1 00:00:00,835 --> 00:00:02,703 In the fall of 2012, 2 00:00:02,793 --> 00:00:04,576 Nick and Robin were going strong. 3 00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:07,104 Sometimes it's hard to say what it is exactly 4 00:00:07,123 --> 00:00:08,372 that makes a couple click. 5 00:00:09,742 --> 00:00:10,758 Wow. 6 00:00:11,877 --> 00:00:14,011 Bravissimo! 7 00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:17,047 Whatever it was, kids, Nick and Robin 8 00:00:17,049 --> 00:00:18,882 really connected at first. 9 00:00:18,884 --> 00:00:21,051 Hey, you know, I think I'm really starting 10 00:00:21,053 --> 00:00:22,269 to feel something here... 11 00:00:23,922 --> 00:00:27,224 But then, as often happens, they started to drift apart. 12 00:00:27,226 --> 00:00:28,692 Why? 13 00:00:28,694 --> 00:00:30,027 Who can say? 14 00:00:30,029 --> 00:00:32,563 Nick and I haven't had sex in three days. 15 00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:34,064 And it's your fault. 16 00:00:34,066 --> 00:00:35,032 Nick won't have sex 17 00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:36,600 because he pulled his groin muscle, 18 00:00:36,602 --> 00:00:38,619 all 'cause you made him join your stupid basketball team. 19 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:41,071 Did you say "stupid basketball team"? 20 00:00:41,073 --> 00:00:41,938 Yeah. 21 00:00:41,940 --> 00:00:42,990 Oh, my gosh, guys, 22 00:00:42,992 --> 00:00:45,042 we have to rush Robin to the hospital. 23 00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:47,544 Because somehow, she swallowed her vocal cords 24 00:00:47,546 --> 00:00:49,463 and they got lodged in her rectum, 25 00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:51,131 because she's talking out of her ass. 26 00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:53,750 Over the summer, Marshall had joined 27 00:00:53,752 --> 00:00:55,719 a midtown professionals basketball league. 28 00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:59,256 His team of lawyers was called The Force Majeurs. 29 00:00:59,258 --> 00:01:01,625 Ever since they lost to a group of accountants, 30 00:01:01,627 --> 00:01:03,594 he'd started getting a little intense about it. 31 00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:06,296 You sure you didn't have a ringer or two out there, Joel? 32 00:01:06,298 --> 00:01:07,764 Don't know what you're talking about. 33 00:01:07,766 --> 00:01:10,100 Good hustle out there, Aboubakar! 34 00:01:13,238 --> 00:01:15,989 If Joel can use ringers, then so can we. 35 00:01:15,991 --> 00:01:17,441 And Nick is our best player. 36 00:01:17,443 --> 00:01:18,808 So as far as I'm concerned, 37 00:01:18,810 --> 00:01:20,694 you can both keep your groins on ice. 38 00:01:20,696 --> 00:01:21,645 Groins on Ice. 39 00:01:21,647 --> 00:01:23,080 Least popular 40 00:01:23,082 --> 00:01:25,449 Madison Square Garden holiday show ever. 41 00:01:25,451 --> 00:01:27,117 Why are you so into this basketball league? 42 00:01:27,119 --> 00:01:29,653 Robin, it's the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 43 00:01:29,655 --> 00:01:31,371 Who Work In Midtown League. 44 00:01:31,373 --> 00:01:32,706 It's The Show! 45 00:01:33,825 --> 00:01:35,509 You know, it's kind of funny, 46 00:01:35,511 --> 00:01:38,495 imagining people icing their groins. 47 00:01:38,497 --> 00:01:40,380 I mean, first they'd be all cold, 48 00:01:40,382 --> 00:01:43,050 and then the ice would start to melt, 49 00:01:43,052 --> 00:01:47,788 and things would get all wet and... steamy. 50 00:01:50,308 --> 00:01:52,192 Okay, Lily. 51 00:01:52,194 --> 00:01:53,810 Look, buddy, 52 00:01:53,812 --> 00:01:55,195 I'm also the captain of a team 53 00:01:55,197 --> 00:01:56,846 in the Little Ivies Professionals Over 30 54 00:01:56,848 --> 00:01:58,365 Who Work In Midtown League. 55 00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:00,234 I'm addicted to the adrenaline, too. 56 00:02:00,236 --> 00:02:01,201 Still, don't you think you're getting 57 00:02:01,203 --> 00:02:02,569 a little obsessive about... 58 00:02:02,571 --> 00:02:04,020 Uh, hold up, hold up. 59 00:02:04,022 --> 00:02:06,156 Are you suggesting that you are 60 00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:10,494 a member of a sports team and you're the captain? 61 00:02:10,496 --> 00:02:11,795 So says the "C" 62 00:02:11,797 --> 00:02:14,381 I personally sewed onto my jersey. 63 00:02:14,383 --> 00:02:16,366 After Victoria and I broke up, 64 00:02:16,368 --> 00:02:18,302 I had some free time. 65 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,170 So, called up a few architect friends 66 00:02:20,172 --> 00:02:21,338 and put together a little team 67 00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:24,725 called the T-Squares. 