper who's gonna steal all his money! 60 00:02:16,478 --> 00:02:20,478 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x19 ♪ The Broath Original Air Date on March 19, 2012 visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com to download 61 00:02:20,499 --> 00:02:24,499 == sync, corrected by elderman == visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com to download 62 00:02:29,523 --> 00:02:31,575 Okay, time to go to Quinn's. Now remember, 63 00:02:31,577 --> 00:02:33,126 I told you nothing, okay? 64 00:02:33,128 --> 00:02:34,861 Barney really wants us all to like her. 65 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,246 But how can we? 66 00:02:36,248 --> 00:02:38,832 Quinn totally duped Barney, and he couldn't even see it. 67 00:02:38,834 --> 00:02:41,201 Well, apparently, the sex is mind-blowing. 68 00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:44,037 Ha, I've been there. Yeah. 69 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,672 I was once with this chick 70 00:02:45,674 --> 00:02:48,508 who answered the door wearing nothing but, uh, whipped cream, 71 00:02:48,510 --> 00:02:50,877 a dog collar and a hot pink thong. 72 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,095 Marshall, 73 00:02:52,097 --> 00:02:53,880 you can't tell sex stories 74 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:55,265 about "this chick," because 75 00:02:55,267 --> 00:02:56,749 everyone knows it's me. 76 00:02:56,751 --> 00:02:58,584 I'm the only woman you've ever been with. 77 00:02:58,586 --> 00:03:01,421 It's not fair, the guys are always telling their sex stories 78 00:03:01,423 --> 00:03:03,023 and I can top every one of them. 79 00:03:03,025 --> 00:03:06,226 Baby, you're like 20 slutty chicks all rolled into one. 80 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,478 Sweet talk is not going to change my mind. 81 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,763 Let's focus. 82 00:03:10,765 --> 00:03:12,115 Tonight, we want to make sure 83 00:03:12,117 --> 00:03:14,367 that Quinn is not out to scam Barney. 84 00:03:14,369 --> 00:03:16,453 So, when we walk back through that door 85 00:03:16,455 --> 00:03:18,822 three hours from now, we should all be able 86 00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:21,041 to answer one simple question: 87 00:03:23,044 --> 00:03:25,211 Do we trust this girl? 88 00:03:25,213 --> 00:03:26,413 Well, for one thing, 89 00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:28,298 she seems kind of controlling. 90 00:03:29,550 --> 00:03:31,451 Is it okay if I put out the hummus, bunny face? 91 00:03:31,453 --> 00:03:32,836 No, save it for dessert. 92 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,254 Idiot. 93 00:03:36,141 --> 00:03:38,174 Uh, ah... 94 00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:40,260 More red wine, beauty-swan? 95 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:42,795 She drinks a lot. 96 00:03:43,581 --> 00:03:45,398 Is it okay if I go pee, sugar lamb? 97 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,466 No! 98 00:03:46,468 --> 00:03:48,134 You just went three hours ago. 99 00:03:48,136 --> 00:03:50,103 You're right, baby bear! 100 00:03:53,909 --> 00:03:56,276 Yes, so Barney's whipped; it doesn't mean 101 00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:58,361 that Quinn is a con artist. 102 00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,813 Well, maybe we could've gotten a better read on her 103 00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:03,500 if two people hadn't gone off topic. 104 00:04:03,502 --> 00:04:06,036 By the way, Quinn, your apartment is amazing. 105 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,653 Oh, yeah, it's beautiful. 106 00:04:07,655 --> 00:04:09,923 I'm actually moving out soon. 107 00:04:09,925 --> 00:04:11,708 If you know anyone looking for a sublet, 108 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:12,676 this place is rent-controlled. 