1
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,303
Kids, in the spring of 2013,
2
00:00:04,403 --> 00:00:07,154
we were all tying up loose ends
before the big wedding.
3
00:00:07,263 --> 00:00:08,929
I was right here
in this very room,
4
00:00:08,931 --> 00:00:10,681
putting the finishing touches
on the house.
5
00:00:14,686 --> 00:00:17,771
Oh, come on!
6
00:00:17,773 --> 00:00:20,074
NARRATOR: Barney and Robin
were wrapping up rehearsal
7
00:00:20,076 --> 00:00:21,008
for their first dance.
8
00:00:21,010 --> 00:00:23,444
That was amazing.
We can do better.
9
00:00:23,446 --> 00:00:24,644
Back to one, everyone!
10
00:00:24,646 --> 00:00:28,015
Reload the cannons,
we'll go again right away.
11
00:00:28,017 --> 00:00:30,150
(sighs)
12
00:00:30,152 --> 00:00:31,502
NARRATOR: And Lily and Marshall
were packing
13
00:00:31,504 --> 00:00:33,754
for their year in Italy.
14
00:00:33,756 --> 00:00:34,955
(phone rings)
15
00:00:34,957 --> 00:00:36,924
Hello.
16
00:00:36,926 --> 00:00:38,842
How's my favorite
daughter-in-law?
17
00:00:38,844 --> 00:00:39,877
Oh, things are
18
00:00:39,879 --> 00:00:41,044
a bit crazy here.
19
00:00:41,046 --> 00:00:43,013
We've got this big move to Rome
coming up,
20
00:00:43,015 --> 00:00:44,715
and I, I just can't shake
the feeling
21
00:00:44,717 --> 00:00:46,967
that I'm forgetting something,
you know.
22
00:00:46,969 --> 00:00:49,520
I know, I know,
I'm being crazy, right?
23
00:00:49,522 --> 00:00:51,271
Right, Judy?
24
00:00:51,273 --> 00:00:52,356
Right,
Judy?
25
00:00:52,358 --> 00:00:55,109
You're moving to Rome?!
26
00:00:55,944 --> 00:00:57,010
(whispering):
Is that my mom?
27
00:00:57,012 --> 00:00:59,646
Don't mention Rome.
28
00:01:00,610 --> 00:01:04,610
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x24 ♪
Something New
Original Air Date on May 13, 2013
29
00:01:04,635 --> 00:01:09,635
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
30
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,807
You didn't tell
your mom about Rome?
31
00:01:15,808 --> 00:01:17,617
It didn't feel right.
32
00:01:17,618 --> 00:01:19,168
This isn't
over-the-phone news.
33
00:01:19,170 --> 00:01:20,586
This is face-to-face news.
34
00:01:20,588 --> 00:01:23,288
I was gonna tell her
when we see her at Christmas.
35
00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:24,673
You were gonna wait and tell her
36
00:01:24,675 --> 00:01:27,176
after we had already been living
there for six months?
37
00:01:27,178 --> 00:01:29,962
That... was a great plan.
38
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,096
Damn it.
39
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:34,800
Hey, Mom, it's Marshall.
40
00:01:34,802 --> 00:01:36,268
If you're moving to Rome,
41
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:40,472
I at least need to see
my grandson before you go!
42
00:01:40,474 --> 00:01:42,891
Of course, and that is why
we would love
43
00:01:42,893 --> 00:01:45,144
for you to come visit us
for a week.
44
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:47,196
No.
45
00:01:47,198 --> 00:01:48,897
The place will be all packed up.
46
00:01:48,899 --> 00:01:51,683
Oh, oh, uh, okay, hey, Mom,
better idea:
47
00:01:51,685 --> 00:01:54,069
how about we all come visit you
for a week?
48
00:01:54,071 --> 00:01:55,788
I can't go to Minnesota
for a week.
49
00:01:55,790 --> 00:01:57,873
I have a job.
50
00:01:57,875 --> 00:02:00,526
Okay, Mom, here's the plan:
um, Lily has to work,
51
00:02:00,528 --> 00:02:04,029
so Marvin and I will come visit
you for a whole week,
52
00:02:04,031 --> 00:02:05,951
and I-I'll see if I can
get a last-minute flight.
53
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:10,385
You are going to take
my infant son
54
00:02:10,387 --> 00:02:12,671
away from me for a whole week?
55
00:02:12,673 --> 00:02:15,674
Whoo!
56
00:02:15,676 --> 00:02:17,860
So, what do you want
to do tonight--
57
00:02:17,862 --> 00:02:20,262
drink ourselves blind,
set a car on fire?
58
00:02:20,264 --> 00:02:22,815
(gasps) Ooh, watch a movie
that doesn't start
59
00:02:22,817 --> 00:02:25,684
with a desk lamp jumping
on top of a capital "I"?
60
00:02:26,336 --> 00:02:27,936
I'm all yours, Teddy Westside.
61
00:02:27,938 --> 00:02:30,522
Actually, tonight
it's Teddy Westchester.
62
00:02:30,524 --> 00:02:32,741
Got to head up to the house,
take care of some stuff.
63
00:02:32,743 --> 00:02:35,110
Oh, yeah,
how's the restoration going?
64
00:02:35,112 --> 00:02:37,779
Actually, done.
