1
00:00:02,309 --> 00:00:05,597
Kids, it's no secret your
Uncle Barney is a bit of a dog,
2
00:00:05,944 --> 00:00:08,445
and even though he loved me,
I think he always wanted
3
00:00:08,447 --> 00:00:10,330
a wingman who was
a bit of a dog, too.
4
00:00:17,421 --> 00:00:20,123
And in the fall of 2012...
5
00:00:21,742 --> 00:00:23,760
...he found one.
6
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,128
Respect.
7
00:00:35,306 --> 00:00:39,306
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x05 ♪
The Autumn of Breakups
Original Air Date on November 5, 2012
8
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:43,307
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
9
00:00:44,448 --> 00:00:48,368
Hey, guys, thanks again
for a great night last night.
10
00:00:48,370 --> 00:00:50,370
I say again,
11
00:00:50,372 --> 00:00:52,405
great night.
12
00:00:52,407 --> 00:00:57,110
Ted, honey, it was
not a great night.
13
00:00:57,112 --> 00:00:58,161
Ted,
14
00:00:58,163 --> 00:01:01,381
Lily and I noticed
some things last night.
15
00:01:01,383 --> 00:01:02,833
Hey, Ted, can you
pass me a cracker?
16
00:01:02,835 --> 00:01:03,783
Yeah.
It's the least
17
00:01:03,785 --> 00:01:04,885
you can do,
considering I left
18
00:01:04,887 --> 00:01:06,286
a guy at the
altar for you.
19
00:01:06,288 --> 00:01:09,005
Right, right?
20
00:01:11,058 --> 00:01:13,660
Oh, come on, that was a joke.
21
00:01:13,662 --> 00:01:17,463
Women over 30 don't joke
when it comes to commitment.
22
00:01:17,465 --> 00:01:19,966
Victoria is happy
we're taking things slow.
23
00:01:21,186 --> 00:01:23,570
Oh, oh, honeysweetiebaby,
24
00:01:23,572 --> 00:01:24,721
no 32-year-old woman
25
00:01:24,723 --> 00:01:26,606
is happy taking things slow.
26
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:27,774
Mm.
27
00:01:27,776 --> 00:01:30,110
Trust me, Victoria has got
friends from high school
28
00:01:30,112 --> 00:01:31,528
posting pictures
of second babies on Facebook.
29
00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:32,579
Mm-hmm.
30
00:01:32,581 --> 00:01:33,697
And you think
girlfriend's
31
00:01:33,699 --> 00:01:35,782
all like, "Oh,
let's just bone a bunch
32
00:01:35,784 --> 00:01:37,984
so I'm another year older
and still single"?
33
00:01:37,986 --> 00:01:40,804
Bitch, please.
Mm.
34
00:01:41,622 --> 00:01:43,924
Guys, I've got a new bro--
35
00:01:43,926 --> 00:01:47,327
a bro that puts
all other bros to shame.
36
00:01:47,329 --> 00:01:48,661
The bitches love him.
37
00:01:50,215 --> 00:01:51,047
He buries bones
38
00:01:51,049 --> 00:01:51,998
all day.
39
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,266
Whoo!
40
00:01:54,835 --> 00:01:56,353
No one chases
tail like him.
41
00:01:58,640 --> 00:01:59,773
Why aren't you
guys laughing?
42
00:01:59,775 --> 00:02:01,841
Oh, wait, I probably
should have led with this:
43
00:02:01,843 --> 00:02:02,993
he's a dog.
44
00:02:03,828 --> 00:02:05,111
I've named him
45
00:02:05,113 --> 00:02:07,314
Brover.
46
00:02:07,316 --> 00:02:08,198
I'll go...
47
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,233
...fetch him.
48
00:02:11,987 --> 00:02:14,204
Okay, I'm worried about Barney.
49
00:02:14,206 --> 00:02:18,408
That breakup with Quinn messed
him up more than he let on.
50
00:02:18,410 --> 00:02:19,743
I think he's lonely.
51
00:02:19,745 --> 00:02:21,544
Dude seems fine to me.
52
00:02:22,413 --> 00:02:24,631
I love you so much, Brover.
53
00:02:29,086 --> 00:02:31,471
Seriously, based on last night,
54
00:02:31,473 --> 00:02:34,324
you and Victoria
are headed for trouble.
55
00:02:34,326 --> 00:02:36,593
So I got this kind of
interesting job offer
56
00:02:36,595 --> 00:02:38,544
to run a bakery in Denver.
57
00:02:38,546 --> 00:02:41,231
But that's too crazy,
though, right?
58
00:02:41,233 --> 00:02:42,232
Right?