68 00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:28,228 See that? 69 00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,646 The floor's uneven. 70 00:02:29,648 --> 00:02:32,482 And that window placement is rubbish. 71 00:02:32,484 --> 00:02:34,651 You know, if a genie gave me one wish, 72 00:02:34,653 --> 00:02:37,387 I would knock down that wall and create a nice flow. 73 00:02:37,389 --> 00:02:39,189 Great wish. 74 00:02:39,191 --> 00:02:41,909 I mean, there's too much hardwood, right? 75 00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:44,945 Did you nerds actually play any basketball? 76 00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:49,700 Um, us nerds focused on something far more important: 77 00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:51,001 bonding. 78 00:02:51,003 --> 00:02:52,619 You guys are going to get pounded. 79 00:02:53,121 --> 00:02:54,538 And I am not. 80 00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:57,090 Oh, come on. You can't go a couple weeks without sex? 81 00:02:57,092 --> 00:03:00,260 Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam. 82 00:03:00,262 --> 00:03:02,212 I'm sure he's quite a ball handler. 83 00:03:02,214 --> 00:03:04,715 The problem is, now that we're not having sex, 84 00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:05,933 we're talking more, 85 00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:10,587 and I'm realizing that Nick is kind of... 86 00:03:10,589 --> 00:03:11,921 dumb. 87 00:03:11,923 --> 00:03:13,557 Really? News to me. 88 00:03:13,559 --> 00:03:14,608 I hadn't noticed that. No. 89 00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:15,692 Oh, my God. 90 00:03:15,694 --> 00:03:17,527 You guys think that he's dumb, too? 91 00:03:17,529 --> 00:03:18,478 So dumb. 92 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:19,479 Air bags are sharper. 93 00:03:19,481 --> 00:03:21,765 Hot as lava but just as thick. 94 00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:25,767 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x06 ♪ Splitsville Original Air Date on November 12, 2012 95 00:03:25,768 --> 00:03:29,768 == sync, corrected by elderman == 96 00:03:34,879 --> 00:03:39,166 Wow. When did you guys start to notice that he was kind of dumb? 97 00:03:39,168 --> 00:03:43,286 Well, there was that time Nick was doing the crossword. 98 00:03:43,288 --> 00:03:45,806 Hey, what's a four- letter word for cut? 99 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:46,923 "Nick." 100 00:03:46,925 --> 00:03:48,592 Yeah? 101 00:03:48,594 --> 00:03:50,010 Is a four-letter word for cut. 102 00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:50,894 What is? 103 00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:52,596 "Nick." What? 104 00:03:52,598 --> 00:03:54,898 Oh. I got it. 105 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:57,734 "Shave." 106 00:03:57,736 --> 00:04:01,238 And there was the comment about Gypsies. 107 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,272 No, no. 108 00:04:02,274 --> 00:04:03,807 I think Gypsies prefer 109 00:04:03,809 --> 00:04:05,475 to be called Romani now. 110 00:04:06,478 --> 00:04:08,195 Do they? Really? 111 00:04:08,197 --> 00:04:11,198 And what do unicorns and, uh, elves 112 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:12,783 and leprechauns prefer to be called? 113 00:04:14,902 --> 00:04:17,037 You do know, uh, Gypsies are 114 00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:19,673 a real ethnic group that actually exists? 115 00:04:21,075 --> 00:04:23,210 Oh, you guys, I feel terrible now. 116 00:04:23,212 --> 00:04:25,045 I always thought they were just made up, 117 00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:27,464 like goblins or trolls or dolphins. 118 00:04:29,017 --> 00:04:31,635 And then there's that story you told about how you and Nick 119 00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:33,437 picked up that Danish exchange student 120 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,472 and you all took a shower together. 121 00:04:35,474 --> 00:04:38,141 I never told a story like that. 122 00:04:38,143 --> 00:04:39,693 Well, no time like the present. 123 00:04:39,695 --> 00:04:40,677 Let's give this 124 00:04:40,679 --> 00:04:41,862 Danish ho a name. 125 00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,313 I'm thinking Nadia. 126 00:04:43,315 --> 00:04:46,983 Yeah, she sounds slutty and bi-curious. 127 00:04:46,985 --> 00:04:48,869 What is wrong with you? 128 00:04:49,404 --> 00:04:50,320 Your kid is right there. 