65
00:02:37,781 --> 00:02:38,831
You finished the house?
66
00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:40,616
Well, I want to see it.
67
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,167
Marshall already canceled
the cable, huh?
68
00:02:42,169 --> 00:02:43,585
And the Wi-Fi.
It's like Little House
69
00:02:43,587 --> 00:02:44,903
on the Freaking Prairie
up there.
70
00:02:44,905 --> 00:02:46,121
Mm-hmm.
71
00:02:47,624 --> 00:02:50,175
Well, the wedding
planning is done,
72
00:02:50,177 --> 00:02:53,846
so tonight is all about relaxing
and celebrating
73
00:02:53,848 --> 00:02:55,848
everything that makes us
awesome,
74
00:02:55,850 --> 00:02:56,748
which is why
75
00:02:56,750 --> 00:02:58,967
I requested our favorite table.
76
00:02:58,969 --> 00:03:01,019
The one by the window.
77
00:03:01,021 --> 00:03:04,439
Where we were sitting the night
we saw those two bums fighting.
78
00:03:04,441 --> 00:03:06,191
BOTH:
Over a sandwich.
79
00:03:06,193 --> 00:03:08,777
(both laughing)
80
00:03:08,779 --> 00:03:10,229
We almost called the cops.
(sighs)
81
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:12,648
And then we realized
they weren't fighting at all.
82
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,032
They were making love.
83
00:03:14,034 --> 00:03:14,867
(sighs)
84
00:03:14,869 --> 00:03:16,535
Over a sandwich.
85
00:03:16,537 --> 00:03:18,871
Oh, I almost forgot.
86
00:03:18,873 --> 00:03:20,372
(gasps)
87
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:21,456
Ha-ha, yeah.
No way, is that...?
88
00:03:21,458 --> 00:03:23,659
El Piramide.
89
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:26,245
The first cigar
we ever smoked together.
90
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:27,913
Aw, Barney.
91
00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:28,714
(chuckles)
92
00:03:28,716 --> 00:03:30,382
WOMAN:
Excuse me.
93
00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:31,449
Hi.
94
00:03:31,451 --> 00:03:33,018
Could you not?
Thanks.
95
00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:34,136
Uh...
96
00:03:34,138 --> 00:03:35,504
dude, I'm not gonna
light 'em up in here.
97
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,289
I'm just looking
at 'em.
98
00:03:37,291 --> 00:03:39,258
Right, but even
when they're unlit,
99
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,626
the smell-- it's very...
100
00:03:41,628 --> 00:03:42,511
Pungent.
101
00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:44,563
Exactly--
thank you.
102
00:03:44,565 --> 00:03:47,983
It's a very pungent smell.
103
00:03:47,985 --> 00:03:50,402
So, could you not?
104
00:03:50,404 --> 00:03:51,603
Thanks.
105
00:03:52,789 --> 00:03:55,274
Okay.
106
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:57,859
(sighs)
107
00:03:57,861 --> 00:04:02,030
I'm sorry, can you also
put the bag away?
108
00:04:02,032 --> 00:04:07,085
It-It's just really
unappetizing to look at.
109
00:04:07,087 --> 00:04:08,620
You're unappetizing to look at.
110
00:04:08,622 --> 00:04:11,156
You know what?
Um, I'll put them away, okay?
111
00:04:11,158 --> 00:04:12,291
Enjoy your night.
112
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:14,710
We'll try.
113
00:04:16,179 --> 00:04:17,996
Did those two just become
our archenemies?
114
00:04:17,998 --> 00:04:19,298
No, Robin, they've
always been
115
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,349
our archenemies.
116
00:04:20,351 --> 00:04:23,769
They've only just
revealed themselves.
117
00:04:23,771 --> 00:04:24,937
Hi, Kristen?
118
00:04:24,939 --> 00:04:26,888
Everyone pronounces it wrong.
(groans)
119
00:04:26,890 --> 00:04:29,141
The "R" is
after the "I""
120
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,058
Kirsten.
121
00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,643
And before the "I""
122
00:04:31,645 --> 00:04:34,563
(sighs)
It's Krirsten.
123
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,098
Your table's ready.
124
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,619
Wow, they're "trerrible""
125
00:04:40,621 --> 00:04:41,570
You know what?
126
00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:43,205
Don't even think
about them, okay?
127
00:04:43,207 --> 00:04:45,540
Tonight is about celebrating us.
You're right, you're right.
128
00:04:45,542 --> 00:04:48,243
We shouldn't let a couple...
MAN: Nope, nope.
129
00:04:48,245 --> 00:04:49,828
I'm a self-diagnosed
claustrophobic.
130
00:04:49,830 --> 00:04:52,047
I have to sit
next to the window.
131
00:04:52,049 --> 00:04:53,799
No, that's our table,
that's our table,
132
00:04:53,801 --> 00:04:55,667
that's our table, that's our table,
that's our table,
133
00:04:55,669 --> 00:04:57,169
that's our table.
134
00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:59,087
(groans)
135
00:04:59,089 --> 00:05:00,472
You know what?
136
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,391
Screw celebrating us.
You know what we're gonna do?
137
00:05:02,393 --> 00:05:05,543
BOTH: Make those smug,
obnoxious sons of bitches pay.
