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Kids, the summer of 2012
was the Summer of Love.
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Barney and Quinn,
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00:00:07,777 --> 00:00:09,861
me and Victoria,
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00:00:09,863 --> 00:00:12,146
Robin and Nick,
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Lily, Marshall and Marvin.
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Everyone was happy as can be.
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Which means there are
absolutely no good stories.
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00:00:21,791 --> 00:00:23,791
Let's skip ahead...
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00:00:24,627 --> 00:00:26,544
...to October 2012,
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00:00:26,546 --> 00:00:28,279
the official kick-off
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00:00:28,281 --> 00:00:29,464
of what came to be known as
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00:00:29,466 --> 00:00:31,466
the Autumn of Breakups.
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It all started when Barney
got a little friendly advice
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from a coworker.
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Get a prenup,
or I'll neuter you
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00:00:37,624 --> 00:00:39,390
before she ever
has a chance!
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00:00:39,392 --> 00:00:42,226
First of all,
if you have an onion bagel,
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you don't need
scallion cream cheese.
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Secondly, Quinn
is a great girl.
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I trust her.
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00:00:50,236 --> 00:00:51,969
Oh, Darlene was
a great girl.
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I trusted her.
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And then she took everything!
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My house, my car...
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00:00:57,744 --> 00:00:59,077
my dog Tugboat.
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I even lost out
with the kids.
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Full custody!
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00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:05,667
I got full custody
of those kids!
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Your kids are horrible.
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The worst.
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Barney, I watched as Darlene cut
everything good out of my life
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like a deranged surgeon
hacking out organs,
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and that's not a metaphor.
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She got one of my kidneys.
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That's her ringtone.
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I have nothing left
to give you, Darlene!
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00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:33,556
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x02 ♪
The Pre-Nup
Original Air Date on October 1, 2012
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00:01:33,581 --> 00:01:37,581
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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You won't believe
what Barney did today.
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You won't believe
what Quinn did today.
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Hey, you ready for lunch?
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You better enjoy signing
your name "Quinn Garvey"
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while you still can, right?
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Like, I don't know...
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here, here, here,
initial here...
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What is this?
49
00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:06,976
Oh, this is our prenup.
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Black or blue?
Totally up to you.
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Um, can I read it first?
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Can you believe that?
53
00:02:12,867 --> 00:02:14,600
He wants me to sign a prenup!
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Can you believe that?
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She wants to read it first!
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Just go ahead and sign.
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It's all pretty standard.
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"In the event of divorce,
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"Mr. Stinson is granted
weekly visitation rights
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00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:29,315
to Ann, Sarah and Molly."
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00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,250
You named our future kids?
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00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,586
That's actually pretty sweet.
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Those are Mr. Stinson's names
for your lady parts.
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It's important for the girls
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to maintain a relationship
with their daddy.
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You named her lady parts?
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Everyone does that.
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So... Lily?
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Snap, Crackle, Pop.
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Solid.
Wait.
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Is this prenup
in any way legit?
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I mean, so far,
it sounds a lot like
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00:03:00,164 --> 00:03:02,698
that bar napkin document you
make one-night stands sign,
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00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:03,999
promising not to get clingy.
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The Pre-Shtup, patent pending.
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God, I come up with
a lot of good stuff!
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Anyway, I realize
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00:03:09,824 --> 00:03:12,424
these aren't just terms
for divorce, so I ask...
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Are these rules for how I have
to behave in our marriage?
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00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,463
Rules?
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00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,832
Suggestions.
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00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:22,134
Rich people and celebrities
put stuff like this
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in their prenups all the time.
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00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:25,971
And those are
the marriages that last.
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I have to pay $2,000
every time I gain a pound?
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00:03:31,179 --> 00:03:33,696
Not every time.
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00:03:33,698 --> 00:03:35,865
Just if it shows up
at the weekly weigh-in.
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See, you can't do that.
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00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:41,654
"Miss Garvey must invent 12 new
sexual positions per year,
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00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:43,188
"at least ten of which
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00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:45,875
involve her doing all
or most of the work."
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You definitely can't do that.
Hm-mm.