129 00:04:50,322 --> 00:04:51,805 Maybe want to clean it up a lit... 130 00:04:53,492 --> 00:04:55,292 You're wearing a baby and you're doing pull-ups? 131 00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:58,378 No, Ted, I'm sitting around getting soft, 132 00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:00,497 'cause that's what champions do. 133 00:05:00,499 --> 00:05:04,551 The problem is, now that I know how dumb Nick is, 134 00:05:04,553 --> 00:05:06,870 it's kind of making me reconsider the relationship. 135 00:05:06,872 --> 00:05:07,971 Why? 136 00:05:07,973 --> 00:05:10,223 Eventually, Nick's groin will heal 137 00:05:10,225 --> 00:05:11,708 and you'll be back in Sexville, 138 00:05:11,710 --> 00:05:14,878 where all the crossword puzzles only have one box to fill. 139 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,713 Talk about a double standard. 140 00:05:16,715 --> 00:05:20,400 Every time I go after a busty dullard who can't tell time 141 00:05:20,402 --> 00:05:23,820 or thinks I'm the ghost of Leonardo DiCaprio, I'm shallow. 142 00:05:23,822 --> 00:05:26,156 But somehow it's okay for Robin to date a guy 143 00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:28,224 who can't be trusted around outlets. 144 00:05:28,226 --> 00:05:29,526 Dump him! 145 00:05:29,528 --> 00:05:31,828 Okay, that is ridiculous. 146 00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:34,564 Is Nick a genius? No. 147 00:05:34,566 --> 00:05:35,532 But does he have 148 00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:37,567 average intelligence? 149 00:05:37,569 --> 00:05:38,618 No. 150 00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:39,903 But he is 151 00:05:39,905 --> 00:05:41,671 a human being, with a heart! 152 00:05:41,673 --> 00:05:45,125 And you're afraid if I dump him, it'll throw off his game. 153 00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:47,294 Robin, he got 36 points and 17 rebounds last week. 154 00:05:47,296 --> 00:05:49,596 And that was with his shoes on the wrong feet. 155 00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:54,851 Well, you're probably all wondering 156 00:05:54,853 --> 00:05:56,937 how the T-Squares' practice went today. 157 00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:58,271 The T-What? 158 00:05:58,273 --> 00:06:00,423 We played up here. 159 00:06:00,425 --> 00:06:03,110 Basketball, people don't realize, 160 00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:05,428 is all geometry, physics and engineering. 161 00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:07,614 If you think like an architect, 162 00:06:07,616 --> 00:06:11,151 you could win a thousand games without ever touching a ball. 163 00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:13,954 What happened to your ball? 164 00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:15,622 Some kids from the Hebrew school next door took it 165 00:06:15,624 --> 00:06:16,540 and wouldn't give it back. 166 00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:17,273 Oh. 167 00:06:17,275 --> 00:06:18,241 Oy. 168 00:06:18,243 --> 00:06:19,459 Hey. 169 00:06:19,461 --> 00:06:20,944 Hey. Hey. Oh, thanks. 170 00:06:20,946 --> 00:06:22,879 How'd the breakup with Nick go? 171 00:06:22,881 --> 00:06:24,498 Well... 172 00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,416 So, I went to this fortune teller today 173 00:06:26,418 --> 00:06:28,635 and she said there was a curse on me. 174 00:06:28,637 --> 00:06:31,555 Did she sell you something to ward off the curse? 175 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:34,257 It's like you're a fortune teller, too. 176 00:06:35,961 --> 00:06:38,145 Nick, um... 177 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,596 I think we need to talk. 178 00:06:39,598 --> 00:06:40,630 Yeah. 179 00:06:40,632 --> 00:06:42,799 Uh... it's just... 180 00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:45,635 Whoa, these are hard. 181 00:06:45,637 --> 00:06:47,604 Anyway, this $500 bracelet will ward off evil 182 00:06:47,606 --> 00:06:49,239 till the end of the week, so... 183 00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:50,807 Do you think that you could do, 184 00:06:50,809 --> 00:06:52,976 uh, sit-ups or something while you talk? 185 00:06:52,978 --> 00:06:54,244 Yeah. 186 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,247 Anyway, this fortune teller, 187 00:06:57,249 --> 00:07:00,200 she was able to tell me all sorts of stuff about my future, 188 00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:05,956 just from my credit cards and my social security number, 