59
00:02:42,234 --> 00:02:43,600
Uh, yeah.
60
00:02:43,602 --> 00:02:46,102
The high altitude would affect
the density of the pastries.
61
00:02:46,104 --> 00:02:47,053
I mean,
62
00:02:47,055 --> 00:02:48,738
talk about half-baked.
63
00:02:48,740 --> 00:02:52,042
Man, this is
a great night.
64
00:02:52,044 --> 00:02:55,278
That was Victoria asking you
to move to Denver with her.
65
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:56,496
What?
66
00:02:56,498 --> 00:02:58,748
Then, why wouldn't
she just come right out
67
00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:00,116
and say what she wants?
68
00:03:00,118 --> 00:03:01,534
Men.
69
00:03:01,536 --> 00:03:03,736
It's like, if there weren't
pickle jars to open
70
00:03:03,738 --> 00:03:05,088
and spiders
to kill
71
00:03:05,090 --> 00:03:07,457
and computers to back up,
what would be their point?
72
00:03:07,459 --> 00:03:09,676
Mm-hmm.
73
00:03:11,095 --> 00:03:14,431
Okay, when did Marshall become
a slightly more feminine you?
74
00:03:14,433 --> 00:03:17,767
Look, Ted, it gets exhausting
constantly giving people
75
00:03:17,769 --> 00:03:21,021
advice they haven't asked for,
so I'm training Marshall.
76
00:03:21,739 --> 00:03:23,890
My goal is
to eventually say things
77
00:03:23,892 --> 00:03:26,893
that are so sassy
and wise,
78
00:03:26,895 --> 00:03:29,312
that there is
no possible response
79
00:03:29,314 --> 00:03:32,532
other than "mm"
or "mm-hmm."
80
00:03:32,791 --> 00:03:34,566
And if this is a place where
we can share our dreams--
81
00:03:34,569 --> 00:03:36,286
I like to think
that it is--
82
00:03:36,288 --> 00:03:40,457
I hope someday
to earn a...
83
00:03:40,459 --> 00:03:42,625
"testify."
84
00:03:42,627 --> 00:03:43,543
Look,
85
00:03:43,545 --> 00:03:45,211
Victoria and I are
five months in
86
00:03:45,213 --> 00:03:46,963
and we're
right where we should be.
87
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,915
All right, we-we're cosigning
birthday cards,
88
00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:51,001
w-we got toothbrushes
at each other's places,
89
00:03:51,003 --> 00:03:52,419
foreplay's out the window.
90
00:03:52,421 --> 00:03:54,988
I'm in, I'm out,
I'm sleeping, it's great.
91
00:03:54,990 --> 00:03:56,423
It's more than
five months.
92
00:03:56,425 --> 00:03:59,259
You guys dated before;
that time counts.
93
00:03:59,261 --> 00:04:01,294
The clock doesn't
reset to zero.
94
00:04:01,296 --> 00:04:03,229
It un-pauses from
where you left off.
95
00:04:03,231 --> 00:04:04,180
No way,
96
00:04:04,182 --> 00:04:06,599
no way, the clock resets.
97
00:04:06,601 --> 00:04:08,485
Wait,
98
00:04:08,487 --> 00:04:09,569
so this is what you guys do?
99
00:04:09,571 --> 00:04:10,904
You invite other couples
over for dinner
100
00:04:10,906 --> 00:04:12,822
to judge them and feel superior?
101
00:04:12,824 --> 00:04:14,307
Oh, grow up, Ted,
102
00:04:14,309 --> 00:04:18,661
that's why any couple
invites anyone over ever.
103
00:04:18,663 --> 00:04:21,664
Two Scotches, both neat,
104
00:04:21,666 --> 00:04:24,000
and if you've got some, uh,
nuts, this guy lost a couple.
105
00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:26,036
Ha-ha.
106
00:04:26,038 --> 00:04:28,121
Take the hit, just take the hit.
107
00:04:28,123 --> 00:04:29,506
Okay, this is
108
00:04:29,508 --> 00:04:31,207
a cry for help.
109
00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:33,460
Can we invite Barney over
for dinner tonight?
110
00:04:33,462 --> 00:04:35,462
But I was going to make you
a special meal to celebrate
111
00:04:35,464 --> 00:04:38,164
my show getting nominated
for a Local Area Media Award.
112
00:04:38,166 --> 00:04:39,749
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention,
113
00:04:39,751 --> 00:04:42,619
Nick had
a cable access cooking show.
114
00:04:42,621 --> 00:04:44,521
Chef Nick Podarutti uses
115
00:04:44,523 --> 00:04:48,007
all fresh,
locally grown ingredients,
116
00:04:48,009 --> 00:04:49,726
but don't think for a second
117
00:04:49,728 --> 00:04:53,012
that means he's not a bad boy.