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"Miss Garvey's breasts must be
enhanced every five years
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or 50,000 honka-honkas,
whichever comes first."
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That's actually not bad.
I'll allow it.
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That's repulsive.
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And, sidebar:
why do men think
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00:04:01,225 --> 00:04:03,092
women like to be
honka-honka'd?
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00:04:03,094 --> 00:04:06,228
What woman wants her breasts
squeezed like a seal horn?
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00:04:06,230 --> 00:04:08,731
Um... totally.
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00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:11,934
Lily like-a-like-a
the honka-honka.
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00:04:13,737 --> 00:04:16,822
"All hair below the neck
must be removed weekly."
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00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,491
Hey, you're gonna be thanking me
for that hair loss
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00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,560
during the weigh-in.
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00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,913
"Miss Garvey's parents
may stay at our place
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as long as they like."
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Well, at least that one's nice.
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"Provided they
each arrive in an urn."
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"Wives two through eight will
make a weekly chore wheel."
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00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,928
I'm sorry, I borrowed
a few sections
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00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:41,547
from a prenup I did
for a Saudi Arabian sultan.
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00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,515
I'll cross out
the extra wives stuff.
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00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,767
Unless...
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00:04:44,769 --> 00:04:46,969
Cross it out.
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My God! What the hell
does Barney think
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marriage is going
to be like, anyway?
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Just a healthy,
modern-day marriage,
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00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,845
based on mutual respect
between two equals.
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Ready for your wake-up
lap dance, Master?
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00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:01,767
Aren't you forgetting something?
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00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:04,403
Oh, my God, it's 9:00 a.m.
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00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:08,741
Legally mandated morning
pillow fight time!
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Best husband ever.
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00:05:13,764 --> 00:05:15,848
Best husband ever.
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Best husband ever. Aw.
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Best husband e...
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Sorry, sorry, we crossed
out the wives
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00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,640
two through eight stuff. Unless...
Nope.
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00:05:24,642 --> 00:05:27,559
Okay.
Don't worry. I crossed it out.
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00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,461
I didn't really cross it out.
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I can hear you.
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I'll cross it out.
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I didn't really cross it out.
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Hey, hey...
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Hey, guys, what's up?
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Oh, Quinn's pissed because
Barney wants her
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00:05:40,975 --> 00:05:42,658
to sign a crazy prenup.
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00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:44,360
But is it really crazy?
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00:05:44,362 --> 00:05:46,178
Yes. Well, I'm new to this
but guessing yes.
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Okay, look.
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Did I go...
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a speck of sand,
a fairy eyelash,
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a unicorn whisper
too far?
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Perhaps.
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00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,841
But can you tell me
there's nothing
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00:05:58,843 --> 00:06:01,660
in any of your relationships
you'd want to change?
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00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,296
No behavior you'd
want to outlaw?
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00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:06,265
No terms you'd
want to renegotiate?
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00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:09,668
Look me in the eye
and tell me I'm crazy.
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00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:10,853
You're crazy.
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00:06:10,855 --> 00:06:12,771
But a funny thing
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happened that night.
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Look, I'm not saying
he's right, but
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00:06:18,863 --> 00:06:20,729
Barney does have
a little bit of a point.
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00:06:20,731 --> 00:06:23,298
But on this one, he may have
a point. I mean, look...
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00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,818
the idea of renegotiating
the terms of the relationship,
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that's valid.
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No.
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00:06:29,573 --> 00:06:30,990
There isn't anything
about you
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that I'd want to change.
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Well, okay,
maybe a couple of things.
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Like what?
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00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,548
And just like that...
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one of these four couples
would break up
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the very next day.
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Okay, it wasn't Lily
and Marshall.
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One of these three couples
would break up
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the very next day.
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What happened?
So last night
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Nick was all like,
"Barney has a point
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00:07:03,003 --> 00:07:05,504
"about renegotiating the terms
of the blah, blah, blah,
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00:07:05,506 --> 00:07:06,838
blah, blah, blah."
Yeah, and Marshall
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00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:09,808
was all like, "Uh, I want
to blah, of the blah,
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00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:11,727
uh, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah."
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If I shut my eyes
it's like they're here.
