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Kids, October of 2012
kicked off
2
00:00:04,793 --> 00:00:06,126
The Autumn of Breakups.
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00:00:06,128 --> 00:00:08,929
And Barney, having broken
his engagement with Quinn,
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00:00:08,931 --> 00:00:11,715
was slowly trying
to pick himself back up.
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00:00:11,717 --> 00:00:15,685
Welcome to Bangtoberfest!
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Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt!
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I'm back!
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00:00:19,191 --> 00:00:20,690
Have a Bangtoberfest
T-shirt!
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I'm single again!
10
00:00:23,896 --> 00:00:25,062
Sorry about your eye!
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I'm available!
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00:00:27,066 --> 00:00:28,949
"Bangtoberfest:
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This Time It's Really
Not Personal."
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Barney, you just
went through
15
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some really big emotional stuff.
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You need to give yourself
some time to heal.
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Robin, I spent
seven grand on merch.
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This is happening.
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00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:44,998
Hey.
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Hey.
Hi, Marshall.
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00:00:46,368 --> 00:00:48,585
So, Lily's dad just showed up
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two days ago unannounced.
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Remember when I
bought all those
24
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Mexican fireworks so I'd never
25
00:00:53,625 --> 00:00:55,058
have to buy
Christmas presents again?
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Oh, God, you blew
up the house.
27
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Blew up the house?
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00:00:58,981 --> 00:01:00,147
Oh, no.
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Nothing like that, no.
30
00:01:02,601 --> 00:01:04,317
No, the fireworks
blew up the garage.
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The house burned down.
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Holy frijoles,
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do I smell brownies?
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We covered that fire
on the news.
35
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I had no idea "naked man
runs back into inferno
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00:01:16,031 --> 00:01:18,448
to rescue potato salad"
was Mickey.
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My hour's up.
Your turn, Marshall.
38
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Oh, no.
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Baby Marvin,
did you just go poo-poo?
40
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Craziest thing.
41
00:01:27,726 --> 00:01:29,893
He just went poo-poo
this very second.
44
00:01:33,465 --> 00:01:35,999
and you just ran out the clock
until it was my problem?
45
00:01:36,001 --> 00:01:37,934
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, right.
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What kind of mother lets her son
sit in his own filth
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for an extra nine minutes
and 42 seconds?
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I got my eye on you, Aldrin.
49
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It's watering right now,
but I got my eye on you.
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I can't
believe I have to go
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back to work on Monday and
we still haven't found a nanny.
52
00:02:03,128 --> 00:02:05,962
Well, if Grandpa Mickey's there,
couldn't he just...
53
00:02:05,964 --> 00:02:07,380
Are you kidding?
54
00:02:07,382 --> 00:02:09,883
My dad was never there for me
when I was a kid.
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And when he was...
56
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What's wrong, Daddy?
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Oh, Daddy can't pick a horse
to save his freakin' life.
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All I need is
just one lucky number.
59
00:02:22,314 --> 00:02:23,980
Hey, when's your birthday?
60
00:02:24,815 --> 00:02:26,816
Today.
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00:02:26,818 --> 00:02:29,135
Well...
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We've got to find a nanny,
and my dad's definitely not it.
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00:02:32,140 --> 00:02:35,141
Well, um, and this doesn't
solve your nanny problem,
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but if you're in need
of a babysitter,
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Nick and I could do it.
66
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We're really clicking
as a couple.
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Um, if any couple
is clicking these days,
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it's me and Victoria.
69
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Do you think
that you and Victoria
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00:02:50,325 --> 00:02:52,542
are clicking more than
me and Nick?
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00:02:52,544 --> 00:02:54,427
Do you think you and Nick are...
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00:02:54,429 --> 00:02:56,596
Oh, that's precious.
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Kids, when you're in
a new relationship
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00:02:59,718 --> 00:03:02,252
and you're competing with
your ex for who's happier,
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it can get ugly.
76
00:03:03,505 --> 00:03:06,273
Anyway, I should get going.
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I have to go get
a key made for Nick.
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For my apartment.
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Ha-burn.
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Hey, maybe the locksmith
who made the key
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I gave to Victoria
will give you a deal.
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Oh, wait, he won't remember me.
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It was three weeks ago.
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Ha-double burn.
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00:03:18,987 --> 00:03:20,520
Nick signed for a package
when I wasn't there.