189 00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:07,307 I knew you'd cave. 190 00:07:07,309 --> 00:07:08,625 Which is why I came up with 191 00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,260 a little extra incentive 192 00:07:10,262 --> 00:07:11,545 to break up with Nick. 193 00:07:11,547 --> 00:07:14,764 End it by 8:00 p.m. tonight or this invite goes live. 194 00:07:16,718 --> 00:07:18,602 "Robin and Patrice's 195 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:20,770 BFF Fun Day?!" 196 00:07:20,772 --> 00:07:23,356 Kids, Patrice was a coworker of Robin's 197 00:07:23,358 --> 00:07:26,276 who'd become sort of obsessed with her. 198 00:07:26,278 --> 00:07:28,195 Robin had managed, until now, 199 00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:32,015 to keep Patrice at arms length. 200 00:07:32,017 --> 00:07:34,284 But if Patrice were invited to something called 201 00:07:34,286 --> 00:07:37,020 Robin and Patrice's BFF Fun Day, 202 00:07:37,022 --> 00:07:39,306 she'd latch onto Robin and never let go. 203 00:07:39,308 --> 00:07:41,208 Why would you do that? 204 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,459 Delete that right now! 205 00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,544 No! If I don't give you a little push, 206 00:07:44,546 --> 00:07:47,196 you'll let this drag on until Nick can have sex again, 207 00:07:47,198 --> 00:07:50,500 and then you'll be right back to procrastinating on all fours. 208 00:07:50,502 --> 00:07:53,253 I hate to admit it, but the man in the suit has a point. 209 00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,971 Ugh! 210 00:07:54,973 --> 00:07:57,206 Fine, but the playoffs are coming up soon, 211 00:07:57,208 --> 00:07:59,643 and I can't have this guy an emotional wreck. 212 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:02,479 If you do dump him, at least let him down easy. 213 00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:04,547 Yeah, take him to a nice restaurant. 214 00:08:04,549 --> 00:08:05,815 Preferably a dessert place. 215 00:08:05,817 --> 00:08:07,851 That way, you won't have to sit through a whole meal 216 00:08:07,853 --> 00:08:08,768 before you get to... 217 00:08:08,770 --> 00:08:10,219 Splitsville. Exactly. 218 00:08:10,221 --> 00:08:11,438 No, Splitsville. 219 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:12,772 It's a dessert place right around the corner. 220 00:08:12,774 --> 00:08:16,076 It's sort of the place to end a relationship. 221 00:08:21,398 --> 00:08:22,782 Uh, Nick, listen. 222 00:08:22,784 --> 00:08:25,735 You are awesome 223 00:08:25,737 --> 00:08:30,457 and totally sweet, but we're just not... 224 00:08:31,793 --> 00:08:33,877 You know where I'm going with this, right? 225 00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:36,412 No. No clue. 226 00:08:36,414 --> 00:08:39,916 Okay, um... 227 00:08:39,918 --> 00:08:42,802 I don't know if we should keep seeing each other. 228 00:08:42,804 --> 00:08:45,505 You want to start turning off the lights during sex? 229 00:08:45,507 --> 00:08:47,090 No. God, no. 230 00:08:47,092 --> 00:08:48,942 No! No. 231 00:08:48,944 --> 00:08:53,613 I am just worried that, as a couple, we're not working out. 232 00:08:53,615 --> 00:08:56,099 You want to start going to the gym together? 233 00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:57,767 Okay, no, Nick, here is the deal. 234 00:08:57,769 --> 00:08:58,735 Okay... 235 00:08:59,771 --> 00:09:01,237 Sorry, babe. I got to take this. 236 00:09:01,239 --> 00:09:02,305 Excuse me. 237 00:09:02,307 --> 00:09:04,624 Hello. 238 00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:06,076 Hey, what's up? 239 00:09:07,878 --> 00:09:10,130 You... 240 00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:11,798 What? I... 241 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:12,966 I don't understand. 242 00:09:13,968 --> 00:09:15,118 But you... 243 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,419 Okay, um, you know what? 244 00:09:16,421 --> 00:09:18,588 I'm sorry, I-I have to go. 245 00:09:20,791 --> 00:09:22,092 What happened? 246 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:25,178 I... 247 00:09:25,180 --> 00:09:27,296 I, um... 248 00:09:27,298 --> 00:09:30,066 Uh, I'm sorry, I can't talk about this. 249 00:09:33,638 --> 00:09:34,604 Anyway, 250 00:09:34,606 --> 00:09:37,607 what were you going to say? 251 00:09:37,609 --> 00:09:40,410 Uh... 252 00:09:40,412 --> 00:09:45,031 I was gonna say, order whatever else you want. 253 00:09:45,033 --> 00:09:46,533 It's on me. 254 00:09:46,535 --> 00:09:48,752 Well, thanks, but I think I'd just rather 255 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,653 eat it out of a bowl. 256 00:09:54,498 --> 00:09:55,898 Well, no doubt you're all wondering 257 00:09:55,913 --> 00:09:57,479 how the T-Square's first game went. 258 00:09:57,481 --> 00:09:58,531 What Squares? 