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00:07:14,331 --> 00:07:15,731
They're just using
Barney's prenup
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00:07:15,733 --> 00:07:18,016
as a way to complain about us.
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I'm just saying, you've
forbidden certain things
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that I might like to revisit.
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00:07:22,322 --> 00:07:25,073
Marshall, you're not going
on a Sasquatch hunt
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00:07:25,075 --> 00:07:27,659
in Oregon
with a bunch of loonies.
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Loonies?
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00:07:29,029 --> 00:07:32,564
Those brave, bearded men and
women are crypto-zoologists,
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00:07:32,566 --> 00:07:35,667
and they deserve the respect
that title commands.
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00:07:35,669 --> 00:07:39,471
But that's not what
I was thinking of.
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You're too precious
with the baby.
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Okay,
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00:07:43,377 --> 00:07:45,343
when we first came home
with Marvin,
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00:07:45,345 --> 00:07:47,579
there was a bad moment.
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00:07:47,581 --> 00:07:49,631
Welcome home, buddy.
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00:07:54,188 --> 00:07:55,904
Was it really that high?
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I don't know. I was hormonal.
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00:07:58,442 --> 00:08:01,810
And suddenly, this primal,
protective mother voice
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00:08:01,812 --> 00:08:03,111
came out of me.
195
00:08:03,113 --> 00:08:05,530
Actually, it was two voices.
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00:08:05,532 --> 00:08:09,534
I seriously think one
was coming from my vagina.
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00:08:09,536 --> 00:08:11,570
Never do that again!
198
00:08:11,572 --> 00:08:14,772
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is the big deal?
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00:08:14,774 --> 00:08:17,242
My brothers and my dad
used to roughhouse with me
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00:08:17,244 --> 00:08:18,693
all the time.
201
00:08:18,695 --> 00:08:20,629
Welcome home,
Marshall.
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00:08:22,498 --> 00:08:24,666
Hi. Boys...
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00:08:24,668 --> 00:08:27,586
go long.
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00:08:29,006 --> 00:08:31,640
Stop!
Not in the house.
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00:08:31,642 --> 00:08:33,191
That's how lamps break.
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00:08:33,193 --> 00:08:36,328
Now go pass
that baby around outside.
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00:08:38,514 --> 00:08:40,515
Oh, fumble!
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00:08:40,517 --> 00:08:42,967
And I turned out
perfectly fine.
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00:08:42,969 --> 00:08:44,936
Marshall, this morning
you thought a ghost
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00:08:44,938 --> 00:08:46,521
made your toast.
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00:08:46,523 --> 00:08:49,107
I didn't put
the bread in.
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00:08:49,109 --> 00:08:50,859
You didn't put the bread in.
213
00:08:50,861 --> 00:08:53,695
You know what?
I will play with my son
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00:08:53,697 --> 00:08:55,980
however I see fit.
And you know what else?
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00:08:55,982 --> 00:08:59,484
You can honka-honka
yourself tonight.
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00:08:59,486 --> 00:09:01,319
Barney's prenup
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00:09:01,321 --> 00:09:03,655
ruined my night, too.
218
00:09:03,657 --> 00:09:05,874
Okay, uh, what behavior
219
00:09:05,876 --> 00:09:07,692
of mine don't you like?
220
00:09:07,694 --> 00:09:10,011
I'm talking about the TV thing.
221
00:09:10,013 --> 00:09:12,180
Okay, the TV thing
is an argument
222
00:09:12,182 --> 00:09:14,783
from, like,
three weeks ago.
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00:09:14,785 --> 00:09:16,184
Mmm.
224
00:09:19,690 --> 00:09:21,806
Uh...
225
00:09:21,808 --> 00:09:24,175
Oh, I'm sorry.
226
00:09:24,177 --> 00:09:26,027
Didn't realize it
takes 42 inches
227
00:09:26,029 --> 00:09:27,195
to keep you satisfied.
228
00:09:27,197 --> 00:09:28,513
The TV happened
229
00:09:28,515 --> 00:09:30,448
to be on.
I happened to glance at it.
230
00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:32,567
Does that make me so weird?
No.
231
00:09:32,569 --> 00:09:36,020
Not at all.