138
00:05:05,545 --> 00:05:06,878
Aw...
139
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,814
(both giggle)
140
00:05:08,816 --> 00:05:11,149
NARRATOR: So Aunt Lily and I drove up
to Westchester.
141
00:05:11,151 --> 00:05:12,184
(phone rings)
142
00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:14,552
Hey, baby,
143
00:05:14,554 --> 00:05:15,437
how's Minnesota?
144
00:05:15,439 --> 00:05:17,155
MARSHALL:
It is so much fun.
145
00:05:17,157 --> 00:05:18,440
Oh, hold on one sec.
146
00:05:18,442 --> 00:05:21,576
Marshall, I made you this
welcome-home ice cream sundae.
147
00:05:21,578 --> 00:05:24,112
But I can't remember,
do you like crushed nuts?
148
00:05:24,114 --> 00:05:25,230
MARSHALL:
I love
149
00:05:25,232 --> 00:05:26,448
crushed nuts.
150
00:05:26,450 --> 00:05:28,000
Oh!
151
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:32,437
Anyway, it's,
it's great to be home.
152
00:05:32,439 --> 00:05:33,789
How's Judy doing?
153
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:34,873
Oh, she's great.
154
00:05:34,875 --> 00:05:36,041
It's cute, you know,
she keeps joking
155
00:05:36,043 --> 00:05:37,909
about how she's not
gonna let us leave.
156
00:05:37,911 --> 00:05:39,411
I'm really not.
157
00:05:39,413 --> 00:05:40,912
It's not a joke.
158
00:05:40,914 --> 00:05:41,880
(laughing)
159
00:05:41,882 --> 00:05:46,134
(all laughing)
160
00:05:46,136 --> 00:05:47,969
Judy's going to talk him
out of going to Rome.
161
00:05:47,971 --> 00:05:50,355
I knew something was going
to screw up our plans,
162
00:05:50,357 --> 00:05:51,690
and this is it.
163
00:05:51,692 --> 00:05:54,059
She is going to convince him
never to leave the country.
164
00:05:54,061 --> 00:05:55,944
I think
you're imagining things.
165
00:05:55,946 --> 00:05:59,197
Oh, yeah? Well, check out
what's already on Facebook.
166
00:05:59,199 --> 00:06:00,932
Inconclusive.
167
00:06:00,934 --> 00:06:02,868
Oh, really?
168
00:06:04,737 --> 00:06:05,987
It's getting
conclusiver.
169
00:06:05,989 --> 00:06:06,938
Hey, Lily.
170
00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:09,241
What?
Come on.
171
00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:12,127
Okay, open 'em.
172
00:06:12,129 --> 00:06:14,746
Your eyes-- sorry,
they should have been closed.
173
00:06:14,748 --> 00:06:15,747
That one's on me.
174
00:06:15,749 --> 00:06:16,748
Let's try again.
175
00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:17,782
Wow.
176
00:06:17,784 --> 00:06:21,136
Ted, you did this
all yourself?
177
00:06:21,138 --> 00:06:24,306
Just like Ryan Gosling
in The Notebook.
178
00:06:24,308 --> 00:06:26,258
I was pretty manly
till I mentioned
179
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,393
Ryan Gosling
in The Notebook, huh?
180
00:06:28,395 --> 00:06:29,978
Even I haven't seen it, Ted.
181
00:06:30,847 --> 00:06:32,564
Just think, this is the house
182
00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:34,182
your kids are going
to grow up in.
183
00:06:34,184 --> 00:06:37,319
They are going to
roast marshmallows
184
00:06:37,321 --> 00:06:38,970
in this fireplace.
185
00:06:38,972 --> 00:06:40,021
They're gonna
experiment
186
00:06:40,023 --> 00:06:42,190
with recreational drugs
187
00:06:42,192 --> 00:06:43,525
on that porch.
188
00:06:43,527 --> 00:06:44,776
They're gonna sit
on a couch right here
189
00:06:44,778 --> 00:06:46,495
and listen to your
boring stories about...
190
00:06:46,497 --> 00:06:49,698
"For sale" sign?
191
00:06:50,616 --> 00:06:52,284
Are you selling this place?
192
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:54,453
Yeah.
193
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:55,954
Why?
194
00:06:56,789 --> 00:07:00,926
Because I'm moving to Chicago.
195
00:07:06,887 --> 00:07:08,805
Ow.
196
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,353
So, what are
we gonna do--
197
00:07:10,355 --> 00:07:11,555
put something in their food,
198
00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:13,573
key their car?
Ooh,
199
00:07:13,575 --> 00:07:15,275
do either
of those cigars explode?
200
00:07:15,277 --> 00:07:18,378
Hold on, Wile E. Coyote,
I think I got something.
201
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,631
He's checking
out the hostess.
202
00:07:21,633 --> 00:07:25,101
Now, a guy who's happily in
a relationship sees a girl
203
00:07:25,103 --> 00:07:29,823
like that, he'll check her out
maybe 14, 15 times, tops.
204
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,375
16 times, tops.
205
00:07:32,377 --> 00:07:36,246
So Krirsten's more invested
in the relationship
206
00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,381
than her fella is.
207
00:07:38,383 --> 00:07:40,166
That could spell trouble.
208
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:42,135
Challenge accepted.