109 00:04:12,678 --> 00:04:14,344 You would not believe what I pay. 110 00:04:14,346 --> 00:04:16,162 Kids, things have been tense 111 00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:17,797 between Robin and I for weeks. 112 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,516 Ever since she moved out, 113 00:04:19,518 --> 00:04:22,102 and I gave the apartment to Marshall and Lily, 114 00:04:22,104 --> 00:04:24,688 I'd been crashing in university housing. 115 00:04:24,690 --> 00:04:26,856 It's 10:00, damn it. 116 00:04:26,858 --> 00:04:28,341 Ned, Martin and Millie, 117 00:04:28,343 --> 00:04:30,009 people are trying to sleep! 118 00:04:30,011 --> 00:04:33,113 Hey, you were young like us once, right? 119 00:04:33,115 --> 00:04:36,483 I was never like you guys. 120 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,703 And Robin was staying with her coworker, Patrice. 121 00:04:39,705 --> 00:04:41,454 You seem so down today, Robin. 122 00:04:41,456 --> 00:04:42,906 I made you cookies. 123 00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:45,525 Damn it, Patrice, stop smothering me! 124 00:04:46,794 --> 00:04:49,212 So, when Quinn said her apartment was available... 125 00:04:51,198 --> 00:04:52,499 It's mine! It's mine! It's mine! 126 00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:53,633 Dibs! Dibs! Dibs! 127 00:04:53,635 --> 00:04:56,636 We got off topic? What about Marshall? 128 00:04:56,638 --> 00:04:58,338 Hey, I was just going along with 129 00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,557 whoever suggested we play that game. 130 00:05:00,559 --> 00:05:01,841 Hey, let's play a game! 131 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:04,427 Uh, craziest sex-in-public story; I'll start. 132 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:06,229 I was once with this chick 133 00:05:06,231 --> 00:05:08,648 who loved to get freaky in elevators. 134 00:05:08,650 --> 00:05:10,049 Doors would close; suddenly, 135 00:05:10,051 --> 00:05:13,269 she's panting on all fours like a dog in heat. 136 00:05:15,456 --> 00:05:17,357 Marshall, stop. 137 00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:18,942 I never said that it was you. 138 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:20,944 Okay, so anyway, last August, 139 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,163 I go bareback with this same slut. 140 00:05:23,165 --> 00:05:26,116 She get's pregnant; bitch is even hornier. 141 00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:28,901 Oh, yeah? I was once with this dude 142 00:05:28,903 --> 00:05:31,037 who I caught eating a sandwich during sex. 143 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,505 Big ol' meatball 144 00:05:32,507 --> 00:05:34,507 falls out, lands on my back, 145 00:05:34,509 --> 00:05:36,742 rolls on to the elevator floor. 146 00:05:36,744 --> 00:05:38,911 Hmm. Disgusting, right? 147 00:05:39,597 --> 00:05:42,682 What, I never said it was you. 148 00:05:42,684 --> 00:05:45,885 Yeah, sorry we didn't stay as laser-focused as you guys. 149 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:48,254 Hey, at least I got some evidence. 150 00:05:48,256 --> 00:05:50,857 Look what I found in Quinn's bedroom. 151 00:05:50,859 --> 00:05:52,776 Barney's taking her to Hawaii. 152 00:05:52,778 --> 00:05:54,694 Lily, you snooped through her stuff? 153 00:05:54,696 --> 00:05:56,980 No. It's like the first thing you see 154 00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,699 when you jimmy open her desk drawer with a letter opener 155 00:05:59,701 --> 00:06:02,435 her grandfather left her, according to her diary. 156 00:06:02,437 --> 00:06:03,870 First-class tickets, 157 00:06:03,872 --> 00:06:06,239 a four-star hotel-- this cost Barney a fortune. 158 00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:09,942 Yeah, this proves that Quinn is totally using him for his money. 159 00:06:09,944 --> 00:06:11,444 You know what Lily, enough. 160 00:06:11,446 --> 00:06:13,946 Guys, even if you're right about Quinn, this is Barney. 