Thank you.
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00:09:36,022 --> 00:09:39,524
I may be a little weird.
233
00:09:39,526 --> 00:09:42,210
Mmm.
234
00:09:43,863 --> 00:09:45,130
Oh, yeah.
235
00:09:45,132 --> 00:09:46,364
I get...
236
00:09:46,366 --> 00:09:48,884
turned on
watching myself
237
00:09:48,886 --> 00:09:51,970
do the news during sex.
238
00:09:51,972 --> 00:09:54,606
Yeah, that's a little weird.
239
00:09:54,608 --> 00:09:56,808
Look, seeing myself
on TV makes me feel
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00:09:56,810 --> 00:09:58,393
confident and sexy.
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00:09:58,395 --> 00:10:00,929
And that is nothing to be
ashamed of, right, sisters?
242
00:10:03,349 --> 00:10:04,933
Never speak of this.
Ever.
243
00:10:04,935 --> 00:10:07,752
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
244
00:10:07,754 --> 00:10:10,355
There's more.
245
00:10:13,492 --> 00:10:15,577
Wait.
246
00:10:15,579 --> 00:10:17,996
So when you're doing the news
live at 7:00,
247
00:10:17,998 --> 00:10:19,864
you wink to future you
248
00:10:19,866 --> 00:10:22,217
watching the rebroadcast
at 11:00?
249
00:10:23,586 --> 00:10:25,787
Maybe.
250
00:10:25,789 --> 00:10:27,589
Never speak of this.
251
00:10:27,591 --> 00:10:28,790
Ever!
252
00:10:28,792 --> 00:10:30,742
You won't believe
253
00:10:30,744 --> 00:10:32,360
what Ted did last night.
254
00:10:32,362 --> 00:10:34,713
You said you were
happy to help him out.
255
00:10:34,715 --> 00:10:36,681
Well, now
I'm changing my mind.
256
00:10:36,683 --> 00:10:38,099
Sorry to interrupt, roomie,
but I am trying
257
00:10:38,101 --> 00:10:39,768
to make sausage.
Where do you keep
258
00:10:39,770 --> 00:10:42,120
your pig intestines?
259
00:10:42,122 --> 00:10:44,272
What's your ex-fiancé
doing at Ted's?
260
00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:47,142
Klaus came to me
a few weeks ago.
261
00:10:47,144 --> 00:10:48,627
Since we broke up,
262
00:10:48,629 --> 00:10:50,612
he lost his job,
he got evicted.
263
00:10:50,614 --> 00:10:52,430
He's miserable.
264
00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:53,982
I'm so sorry.
265
00:10:53,984 --> 00:10:56,067
If I could just take
a quick whore's bath
266
00:10:56,069 --> 00:10:58,770
in your kitchen sink,
then I will skedaddle.
267
00:10:58,772 --> 00:11:00,789
Oh, Klaus, I wish that
there was something
268
00:11:00,791 --> 00:11:02,207
I could do to help.
269
00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:03,375
There is,
270
00:11:03,377 --> 00:11:06,077
little lady.
I've got a guest room.
271
00:11:06,079 --> 00:11:08,630
You'll stay here
till you're back on your feet.
272
00:11:08,632 --> 00:11:09,998
Are you sure?
273
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,383
This is your apartment.
274
00:11:11,385 --> 00:11:13,535
Shh.
275
00:11:13,537 --> 00:11:14,803
Think of this as our apartment.
276
00:11:14,805 --> 00:11:16,004
Oh...
277
00:11:16,006 --> 00:11:17,289
Hero Ted.
278
00:11:17,291 --> 00:11:18,657
He loves that move.
279
00:11:18,659 --> 00:11:21,726
Yeah, for about five minutes,
then he gets hero's remorse.
280
00:11:21,728 --> 00:11:23,812
Danke schon, roomie.
281
00:11:23,814 --> 00:11:25,230
I will go get my things.
282
00:11:25,232 --> 00:11:27,632
Das is super-duper-duper.
283
00:11:27,634 --> 00:11:29,184
My ferrets will be so happy.
284
00:11:29,186 --> 00:11:31,987
They have been living
in an airport locker for weeks.