118
00:04:53,014 --> 00:04:55,565
She runs on corn.
119
00:04:57,435 --> 00:04:59,569
♪ Nick the Bad Boy
120
00:04:59,571 --> 00:05:05,075
♪ Chef...
121
00:05:05,077 --> 00:05:06,576
I'm gonna invite him over
for dinner.
122
00:05:06,578 --> 00:05:11,631
Okay, fine, but you'd better
make sure he has a ticket.
123
00:05:11,633 --> 00:05:16,002
'Cause it's all aboard
the Chow-Chow Train!
124
00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:19,422
Honey, I know
it's hard coming up
125
00:05:19,424 --> 00:05:21,558
with a signature
cooking catchphrase,
126
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,676
but I don't think that's it.
127
00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:26,262
I know, but how do you compete
with "Bam!"?
128
00:05:26,264 --> 00:05:28,481
It just says it all.
129
00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:31,551
Hey, you.
130
00:05:31,553 --> 00:05:34,720
Hey, can I ask you
something?
131
00:05:34,722 --> 00:05:36,973
Um, Lily and Marshall think
132
00:05:36,975 --> 00:05:39,742
I'm missing all these hints
you're dropping
133
00:05:39,744 --> 00:05:41,828
that you want
a deeper commitment.
134
00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:44,247
I mean, you'd just come
right out and tell me, right?
135
00:05:44,249 --> 00:05:45,565
Totally.
136
00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:47,951
I-I think I can be a little
bit more direct than that.
137
00:05:47,953 --> 00:05:49,902
Thank you.
138
00:05:49,904 --> 00:05:53,506
Oh, hey, I was cleaning
my apartment today
139
00:05:53,508 --> 00:05:56,409
and I dug this up.
140
00:05:56,411 --> 00:05:57,377
Should I keep
141
00:05:57,379 --> 00:05:59,179
this wedding dress,
or do you think
142
00:05:59,181 --> 00:06:01,965
I'll never, ever need it again?
143
00:06:06,015 --> 00:06:08,366
So Lily and Marshall
were right?
144
00:06:08,466 --> 00:06:09,599
Of course they're right.
145
00:06:09,601 --> 00:06:11,768
When a girl jumps in your
car in a wedding dress,
146
00:06:11,770 --> 00:06:13,119
you can't act
surprised to find out
147
00:06:13,121 --> 00:06:14,387
she wants to get married.
148
00:06:14,389 --> 00:06:15,354
Besides,
149
00:06:15,356 --> 00:06:17,473
we dated before, and
that time counts.
150
00:06:17,475 --> 00:06:19,142
We just hit pause
on the clock.
151
00:06:19,144 --> 00:06:20,509
See, a lot
of really smart people
152
00:06:20,511 --> 00:06:22,111
would argue the clock resets.
153
00:06:22,113 --> 00:06:24,480
It un-pauses,
everybody knows that.
154
00:06:24,482 --> 00:06:25,681
You know, Barney's
a little late.
155
00:06:25,683 --> 00:06:26,899
I hope he's okay.
156
00:06:26,901 --> 00:06:28,184
Ah, he's fine, and
I still don't think
157
00:06:28,186 --> 00:06:29,535
he's crying out for help.
158
00:06:29,537 --> 00:06:31,971
Well...
159
00:06:35,326 --> 00:06:37,326
Sorry we're late.
160
00:06:37,328 --> 00:06:38,745
We just came from the tailor.
161
00:06:38,747 --> 00:06:41,247
Brover couldn't settle on a tie,
so I just bought them all.
162
00:06:41,249 --> 00:06:43,249
You say no to that face.
163
00:06:46,887 --> 00:06:49,138
There's a reason
that you're not
164
00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:51,407
a hundred percent in
this with me, Ted.
165
00:06:51,409 --> 00:06:54,060
Something's holding us back.
166
00:06:54,062 --> 00:06:55,228
Well, what is it?
167
00:06:55,230 --> 00:06:56,512
I think we've established
I'm not great
168
00:06:56,514 --> 00:07:00,733
at picking up on clues--
well, in this situation.
169
00:07:00,735 --> 00:07:03,936
As a kid, I was known
as a bit of a detective.
170
00:07:03,938 --> 00:07:05,188
In fact,
when my friend's retainer
171
00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:06,322
went missing,
172
00:07:06,324 --> 00:07:08,608
the Mosby Boys were put
on the case, and it was...
173
00:07:08,610 --> 00:07:10,326
The retainer was
in the garbage.