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00:03:20,522 --> 00:03:22,205
Victoria keeps tampons
at my apartment.
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Damn it!
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♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x03 ♪
Nannies
Original Air Date on October 8, 2012
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00:03:28,201 --> 00:03:32,201
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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The next day,
Lily and Marshall's
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nanny search hit pay dirt.
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Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen,
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I promise to create a safe,
nurturing environment
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full of learning,
laughter and love.
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So that even when
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we have to eat lima beans
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or we get a boo-boo on our knee,
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we know everything
will be just fine.
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And do you know why?
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Because you're an angel
sent from heaven?
101
00:04:01,229 --> 00:04:03,663
I want to bury my head
in the safety of your bosom.
102
00:04:03,665 --> 00:04:06,249
Because Mrs. Buckminster
is here.
103
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The search is over.
104
00:04:09,070 --> 00:04:12,455
Mrs. Buckminster, we just
need to know your salary.
105
00:04:12,457 --> 00:04:14,240
Oh, delightful!
106
00:04:14,242 --> 00:04:16,876
Well, my weekly fee is...
107
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There, there.
108
00:04:19,414 --> 00:04:23,350
I'm sure you'll find someone
you like just as much.
109
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No, we won't!
110
00:04:24,353 --> 00:04:25,935
Not like you!
111
00:04:27,555 --> 00:04:29,773
Hey, Robin,
can I borrow a stamp?
112
00:04:29,775 --> 00:04:33,426
Oh, wait, this wedding
reply card already has one.
113
00:04:33,428 --> 00:04:34,778
Why, you ask?
114
00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:38,281
Victoria and I
are RSVPing to a wedding...
115
00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:39,733
in Jamaica...
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six months from now.
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Ha-triple burn.
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Oh.
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Jamaica.
120
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Yeah.
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That's an island, right?
122
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Depends where you're going
with this.
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All the way
to the island of Hawaii.
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Why, you ask?
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Well, I was invited
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to spend New Year's there...
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00:04:56,785 --> 00:04:59,135
last night when I met
Nick's parents.
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Ha-aloha burn.
129
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Have you, um,
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00:05:02,457 --> 00:05:04,724
met Victoria's parents, Ted?
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As a matter of fact, I haven't.
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Because they're dead.
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Are they, Ted?
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Are they really dead?
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No.
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Damn it!
137
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Bangtoberfest is a flop!
138
00:05:21,827 --> 00:05:25,195
I can't think of an
innovative way to bang chicks
139
00:05:25,197 --> 00:05:27,697
that properly honors
my return to the game.
140
00:05:27,699 --> 00:05:30,149
Sure, I've tried
some old reliables.
141
00:05:30,151 --> 00:05:31,835
Ten unpaid parking tickets?
142
00:05:31,837 --> 00:05:37,507
I suppose there is one way
I could... "get you off."
143
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No!
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00:05:40,929 --> 00:05:44,330
I've used that admittedly
awesome line a thousand times.
145
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You're better than this, Barney!
146
00:05:46,351 --> 00:05:49,469
Well, the evidence
is pretty incriminating, but...
147
00:05:49,471 --> 00:05:54,107
I suppose there is one way
I could "get you off."
148
00:05:54,109 --> 00:05:56,976
Damn it! What?
149
00:05:56,978 --> 00:05:59,229
Bangtoberfest is
about innovation,
150
00:05:59,231 --> 00:06:00,947
about ideas.
151
00:06:00,949 --> 00:06:03,516
Bangtoberfest used to
mean something.
152
00:06:03,518 --> 00:06:04,851
You just
made it up yesterday.
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Enough questions.
154
00:06:05,954 --> 00:06:08,037
I need time
to think!
155
00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:11,958
So, how's the nanny search
going, Lil?
156
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,159
Lousy.
157
00:06:13,161 --> 00:06:16,062
Mrs. Buckminster
was a spoonful of sugar.
158
00:06:16,064 --> 00:06:18,932
But so far, everyone we can
afford on this Web site
159
00:06:18,934 --> 00:06:22,852
HeyNannyNanny.com
is Scary Poppins.
160
00:06:22,854 --> 00:06:24,771
But Lily and Marshall
needed a nanny,
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00:06:24,773 --> 00:06:27,140
so they forged ahead
with their search.
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00:06:27,142 --> 00:06:29,709
So, zero experience
as a nanny?