285
00:11:32,605 --> 00:11:33,805
Here comes papa,
children.
286
00:11:33,807 --> 00:11:35,273
I'll admit,
287
00:11:35,275 --> 00:11:37,742
there have been a
few awkward moments.
288
00:11:37,744 --> 00:11:40,445
You are going to love this.
289
00:11:40,447 --> 00:11:42,163
This is the popular
German situational-comedy,
290
00:11:42,165 --> 00:11:43,331
Strange Compatriots.
291
00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:46,317
Here we come.
292
00:11:46,319 --> 00:11:49,704
Ooh. Here's the thing
about this show, okay?
293
00:11:49,706 --> 00:11:52,123
One of them is very neat
294
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:55,844
und the other one
is very, very neat.
295
00:11:57,347 --> 00:11:59,330
Oh, Fritz,
kommen sie hier.
296
00:11:59,332 --> 00:12:01,549
Ah, Fritz...
297
00:12:01,551 --> 00:12:04,001
It's time to give Klaus
"das boot."
298
00:12:06,273 --> 00:12:08,506
Klaus?
299
00:12:08,508 --> 00:12:10,959
Wait, can-can you hear us
through the wall?
300
00:12:10,961 --> 00:12:12,494
Yes, I can hear you.
301
00:12:12,496 --> 00:12:15,196
I hear everything.
302
00:12:15,198 --> 00:12:17,048
That's it.
303
00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,200
Klaus, get in here!
304
00:12:19,202 --> 00:12:22,186
For God's sake.
305
00:12:22,188 --> 00:12:24,322
I want you out
of my apartment.
306
00:12:24,324 --> 00:12:28,743
You, those ferrets
and all five newborns.
307
00:12:28,745 --> 00:12:30,078
Six and counting.
308
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,546
Mama is still going.
309
00:12:31,548 --> 00:12:34,332
It is like a clown car.
310
00:12:34,334 --> 00:12:36,634
Suddenly, it wasn't
our apartment anymore.
311
00:12:36,636 --> 00:12:38,503
I had no say
in the matter.
312
00:12:38,505 --> 00:12:40,422
These guys are unbelievable.
313
00:12:40,424 --> 00:12:42,540
You know what,
I am gonna go home
314
00:12:42,542 --> 00:12:46,344
and watch the news
all by myself.
315
00:12:46,346 --> 00:12:47,562
Wait.
316
00:12:47,564 --> 00:12:49,214
I have an idea.
317
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:52,484
You know what?
318
00:12:52,486 --> 00:12:54,936
I'm on board
with the whole prenup thing.
319
00:12:54,938 --> 00:12:56,087
That's great.
320
00:12:56,089 --> 00:12:57,822
It's here to protect you,
too, sweetie...
321
00:12:57,824 --> 00:13:01,242
from becoming unappealing to me.
322
00:13:01,244 --> 00:13:03,862
Actually, I made my own prenup
323
00:13:03,864 --> 00:13:05,580
with a little help.
324
00:13:05,582 --> 00:13:07,031
Ladies?
325
00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:13,738
Go ahead and sign.
326
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:15,006
It's all pretty standard.
327
00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:18,877
This might not be the
best time to ask--
328
00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:20,929
I'm sort of getting
back in the game.
329
00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:22,580
The redhead with the baby,
330
00:13:22,582 --> 00:13:25,233
what's her situation?
331
00:13:29,785 --> 00:13:32,361
"In the event of divorce,
Miss Garvey shall get
332
00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:35,478
full custody
of Mr. Stinson's suits"?
333
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,063
Why?
334
00:13:37,065 --> 00:13:38,798
What would you do with them?
335
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:42,269
Nothing. I'd just sit around
and watch them go out of style.
336
00:13:42,271 --> 00:13:44,571
That is just sick.
337
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:45,939
Keep reading.
338
00:13:45,941 --> 00:13:48,224
"Mr. Stinson
is allowed to attend
339
00:13:48,226 --> 00:13:50,727
any function
at the Playboy Mansion."
340
00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:52,112
Well, at least that's nice.
341
00:13:53,197 --> 00:13:56,750
"Provided he arrives in an urn."