174
00:07:10,328 --> 00:07:12,278
The Mosby Boys were
you, your sister,
175
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,081
and a neighborhood squirrel
you thought you had tamed.
176
00:07:15,083 --> 00:07:18,067
I can't believe Squirrel-lock
Holmes turned on us like that.
177
00:07:18,069 --> 00:07:19,836
Eight weeks of training
down the drain.
178
00:07:19,838 --> 00:07:21,871
You know how I
know that, Ted?
179
00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:24,090
Because we covered it in the
"getting to know you" part
180
00:07:24,092 --> 00:07:26,408
of the relationship
six years ago.
181
00:07:27,127 --> 00:07:29,411
Six years.
182
00:07:31,414 --> 00:07:35,084
Then...
what's holding us back?
183
00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:38,354
Call in the
Mosby Boys, Ted,
184
00:07:38,356 --> 00:07:40,923
let me know if they
crack the case.
185
00:07:45,813 --> 00:07:47,563
Guys,
186
00:07:47,565 --> 00:07:50,867
Brover is not only
the best bro I've ever had,
187
00:07:50,869 --> 00:07:53,936
he's amazing with the ladies.
188
00:07:53,938 --> 00:07:55,604
I'm sorry, don't you think
it's a little pathetic
189
00:07:55,606 --> 00:07:57,373
to use a dog to pick up chicks?
190
00:07:57,375 --> 00:08:00,993
Sir, wingmanship is
a two-way street.
191
00:08:00,995 --> 00:08:04,330
If Brover meets a cutie,
I'll take the hit
192
00:08:04,332 --> 00:08:07,783
and chat up
the chubby lady friend.
193
00:08:11,505 --> 00:08:14,173
Sometimes I'll be the jerk...
194
00:08:14,175 --> 00:08:16,893
...so Brover can swoop in
and be the hero.
195
00:08:17,895 --> 00:08:19,979
And like any good wingman,
196
00:08:19,981 --> 00:08:23,099
I gather as much intel
as I can right up front.
197
00:08:23,101 --> 00:08:23,983
How old's your dog?
198
00:08:23,985 --> 00:08:25,184
She's five.
Oh.
199
00:08:26,386 --> 00:08:27,520
What's that in dog years?
200
00:08:27,522 --> 00:08:28,838
Like, 35.
201
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,641
We're done here.
202
00:08:31,643 --> 00:08:32,842
Well, you were right.
203
00:08:32,844 --> 00:08:34,744
Victoria says something's
holding us back,
204
00:08:34,746 --> 00:08:36,979
and I don't have
any idea what it is.
205
00:08:36,981 --> 00:08:38,748
Any brilliant insights, Oprah?
206
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:39,982
Steadman?
207
00:08:39,984 --> 00:08:42,151
Um, try Gayle.
208
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:46,488
Marshall, I want you
to take this one.
209
00:08:46,490 --> 00:08:47,690
You're ready.
210
00:08:47,692 --> 00:08:49,542
Oh, I don't know.
211
00:08:51,211 --> 00:08:53,846
Although I do hear this little
voice in the back of my head
212
00:08:53,848 --> 00:08:55,581
trying to tell
me something.
213
00:08:55,583 --> 00:08:57,934
That's your inner goddess.
214
00:08:57,936 --> 00:09:00,903
Listen to her,
channel her.
215
00:09:00,905 --> 00:09:03,501
If Victoria quenches your
216
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:05,602
thirst like a tall glass
217
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:09,061
of sweet tea on
a hot July day...
218
00:09:09,063 --> 00:09:10,279
Marshall, why is she Southern?
219
00:09:10,281 --> 00:09:11,447
Don't let him break
the connection.
220
00:09:11,449 --> 00:09:12,682
...well,
you got to make
221
00:09:12,684 --> 00:09:14,367
an honest woman
out of her.
222
00:09:14,369 --> 00:09:15,351
Okay, I'm leaving.
223
00:09:15,353 --> 00:09:17,203
But, but,
224
00:09:17,205 --> 00:09:20,957
if not, well,
then, sugar...
225
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:23,626
...you got to let
that nightingale
226
00:09:23,628 --> 00:09:27,914
spread her
wings and soar
227
00:09:27,916 --> 00:09:29,198
to her own
228
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,751
beautiful tomorrow.
229
00:09:31,753 --> 00:09:33,920
Testify.
230
00:09:35,422 --> 00:09:37,056
You guys are the worst.
231
00:09:44,731 --> 00:09:47,550
Where am I?
232
00:09:48,770 --> 00:09:50,319
Sorry.
233
00:09:50,321 --> 00:09:52,571
Uh, go for Barney.