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00:06:29,711 --> 00:06:32,879
Right. But in rehab,
I was in charge of the cats.
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00:06:32,881 --> 00:06:35,665
And only two died,
so I figured...
165
00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:36,800
I'm available.
166
00:06:38,270 --> 00:06:40,236
How do you feel
about spanking?
167
00:06:40,238 --> 00:06:44,040
For eight bucks an hour, you can
do whatever you want to me.
168
00:06:44,042 --> 00:06:45,325
I'm available.
169
00:06:45,327 --> 00:06:46,693
Dad, we know.
170
00:06:46,695 --> 00:06:49,245
I wasn't talking to you.
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00:06:49,247 --> 00:06:52,115
Finally,
they met Julie Jorgensen.
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00:06:52,117 --> 00:06:55,568
You're from
St. Cloud, Minnesota?
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00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:56,786
I'm from St. Cloud.
174
00:06:56,788 --> 00:06:59,172
Really? Oh, you must know
my dad, George Jorgensen?
175
00:06:59,174 --> 00:07:00,173
Of course.
176
00:07:00,175 --> 00:07:01,407
George Jorgensen's Organs.
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00:07:01,409 --> 00:07:02,909
Last year, my brother
joined the business.
178
00:07:02,911 --> 00:07:05,462
Really? Who knew that Morgan
Jorgensen would go into organs?
179
00:07:05,464 --> 00:07:06,579
Anyway, Julie...
180
00:07:06,581 --> 00:07:08,264
Is it still called
George Jorgensen's Organs
181
00:07:08,266 --> 00:07:10,767
or did they change it to
George Jorgensen and Son Organs?
182
00:07:10,769 --> 00:07:13,386
They changed it to George
and Morgan Jorgensen's Organs.
183
00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:14,921
Guess whose idea that was?
184
00:07:14,923 --> 00:07:16,856
Morgan's.
Morgan's.
185
00:07:16,858 --> 00:07:18,424
They just opened a new shop
out of state.
186
00:07:18,426 --> 00:07:19,809
Oh, yeah? Where?
Oregon.
187
00:07:19,811 --> 00:07:20,693
What's that one called?
188
00:07:20,695 --> 00:07:22,495
Piano Town.
189
00:07:23,263 --> 00:07:25,448
Well, you have
experience,
190
00:07:25,450 --> 00:07:28,618
and I think it's safe to say
you have my husband's approval.
191
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,153
What's your salary?
192
00:07:30,155 --> 00:07:31,988
Oh, um, it's right there.
193
00:07:33,324 --> 00:07:36,609
Julie, we would love
for you to be our nanny.
194
00:07:36,611 --> 00:07:38,161
Oh, thank you so much.
195
00:07:38,163 --> 00:07:40,279
Um, I just have
one last interview today,
196
00:07:40,281 --> 00:07:41,948
but to be honest,
I can't imagine
197
00:07:41,950 --> 00:07:43,716
liking anyone more
than I like you guys.
198
00:07:43,718 --> 00:07:45,134
Oh...
199
00:07:45,136 --> 00:07:46,169
Okay, bye.
200
00:07:46,171 --> 00:07:47,170
Bye.
201
00:07:47,172 --> 00:07:48,788
Yay.
202
00:07:50,508 --> 00:07:52,392
Well, she was a total bitch.
203
00:07:53,761 --> 00:07:56,179
That night,
Lily and Marshall called Julie
204
00:07:56,181 --> 00:07:57,897
hoping she'd accept the job.
205
00:07:57,899 --> 00:08:00,149
I'm so sorry, I can't.
206
00:08:00,151 --> 00:08:02,769
Don't tell us
you took the other job.
207
00:08:02,771 --> 00:08:04,971
No, I didn't.
I'm not taking any nanny job.
208
00:08:04,973 --> 00:08:06,990
I don't understand.
209
00:08:06,992 --> 00:08:08,107
The most amazing thing happened
210
00:08:08,109 --> 00:08:09,976
at my next interview
after you guys.
211
00:08:09,978 --> 00:08:11,911
I fell in love with a single dad
212
00:08:11,913 --> 00:08:13,947
who turns out to be
a billionaire.
213
00:08:13,949 --> 00:08:16,783
Tomorrow, we're heading off
to Paris in his private jet.
214
00:08:16,785 --> 00:08:20,670
It's gonna be, as he would say,
legend-- wait for it...