209
00:07:43,220 --> 00:07:45,288
Hey, do you think it's bad luck
for a bride
210
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:48,258
to break up two strangers
a week before her wedding?
211
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:52,646
I'd say it's very bad luck...
for Krirsten.
212
00:07:52,648 --> 00:07:54,764
(both laughing)
213
00:07:57,768 --> 00:08:00,637
Ow, I hate this table so much!
214
00:08:00,639 --> 00:08:01,738
Why would you move
215
00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,356
to Chicago?
216
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,158
Because it's the perfect town
for me.
217
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,277
I-It's like a Clevelandy
New York,
218
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:08,811
and-- don't act like
you haven't noticed--
219
00:08:08,813 --> 00:08:11,114
my hair excels in the wind.
220
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,165
Besides,
221
00:08:12,167 --> 00:08:13,416
you're moving to Rome.
222
00:08:13,418 --> 00:08:16,002
Yeah, for a year,
a-and when we get back,
223
00:08:16,004 --> 00:08:18,171
we need you to be here waiting
for us,
224
00:08:18,173 --> 00:08:21,841
hopefully living in this house
with your future bride.
225
00:08:21,843 --> 00:08:24,044
Wha... what future bride?
226
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:25,095
The girl.
227
00:08:25,097 --> 00:08:26,112
She's out there
228
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,131
walking around New York City
right now,
229
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,767
probably in a pair
of really cute boots
230
00:08:30,769 --> 00:08:32,669
that she's gonna let me borrow
whenever I want
231
00:08:32,671 --> 00:08:33,887
because we're the same size.
232
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,555
She is out there, Ted.
233
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:38,274
Is she, really?
Because I've looked.
234
00:08:38,276 --> 00:08:39,309
I have looked high
235
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:41,561
and low for someone I can love
236
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,980
and adore and cook waffles for.
237
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,532
The closest I've come is
Marshall.
238
00:08:45,534 --> 00:08:46,683
He does love your waffles.
239
00:08:46,685 --> 00:08:47,850
It's the
cinnamon.
240
00:08:47,852 --> 00:08:49,369
I add cinnamon.
241
00:08:50,204 --> 00:08:52,322
She's not in New York.
242
00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:53,856
Maybe she's in Chicago.
(phone rings)
243
00:08:53,858 --> 00:08:56,660
Okay, you are being ridiculous.
244
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:59,162
You are going to find someone
here in New York
245
00:08:59,164 --> 00:09:01,247
that you love
just as much as I love Marshall.
246
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,632
And you,
247
00:09:02,634 --> 00:09:06,703
if you let Judy talk you out
of going to Italy, so help me,
248
00:09:06,705 --> 00:09:10,507
I will never let you stuff
my ravioli again.
249
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,258
I'm gonna take you
off speaker.
250
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,543
Lily, you got to relax.
251
00:09:13,545 --> 00:09:16,596
Okay, my mom is psyched
about Italy.
252
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,064
She keeps making jokes
about how she's gonna
253
00:09:18,066 --> 00:09:21,768
come live with us in Rome
and sleep on the couch
254
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,069
and cook every meal for us
255
00:09:23,071 --> 00:09:25,071
so we never have to go
to a restaurant
256
00:09:25,073 --> 00:09:26,222
the whole year we're there.
257
00:09:26,224 --> 00:09:27,273
It's not a joke.
258
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,241
By not saying no
259
00:09:28,243 --> 00:09:30,276
to me right now,
you are giving me
260
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,529
your full consent
for that to happen.
261
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:33,780
(laughs)
262
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,166
(laughing and mumbling)
263
00:09:36,168 --> 00:09:37,400
(forced laugh)
264
00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:38,735
I got to go.
265
00:09:38,737 --> 00:09:40,903
BARNEY: "I'm probably saying
some political stuff
266
00:09:40,905 --> 00:09:42,172
right now to sound smart."
267
00:09:42,174 --> 00:09:44,708
"I'm probably referring
to some snooty podcast
268
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,593
to sound even smarter."
269
00:09:46,595 --> 00:09:48,128
"I'm probably saying
something in French."
270
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,345
Aah!
271
00:09:49,347 --> 00:09:50,346
My God...
272
00:09:50,348 --> 00:09:52,265
Ow.
273
00:09:52,267 --> 00:09:53,266
Okay,
274
00:09:53,268 --> 00:09:54,284
you want to break them up?
275
00:09:54,286 --> 00:09:55,468
I got a plan.
276
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,637
It's something I know has worked
in the past,
277
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,055
but it-it's, it's risky,
278
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:01,558
so it's, it's not too late
to call it off.
279
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:02,290
No way, I'm in.
280
00:10:02,315 --> 00:10:04,145
Good, 'cause it's too late
to call it off.
281
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,979
Observe.
282
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:07,197
And that is
why the senate
283
00:10:07,199 --> 00:10:08,698
can't push anything through.
284
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:10,018
And Doug Mand said
the same thing in his podcast.
285
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:12,725
It's like,
"Après moi le déluge!"
286
00:10:12,954 --> 00:10:14,537
(laughing)
287
00:10:16,707 --> 00:10:18,775
Ooh.
288
00:10:18,777 --> 00:10:19,793
Oh, my gosh.