161 00:06:13,948 --> 00:06:15,081 He'll come to his senses. 162 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,584 I give this whole thing a week, two weeks, tops. 163 00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,969 And now, we have an announcement. 164 00:06:19,971 --> 00:06:20,753 Can I tell them? 165 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:22,422 No. 166 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:23,590 We're moving in together We're m... 167 00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:27,310 Congrats! That's great. So happy for you. 168 00:06:27,312 --> 00:06:28,961 We gotta end this. 169 00:06:28,963 --> 00:06:30,997 Yup. 170 00:06:33,951 --> 00:06:35,484 Kids, as you'll recall, 171 00:06:35,557 --> 00:06:38,341 our gang had a subtle way of letting someone know 172 00:06:38,343 --> 00:06:40,126 they were making a mistake. 173 00:06:41,748 --> 00:06:42,931 Where have you been? 174 00:06:43,218 --> 00:06:45,302 Oh, worth it. Hang on. 175 00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:47,421 Hey. 176 00:06:53,811 --> 00:06:56,046 You know we would've hated ourselves, right? 177 00:06:57,732 --> 00:06:59,382 So, 178 00:06:59,384 --> 00:07:02,352 did Robin tell you the incredibly devious thing she did today? 179 00:07:02,354 --> 00:07:03,537 Me?! 180 00:07:04,555 --> 00:07:06,907 Hey, so I just happened to be in the neighborhood 181 00:07:06,909 --> 00:07:09,693 and I thought, "Man, Quinn is in such great shape, 182 00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:11,561 she must love fruit." 183 00:07:12,448 --> 00:07:14,247 So, unrelated, 184 00:07:14,249 --> 00:07:15,999 how's the search for a sub-letter going? 185 00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:19,503 This is such a weird coincidence! 186 00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,788 Robin also "just happened" to be in the neighborhood 187 00:07:21,790 --> 00:07:25,575 with a bottle of wine and her credit scores. 188 00:07:31,683 --> 00:07:33,300 I can't believe you two. 189 00:07:33,302 --> 00:07:35,602 What do you care about more, protecting your friend 190 00:07:35,604 --> 00:07:38,388 from getting hurt or scoring this girl's apartment? 191 00:07:38,390 --> 00:07:39,973 There's a working fireplace! 192 00:07:39,975 --> 00:07:42,726 Patrice is ironing my pants all wrong! 193 00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:44,561 You guys should be ashamed. 194 00:07:44,563 --> 00:07:46,363 Speaking of shame, 195 00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:48,932 I was once with this chick who liked to do hand stuff 196 00:07:48,934 --> 00:07:50,650 underneath a jacket while we were all 197 00:07:50,652 --> 00:07:52,452 sitting around our favorite booth at MacLaren's. 198 00:07:52,454 --> 00:07:53,620 Gross. 199 00:07:53,622 --> 00:07:55,455 We share appetizers. 200 00:07:55,457 --> 00:07:58,208 Okay, well, I was once with a dude 201 00:07:58,210 --> 00:08:00,777 who couldn't even fantasize about a three-way. 202 00:08:00,779 --> 00:08:03,080 He was all, "Ew, she's your best friend." 203 00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,047 What now? 204 00:08:04,049 --> 00:08:05,465 I was once with a chick who wanted 205 00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:08,552 to get it on during a school production of Peter Pan. 206 00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:10,604 Well, I... Wait, that wasn't me. 207 00:08:11,889 --> 00:08:13,890 So, back to Patrice and this ironing issue... 208 00:08:13,892 --> 00:08:16,593 I thought I was the first girl you ever did anything with. 209 00:08:16,595 --> 00:08:18,011 Anything serious. 210 00:08:18,013 --> 00:08:19,563 Please don't tell me that you're jealous of me getting 211 00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:22,816 to second base in tenth grade with Jenna Cristalli. 