215
00:08:20,672 --> 00:08:23,339
Barney!
216
00:08:23,341 --> 00:08:26,659
Ix-nay on the eal-ray ame-nay.
217
00:08:26,661 --> 00:08:28,177
Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen?
218
00:08:28,179 --> 00:08:31,681
You son of a...
219
00:08:31,683 --> 00:08:33,349
itch-bay!
220
00:08:38,237 --> 00:08:41,166
Look, Barney's our friend,
for some reason,
221
00:08:41,266 --> 00:08:43,650
and everything he
told you was a lie.
222
00:08:43,652 --> 00:08:45,235
But the good news is
223
00:08:45,237 --> 00:08:47,270
you're free to
come work for us.
224
00:08:47,272 --> 00:08:49,489
I'm sorry, I can't
nanny for anyone
225
00:08:49,491 --> 00:08:51,658
who's friends with this monster.
226
00:08:57,499 --> 00:08:59,049
Look, I'd offer you guys coffee,
227
00:08:59,051 --> 00:09:00,567
but I have
another nanny interview
228
00:09:00,569 --> 00:09:02,919
in about 15 minutes, so...
229
00:09:02,921 --> 00:09:05,221
Barney, quick question: why are
you interviewing nannies?
230
00:09:05,223 --> 00:09:06,306
Glad you asked!
231
00:09:06,308 --> 00:09:08,291
You guys were all
pressuring me to think of
232
00:09:08,293 --> 00:09:10,677
a revolutionary new way
to get chicks for Bangtoberfest.
233
00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:12,795
And frankly, I was stumped.
234
00:09:12,797 --> 00:09:14,230
Until...
235
00:09:14,232 --> 00:09:16,766
So far, everyone we can
afford on this Web site
236
00:09:16,768 --> 00:09:20,103
HeyNannyNanny.com
is Scary Poppins.
237
00:09:20,105 --> 00:09:21,804
And there it was.
238
00:09:21,806 --> 00:09:25,275
The Big Bro in the sky
had answered my prayers.
239
00:09:25,277 --> 00:09:26,976
Almighty-five.
240
00:09:26,978 --> 00:09:28,161
Ow.
241
00:09:28,163 --> 00:09:30,313
I'd introduce you
to little Baby Edgar,
242
00:09:30,315 --> 00:09:32,832
but one, he's napping,
243
00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:36,202
and two, he doesn't exist.
244
00:09:36,204 --> 00:09:39,005
And these nannies are
really falling for this?
245
00:09:39,007 --> 00:09:42,008
Yeah, these toys don't even
make sense for a baby.
246
00:09:42,010 --> 00:09:45,095
You've got an air rifle,
you got the exact race track
247
00:09:45,097 --> 00:09:47,147
with the double loopty-loop
I had as a kid!
248
00:09:47,149 --> 00:09:50,884
Oh, can I open it, can I
open it, can I open it?
249
00:09:50,886 --> 00:09:52,802
What about Baby Edgar's mom?
250
00:09:52,804 --> 00:09:56,022
Oh, that's a sad story.
251
00:09:56,024 --> 00:09:59,175
And in the end, the
coroner's report confirmed
252
00:09:59,177 --> 00:10:00,977
what I already feared:
253
00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:06,533
the female body cannot withstand
that many consecutive orgasms.
254
00:10:08,685 --> 00:10:11,054
I blame myself.
255
00:10:11,056 --> 00:10:13,873
Okay, does anybody have
six nine-volt batteries?
256
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,629
Once I got the nannies
all sympathetic,
257
00:10:19,631 --> 00:10:22,215
I had to check
their qualifications.
258
00:10:22,217 --> 00:10:24,234
I'd like to see how
you handle bath time.
259
00:10:24,236 --> 00:10:26,686
Follow me
to the tub.
260
00:10:26,688 --> 00:10:28,054
Should I get the baby?
261
00:10:28,056 --> 00:10:30,206
No.
262
00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:32,225
I'm just gonna take
the batteries
263
00:10:32,227 --> 00:10:34,544
out of these smoke detectors.
Cool? Cool.
264
00:10:35,846 --> 00:10:40,433
Once the interview was over,
I went in for the kill.
265
00:10:40,435 --> 00:10:42,352
You're perfect for the job.
266
00:10:42,354 --> 00:10:44,854
So, congratulations,
you're hi...
267
00:10:44,856 --> 00:10:46,022
No.