342
00:13:58,986 --> 00:14:01,154
Gentlemen, just in time.
343
00:14:01,156 --> 00:14:02,589
What are you bitches doing here?
344
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,374
Lily.
Oh, he's napping.
345
00:14:04,376 --> 00:14:06,075
It's the only time
I get to go blue.
346
00:14:06,077 --> 00:14:08,945
Barney texted us that you
guys were ganging up on him.
347
00:14:08,947 --> 00:14:10,730
So we're just here to ensure
348
00:14:10,732 --> 00:14:13,300
he doesn't sign anything
he'll regret.
349
00:14:13,302 --> 00:14:14,851
I'm sorry,
I don't think anyone here
350
00:14:14,853 --> 00:14:16,252
other than me is a lawyer.
351
00:14:16,254 --> 00:14:20,190
A well-paid,
successful lawyer.
352
00:14:21,442 --> 00:14:22,976
I-I'm a lawyer.
353
00:14:22,978 --> 00:14:24,945
Actually, we worked together
for years.
354
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,613
Back off, stretch,
I saw her first.
355
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,148
Hang on a second.
356
00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:30,784
"A half million dollar fine
357
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:34,321
"any time Mr. Stinson can't
'rise to the occasion,'
358
00:14:34,323 --> 00:14:37,857
cue sad slide whistle sounds"?
359
00:14:40,328 --> 00:14:42,612
Hey, what's this
about a shock collar?
360
00:14:42,614 --> 00:14:44,130
Ah, yes, we'll explain.
361
00:14:44,132 --> 00:14:46,333
Miss Garvey has
many attractive friends
362
00:14:46,335 --> 00:14:48,018
who will come to visit.
363
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,641
May I offer you
364
00:14:49,643 --> 00:14:51,777
goat cheese puff
pastries I made, mistress?
365
00:14:51,779 --> 00:14:54,980
As long as you can
do it quietly.
366
00:15:01,404 --> 00:15:03,605
Wait, I'm confused.
367
00:15:03,607 --> 00:15:06,575
If it's not around my neck,
then where's the shock collar?
368
00:15:08,194 --> 00:15:10,045
Oh, God.
369
00:15:10,047 --> 00:15:12,864
Oh, God.
370
00:15:12,866 --> 00:15:14,633
It's more
of a shock ring, really.
371
00:15:14,635 --> 00:15:16,201
Her idea.
372
00:15:16,203 --> 00:15:19,221
Little missy
is packing a brain, too.
373
00:15:19,223 --> 00:15:20,656
Okay, you know what?
374
00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:22,841
Since we're all pitching in,
375
00:15:22,843 --> 00:15:24,343
may I suggest a provision?
376
00:15:24,345 --> 00:15:25,727
In the event
377
00:15:25,729 --> 00:15:29,147
that you have a son,
Mr. Stinson is free
378
00:15:29,149 --> 00:15:31,567
to play with his child
however he sees fit.
379
00:15:31,569 --> 00:15:33,602
How about forbidding
your future husband
380
00:15:33,604 --> 00:15:36,738
from spiking his child
into his crib?
381
00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:38,991
How about a clause protecting
you from having to engage
382
00:15:38,993 --> 00:15:41,910
in a three-way with her
and whatever's on basic cable?
383
00:15:41,912 --> 00:15:45,447
Oh, yeah?
How about forbidding...
384
00:15:45,449 --> 00:15:47,449
I got nothing.
385
00:15:47,451 --> 00:15:50,202
How about a provision barring
any nudist German ex-fiancés
386
00:15:50,204 --> 00:15:52,454
from slapping his strudel up
and down your sofa?
387
00:15:52,456 --> 00:15:54,206
How about pretending
to be a hero,
388
00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:57,759
but then caving the moment
a ferret bite breaks the skin?
389
00:15:57,761 --> 00:15:59,544
The skin of my eyelid.
390
00:15:59,546 --> 00:16:00,912
That's how they kiss.
391
00:16:00,914 --> 00:16:01,964
Are you serious?
392
00:16:06,719 --> 00:16:09,271
Enough! Enough!