212 00:08:22,818 --> 00:08:26,103 Don't say that whore's name in front of our baby. 213 00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,488 What's going on? 214 00:08:29,690 --> 00:08:32,325 Barney, this in an intervention. 215 00:08:34,312 --> 00:08:36,146 A "Quinntervention." 216 00:08:36,148 --> 00:08:40,316 You and Quinn are moving really fast, and we don't trust her. 217 00:08:40,318 --> 00:08:42,352 We're just looking out for your best interests. 218 00:08:45,257 --> 00:08:47,858 "Quinn-terests." 219 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:50,093 I don't understand. Wh... 220 00:08:50,095 --> 00:08:51,845 Wait a sec. 221 00:08:51,847 --> 00:08:54,264 Ted Evelyn Mosby... 222 00:08:54,266 --> 00:08:56,883 you broke The Broath. 223 00:08:56,885 --> 00:08:58,468 How dare you?! 224 00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:02,806 A Broath is the most sacred bond between-- okay, yeah, I did. 225 00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:05,675 Are you aware that breaking a Broath 226 00:09:05,677 --> 00:09:09,479 can have deadly, even fatal repercussions? 227 00:09:09,481 --> 00:09:11,515 Have you studied history, Ted? 228 00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:13,183 Extensively. But I'm a little shaky 229 00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:14,517 on fake history, so... 230 00:09:14,519 --> 00:09:16,399 The tragic cost of a broken Broath 231 00:09:16,424 --> 00:09:17,038 Uh-huh. 232 00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:20,874 dates back to Ancient Bro-man times... 233 00:09:22,794 --> 00:09:24,795 Hey, Bro-tus, 234 00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:27,214 you'd tell me if, like, a bunch of dudes 235 00:09:27,216 --> 00:09:29,633 were conspiring to assassinate me, right? 236 00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:33,053 Um, totally, Caesar. 237 00:09:33,055 --> 00:09:35,472 Paranoid much? 238 00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:37,707 Just to be sure, 239 00:09:37,709 --> 00:09:40,060 can you swear a Broath to me? 240 00:09:40,062 --> 00:09:42,345 Sure. I swear. 241 00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:44,714 Thanks. 242 00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:46,933 You've always got my back. 243 00:10:07,288 --> 00:10:10,540 Et tu, Bro-te? 244 00:10:14,662 --> 00:10:17,430 And then he banged, like, a hundred chicks 245 00:10:17,432 --> 00:10:19,599 and invented a salad. 246 00:10:19,601 --> 00:10:21,084 True story. 247 00:10:21,086 --> 00:10:24,187 Well, Quinn lied to you; she manipulated you. 248 00:10:24,189 --> 00:10:25,856 What if she's just using you? 249 00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:27,274 She's not just using me. 250 00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:29,092 What about the expensive trip to Hawaii? 251 00:10:29,094 --> 00:10:31,695 What expensive trip to Hawaii? 252 00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:34,030 The one I got for you. 253 00:10:35,049 --> 00:10:37,117 That was supposed to be a surprise for Barney. 254 00:10:37,119 --> 00:10:39,569 He asked me to meet him here. 255 00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:41,938 What's going on, you guys? 256 00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,790 Tell her. 257 00:10:44,876 --> 00:10:47,110 Fine, I'll fill her in. 258 00:10:47,112 --> 00:10:49,246 And I am so angry, 259 00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:52,415 I'm not even gonna make a joke about "filling her in." 260 00:10:52,417 --> 00:10:54,801 Which I did three times last night, self-five. 261 00:10:54,803 --> 00:10:57,470 My friends think you're wrong for me, 262 00:10:57,472 --> 00:10:59,422 so they're having an intervention. 263 00:11:01,977 --> 00:11:04,427 A "Quinntervention." 264 00:11:04,429 --> 00:11:06,096 I don't understand. 265 00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:08,848 Well, see, your name is Quinn, and so... 266 00:11:08,850 --> 00:11:10,517 I'll explain. 