268
00:10:46,024 --> 00:10:47,741
I can't do this.
269
00:10:47,743 --> 00:10:50,393
I find you very attractive,
270
00:10:50,395 --> 00:10:52,579
and it wouldn't be
appropriate.
271
00:10:55,833 --> 00:10:58,034
It wouldn't be
appropriate.
272
00:11:01,622 --> 00:11:03,757
It wouldn't be appropriate.
273
00:11:05,626 --> 00:11:09,129
I repeat--
it would not be appropriate.
274
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:17,137
It was like taking candy
from an imaginary baby!
275
00:11:17,139 --> 00:11:19,606
Barney, I just went five months
with no help,
276
00:11:19,608 --> 00:11:22,942
and interviewed 92 nannies
before finding one we liked,
277
00:11:22,944 --> 00:11:24,360
and you ruined everything
278
00:11:24,362 --> 00:11:27,030
the night before
I'm supposed to go back to work?
279
00:11:27,032 --> 00:11:29,866
Thank you for being
the most immature person
280
00:11:29,868 --> 00:11:31,284
I have ever met.
281
00:11:31,286 --> 00:11:32,485
Marshall, let's go.
282
00:11:32,487 --> 00:11:33,503
Five more minutes!
283
00:11:33,505 --> 00:11:36,072
Now.
284
00:11:36,074 --> 00:11:37,807
I'll be right back.
Okay.
285
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,227
Mm.
Mmm.
286
00:11:41,229 --> 00:11:42,445
Mm-hmm. Mmm.
287
00:11:43,915 --> 00:11:45,715
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
288
00:11:45,717 --> 00:11:47,801
Mmm!
289
00:11:47,803 --> 00:11:49,836
I'll miss you.
290
00:11:52,723 --> 00:11:53,973
Oh! Oh!
291
00:11:55,861 --> 00:11:57,494
Overcompensating a bit?
292
00:11:57,496 --> 00:12:00,513
Why would I need
to overcompensate?
293
00:12:00,515 --> 00:12:02,432
I am...
294
00:12:02,434 --> 00:12:05,301
...deliriously happy
in my perfect relationship.
295
00:12:05,303 --> 00:12:09,405
What about what I just witnessed
not two minutes ago?
296
00:12:09,407 --> 00:12:12,492
How can the Giants
pass on third and one?!
297
00:12:12,494 --> 00:12:14,310
Honey, it's okay.
298
00:12:14,312 --> 00:12:16,880
It's the first quarter, and the
Browns are only up by three...
299
00:12:16,882 --> 00:12:18,832
Robin, I don't want
you to fix this.
300
00:12:18,834 --> 00:12:23,503
I just want
to feel heard.
301
00:12:23,505 --> 00:12:25,455
First of all,
the Giants were smart
302
00:12:25,457 --> 00:12:27,790
not to run
on my Dawg Pound defense.
303
00:12:27,792 --> 00:12:28,825
They suck, Ted.
I know.
304
00:12:28,827 --> 00:12:30,460
And two--
305
00:12:30,462 --> 00:12:33,229
there is no way
that you like being with a guy
306
00:12:33,231 --> 00:12:34,631
who's so emotional and needy.
307
00:12:34,633 --> 00:12:36,883
You want to dance, Mosby?
308
00:12:36,885 --> 00:12:39,219
Let's talk about yesterday.
309
00:12:39,221 --> 00:12:42,605
Hi! You guys,
I'm so sorry I'm so late.
310
00:12:42,607 --> 00:12:45,391
I'm gonna run upstairs,
change, I'll be back
311
00:12:45,393 --> 00:12:47,694
in five minutes.
312
00:12:47,696 --> 00:12:49,979
Take your time, sweetie.
313
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:54,384
Victoria's a slob!
314
00:12:54,386 --> 00:12:56,452
Well, at least
I'm not dating a girl.
315
00:12:56,454 --> 00:12:58,187
You know what I mean.
316
00:12:58,189 --> 00:12:59,305
Hey, you know what?
317
00:12:59,307 --> 00:13:01,491
I-I really appreciate
how sensitive
318
00:13:01,493 --> 00:13:04,494
and in touch he is with his...
319
00:13:04,496 --> 00:13:06,028
God, who am I kidding?
320
00:13:06,030 --> 00:13:09,866
20 bucks says he is crying
in the ladies' room right now.