259 00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,116 Picture a well- oiled machine. 260 00:10:00,118 --> 00:10:01,917 Your sewing machine? 261 00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:03,953 There were two seconds left on the clock. 262 00:10:03,955 --> 00:10:06,956 Aboubakar was all over me. 263 00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:09,508 And that's when all my years of architectural training 264 00:10:09,510 --> 00:10:11,177 came to my aid. 265 00:10:11,179 --> 00:10:14,847 I saw the space in a way my opponents never would. 266 00:10:30,314 --> 00:10:31,397 Yes! 267 00:10:31,399 --> 00:10:34,183 I told you guys I'd make one of these! 268 00:10:34,185 --> 00:10:36,118 Turns out, those two points were taken away 269 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,520 because apparently the ball went "out of bounds." 270 00:10:38,522 --> 00:10:39,572 But don't worry, 271 00:10:39,574 --> 00:10:42,024 I'm appealing to the league office. 272 00:10:42,026 --> 00:10:45,311 This Aboubakar-- I'm assuming you showered with the guy? 273 00:10:45,313 --> 00:10:47,079 Paint me a word picture. 274 00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:50,166 Hello. 275 00:10:50,168 --> 00:10:51,467 Lil, is Barney there? 276 00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:52,551 He's not answering his phone. 277 00:10:52,553 --> 00:10:54,387 Mm, he's a little busy right now. 278 00:10:54,389 --> 00:10:55,537 It's Robin. 279 00:10:55,539 --> 00:10:57,473 37... 38... 280 00:10:57,475 --> 00:10:59,175 Put her on speaker. 39... 281 00:10:59,177 --> 00:11:01,043 When did you start being able to do stuff like this? 282 00:11:01,045 --> 00:11:02,878 A few months ago, you had to catch your breath 283 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:03,879 after making a sandwich. 284 00:11:03,881 --> 00:11:05,380 Barney, delete the Robin 285 00:11:05,382 --> 00:11:08,317 and Patrice's BFF Fun Day invite! 286 00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:10,102 Did you break up with Nick yet? 287 00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,487 I can't! He just got some horrible call. 288 00:11:11,489 --> 00:11:13,722 I think a family member might have died or something. 289 00:11:13,724 --> 00:11:15,024 Oh! Yes! Yes! 290 00:11:15,026 --> 00:11:16,742 Yes! Yes! Yes! 291 00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:19,862 I mean, good that Robin can't dump him. 292 00:11:19,864 --> 00:11:21,396 The death part, less good. 293 00:11:21,398 --> 00:11:23,582 Robin, if you dump Nick, 294 00:11:23,584 --> 00:11:26,452 he could get mad and tear your blouse off. 295 00:11:26,454 --> 00:11:28,370 And then he bites you on the neck, 296 00:11:28,372 --> 00:11:30,239 not super hard, just on the brink 297 00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:31,340 between pleasure and pain. 298 00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:32,958 And then that Danish slut Nadia 299 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,844 bursts in... 300 00:11:34,846 --> 00:11:37,579 You can't wait. His groin will heal 301 00:11:37,581 --> 00:11:39,581 and then before you know it, you'll be marrying a man 302 00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:42,268 who once ate a vanilla-scented candle! 303 00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:43,469 That was on me. 304 00:11:43,471 --> 00:11:46,122 I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. 305 00:11:46,124 --> 00:11:48,824 Though, it was lit. Man, he dumb. 306 00:11:48,826 --> 00:11:50,392 The invite goes live in five minutes. 307 00:11:50,394 --> 00:11:51,560 What?! 308 00:11:51,562 --> 00:11:53,646 It goes out automatically unless I stop it, 309 00:11:53,648 --> 00:11:55,815 and that only happens if I hear you dump Nick 310 00:11:55,817 --> 00:11:57,616 on speakerphone before then. 311 00:11:57,618 --> 00:11:59,318 Fine. 312 00:12:02,438 --> 00:12:05,941 Hey, Nick. I'm sorry about that. 313 00:12:05,943 --> 00:12:07,893 Um, listen, 314 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,411 there's something I need 315 00:12:09,413 --> 00:12:10,746 to talk to you about. 