267 00:11:10,519 --> 00:11:14,738 I made Ted promise not to tell them what you do, but he did, 268 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,439 and now they don't trust you. 269 00:11:16,441 --> 00:11:19,943 Wow, that really hurts. 270 00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,127 But what's even worse 271 00:11:21,129 --> 00:11:24,314 is that you felt the need to lie about me. 272 00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:26,616 I'm not ashamed of who I am, Barney, 273 00:11:26,618 --> 00:11:28,651 but you clearly are. 274 00:11:28,653 --> 00:11:29,836 I'm not ashamed of you. 275 00:11:29,838 --> 00:11:32,088 I just didn't want them to judge you without... 276 00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:33,924 Maybe we are moving too fast. 277 00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,992 What? What is that supposed to mean? 278 00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:37,961 I don't think I can do this. 279 00:11:37,963 --> 00:11:41,348 Wait, are you ending things just like that? 280 00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,634 If you walk out that door, you prove them right. 281 00:11:44,636 --> 00:11:46,519 You prove that you're just some heartless stripper 282 00:11:46,521 --> 00:11:48,788 who never gave a damn about me in the... 283 00:11:51,008 --> 00:11:53,343 Don't call me. 284 00:11:55,814 --> 00:11:59,849 Wow. That was intense. 285 00:12:07,273 --> 00:12:09,758 We just destroyed what could have been 286 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,611 a once-in-a-lifetime shot at happiness. 287 00:12:12,613 --> 00:12:14,913 I know. I feel guilty, too. 288 00:12:14,915 --> 00:12:17,449 Fireplace, balcony, 289 00:12:17,451 --> 00:12:18,984 hardwood floors... 290 00:12:19,886 --> 00:12:20,919 Okay, I'll just say it: 291 00:12:20,921 --> 00:12:22,521 After everything that happened between us, 292 00:12:22,523 --> 00:12:23,572 I can't believe you wouldn't 293 00:12:23,574 --> 00:12:26,024 back down and let me have Quinn's place. 294 00:12:26,026 --> 00:12:29,027 Ted, can I talk to you out in the hall? 295 00:12:30,062 --> 00:12:33,415 Has it ever occurred to you 296 00:12:33,417 --> 00:12:36,368 that the last few weeks haven't been easy for me either? 297 00:12:36,370 --> 00:12:40,005 In the span of one day, my engagement fell apart, 298 00:12:40,007 --> 00:12:42,758 I lost my best friend, then I lost my apartment. 299 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,060 And-and now I'm about to lose my job. 300 00:12:45,062 --> 00:12:46,094 What do you mean? 301 00:12:47,247 --> 00:12:50,399 I-I've been completely distracted at work. 302 00:12:50,401 --> 00:12:53,802 And now my boss wants to see me Friday at 5:00, 303 00:12:53,804 --> 00:12:57,022 which, around the office, is known as "fire o'clock." 304 00:12:57,024 --> 00:12:58,807 I had no idea. 305 00:12:58,809 --> 00:13:00,075 How could you? 306 00:13:00,077 --> 00:13:03,395 The one person I want to talk to most barely looks me 307 00:13:03,397 --> 00:13:05,998 in the eye anymore, much less returns my calls. 308 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,451 Ted, I know it took guts to tell me you love me. 309 00:13:09,453 --> 00:13:13,271 And I-I know how much it hurt that I didn't say it back, 310 00:13:13,273 --> 00:13:14,873 but... 311 00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:18,810 Damn it, th-this sucks for me, too. 312 00:13:18,812 --> 00:13:21,546 And I-I miss you. 313 00:13:22,648 --> 00:13:27,953 Is there any way we can just... go back to normal? 314 00:13:27,955 --> 00:13:33,392 I don't think I can do normal anymore. 315 00:13:35,129 --> 00:13:38,764 Barney still isn't answering. 316 00:13:38,766 --> 00:13:41,633 We gotta go find him and apologize. 317 00:13:44,304 --> 00:13:47,823 Oh. I thought you were Quinn. 318 00:13:47,825 --> 00:13:50,075 Barney, we're so sorry. 319 00:13:50,077 --> 00:13:52,143 We never should've meddled like that. 320 00:13:52,145 --> 00:13:53,912 Can you forgive us? I don't know. 321 00:13:53,914 --> 00:13:55,697 You had no right to do that. 322 00:13:55,699 --> 00:13:57,499 How can we make it up to you, buddy? 