321
00:13:09,868 --> 00:13:13,503
Well, at least when
he's finished, he's gonna flush.
322
00:13:15,874 --> 00:13:18,591
So, just as Lily was about
to call in sick
323
00:13:18,593 --> 00:13:20,426
on her first day
back to work...
324
00:13:26,317 --> 00:13:27,984
Good morning!
325
00:13:27,986 --> 00:13:31,321
Mrs. Buckminster, hold me
and make everything okay!
326
00:13:31,323 --> 00:13:35,108
I mean, uh... what
are you doing here?
327
00:13:35,110 --> 00:13:39,562
A Mr. Stinson called the agency
and offered to pay my salary.
328
00:13:40,781 --> 00:13:42,916
Wow. Really?
329
00:13:42,918 --> 00:13:45,535
It's a nice gesture,
but I'm still pissed.
330
00:13:45,537 --> 00:13:48,070
He also sent along this.
331
00:13:48,072 --> 00:13:50,006
Are the batteries...?
332
00:13:50,008 --> 00:13:53,176
Yes, the batteries
are included, dear.
333
00:13:53,178 --> 00:13:55,378
Yes!
334
00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:57,597
Now, off to
work, you two.
335
00:13:57,599 --> 00:14:00,516
Mr. Marvin and I are going
to get acquainted.
336
00:14:00,518 --> 00:14:02,135
Great.
337
00:14:02,137 --> 00:14:03,937
I can't wait to hand him off
338
00:14:03,939 --> 00:14:05,638
and-and finally get
some freedom.
339
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,141
You deserve it.
Now hand him over.
340
00:14:08,143 --> 00:14:11,027
Hand him over, yup.
341
00:14:11,029 --> 00:14:14,147
I'll just take little Marvin
off your hands then.
342
00:14:14,149 --> 00:14:16,115
Take him off my hands.
343
00:14:16,117 --> 00:14:18,151
There he goes.
344
00:14:18,153 --> 00:14:20,954
Ready to receive him!
345
00:14:20,956 --> 00:14:23,623
I can't give Marvin
to a stranger!
346
00:14:27,545 --> 00:14:30,079
Okay, somebody who's not
in the middle of a race
347
00:14:30,081 --> 00:14:32,632
should probably go talk to her.
348
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:37,732
I'm sorry Mrs. Buckminster
349
00:14:37,757 --> 00:14:40,405
we've decided we're not going
to use a nanny afterall.
350
00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:41,421
You're fired.
351
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,813
Calm down.
352
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:45,091
Lily, you're just
nervous about spending
353
00:14:45,116 --> 00:14:46,864
your first day away from Marvin.
354
00:14:46,889 --> 00:14:48,609
That's perfectly normal.
355
00:14:48,634 --> 00:14:51,169
Oh, I am holding
on to you forever.
356
00:14:51,194 --> 00:14:52,937
And when I die and
I become a skeleton
357
00:14:52,962 --> 00:14:54,738
I'll still be holding you.
Yes.
358
00:14:57,350 --> 00:15:01,915
Last night, Nick cried
when I killed a spider.
359
00:15:02,515 --> 00:15:04,902
You should have brought
that spider over to my house
360
00:15:04,942 --> 00:15:06,808
to feast on the ant colony
361
00:15:06,810 --> 00:15:09,961
breeding on Victoria's
unwashed dishes.
362
00:15:09,963 --> 00:15:11,630
Whoa!
363
00:15:11,632 --> 00:15:13,015
Barney, what
happened to you?
364
00:15:13,017 --> 00:15:16,551
It was a nightmare.
365
00:15:16,553 --> 00:15:18,670
I'm walking down the street,
minding my own business,
366
00:15:18,672 --> 00:15:20,105
and I see one of the nannies
367
00:15:20,107 --> 00:15:22,006
that I interviewed,
and I'm thinking,
368
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,192
"Maybe I can get her
behind a Dumpster
369
00:15:24,194 --> 00:15:25,861
and interview her again."
370
00:15:25,863 --> 00:15:28,363
But then...
371
00:15:29,565 --> 00:15:31,983
And then...
372
00:15:31,985 --> 00:15:33,518
They were everywhere.
373
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,238
I was surrounded!
374
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,989
Hey. Hi.
375
00:15:37,991 --> 00:15:39,458
Did you
376
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:41,359
really think
you could get away with this?