234
00:09:53,824 --> 00:09:56,192
Uh-huh.
235
00:09:56,194 --> 00:09:58,744
I see.
236
00:09:58,746 --> 00:10:01,563
Totally understood.
237
00:10:01,565 --> 00:10:03,382
I'll do that.
238
00:10:03,384 --> 00:10:04,533
Great.
239
00:10:04,535 --> 00:10:05,551
Thank you.
240
00:10:07,288 --> 00:10:08,788
That was Brover's owner.
241
00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:09,889
I guess,
while she was
242
00:10:09,891 --> 00:10:12,408
out of town, he ran
away from his kennel,
243
00:10:12,410 --> 00:10:15,661
and now that she's back,
I have to return him.
244
00:10:16,296 --> 00:10:18,247
Oh, Barney, I'm so sorry.
245
00:10:18,249 --> 00:10:19,382
Oh, it's all good.
246
00:10:19,384 --> 00:10:22,251
Um, excuse me for one moment.
247
00:10:35,899 --> 00:10:37,900
Hey,
248
00:10:37,902 --> 00:10:39,235
Barney.
249
00:10:40,438 --> 00:10:43,489
No, no.
No, no!
250
00:10:46,126 --> 00:10:48,828
Oh.
251
00:10:50,547 --> 00:10:52,748
Wha...
252
00:10:55,285 --> 00:10:56,452
Victoria.
253
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:01,891
Will you marry me?
254
00:11:01,893 --> 00:11:03,559
Yes, of course.
255
00:11:08,932 --> 00:11:10,816
There's just one thing.
256
00:11:10,818 --> 00:11:12,885
Anything. You name it.
257
00:11:12,887 --> 00:11:16,238
You can't be friends with Robin.
258
00:11:21,927 --> 00:11:23,291
You won't marry me
259
00:11:23,293 --> 00:11:24,743
if I'm still friends with Robin?
260
00:11:25,474 --> 00:11:26,240
Wait. She's
261
00:11:26,241 --> 00:11:28,375
the thing that's been
holding us back?
262
00:11:28,377 --> 00:11:30,777
There-There's just too much
history there.
263
00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:32,913
I mean, Robin's the reason
that we broke up
264
00:11:32,915 --> 00:11:35,449
the first time around.
Robin's our roadblock.
265
00:11:35,451 --> 00:11:37,267
Robin's the deep, dark pit
266
00:11:37,269 --> 00:11:39,353
where our relationship
goes to die.
267
00:11:39,355 --> 00:11:42,739
But nicest girl in the world.
Salt of the earth.
268
00:11:42,741 --> 00:11:44,241
But she's with Nick now.
269
00:11:44,243 --> 00:11:46,026
I mean, sure,
his cooking show is lousy
270
00:11:46,028 --> 00:11:48,428
with awkward
catchphrase attempts.
271
00:11:48,430 --> 00:11:51,615
Oh, my gosh,
who's ready to nosh?
272
00:11:51,617 --> 00:11:53,483
Who's popping a chub
for some grub?
273
00:11:56,438 --> 00:11:58,005
I offer my deepest apologies
274
00:11:58,007 --> 00:12:00,874
to anyone who was offended
by my "popping a chub" remark.
275
00:12:00,876 --> 00:12:02,909
I can and will do better.
276
00:12:02,911 --> 00:12:04,544
Won't happen again.
277
00:12:04,546 --> 00:12:06,797
And now who's ready
to eat my meat?
278
00:12:07,883 --> 00:12:10,150
Oh, come on.
279
00:12:10,152 --> 00:12:12,335
But Robin's happy with Nick,
280
00:12:12,337 --> 00:12:14,688
and I'm happy with you.
281
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:15,689
Look, I,
282
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,641
I just asked you to be my wife.
283
00:12:17,643 --> 00:12:20,861
Isn't that proof there's nothing
between me and Robin?
284
00:12:20,863 --> 00:12:22,279
Well, maybe today there isn't,
285
00:12:22,281 --> 00:12:23,980
but what about tomorrow?
286
00:12:23,982 --> 00:12:26,733
Or next week
or 15 years from now?
287
00:12:26,735 --> 00:12:27,818
I'll always
288
00:12:27,820 --> 00:12:29,369
be wondering.
289
00:12:29,371 --> 00:12:30,570
I never wanted
290
00:12:30,572 --> 00:12:33,490
to be that girl who says
291
00:12:33,492 --> 00:12:35,075
it's Robin or it's me,
292
00:12:35,077 --> 00:12:38,412
but, well...
293
00:12:38,414 --> 00:12:41,164
It's Robin or it's you.
294
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,968
You've been
a hell of a wingman.