393
00:16:09,273 --> 00:16:10,856
You all have someone
who loves you,
394
00:16:10,858 --> 00:16:12,724
and you're screwing it up,
and over what?
395
00:16:12,726 --> 00:16:14,776
Who has the most power?
396
00:16:14,778 --> 00:16:16,261
That's not love.
397
00:16:16,263 --> 00:16:18,096
Love is trusting
someone enough
398
00:16:18,098 --> 00:16:20,365
to tell them
what's really bothering you.
399
00:16:20,367 --> 00:16:21,599
So that's what we're gonna do.
400
00:16:21,601 --> 00:16:22,951
You, start.
401
00:16:25,989 --> 00:16:28,407
When you got scared
about Marvin,
402
00:16:28,409 --> 00:16:31,043
it felt like
you were saying that
403
00:16:31,045 --> 00:16:33,745
I'm not as good a parent as you.
404
00:16:34,831 --> 00:16:36,214
You're an amazing mom,
405
00:16:36,216 --> 00:16:39,751
and I want to live up to that.
406
00:16:40,553 --> 00:16:43,922
Well, I probably have
trust issues
407
00:16:43,924 --> 00:16:46,124
because my dad
wasn't there for me.
408
00:16:46,126 --> 00:16:50,012
But I know that you'll always
be there to catch Marvin.
409
00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:52,931
You, next.
410
00:16:54,651 --> 00:16:57,703
Having Klaus back in our lives
411
00:16:57,705 --> 00:17:01,590
made me scared we're never
gonna escape the past.
412
00:17:01,592 --> 00:17:03,692
I only wanted to help Klaus
413
00:17:03,694 --> 00:17:07,746
because I feel guilty
about how happy I am with you.
414
00:17:08,731 --> 00:17:10,015
Next.
415
00:17:10,017 --> 00:17:13,168
I find you so sexy,
416
00:17:13,170 --> 00:17:17,356
it just hurt that you don't
feel the same about me.
417
00:17:18,841 --> 00:17:22,711
I get turned on watching myself
do the news during sex.
418
00:17:22,713 --> 00:17:24,179
Oh.
419
00:17:25,448 --> 00:17:27,049
Well, that's cool.
420
00:17:30,553 --> 00:17:32,854
Look at that,
no legal documents needed.
421
00:17:32,856 --> 00:17:34,773
Just honesty and vulnerability.
422
00:17:34,775 --> 00:17:36,007
That's love.
423
00:17:36,009 --> 00:17:38,110
You see, I once loved someone,
424
00:17:38,112 --> 00:17:40,195
only I didn't say it enough.
425
00:17:40,197 --> 00:17:42,731
Now I wish I could
say it every day.
426
00:17:42,733 --> 00:17:44,015
Hell,
427
00:17:44,017 --> 00:17:45,400
I don't care if it's crazy,
428
00:17:45,402 --> 00:17:47,452
I-I'm doing it.
429
00:17:47,454 --> 00:17:49,687
Hello, Darlene?
430
00:17:49,689 --> 00:17:50,822
Put Tugboat on the line.
431
00:17:50,824 --> 00:17:52,991
Hey, buddy.
432
00:17:52,993 --> 00:17:55,544
Hey, it's the man.
433
00:17:56,529 --> 00:17:57,996
And for a moment,
434
00:17:57,998 --> 00:18:00,465
all felt right with the world.
435
00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:01,866
But that very night,
436
00:18:01,868 --> 00:18:04,836
the Autumn of Breakups
would claim its first victims.
437
00:18:04,838 --> 00:18:07,422
...wish you a very safe
and pleasant evening.
438
00:18:07,424 --> 00:18:09,224
Good night.
439
00:18:09,226 --> 00:18:11,560
Good night.
440
00:18:14,814 --> 00:18:16,881
Good night.
441
00:18:16,883 --> 00:18:18,600
Good night.
442
00:18:18,602 --> 00:18:20,552
Gute Nacht.
443
00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:21,553
And you too, my babies.
444
00:18:21,555 --> 00:18:23,488
Oh, danke for the sweet
eye kisses.
445
00:18:23,490 --> 00:18:24,823
Ow.