377
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:45,330
As a matter of fact,
I did, yeah.
378
00:15:45,332 --> 00:15:47,449
Time for your nap!
379
00:15:48,835 --> 00:15:50,836
I woke up in a Dumpster
380
00:15:50,838 --> 00:15:52,838
covered in diapers.
381
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,756
And I found a pacifier
382
00:15:54,758 --> 00:15:57,392
somewhere I'm not
willing to discuss.
383
00:15:58,010 --> 00:16:00,062
What is wrong with me?!
384
00:16:00,064 --> 00:16:02,213
You're still
getting over Quinn.
385
00:16:02,215 --> 00:16:05,150
You can't just dive right back
into single Barney mode.
386
00:16:05,152 --> 00:16:06,651
But I can't stop myself!
387
00:16:06,653 --> 00:16:07,903
I'm out of control!
388
00:16:07,905 --> 00:16:09,388
No, I'm not. I'm fine!
389
00:16:09,390 --> 00:16:10,555
Now,
390
00:16:10,557 --> 00:16:11,823
if you'll excuse me,
391
00:16:11,825 --> 00:16:16,078
that blonde at the bar looks
as loose as my rear molars.
392
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,280
Stop me! Don't stop me!
I'm fine. Help!
393
00:16:18,282 --> 00:16:20,499
Being single's great!
394
00:16:23,536 --> 00:16:26,922
You know, Victoria's messiness
395
00:16:26,924 --> 00:16:30,675
just forces me
to grow as a cleaner.
396
00:16:30,677 --> 00:16:33,178
Totally. And without Nick,
397
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:34,963
who's gonna hem my pants?
398
00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:37,682
To making
these relationships last.
399
00:16:37,684 --> 00:16:42,253
Both relationships
would implode within the month.
400
00:16:42,255 --> 00:16:43,889
Hey, sweetie.
401
00:16:43,891 --> 00:16:46,391
Hey. Did you guys conk out?
402
00:16:46,393 --> 00:16:48,477
Yeah, I guess we did.
403
00:16:48,479 --> 00:16:49,611
What time is it?
404
00:16:49,613 --> 00:16:50,562
5:00.
405
00:16:50,564 --> 00:16:53,064
Wow. We slept all day!
406
00:16:53,066 --> 00:16:55,317
Quick question. Um,
407
00:16:55,319 --> 00:16:56,234
where's Marvin?
408
00:16:56,236 --> 00:16:58,420
Right here.
409
00:17:10,115 --> 00:17:13,051
Hey, gang.
What's the big whoop?
410
00:17:13,053 --> 00:17:14,252
Marvin!
411
00:17:14,254 --> 00:17:15,720
Dad, what happened?
412
00:17:15,722 --> 00:17:18,840
Well, when I came back
this morning from my jog,
413
00:17:18,842 --> 00:17:20,225
Marshall was gone,
414
00:17:20,227 --> 00:17:22,761
and I couldn't find
Mrs. What's-her-face.
415
00:17:22,763 --> 00:17:27,983
And you two were sawing logs,
so I figured I'd lend a hand.
416
00:17:37,376 --> 00:17:39,477
Then, why did I wake up
417
00:17:39,479 --> 00:17:41,163
holding a monkey?
418
00:17:41,165 --> 00:17:43,532
Well, a little later,
I got kind of hungry.
419
00:17:51,474 --> 00:17:54,342
So I gave him a bath, and put
his diaper rash ointment on,
420
00:17:54,344 --> 00:17:56,194
and fed him strained peas,
not bananas,
421
00:17:56,196 --> 00:17:58,013
'cause he had bananas yesterday,
422
00:17:58,015 --> 00:17:59,231
and I did the laundry,
423
00:17:59,233 --> 00:18:01,132
finished my burrito,
424
00:18:01,134 --> 00:18:02,934
put him down
for his nap at noon,
425
00:18:02,936 --> 00:18:05,387
sterilized the bottles, and then
we just went to the park.
426
00:18:05,389 --> 00:18:06,888
Okay.
427
00:18:06,890 --> 00:18:09,841
Wow. That's incredible.
428
00:18:09,843 --> 00:18:11,893
When did you get so good
with kids?
429
00:18:11,895 --> 00:18:13,912
You know something, honey,
you don't remember this,
430
00:18:13,914 --> 00:18:16,431
but, um, for the first few years
of your life,
431
00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:19,367
your mom worked,
and I was a stay-at-home dad.