323 00:13:59,536 --> 00:14:03,288 I, one of Barney's best friends... 324 00:14:03,290 --> 00:14:06,124 "I, one of Barney's best friends..." 325 00:14:06,126 --> 00:14:09,878 ...promise never to interfere with his personal life again... 326 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:14,116 "...promise never to interfere with his personal life again..." 327 00:14:14,118 --> 00:14:17,719 ...unless it's an issue of health, national security, 328 00:14:17,721 --> 00:14:19,521 or he's about to get up on a fattie. 329 00:14:19,523 --> 00:14:24,008 "...unless it's an issue of health, national security, 330 00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:27,011 or he's about to get up on a fattie." 331 00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:31,400 And now, to seal this sacred vow, 332 00:14:31,402 --> 00:14:33,201 the two ladies will kiss. Barney... 333 00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:36,020 The two ladies will kiss! 334 00:14:39,742 --> 00:14:41,293 Mmm. 335 00:14:42,528 --> 00:14:43,862 Lil... 336 00:14:43,864 --> 00:14:45,414 Okay. 337 00:14:45,416 --> 00:14:46,698 And now the gentlemen. 338 00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:47,966 Dude... 339 00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:50,335 And now the gentlemen! 340 00:14:50,337 --> 00:14:54,723 Let's just... This is silly. 341 00:14:56,642 --> 00:14:58,977 Don't-don't touch my face. 342 00:15:02,648 --> 00:15:03,882 I was going to say, 343 00:15:03,884 --> 00:15:05,550 "And now the gentlemen bump fists." 344 00:15:05,552 --> 00:15:07,352 How long you been holding back that one? 345 00:15:07,354 --> 00:15:10,605 Hot stuff, fellas. 346 00:15:10,607 --> 00:15:12,641 Did I see a little tongue in there? 347 00:15:13,526 --> 00:15:15,243 I don't understand. 348 00:15:15,245 --> 00:15:16,495 Well, if these two 349 00:15:16,497 --> 00:15:18,580 will keep their sweaty paws off each other 350 00:15:18,582 --> 00:15:19,831 for half a second, I'll explain. 351 00:15:19,833 --> 00:15:21,733 It all started a couple days ago... 352 00:15:21,735 --> 00:15:23,401 I want you to meet my friends. 353 00:15:23,403 --> 00:15:25,003 Should I be nervous? 354 00:15:25,005 --> 00:15:26,922 Is it like bringing me home to meet your parents? 355 00:15:26,924 --> 00:15:28,039 No, no, no. 356 00:15:28,041 --> 00:15:29,574 Much more stressful than that. 357 00:15:29,576 --> 00:15:32,010 You see, my friends, while awesome, can be presumptuous, 358 00:15:32,012 --> 00:15:34,346 meddlesome and downright destructive. 359 00:15:34,348 --> 00:15:36,765 When they learn what you do and how we met, 360 00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:38,216 they'll probably try to break us up. 361 00:15:38,218 --> 00:15:40,435 So let's have some fun with them. 362 00:15:40,437 --> 00:15:41,920 Mess with their heads. 363 00:15:41,922 --> 00:15:45,056 Are you saying... evil plan? 364 00:15:45,058 --> 00:15:46,691 Hells to the yes. 365 00:15:46,693 --> 00:15:48,894 My God, you're hot. 366 00:15:48,896 --> 00:15:49,928 Wait for it. 367 00:15:49,930 --> 00:15:51,613 Here's what we do. 368 00:15:51,615 --> 00:15:54,950 I'll make Ted swear not to tell anyone what he knows about you, 369 00:15:54,952 --> 00:15:56,601 and he'll cave immediately. 370 00:15:56,603 --> 00:15:58,687 Barney's dating a stripper who's gonna steal all his money! 371 00:15:58,689 --> 00:15:59,688 Next, we invite everyone over. 372 00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:01,323 I'll keep saying stuff like: 373 00:16:01,325 --> 00:16:03,291 Is it okay if I put out the hummus, bunny face? 374 00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:04,793 And I'll be the bossy bitch who says: 375 00:16:04,795 --> 00:16:07,329 No, save it for dessert, idiot. 376 00:16:07,331 --> 00:16:08,613 Nice. 377 00:16:08,615 --> 00:16:09,998 And, finally, we'll announce... 