446
00:18:24,825 --> 00:18:26,491
After you, sir.
447
00:18:26,493 --> 00:18:27,859
Ladies first.
448
00:18:27,861 --> 00:18:28,994
I insist.
449
00:18:28,996 --> 00:18:31,663
I insist.
450
00:18:31,665 --> 00:18:33,832
I'm not throwing mine out first.
I'm not throwing mine out first.
451
00:18:33,834 --> 00:18:35,951
You've slept
with half the women in New York.
452
00:18:35,953 --> 00:18:37,369
I'm the one who needs a prenup.
453
00:18:37,371 --> 00:18:39,538
You duped me out of
thousands of dollars.
454
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:40,905
I'm the one who needs a prenup.
455
00:18:40,907 --> 00:18:42,707
I just thought
of some more stuff to add.
456
00:18:42,709 --> 00:18:43,875
I'm not half finished.
457
00:18:50,767 --> 00:18:53,185
Let's dive in.
458
00:18:57,557 --> 00:19:00,475
It should be simpler than this,
shouldn't it?
459
00:19:00,477 --> 00:19:02,194
Yeah.
460
00:19:02,196 --> 00:19:05,096
Maybe it should be.
461
00:19:05,098 --> 00:19:07,833
Barney, do you trust me?
462
00:19:11,721 --> 00:19:13,955
No.
463
00:19:15,324 --> 00:19:16,858
Do you trust me?
464
00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:20,295
No.
465
00:19:22,882 --> 00:19:25,250
If we really need something
this complicated
466
00:19:25,252 --> 00:19:27,219
to get married...
467
00:19:30,490 --> 00:19:32,974
Yeah.
468
00:19:32,976 --> 00:19:38,263
♪ I was anxious to be found ♪
469
00:19:38,265 --> 00:19:42,350
♪ You can always go home ♪
470
00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:45,937
♪ To the safety of your cloud. ♪
471
00:19:45,939 --> 00:19:48,707
I'm sorry, buddy.
472
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,141
Hey, there's always
473
00:19:50,143 --> 00:19:51,976
wives two through eight.
474
00:19:51,978 --> 00:19:54,279
They sounded pretty hot
in your fantasy.
475
00:19:54,281 --> 00:19:55,864
All but wife seven.
476
00:19:55,866 --> 00:19:57,916
She was just there
'cause her dad was rich.
477
00:19:59,785 --> 00:20:02,170
Actually, I'm okay.
478
00:20:02,172 --> 00:20:04,822
I found out I'll never trust
someone enough to get married,
479
00:20:04,824 --> 00:20:06,575
and that's fine.
480
00:20:07,543 --> 00:20:11,129
My single life is,
and always will be,
481
00:20:11,131 --> 00:20:14,216
legen... wait for it...
482
00:20:16,085 --> 00:20:17,319
...dary!
483
00:20:17,321 --> 00:20:20,689
My wedding
is gonna be legendary.
484
00:20:21,574 --> 00:20:22,891
So, prenup?
485
00:20:22,893 --> 00:20:25,060
Not this time.
486
00:20:25,062 --> 00:20:27,746
Oh, hey you.
Ready for lunch?
487
00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:28,947
Totally.
488
00:20:28,949 --> 00:20:31,116
Mmm.
489
00:20:31,984 --> 00:20:34,152
Thanks.
490
00:20:34,954 --> 00:20:36,121
See, Tugboat?
491
00:20:36,123 --> 00:20:38,240
That's love.
492
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:40,796
Yeah.
493
00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:49,270
Okay, you see, Ludwig has
started to polish the doorknobs,
494
00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:52,805
but Wilhelm has
already completed this chore.
495
00:20:54,909 --> 00:20:56,642
Yeah.
496
00:20:56,644 --> 00:20:59,311
Ahh...
497
00:20:59,313 --> 00:21:01,881
You know,
498
00:21:01,883 --> 00:21:03,148
it's big comedy,
499
00:21:03,150 --> 00:21:06,120
but you also really care
about these characters.
500
00:21:06,370 --> 00:21:07,836
Wilhelm!
501
00:21:07,838 --> 00:21:11,838
== sync, corrected by elderman ==