289
00:10:19,795 --> 00:10:21,327
Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh.
290
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,580
Yes, yes, yes.
291
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:24,714
Yes!
292
00:10:24,716 --> 00:10:25,465
MAN:
What?
293
00:10:25,467 --> 00:10:26,783
KRIRSTEN:
Yes!
294
00:10:26,785 --> 00:10:27,950
I will marry you!
295
00:10:27,952 --> 00:10:29,502
(chuckles) Even though
a ring in a champagne glass
296
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,254
is a total cliché
and this is a cushion cut.
297
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:33,289
And how long have I been hinting
that I want a princess cut?
298
00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:34,424
But yes!
299
00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:35,975
That's a mistake.
That's not from me.
300
00:10:35,977 --> 00:10:37,960
It's not?
301
00:10:37,962 --> 00:10:41,231
We've only been together
seven years.
302
00:10:41,233 --> 00:10:44,150
Now it becomes clear.
Here we go.
303
00:10:44,152 --> 00:10:46,603
You want commitment the same way
you want my brother to work for you.
304
00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:49,356
I'm sorry I didn't put an
engagement ring in your drink.
305
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:52,642
The way you chug booze,
I'm surprised you even noticed.
306
00:10:52,644 --> 00:10:54,811
So, when are you leaving?
307
00:10:54,813 --> 00:10:56,279
Day after the wedding.
308
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:57,447
What?
309
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,616
You can't miss the day
after the wedding.
310
00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:02,836
That's when we sit around
all hungover, drinking mimosas
311
00:11:02,838 --> 00:11:05,038
and talking smack
about who looked fat.
312
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,006
That's my Christmas.
313
00:11:07,008 --> 00:11:10,176
Why are you in such a rush
to get out of there?
314
00:11:11,579 --> 00:11:14,013
Oh.
315
00:11:14,015 --> 00:11:16,499
Of course.
316
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:18,601
You're not leaving
because you think
317
00:11:18,603 --> 00:11:20,770
the love of your life
isn't in New York.
318
00:11:20,772 --> 00:11:22,939
You're leaving because
you think she is.
319
00:11:22,941 --> 00:11:24,324
And this time next week,
320
00:11:24,326 --> 00:11:27,360
she'll be married
to your best friend.
321
00:11:27,362 --> 00:11:29,145
(phone rings)
322
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,814
(sighs) Baby!
323
00:11:30,816 --> 00:11:32,014
I am in the middle
324
00:11:32,016 --> 00:11:33,366
of something super
dramatic here.
325
00:11:33,368 --> 00:11:36,202
But real quick: If you let Judy
come to Rome with us,
326
00:11:36,204 --> 00:11:38,071
you are going to have
to find someone else
327
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,156
to do your laundry
and massage your feet.
328
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:43,293
Oh, my gosh, she's going to do
all that, won't she?
329
00:11:43,295 --> 00:11:45,211
Lily, you have to stop
freaking out.
330
00:11:45,213 --> 00:11:47,630
Nothing is going to screw up
the plan.
331
00:11:47,632 --> 00:11:49,115
We're doing this.
332
00:11:49,117 --> 00:11:50,550
I love you.
333
00:11:50,552 --> 00:11:52,502
I love you, baby. Bye.
334
00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:55,755
(phone rings)
335
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,140
Hello?
336
00:11:57,142 --> 00:11:58,508
Hi. Marshall Eriksen?
337
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:01,594
I'm calling from the New York
State Judiciary Committee.
338
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:04,013
Uh, you applied for a judgeship
a few months ago, remember?
339
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,682
Uh, of... of course.
340
00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:06,933
Well, I have good news.
341
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,102
We have a last-minute opening
on the bench.
342
00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,154
What are you saying to me
right now?
343
00:12:11,156 --> 00:12:12,739
I'm saying congratulations.
344
00:12:12,741 --> 00:12:14,908
We want you to be a judge.
345
00:12:20,738 --> 00:12:22,495
So, you want me to be a judge?
Yes.
346
00:12:22,496 --> 00:12:24,628
And I would start a week from Tuesday?
Yes.
347
00:12:24,676 --> 00:12:26,464
Could I maybe start
a year from Tuesday?
348
00:12:26,489 --> 00:12:27,128
No.
349
00:12:27,129 --> 00:12:28,828
Got to be a week from Tuesday?
Yes.
350
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:30,330
And I'd be a real judge?
Yes.
351
00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:31,364
With a robe?
Yes.
352
00:12:31,366 --> 00:12:32,332
Gavel?
Yes.
353
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,134
Wacky Southern accent?
No.
354
00:12:34,136 --> 00:12:35,402
(bad Southern accent):
Now, counselor,
355
00:12:35,404 --> 00:12:36,553
are you absolutely sure?
356
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:37,055
Yes.
357
00:12:37,064 --> 00:12:38,372
And I have to be
in New York for this?
358
00:12:38,373 --> 00:12:39,856
Yes.
I can't telecommute?
359
00:12:39,858 --> 00:12:40,364
No.
360
00:12:40,389 --> 00:12:42,142
I couldn't be the crazy
speakerphone judge?
361
00:12:42,143 --> 00:12:43,976
No.
Could I be a hologram?
362
00:12:43,978 --> 00:12:45,578
No.