316 00:12:10,748 --> 00:12:13,833 No, Robin, I'm sorry. I'm like half here. 317 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:15,951 That phone call, it just... 318 00:12:15,953 --> 00:12:18,804 I got some really bad news. 319 00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:22,174 My doctor did an MRI... 320 00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,926 and... 321 00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:29,598 Oh... Oh, God. What, what is it? 322 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,735 My groin injury is worse than they thought. 323 00:12:32,737 --> 00:12:34,803 I can't play basketball for weeks. 324 00:12:34,805 --> 00:12:37,990 Thank God. I thought he was dying or something. 325 00:12:37,992 --> 00:12:41,310 How many weeks? How many weeks?! 326 00:12:41,312 --> 00:12:43,245 Please tell me it's not a tear 327 00:12:43,247 --> 00:12:44,613 in the iliolumbar ligament. 328 00:12:44,615 --> 00:12:46,749 It's a tear in the "libioflumflar linament." 329 00:12:46,751 --> 00:12:49,585 If it's a small tear, he can still make playoffs. 330 00:12:49,587 --> 00:12:50,586 It's a big tear. 331 00:12:50,588 --> 00:12:52,171 He better not be out for the season. 332 00:12:52,173 --> 00:12:54,340 I'm out for the season. Damn it! 333 00:12:54,342 --> 00:12:57,359 They're going up against The Number Crunchers without me. 334 00:12:57,361 --> 00:13:00,379 It's an after-work basketball league for lawyers 335 00:13:00,381 --> 00:13:03,182 and accountants and architects who sew. 336 00:13:03,184 --> 00:13:05,634 I mean, who takes it that seriously? 337 00:13:05,636 --> 00:13:10,306 No...! 338 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,659 I just hate letting Coach Eriksen down. 339 00:13:13,661 --> 00:13:18,781 I would follow that man through the gates of hell! 340 00:13:18,783 --> 00:13:20,166 Winning. 341 00:13:20,168 --> 00:13:24,353 What do we win when we beat those Number Crunchers 342 00:13:24,355 --> 00:13:26,121 a few short weeks hence? 343 00:13:26,123 --> 00:13:27,540 A game? Sure. 344 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:30,125 A trophy? Sort of. 345 00:13:30,127 --> 00:13:32,461 We win a $25 gift card to Bennigan's, 346 00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:34,997 but what is it that we really win? 347 00:13:34,999 --> 00:13:36,165 The game! 348 00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:37,750 Yes, I said that Nick. 349 00:13:37,752 --> 00:13:39,034 Right. 350 00:13:39,036 --> 00:13:41,203 But we also win 351 00:13:41,205 --> 00:13:42,671 the right to walk tall. 352 00:13:42,673 --> 00:13:43,806 Oh! 353 00:13:43,808 --> 00:13:46,375 The right to call ourselves champions. 354 00:13:46,377 --> 00:13:47,743 Yeah. So we are gonna 355 00:13:47,745 --> 00:13:49,261 go out and we are 356 00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:50,679 gonna wipe the floor with those accountants! 357 00:13:50,681 --> 00:13:53,716 And afterwards, we will feast like kings 358 00:13:53,718 --> 00:13:56,719 on Southwest Fajitas and Cajun shrimp! 359 00:13:56,721 --> 00:14:01,390 And that check, that check will be marginally less expensive! 360 00:14:01,392 --> 00:14:03,108 Yeah! Yeah! 361 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:06,579 Now, they're probably gonna have to pay full price for that meal. 362 00:14:08,082 --> 00:14:12,234 Nick, you are so sweet, but I just... 363 00:14:12,236 --> 00:14:13,568 Good news is 364 00:14:13,570 --> 00:14:16,088 it doesn't really matter if it takes my groin pull 365 00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:17,756 a little longer to heal, 366 00:14:17,758 --> 00:14:20,575 so I may as well start having sex again. 367 00:14:20,577 --> 00:14:21,961 Listening. 368 00:14:21,963 --> 00:14:23,012 Sickening. 369 00:14:23,014 --> 00:14:24,179 Exiting. 370 00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:30,386 Nick... Huh? 371 00:14:30,388 --> 00:14:32,221 I just... 372 00:14:32,223 --> 00:14:34,556 Ah... I... 373 00:14:34,558 --> 00:14:36,709 Hmm? Um... 374 00:14:36,711 --> 00:14:38,110 Mm-hmm? 375 00:14:38,112 --> 00:14:39,261 Oh... 376 00:14:39,263 --> 00:14:43,098 What do you think? 377 00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,234 I think I am suddenly in the mood 378 00:14:45,236 --> 00:14:47,102 for something hot. 379 00:14:47,104 --> 00:14:49,438 I see. Sounds like I should order some cappuccinos. 380 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:52,207 Don't talk till tomorrow morning. 