295
00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:47,254
And even though I think
it's kind of gross
296
00:12:47,256 --> 00:12:49,089
when you
pleasure yourself orally,
297
00:12:49,091 --> 00:12:50,257
don't ever think
298
00:12:50,259 --> 00:12:52,893
that means I'm not impressed.
299
00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:56,480
Hey...
300
00:12:56,482 --> 00:12:58,181
do you think that Barney's
gonna be okay
301
00:12:58,183 --> 00:12:59,316
bringing Brover back?
302
00:12:59,318 --> 00:13:00,684
Yeah, he'll be fine.
303
00:13:00,686 --> 00:13:02,218
It's not just the ability
304
00:13:02,220 --> 00:13:04,053
to go to town on yourself,
305
00:13:04,055 --> 00:13:07,107
but you do it with
such joie de vivre.
306
00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:11,111
I really think
that I should go with him.
307
00:13:11,113 --> 00:13:12,829
No, but you got
to eat these crêpes
308
00:13:12,831 --> 00:13:14,281
as soon as
they're flambéed.
309
00:13:14,283 --> 00:13:17,084
They're gonna be
bon appe-sweet!
310
00:13:17,086 --> 00:13:18,835
No.
Damn.
311
00:13:18,837 --> 00:13:20,120
We'll work on it
when I get back.
312
00:13:20,122 --> 00:13:21,455
No, I get it.
You know,
313
00:13:21,457 --> 00:13:23,006
I only spent all night
working on these,
314
00:13:23,008 --> 00:13:24,624
but, hey, Barney's
more important.
315
00:13:24,626 --> 00:13:27,177
Nick...
It's fine. Go.
316
00:13:28,212 --> 00:13:30,180
Anyway, let's not make
a big deal of it.
317
00:13:30,182 --> 00:13:32,081
We hung out for a few days,
318
00:13:32,083 --> 00:13:33,383
had some fun...
319
00:13:33,385 --> 00:13:35,552
No big woof.
320
00:13:37,256 --> 00:13:40,089
I don't know who I am
without you.
321
00:13:42,927 --> 00:13:44,177
This is crazy.
322
00:13:44,179 --> 00:13:46,279
Victoria is being
completely unreasonable
323
00:13:46,281 --> 00:13:47,614
about Robin,
324
00:13:47,616 --> 00:13:49,766
and my snap sister
is gonna back me up.
325
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,438
I say again...
326
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:58,942
I kind of see Victoria's point.
327
00:13:58,944 --> 00:14:00,360
Come again for Ms. Fudge?
328
00:14:00,362 --> 00:14:02,846
Ted and Robin have
so much history.
329
00:14:02,848 --> 00:14:05,882
Exactly. History.
Ancient history.
330
00:14:05,884 --> 00:14:09,452
Ted, you said "I love you"
to her earlier this year.
331
00:14:09,454 --> 00:14:10,637
I'm not saying
332
00:14:10,639 --> 00:14:13,607
this is fair, but I get it.
333
00:14:14,509 --> 00:14:15,959
I didn't get that at all.
334
00:14:15,961 --> 00:14:19,429
How could my inner goddess
be so far off?
335
00:14:19,431 --> 00:14:20,730
Oh, you'll get there, honey.
336
00:14:20,732 --> 00:14:22,866
Oprah wasn't built in a day.
337
00:14:22,868 --> 00:14:26,670
Uh-oh.
What?
338
00:14:26,672 --> 00:14:29,990
I kind of went rogue.
339
00:14:29,992 --> 00:14:32,125
Look, if you really want
to have a baby,
340
00:14:32,127 --> 00:14:34,143
just stop taking the pill.
341
00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:35,946
You guys slept together
at spring break
342
00:14:35,948 --> 00:14:37,480
three years ago.
343
00:14:38,099 --> 00:14:40,116
That means something.
344
00:14:40,118 --> 00:14:41,818
Loves show tunes,
345
00:14:41,820 --> 00:14:43,587
total shopaholic,
346
00:14:43,589 --> 00:14:45,622
not always pestering you
for sex?
347
00:14:46,424 --> 00:14:48,324
Um, Clifford
sounds like a keeper.
348
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,429
Marshall, all of that advice
was terrible.
349
00:14:52,431 --> 00:14:53,630
Not as terrible as you saying
350
00:14:53,632 --> 00:14:55,498
that Ted and Robin
should stop being friends.
351
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:58,518
I'm not saying they should.
It would be horrible.
352
00:14:58,520 --> 00:14:59,502
But if Ted
353
00:14:59,504 --> 00:15:02,205
really wants to be
with Victoria...