378 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,566 We're moving in together! 379 00:16:11,568 --> 00:16:12,918 I've got an idea. 380 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,586 Let's get your friends Ted and Robin 381 00:16:14,588 --> 00:16:15,887 fighting over my apartment. 382 00:16:15,889 --> 00:16:17,956 Wait, what does that have to do with you and me? 383 00:16:17,958 --> 00:16:19,474 Nothing. I just worship chaos. 384 00:16:19,476 --> 00:16:21,309 I can't handle how hot you are right now. 385 00:16:21,311 --> 00:16:23,512 Wait for it. Next, 386 00:16:23,514 --> 00:16:26,181 they'll try to talk me into dumping you. 387 00:16:26,183 --> 00:16:27,465 And I'll walk in on it. 388 00:16:27,467 --> 00:16:28,400 Then we pretend to break up. 389 00:16:28,402 --> 00:16:30,018 And when they crawl back, 390 00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:31,386 begging for forgiveness... 391 00:16:31,388 --> 00:16:33,522 I'll be the bigger man and let them off the hook. 392 00:16:33,524 --> 00:16:35,991 Or make the monkeys dance for you. 393 00:16:35,993 --> 00:16:37,943 God, you're smart! 394 00:16:37,945 --> 00:16:40,412 It's gonna be legen... 395 00:16:40,414 --> 00:16:43,198 I'm not waiting for it anymore. Mmm... 396 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,350 ...dary. 397 00:16:46,669 --> 00:16:48,987 My God, you two are... 398 00:16:48,989 --> 00:16:50,505 Perfect together. 399 00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:52,457 So you're not really moving in? 400 00:16:52,459 --> 00:16:54,009 Well, it started out as a joke, 401 00:16:54,011 --> 00:16:55,794 but the more we talked about it... 402 00:16:55,796 --> 00:16:57,345 The more excited we got. 403 00:16:57,347 --> 00:16:59,664 So, yeah, we are. 404 00:16:59,666 --> 00:17:02,767 You have anything to say about that? 405 00:17:02,769 --> 00:17:05,687 So happy for you. Congratulations. 406 00:17:07,607 --> 00:17:08,773 Thank you. 407 00:17:08,775 --> 00:17:10,275 Thank you. 408 00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:13,144 You two realize this means 409 00:17:13,146 --> 00:17:15,463 my apartment really is up for grabs, right? 410 00:17:16,866 --> 00:17:18,817 I'm sure I'll find something else. 411 00:17:18,819 --> 00:17:20,485 - Me, too. - Yeah. 412 00:17:20,487 --> 00:17:24,122 And that's the story of how we met Quinn. 413 00:17:24,124 --> 00:17:28,126 That Friday, I met Robin to see how it went at "fire o'clock." 414 00:17:28,128 --> 00:17:31,362 They promoted me to on-air talent. 415 00:17:31,364 --> 00:17:33,364 I'm gonna be Sandy Rivers' new co-host. 416 00:17:33,366 --> 00:17:34,699 Oh, my God! 417 00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:35,867 How'd that happen? 418 00:17:35,869 --> 00:17:36,918 Remember New Year's Eve? 419 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,370 When I filled in for Sandy, it turns out 420 00:17:39,372 --> 00:17:41,706 the C.E.O. of World Wide News liked me. 421 00:17:41,708 --> 00:17:43,207 He said I have "moxie." 422 00:17:43,209 --> 00:17:45,010 So he's a 1940s gangster? 423 00:17:45,012 --> 00:17:46,377 Apparently. 424 00:17:46,379 --> 00:17:49,213 And I got a big raise, 425 00:17:49,215 --> 00:17:52,651 so I'm taking this apartment on Central Park West, 426 00:17:52,653 --> 00:17:53,735 which means... 427 00:17:53,737 --> 00:17:55,103 Quinn's apartment. 428 00:17:55,105 --> 00:17:56,504 I already told her you'd take it. 429 00:17:56,506 --> 00:18:00,075 Wow. Thanks. 430 00:18:00,077 --> 00:18:01,076 Yeah. 431 00:18:01,078 --> 00:18:02,393 Hey, and congrats. 432 00:18:02,395 --> 00:18:04,145 You deserve it all. 433 00:18:05,231 --> 00:18:09,734 You know, I've been thinking about it, and... 434 00:18:09,736 --> 00:18:11,252 I can do normal. 435 00:18:11,254 --> 00:18:13,288 To back to normal. 436 00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:14,122 To back to normal. 437 00:18:22,548 --> 00:18:26,084 Uh... I-I should get going. Yeah. 438 00:18:26,086 --> 00:18:27,519 You've got a lot to do. Totally. 