Animatronic robot
363
00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:47,664
like Abe Lincoln
from the Hall of Presidents
364
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:49,515
that I control from afar
with a joystick?
365
00:12:49,540 --> 00:12:50,451
No.
366
00:12:50,452 --> 00:12:52,786
Do you remember the giant
Jor-El head from Superman?
367
00:12:52,788 --> 00:12:54,087
Yes.
Well, what if I...?
368
00:12:54,089 --> 00:12:55,672
No.
Is there any way
369
00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:57,340
that I could do this
370
00:12:57,342 --> 00:13:00,343
and also spend
the next year of my life
371
00:13:00,345 --> 00:13:02,228
in Italy with my wife?
No.
372
00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:04,297
This is such a big decision.
373
00:13:04,299 --> 00:13:06,516
I-I'm not good at big decisions.
374
00:13:06,518 --> 00:13:09,302
Are you sure you want
to be a judge?
375
00:13:10,671 --> 00:13:14,023
Wow. Now that we've broken up
a seven-year relationship
376
00:13:14,025 --> 00:13:15,725
just 'cause they
stole our table,
377
00:13:15,727 --> 00:13:17,610
I feel kind of...
Awesome?
378
00:13:17,612 --> 00:13:20,196
I was going to say horny,
but yeah, awesome, too.
379
00:13:20,198 --> 00:13:22,232
(both laughing)
380
00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:23,450
No way.
381
00:13:23,452 --> 00:13:24,868
Are you kidding me?
What?
382
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,069
BARNEY: Whoa. Is there
going to be a fight?
383
00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:27,320
Okay, here's the play.
384
00:13:27,322 --> 00:13:29,289
You take the girl, and
the guy and I will watch.
385
00:13:29,291 --> 00:13:31,858
Hello. Just the people
we want to see.
386
00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:35,528
We got in a pretty big fight
because of you guys.
387
00:13:35,530 --> 00:13:37,297
We had to call our
therapists after hours.
388
00:13:37,299 --> 00:13:39,299
Not cool.
389
00:13:39,301 --> 00:13:41,134
Anyway, it got us
to where we are now.
390
00:13:41,136 --> 00:13:42,585
We're getting married!
391
00:13:43,471 --> 00:13:44,671
And I'm taking
her last name.
392
00:13:44,673 --> 00:13:46,256
You should think
about doing the same thing.
393
00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:47,974
Well, good night.
Good night.
394
00:13:47,976 --> 00:13:49,676
Good night.
Congratulations.
395
00:13:49,678 --> 00:13:52,011
Yes, definitely.
396
00:13:52,013 --> 00:13:54,230
That was us.
397
00:13:54,232 --> 00:13:57,100
We made that happen.
398
00:13:57,102 --> 00:13:59,018
We're pretty cool.
399
00:13:59,020 --> 00:14:01,354
And, you know,
a week from today,
400
00:14:01,356 --> 00:14:04,691
we are going to be legend...
wait for it...
401
00:14:04,693 --> 00:14:05,742
Married.
402
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:07,677
Legend-married.
Legend-married.
403
00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:09,863
(both laughing)
404
00:14:09,865 --> 00:14:13,116
Robin Scherbatsky,
I love you so damn much.
405
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:15,702
I love you, too,
Barney Scherbatsky.
406
00:14:15,704 --> 00:14:17,370
That sounds good.
407
00:14:17,372 --> 00:14:18,922
Shh.
Think about it.
408
00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:20,423
TED:
They're happy.
409
00:14:20,425 --> 00:14:22,342
And I'm happy for them.
410
00:14:22,344 --> 00:14:24,794
I want them to have an amazing
life together. I just...
411
00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:26,846
I just think it would
be best for everyone
412
00:14:26,848 --> 00:14:28,131
if I wasn't around for it.
413
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:32,051
Did something happen recently
between you and Robin?
414
00:14:32,053 --> 00:14:33,636
No.
415
00:14:33,638 --> 00:14:35,338
Where's the poop, Ted?
416
00:14:37,257 --> 00:14:39,442
She called me up the other day.
417
00:14:39,444 --> 00:14:41,260
She was trying
to dig up this locket
418
00:14:41,262 --> 00:14:43,196
she had buried behind
the Central Park Carousel,
419
00:14:43,198 --> 00:14:46,265
and I blew off that
big interview to go help her.
420
00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:50,286
And then... it started raining.
421
00:14:53,574 --> 00:14:55,408
I'll, uh...
422
00:14:55,410 --> 00:14:56,626
I'll see you
at the wedding.
423
00:14:56,628 --> 00:14:58,277
Yeah.
424
00:14:58,279 --> 00:15:00,296
TED: Even now,
after all these years,
425
00:15:00,298 --> 00:15:02,632
there's still just
this part of me where,
426
00:15:02,634 --> 00:15:04,250
if there's even
the slightest chance
427
00:15:04,252 --> 00:15:06,118
something I do
could make Robin smile,
428
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:09,222
I don't even think about it--
I just do it.
429
00:15:09,224 --> 00:15:10,473
I mean, if I could make
430
00:15:10,475 --> 00:15:12,392
that locket magically appear,
I would.