354
00:15:02,207 --> 00:15:05,258
Ted, tell her
355
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:07,627
that you're not gonna
stop being friends with Robin.
356
00:15:09,064 --> 00:15:11,948
I can't imagine
life without Robin.
357
00:15:13,201 --> 00:15:15,068
But she'll never be
in love with me.
358
00:15:15,070 --> 00:15:16,236
She'll never be
359
00:15:16,238 --> 00:15:17,888
my wife.
360
00:15:17,890 --> 00:15:19,022
She'll never be
361
00:15:19,024 --> 00:15:21,725
the person I grow old with.
362
00:15:21,727 --> 00:15:24,461
Victoria...
363
00:15:24,463 --> 00:15:26,713
Victoria could be.
364
00:15:27,932 --> 00:15:30,884
Are you saying what
I think you're saying?
365
00:15:40,544 --> 00:15:42,729
You ready to say good-bye?
366
00:15:44,649 --> 00:15:46,616
Thanks for coming with me.
367
00:15:46,618 --> 00:15:48,485
Oh, well,
you did the same for me
368
00:15:48,487 --> 00:15:51,404
back when I had to give away
all my dogs. Remember?
369
00:15:51,406 --> 00:15:54,190
Oh, yeah, we drove
to your aunt's farm upstate.
370
00:15:54,192 --> 00:15:55,659
She was awesome.
371
00:15:55,661 --> 00:15:56,776
Yeah.
I love how she
372
00:15:56,778 --> 00:15:57,994
was this wise, old, chilled out,
373
00:15:57,996 --> 00:16:00,347
lesbian farmer.
374
00:16:00,349 --> 00:16:02,866
No, no, no.
She's not a lesbian.
375
00:16:02,868 --> 00:16:04,384
Nor does she farm them.
376
00:16:04,386 --> 00:16:05,685
No, that woman
she lives with,
377
00:16:05,687 --> 00:16:08,088
that's just
her special friend Maureen.
378
00:16:08,090 --> 00:16:10,540
They've lived together for...
379
00:16:10,542 --> 00:16:12,776
Oh.
380
00:16:14,328 --> 00:16:17,747
Oh, this is gonna be tough.
381
00:16:17,749 --> 00:16:20,634
Brover really was
the best wingman ever.
382
00:16:27,141 --> 00:16:28,892
Oh, my God.
383
00:16:28,894 --> 00:16:31,211
Thank you so much for bringing
384
00:16:31,213 --> 00:16:34,197
Mr. Sprinkles back.
Mr. Sprinkles...
385
00:16:34,199 --> 00:16:36,316
is a great name for a dog.
386
00:16:36,318 --> 00:16:38,285
Mommy missed you so much.
387
00:16:38,287 --> 00:16:39,602
Yes, she did.
388
00:16:39,604 --> 00:16:42,605
Did this nice couple
take care of you?
389
00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:46,710
That's a laugh. Ha.
390
00:16:46,712 --> 00:16:48,444
Big bro.
391
00:16:49,263 --> 00:16:51,114
I got to split.
Yeah, I got to,
392
00:16:51,116 --> 00:16:53,049
I got to head back
to the farm...
393
00:16:53,051 --> 00:16:56,386
where I live with my
special friend Maureen.
394
00:16:56,388 --> 00:16:57,637
Whom I now realize
395
00:16:57,639 --> 00:16:59,756
is my lesbian
life partner.
396
00:16:59,758 --> 00:17:02,458
Surprise.
397
00:17:03,227 --> 00:17:06,179
Okay. All right.
398
00:17:06,181 --> 00:17:07,347
So...
399
00:17:07,349 --> 00:17:09,182
would you like a drink?
400
00:17:12,787 --> 00:17:15,438
Best wingman ever.
401
00:17:19,860 --> 00:17:21,945
Hey.
402
00:17:21,947 --> 00:17:23,430
What's all this?
403
00:17:23,432 --> 00:17:25,481
I thought you were
mad at me.
404
00:17:25,483 --> 00:17:27,117
I was...
405
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:28,418
but then I realized
406
00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:31,388
I just have to accept
that you have close guy friends.
407
00:17:31,390 --> 00:17:33,456
I mean, I don't want it
becoming a habit
408
00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:35,442
that they steal you away from me
in the middle of the night.
409
00:17:35,444 --> 00:17:37,043
But...
410
00:17:37,045 --> 00:17:38,828
Oh, sorry.
411
00:17:40,348 --> 00:17:42,132
Oh, Ted needs to see me.
412
00:17:42,134 --> 00:17:44,117
Oh, for the love of God, woman.
Oh, it's not
413
00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,553
what you think.
He just wants to have sex.
414
00:17:46,555 --> 00:17:48,555
Kidding.