381 00:14:52,209 --> 00:14:53,993 She can't go home with you, Nick. 382 00:14:53,995 --> 00:14:56,462 Barney? Why not? 383 00:14:56,464 --> 00:14:59,748 Because Robin and I are in love. 384 00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,812 Barney, what are you doing here? 385 00:15:07,038 --> 00:15:08,037 Taking care of something 386 00:15:08,039 --> 00:15:09,238 you clearly can't do on your own. 387 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:10,256 I'm sorry, 388 00:15:10,258 --> 00:15:11,957 but you and Robin are done. 389 00:15:11,959 --> 00:15:13,459 What? Robin, what is this? 390 00:15:13,461 --> 00:15:15,411 Barney, look, I-I know what you're doing, okay? 391 00:15:15,413 --> 00:15:16,578 Please stop. 392 00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:18,414 Robin doesn't want to hurt your feelings 393 00:15:18,416 --> 00:15:19,882 because you're a nice guy, 394 00:15:19,884 --> 00:15:21,050 but she thinks 395 00:15:21,052 --> 00:15:22,351 you're stupid and she hates you. 396 00:15:22,353 --> 00:15:23,302 You're welcome. 397 00:15:23,304 --> 00:15:24,553 Stop doing this. 398 00:15:24,555 --> 00:15:26,088 I love her, Nick. 399 00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:27,523 Look, he doesn't love me. 400 00:15:27,525 --> 00:15:29,442 He's just saying this because... 401 00:15:29,444 --> 00:15:30,609 I love everything about her, 402 00:15:30,611 --> 00:15:32,528 and I'm not a guy who says that lightly. 403 00:15:32,530 --> 00:15:34,980 I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life. 404 00:15:34,982 --> 00:15:36,598 I thought love was just something 405 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:37,817 idiots thought they felt, 406 00:15:37,819 --> 00:15:40,069 but this woman has a hold on my heart 407 00:15:40,071 --> 00:15:42,288 that I could not break if I wanted to, 408 00:15:42,290 --> 00:15:43,989 and there have been times 409 00:15:43,991 --> 00:15:45,574 that I wanted to. 410 00:15:45,576 --> 00:15:50,379 It has been overwhelming and humbling 411 00:15:50,381 --> 00:15:54,800 and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her 412 00:15:54,802 --> 00:15:57,052 any more than I could stop breathing. 413 00:15:58,338 --> 00:16:02,341 I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. 414 00:16:03,427 --> 00:16:06,328 More than she knows. 415 00:16:10,767 --> 00:16:12,017 Robin, 416 00:16:12,019 --> 00:16:13,569 is this true? 417 00:16:14,804 --> 00:16:16,989 You heard him. 418 00:16:18,525 --> 00:16:20,810 Oh, wow, it feels like I have 419 00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:24,196 a pulled groin muscle in my heart. 420 00:16:24,198 --> 00:16:25,948 Nick, I-I'm so sorry. 421 00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:28,200 I just think that maybe... 422 00:16:28,202 --> 00:16:30,002 Pardon me. 423 00:16:30,004 --> 00:16:32,838 But did you just also get your heart broken? 424 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,458 Yes. I just got 425 00:16:35,460 --> 00:16:39,011 my heart broken, too! 426 00:16:39,013 --> 00:16:41,163 Well, do the... the two of you... 427 00:16:41,932 --> 00:16:43,682 ...want to come back to my place? 428 00:16:43,684 --> 00:16:46,802 Yes. Yes. Come on. 429 00:16:48,472 --> 00:16:52,107 Thus concluded the Autumn of Breakups, 430 00:16:52,109 --> 00:16:53,509 Wow. 431 00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:55,194 - Crazy, right? - Yeah, 432 00:16:55,196 --> 00:16:57,196 you know what would be really crazy? 433 00:16:57,198 --> 00:16:58,364 If all of 'em 434 00:16:58,366 --> 00:17:03,352 got it on-- Barney, Robin, Nick, and those two women, 435 00:17:03,354 --> 00:17:06,155 and you just know Nadia's watching in the corner 436 00:17:06,157 --> 00:17:07,857 with her pet snake. 437 00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,742 Okay, why aren't you two having sex? 438 00:17:09,744 --> 00:17:11,126 What? 439 00:17:11,128 --> 00:17:12,628 Excuse me? 440 00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:14,997 Lily has been slobbering over Robin's sex life 441 00:17:14,999 --> 00:17:18,300 like a cartoon hobo watching a pie cool on a windowsill, 442 00:17:18,302 --> 00:17:19,668 and you-- 443 00:17:19,670 --> 00:17:22,137 the only other time you've ever exercised this seriously 444 00:17:22,139 --> 00:17:24,206 was when Lily had mono freshman year 445 00:17:24,208 --> 00:17:25,724 and I caught you doing one-armed push-ups 446 00:17:25,726 --> 00:17:28,043 with your genitals over a bowl of ice. 447 00:17:28,045 --> 00:17:29,144 So, when did 448 00:17:29,146 --> 00:17:31,981 you stop doing it and why? 449 00:17:32,732 --> 00:17:34,817 It was, you know, 450 00:17:34,819 --> 00:17:37,436 before Marvin was born. 451 00:17:37,438 --> 00:17:39,021 What? Th-That's insane. 452 00:17:39,023 --> 00:17:41,524 Well, you have to wait a while after having a kid, 453 00:17:41,526 --> 00:17:44,693 and, and then you're exhausted from being up all night. 454 00:17:44,695 --> 00:17:48,497 And then this uncanny phenomenon began. 