431
00:15:12,394 --> 00:15:14,460
I would open a vein in my arm
432
00:15:14,462 --> 00:15:16,646
if I could bleed
that locket out,
433
00:15:16,648 --> 00:15:18,815
just to make her happy.
434
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:23,102
That's just
a really sucky way to feel
435
00:15:23,104 --> 00:15:25,471
about your best friend's
fiancée.
436
00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:30,410
So I'm going to come
to the wedding,
437
00:15:30,412 --> 00:15:33,363
you know, I'll have a good time,
but after that, I...
438
00:15:34,265 --> 00:15:35,565
What?
439
00:15:36,617 --> 00:15:39,836
(sighs)
I know where the locket is.
440
00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:41,421
What?
441
00:15:41,423 --> 00:15:43,539
I know where the locket is.
442
00:15:43,541 --> 00:15:45,458
It-it was a few years ago,
443
00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:47,126
right before you were
supposed to marry Stella.
444
00:15:47,128 --> 00:15:48,795
I went down to the bar
one night
445
00:15:48,797 --> 00:15:50,713
to get a drink,
and what should I see?
446
00:15:50,715 --> 00:15:51,848
Lily!
447
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:53,683
Hey, girl.
448
00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:55,568
I got a question for you.
449
00:15:56,887 --> 00:15:59,171
Why isn't Ted marrying me?
450
00:15:59,173 --> 00:16:00,440
Whoa...
451
00:16:00,442 --> 00:16:02,442
I'm sorry. Oh, God.
452
00:16:02,444 --> 00:16:03,943
I'm sorry.
453
00:16:03,945 --> 00:16:07,313
I just... I-I should
be happy for him,
454
00:16:07,315 --> 00:16:09,348
and yet here I am,
455
00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:13,069
moving off to Japan just
to get away from him.
456
00:16:13,071 --> 00:16:15,154
And-and I guess
to see those...
457
00:16:15,156 --> 00:16:18,041
those terra-cotta warriors
and the Great Wall.
458
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:19,626
Well, that's China.
459
00:16:19,628 --> 00:16:20,860
What? This?
460
00:16:20,862 --> 00:16:22,295
No, it's just a paper plate.
461
00:16:22,297 --> 00:16:24,247
(plate shatters)
462
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:25,715
Uh, we should
get out of here.
463
00:16:25,717 --> 00:16:26,966
Come on. Come on.
Oh, totally.
464
00:16:26,968 --> 00:16:29,636
I know just where we should go.
465
00:16:32,222 --> 00:16:34,090
Man, you're fast
when you're drunk.
466
00:16:34,092 --> 00:16:37,093
But at least you're still
making good decisions.
467
00:16:37,095 --> 00:16:38,811
Central Park,
around midnight,
468
00:16:38,813 --> 00:16:40,763
digging a hole
with a spoon.
469
00:16:40,765 --> 00:16:41,931
Solid.
470
00:16:41,933 --> 00:16:44,150
Jackpot. (sighs)
471
00:16:44,152 --> 00:16:45,184
What is that?
472
00:16:45,186 --> 00:16:47,937
My something old.
473
00:16:51,025 --> 00:16:53,776
This locket was my grandma's.
474
00:16:53,778 --> 00:16:57,730
She kept it hidden in her butt
all through World War II.
475
00:16:57,732 --> 00:16:58,931
What? Where was she?
476
00:16:58,933 --> 00:17:01,584
Winnipeg.
477
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:02,785
(laughing)
478
00:17:02,787 --> 00:17:03,920
Oh, come on.
479
00:17:03,922 --> 00:17:06,205
Lily, it's a joke.
480
00:17:06,207 --> 00:17:08,207
Yeah, I was
going to wear this
481
00:17:08,209 --> 00:17:09,342
when I married Ted.
482
00:17:09,344 --> 00:17:10,877
I guess that's not
going to happen.
483
00:17:10,879 --> 00:17:14,263
So I am taking it
with me to Japan.
484
00:17:14,265 --> 00:17:17,850
Okay, Lily, help me put
this locket in my butt.
485
00:17:17,852 --> 00:17:19,635
Okay. Uh, you know what?
486
00:17:19,637 --> 00:17:23,923
Why don't we put it
in this pencil box instead?
487
00:17:23,925 --> 00:17:27,860
Oh, and then I will take the
pencil box with me to Japan.
488
00:17:27,862 --> 00:17:30,646
Okay. Hey, Lily?
489
00:17:30,648 --> 00:17:33,866
Help me put this
pencil box in my butt.
490
00:17:33,868 --> 00:17:35,267
(laughing)
491
00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:38,154
Wait!
492
00:17:38,156 --> 00:17:40,656
There's one other thing
I have to do.
493
00:17:40,658 --> 00:17:42,492
Lily, it's very important.
494
00:17:42,494 --> 00:17:44,961
It's something
that needs to happen
495
00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:47,296
right now.
Yeah?
496
00:17:47,298 --> 00:17:48,831
Then she barfed in my face.
497
00:17:48,833 --> 00:17:50,133
It was a lovely night.
498
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:53,886
Wait. You put the locket
in the race car pencil box?
499
00:17:53,888 --> 00:17:56,889
Yep. And then Robin
took it to Japan.
500
00:17:56,891 --> 00:17:59,225
No, she didn't.
501
00:17:59,227 --> 00:18:04,296
It's sitting on my desk
at home right now.