415
00:17:48,557 --> 00:17:50,273
Just a little hand stuff.
416
00:17:50,275 --> 00:17:51,725
Ha. Kidding again.
417
00:17:51,727 --> 00:17:55,178
Ted's more of a boob man.
I seriously can't stop.
418
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:57,814
What does he want?
Um...
419
00:17:57,816 --> 00:17:59,566
I don't know,
but he says it's urgent.
420
00:18:00,284 --> 00:18:02,018
I'm so sorry.
421
00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:04,821
Just one more little
steal-away.
422
00:18:04,823 --> 00:18:07,023
Just as long
as he gives you back.
423
00:18:08,626 --> 00:18:10,026
Thanks.
424
00:18:26,994 --> 00:18:29,079
So...
425
00:18:29,081 --> 00:18:30,897
are you okay?
426
00:18:30,899 --> 00:18:32,599
What is this big, urgent thing
427
00:18:32,601 --> 00:18:34,851
that couldn't wait
till tomorrow?
428
00:18:36,487 --> 00:18:38,521
There's something
I have to tell you.
429
00:18:38,523 --> 00:18:40,890
Um...
430
00:18:40,892 --> 00:18:42,776
I've thought about this a ton,
431
00:18:42,778 --> 00:18:45,829
and, um...
432
00:18:45,831 --> 00:18:48,231
I was hoping it wouldn't
come to this,
433
00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:50,450
but...
434
00:18:53,838 --> 00:18:57,573
I'm not in love with Robin, um,
435
00:18:57,575 --> 00:19:01,410
but she's like family to me,
and, uh...
436
00:19:01,412 --> 00:19:03,412
I can't end that.
437
00:19:03,414 --> 00:19:06,015
So...
438
00:19:06,017 --> 00:19:08,718
can you accept that?
439
00:19:17,812 --> 00:19:21,648
I really hope
you get her some day.
440
00:19:36,464 --> 00:19:37,747
Hey, guys.
441
00:19:37,749 --> 00:19:38,932
Hey.
Hey.
442
00:19:38,934 --> 00:19:41,417
So, last night
443
00:19:41,419 --> 00:19:45,288
Ted calls me out to the bar
to talk about something urgent.
444
00:19:45,290 --> 00:19:47,290
Guess what it was.
445
00:19:47,292 --> 00:19:48,308
He wants to write
446
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:51,478
a series of young adult
mystery novels
447
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:54,397
called The Mosby Boys.
448
00:19:54,399 --> 00:19:56,799
Why did you need
to tell me that?
449
00:19:56,801 --> 00:19:59,135
You work in the media.
You know people.
450
00:19:59,137 --> 00:20:01,271
Okay, well, first of all,
lose the Mosby nerds
451
00:20:01,273 --> 00:20:03,273
and focus on
that crime-solving squirrel.
452
00:20:03,275 --> 00:20:04,407
That guy is gold.
Yeah.
453
00:20:04,409 --> 00:20:05,358
And secondly, next time
454
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,143
you have a big idea
late at night,
455
00:20:07,145 --> 00:20:08,912
please bug
your girlfriend about it.
456
00:20:08,914 --> 00:20:10,780
Uh, actually...
457
00:20:10,782 --> 00:20:12,966
Victoria and I broke up.
458
00:20:12,968 --> 00:20:14,834
Oh, my God.
459
00:20:14,836 --> 00:20:17,287
Why, what,
what happened?
460
00:20:17,289 --> 00:20:20,206
We just, you know,
wanted different things.
461
00:20:23,711 --> 00:20:25,445
I'm so sorry, buddy.
462
00:20:25,447 --> 00:20:27,463
But, bright side...
463
00:20:27,465 --> 00:20:29,632
Robin is gonna be so touched
464
00:20:29,634 --> 00:20:31,434
when she hears you ended
things with Victoria
465
00:20:31,436 --> 00:20:32,468
because of her.
466
00:20:32,470 --> 00:20:33,803
She can never know.
467
00:20:33,805 --> 00:20:36,773
Promise me
Robin will never find out.
468
00:20:36,775 --> 00:20:38,224
I don't understand.
469
00:20:38,226 --> 00:20:39,192
Promise.
470
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:42,145
Promise.
Promise.
471
00:20:42,147 --> 00:20:43,796
Of course,
472
00:20:43,798 --> 00:20:45,398
Robin did find out.
473
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,867
But we'll get to that.
474
00:21:03,614 --> 00:21:05,547
So you do have balls?
475
00:21:07,348 --> 00:21:09,105
Run!
476
00:21:09,205 --> 00:21:14,205
== sync, corrected by elderman ==