439 00:18:27,521 --> 00:18:28,920 So... Um, see you soon. 440 00:18:28,922 --> 00:18:29,754 See you soon. 441 00:18:29,756 --> 00:18:31,255 Yeah. 442 00:18:31,257 --> 00:18:33,558 We wouldn't see each other for a long time. 443 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,594 But I'll get to that. 444 00:18:36,596 --> 00:18:38,396 Listen, um... 445 00:18:38,398 --> 00:18:41,099 about me getting to second base in tenth grade 446 00:18:41,101 --> 00:18:42,433 with Jenna Cristalli... 447 00:18:42,435 --> 00:18:43,952 I don't know what you're talking about. 448 00:18:43,954 --> 00:18:46,454 I've already forgotten about that dumb hobag. 449 00:18:46,456 --> 00:18:50,274 Yeah, um, it didn't happen while we were watching Peter Pan. 450 00:18:50,276 --> 00:18:54,278 It happened while I was playing Peter Pan. 451 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,549 Here's a photo from the day I was cast. 452 00:18:57,551 --> 00:18:59,784 That's me in the middle. 453 00:18:59,786 --> 00:19:01,786 But then I had my growth spurt. 454 00:19:01,788 --> 00:19:05,140 By opening night, I was too big for the flying harness, 455 00:19:05,142 --> 00:19:07,308 and, well... 456 00:19:08,978 --> 00:19:13,765 I fell hands-first right onto Jenna Cristalli. 457 00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:16,851 The tissues in her bra saved me two broken wrists. 458 00:19:16,853 --> 00:19:18,269 I'm sorry. I just, I just wanted 459 00:19:18,271 --> 00:19:20,739 to have one cool sex story that wasn't you. 460 00:19:20,741 --> 00:19:24,025 Okay. Next time you tell it, you were in your dad's car, 461 00:19:24,027 --> 00:19:27,162 which you stole to go to a Metallica concert, 462 00:19:27,164 --> 00:19:31,332 and you got to third base with that slut. 463 00:19:33,202 --> 00:19:35,954 I was once with this chick... 464 00:19:35,956 --> 00:19:39,741 who is just the best wife ever. 465 00:19:43,212 --> 00:19:45,513 Thank you for being so cool about what I do. 466 00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:47,549 A lot of guys would be weird or jealous. 467 00:19:47,551 --> 00:19:48,683 Are you kidding? 468 00:19:48,685 --> 00:19:51,002 Who am I to judge anyone? I'm the devil! 469 00:19:55,224 --> 00:19:56,524 I mean, if you ever 470 00:19:56,526 --> 00:19:58,509 wanted to stop stripping, I'd support it. 471 00:19:58,511 --> 00:20:00,979 - If you wanted... to. - Uh-huh. 472 00:20:00,981 --> 00:20:03,114 So, you are jealous? 473 00:20:03,116 --> 00:20:05,200 What? No, no, not at all. 474 00:20:05,202 --> 00:20:07,202 I'm just saying, if you ever wanted to hang up 475 00:20:07,204 --> 00:20:09,904 the ol' G-string, I'd completely understand. 476 00:20:09,906 --> 00:20:12,791 Nah, I like taking my clothes off for money. 477 00:20:12,793 --> 00:20:13,825 Great. 478 00:20:13,827 --> 00:20:16,244 Let me... let me finish. 479 00:20:16,246 --> 00:20:20,865 Hypothetically, what would make you stop? 480 00:20:20,867 --> 00:20:23,134 Hypothetically... 481 00:20:23,136 --> 00:20:28,206 I would stop stripping if I ever got married. 482 00:20:28,208 --> 00:20:29,474 Good night. 483 00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:39,119 And then we agreed to "go back to normal." 484 00:20:40,499 --> 00:20:46,169 But I'm starting to wonder if we can ever really just be friends. 485 00:20:46,171 --> 00:20:51,591 Anyway, that's the story of me and Robin, 2005 to the present. 486 00:20:51,593 --> 00:20:52,926 What do you think? 487 00:20:52,928 --> 00:20:55,045 I think your stories are way too long. 488 00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:59,482 I feel bad for his future kids, dude. 489 00:20:59,484 --> 00:21:04,487 Hey, my kids are gonna love my stories. 490 00:21:04,489 --> 00:21:08,408 They're gonna... yeah, they're gonna love my stories. 491 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:12,433 == sync, corrected by elderman == visit tvshowslatest.blogspot.com to download 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net