502
00:18:04,298 --> 00:18:06,482
It's been with me all along.
503
00:18:06,484 --> 00:18:09,352
Ted.
The locket is in the pencil box.
504
00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:11,137
This is awesome.
505
00:18:11,139 --> 00:18:12,438
Ted.
506
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:13,940
No, I just... I just mean,
507
00:18:13,942 --> 00:18:16,492
this is going to be
the best wedding gift ever.
508
00:18:16,494 --> 00:18:18,828
It's going to blow her mind.
509
00:18:18,830 --> 00:18:20,029
Ted.
510
00:18:20,914 --> 00:18:23,616
Be careful.
511
00:18:24,701 --> 00:18:26,986
♪
512
00:18:33,177 --> 00:18:36,829
♪ Well, this is just
a simple song ♪
513
00:18:36,831 --> 00:18:41,100
♪ To say what you've done
514
00:18:41,102 --> 00:18:45,271
♪ I told you
about all those fears ♪
515
00:18:45,273 --> 00:18:47,690
♪ And away they did run
516
00:18:47,692 --> 00:18:51,644
♪ You sure must be strong
517
00:18:53,180 --> 00:18:55,314
♪ And you feel like an ocean
518
00:18:55,316 --> 00:18:57,700
♪ Being warmed by the sun...
519
00:18:57,702 --> 00:18:58,951
Come on, we got to go.
520
00:18:58,953 --> 00:19:00,319
Wait. What am I forgetting?
521
00:19:00,321 --> 00:19:03,072
Nothing. You're not
forgetting anything. Let's go.
522
00:19:03,074 --> 00:19:04,323
Oh, wait,
I'm forgetting something.
523
00:19:04,325 --> 00:19:05,708
What?
524
00:19:05,710 --> 00:19:08,694
♪ I swear that I dreamt
525
00:19:08,696 --> 00:19:10,196
Let's go get married.
Yeah.
526
00:19:10,198 --> 00:19:14,383
♪ Your face on a football field
and a kiss... ♪
527
00:19:14,385 --> 00:19:15,751
MARSHALL: Bottle for Marvin
during takeoff.
528
00:19:15,753 --> 00:19:16,719
Got it, baby.
529
00:19:16,721 --> 00:19:18,037
LILY:
And hey, just think,
530
00:19:18,039 --> 00:19:19,872
one week from right now...
531
00:19:19,874 --> 00:19:20,923
We'll be in Italy.
532
00:19:20,925 --> 00:19:22,675
We'll be in Italy.
533
00:19:22,677 --> 00:19:24,644
Okay, um, I-I got to go, baby.
534
00:19:24,646 --> 00:19:27,146
Um, I love you.
535
00:19:27,148 --> 00:19:29,182
You still haven't told her.
536
00:19:29,184 --> 00:19:30,883
No.
537
00:19:30,885 --> 00:19:33,102
This is face-to-face news.
538
00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:34,971
Good luck with that...
539
00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:36,772
Your Honor.
540
00:19:36,774 --> 00:19:41,527
♪ Don't go thinking
you gotta be tough ♪
541
00:19:41,529 --> 00:19:43,029
♪ To bleed like a stone
542
00:19:43,031 --> 00:19:44,730
Hello.
543
00:19:44,732 --> 00:19:48,251
♪ Could be there's
nothing else... ♪
544
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:50,036
You want me to grab your bag?
Yeah. Thanks.
545
00:19:50,038 --> 00:19:51,921
(yells in pain)
546
00:19:53,573 --> 00:19:56,959
Hey, I don't want to draw
focus from the wedding, so...
547
00:19:56,961 --> 00:19:59,011
don't tell anyone
about Chicago.
548
00:19:59,013 --> 00:20:01,747
It's a major city
with a bunch of sports teams
549
00:20:01,749 --> 00:20:03,099
and some pretty good pizza.
550
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:04,967
I think people know
about Chicago.
551
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,721
What time do you
leave on Monday?
552
00:20:08,723 --> 00:20:10,022
Early.
553
00:20:10,024 --> 00:20:12,558
Gonna have to head back
to the city Sunday night.
554
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,060
How are you
going to get back?
555
00:20:14,895 --> 00:20:17,113
Guess I'll take the train.
556
00:20:25,956 --> 00:20:29,441
♪ Remember walking
a mile to your house ♪
557
00:20:29,443 --> 00:20:32,178
♪ A glow in the dark
558
00:20:33,964 --> 00:20:37,449
♪ I made a fumbling play
for your heart ♪
559
00:20:37,451 --> 00:20:40,286
♪ And the act struck a spark
560
00:20:42,055 --> 00:20:44,123
♪ You wore a charm
on the chain ♪
561
00:20:44,125 --> 00:20:47,793
♪ That I stole
especial for you ♪
562
00:20:49,346 --> 00:20:53,432
♪ Love's such a delicate thing
that we do ♪
563
00:20:53,434 --> 00:20:56,135
♪ With nothing to prove
564
00:20:57,688 --> 00:21:02,158
♪ Which I never knew.
565
00:21:03,572 --> 00:21:05,855
Hi. One ticket
to Farhampton, please.
566
00:21:05,857 --> 00:21:10,857
== sync, corrected by elderman ==