455 00:18:09,986 --> 00:18:11,120 Wow, 456 00:18:11,122 --> 00:18:12,688 you guys got to fix this. 457 00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:14,523 It's not that easy. 458 00:18:16,894 --> 00:18:18,894 Ted, having a kid 459 00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:20,396 changes things. 460 00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:24,483 You don't have the time or energy, you're never alone. 461 00:18:24,485 --> 00:18:26,619 Come here. 462 00:18:26,621 --> 00:18:28,537 What are you doing? 463 00:18:28,539 --> 00:18:30,122 Taking Marvin for a walk 464 00:18:30,124 --> 00:18:32,774 so you guys can have some privacy. 465 00:18:32,776 --> 00:18:34,710 Oh, Ted, come on, 466 00:18:34,712 --> 00:18:36,528 that's, that's just not the way that it works. 467 00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:38,714 Yeah, it's not like we can have sex on cue. 468 00:18:38,716 --> 00:18:40,749 Yeah, I'll give you guys plenty of time. 469 00:18:40,751 --> 00:18:42,334 Maybe I'll even 470 00:18:42,336 --> 00:18:43,969 swing by the gym, show Marvin 471 00:18:43,971 --> 00:18:46,005 where his Uncle Ted made "the shot." 472 00:18:46,007 --> 00:18:47,590 If I'm late, 473 00:18:47,592 --> 00:18:49,758 it's 'cause I've been delayed by autograph seekers. 474 00:18:51,561 --> 00:18:53,646 Oh, forgot Marvin's diaper bag. 475 00:18:53,648 --> 00:18:54,647 Yowza! 476 00:18:54,649 --> 00:18:56,949 Okay. 477 00:18:56,951 --> 00:18:59,818 And the Oscar for Best Fake Romantic Speech 478 00:18:59,820 --> 00:19:01,803 goes to Barney Stinson. 479 00:19:01,805 --> 00:19:04,473 I'd like to thank all the ladies over the years 480 00:19:04,475 --> 00:19:06,475 with whom I've practiced fake romantic speeches 481 00:19:06,477 --> 00:19:08,243 and, of course, Robin Scherbatsky 482 00:19:08,245 --> 00:19:10,329 for being so hypnotized by hog 483 00:19:10,331 --> 00:19:12,364 that she needed me to come and save her. 484 00:19:12,366 --> 00:19:14,667 You know what? I didn't need your help. 485 00:19:14,669 --> 00:19:18,671 You were this close to ripping off his misbuttoned shirt 486 00:19:18,673 --> 00:19:22,091 and pulling down his inside-out underpants. 487 00:19:22,093 --> 00:19:25,210 I'll give you this, you were pretty convincing. 488 00:19:25,212 --> 00:19:27,963 Hey, tricking good-looking idiots is kind of my thing. 489 00:19:27,965 --> 00:19:30,182 No. 490 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:35,137 I mean, you were really convincing. 491 00:19:38,191 --> 00:19:39,224 Please. 492 00:19:39,226 --> 00:19:40,809 I was bro-ing you out. 493 00:19:41,622 --> 00:19:43,756 I'm just glad he bought it so quick. 494 00:19:43,758 --> 00:19:48,160 Any longer, I'd have had to kiss you. 495 00:19:54,936 --> 00:19:56,135 Hello. 496 00:19:56,137 --> 00:19:58,103 Whoo, oh, my God, Robin, BFF Fun Day! 497 00:19:58,105 --> 00:19:59,555 That's the most amazing thing ever. 498 00:19:59,557 --> 00:20:02,575 Like, you totally read my mind... Hey, Patrice. 499 00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:04,860 Oh, you got the invite, great. 500 00:20:04,862 --> 00:20:06,829 Uh, yeah, uh, let me call you back. 501 00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,541 This is so fantastic, I can't even catch my breath. 502 00:20:08,566 --> 00:20:09,399 Mm-hmm, yeah. 503 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,817 Yeah, yeah, yeah! 504 00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:13,152 You know what I forgot to do? 505 00:20:15,022 --> 00:20:19,909 ♪ Like a fool, I went and stayed too long ♪ 506 00:20:19,911 --> 00:20:22,711 ♪ Now I'm wondering if your love's still strong ♪ 507 00:20:22,713 --> 00:20:25,714 ♪ Ooh, baby, here I am 508 00:20:25,716 --> 00:20:29,668 ♪ Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours. ♪ 509 00:20:31,890 --> 00:20:32,974 Hey, T-Squares. 510 00:20:33,455 --> 00:20:35,388 Well, bad news. 511 00:20:35,390 --> 00:20:37,407 Heard back from the league office. 512 00:20:37,409 --> 00:20:40,243 My shot is not going to count. 513 00:20:40,245 --> 00:20:42,529 But onwards and upwards, right? 514 00:20:42,531 --> 00:20:43,847 What do you cats want 515 00:20:43,849 --> 00:20:45,698 to rap about, huh? 516 00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:48,434 Listen, Coach... you're great. 517 00:20:48,436 --> 00:20:52,422 And we all really want to stay friends. 518 00:20:55,092 --> 00:20:57,076 I can change, I can... 519 00:20:57,078 --> 00:20:58,695 Come on, we, we had some good times. 520 00:20:59,934 --> 00:21:01,200 Things have been weird lately and... 521 00:21:03,190 --> 00:21:04,656 Is there another architect? Just tell me. 522 00:21:04,658 --> 00:21:09,658 == sync, corrected by elderman ==