432
00:18:19,369 --> 00:18:21,553
I thought Grandma and Grandpa
took care of me.
433
00:18:21,555 --> 00:18:22,654
Well, they visited a lot,
434
00:18:22,656 --> 00:18:24,840
but I was the guy
who took care of you.
435
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,591
You know, America thinks
436
00:18:26,593 --> 00:18:29,077
I ran into that burning house
to get potato salad,
437
00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:31,630
but I actually ran in
to get this photo album.
438
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:34,549
And potato salad. Sure.
439
00:18:43,843 --> 00:18:47,078
Dad, I never
realized you were...
440
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,232
there for me.
441
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:53,618
How come there are no pictures
of me after I go to preschool?
442
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:56,588
Well...
443
00:18:56,590 --> 00:18:59,474
Oh. Okay, well,
444
00:18:59,476 --> 00:19:02,694
have fun on your first day
of preschool, Princess.
445
00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:05,013
Okay. Off you go.
446
00:19:05,015 --> 00:19:07,182
There you go.
447
00:19:07,184 --> 00:19:09,117
Ugh!
448
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:12,037
How am I gonna make it
to 3:00 without her?
449
00:19:15,642 --> 00:19:18,727
"Belmont Race Track?" Hmm.
450
00:19:18,729 --> 00:19:21,429
I guess it couldn't hurt
to go just once.
451
00:19:23,415 --> 00:19:24,766
Six months later,
452
00:19:24,768 --> 00:19:27,302
guess what gambling addict's
thumbs had metal pins in them?
453
00:19:28,472 --> 00:19:31,189
This guy.
454
00:19:32,058 --> 00:19:34,893
Look, honey, I was a jerk
455
00:19:34,895 --> 00:19:37,028
who wasn't there
for most of your childhood,
456
00:19:37,030 --> 00:19:40,231
and I regret that
every single day of my life.
457
00:19:40,233 --> 00:19:42,534
But I promise you,
458
00:19:42,536 --> 00:19:45,403
I'm here now for Marvin...
459
00:19:45,405 --> 00:19:47,572
if you want.
460
00:19:48,407 --> 00:19:50,542
You're hired.
461
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:52,744
♪ I look up to you ♪
462
00:19:52,746 --> 00:19:56,131
♪ You don't look down on me ♪
463
00:19:56,133 --> 00:19:58,216
♪ What do you see in me? ♪
464
00:19:58,218 --> 00:20:01,119
♪ Is it oceans of blue? ♪
465
00:20:01,121 --> 00:20:05,674
♪ How do you
make the colors say ♪
466
00:20:05,676 --> 00:20:08,426
♪ In a thousand crazy ways ♪
467
00:20:08,428 --> 00:20:10,679
♪ That in the end ♪
468
00:20:10,681 --> 00:20:14,849
♪ Most things will be okay... ♪
469
00:20:17,338 --> 00:20:18,893
Ten parking tickets, huh?
470
00:20:19,563 --> 00:20:21,646
I suppose there is a way
I could, uh...
471
00:20:21,648 --> 00:20:23,548
"get you off."
472
00:20:23,550 --> 00:20:26,117
Why did I ever doubt a classic?
473
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,036
Now, now, now.
474
00:20:28,038 --> 00:20:30,772
This is exactly the
sort of behavior
475
00:20:30,774 --> 00:20:33,274
you hired me to put an end to,
Mr. Stinson.
476
00:20:33,276 --> 00:20:35,076
Off with you, dear.
477
00:20:35,078 --> 00:20:36,828
Go make better decisions!
478
00:20:40,082 --> 00:20:42,000
You're right.
479
00:20:42,002 --> 00:20:44,168
Thanks, Mrs. Buckminster.
480
00:20:44,170 --> 00:20:45,370
You're welcome.
481
00:20:45,372 --> 00:20:47,839
And I'm proud of you
for trying to change.
482
00:20:48,318 --> 00:20:49,851
What you're doing
483
00:20:49,853 --> 00:20:51,969
with these young women
484
00:20:51,971 --> 00:20:54,305
is simply not appropriate.
485
00:20:59,770 --> 00:21:01,571
That can never
happen again.
486
00:21:03,913 --> 00:21:06,480
Oh, pish-posh. You said that
five times ago.
487
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:10,482
== sync, corrected by elderman ==