1
00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:05,572
Ooh, Chicago!
2
00:00:05,574 --> 00:00:07,291
There is this pizza place
called Gazzola's.
3
00:00:07,293 --> 00:00:08,525
It's fantastic.
4
00:00:08,527 --> 00:00:10,694
It was closed down for a while,
but it just reopened.
5
00:00:10,696 --> 00:00:12,663
I'm sure they got
a Godzilla's in New York.
6
00:00:12,665 --> 00:00:13,997
We're not stopping.
7
00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:16,717
It's just pizza.
8
00:00:16,719 --> 00:00:18,669
Just... pizza?
9
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,255
Let me tell you
10
00:00:21,257 --> 00:00:25,325
about the thing
you say is just pizza.
11
00:00:25,327 --> 00:00:27,377
We begin with the first bite.
12
00:00:27,379 --> 00:00:29,413
Oh, the crunch!
13
00:00:29,415 --> 00:00:30,714
And then the marinara.
14
00:00:30,716 --> 00:00:33,467
That roiling lava
15
00:00:33,469 --> 00:00:37,020
of tomato and oregano--
it overtakes you!
16
00:00:37,022 --> 00:00:40,006
I'm falling!
17
00:00:40,008 --> 00:00:43,243
And that's....
when she catches you.
18
00:00:43,245 --> 00:00:44,578
That chewy,
19
00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:48,699
voluptuous mistress, Mozzarella.
20
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:53,987
Her oven-kissed cheeks crackle
with warmth in your mouth,
21
00:00:53,989 --> 00:00:55,873
cradling the sauce
and the bread,
22
00:00:55,875 --> 00:00:58,325
letting you know
that from now on...
23
00:00:58,327 --> 00:01:02,129
this... is home.
24
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,165
This pizza...
25
00:01:05,167 --> 00:01:07,334
is home.
26
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:11,088
If it was so delicious,
27
00:01:11,090 --> 00:01:13,590
why'd they close it
in the first place?
28
00:01:13,592 --> 00:01:15,125
Rats.
We're not stopping!
29
00:01:15,127 --> 00:01:17,177
This road trip sucks!
30
00:01:17,179 --> 00:01:21,179
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x05 ♪
The Poker Game
Original Air Date on October 14, 2013
31
00:01:21,204 --> 00:01:26,204
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
32
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:33,143
Barney's bachelor
poker game was winding down.
33
00:01:33,145 --> 00:01:34,728
Tim Gunn, out.
34
00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:37,864
Lily, busted.
35
00:01:37,866 --> 00:01:40,918
Marshpillow,
fluffed and turned down.
36
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,503
We were playing what we thought
was our final hand,
37
00:01:43,505 --> 00:01:45,639
and it was getting intense.
38
00:01:45,641 --> 00:01:47,958
Action to Ranjit.
39
00:01:50,929 --> 00:01:52,613
Ranjit, action to you.
40
00:01:52,615 --> 00:01:54,681
What?!
41
00:01:54,683 --> 00:01:56,249
Hey, Ted, thanks
again for your gift.
42
00:01:56,251 --> 00:01:59,386
He gave us a framed photo
of all of us at the bar, and
43
00:01:59,388 --> 00:02:01,722
he's getting us
two other wedding gifts.
44
00:02:01,724 --> 00:02:03,890
What can I say? I just love
giving wedding gifts.
45
00:02:03,892 --> 00:02:05,309
I love giving
wedding gifts so much,
46
00:02:05,311 --> 00:02:08,028
I wish I could marry
giving-wedding-gifts,
47
00:02:08,030 --> 00:02:10,864
and then get myself
and giving-wedding-gifts
48
00:02:10,866 --> 00:02:13,183
a wedding gift.
49
00:02:13,185 --> 00:02:15,619
Maybe saying things like that's
why I am not married.
50
00:02:17,206 --> 00:02:19,706
Kids, there's a story
behind that face.
51
00:02:19,708 --> 00:02:22,125
Six years earlier, a few weeks
after their wedding,
52
00:02:22,127 --> 00:02:24,711
Marshall and Lily were going
through their wedding gifts.
53
00:02:24,713 --> 00:02:26,330
Well, that's weird.
54
00:02:26,332 --> 00:02:27,998
Did Ted get us anything?
55
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,267
Come on, Lily.
56
00:02:30,269 --> 00:02:31,802
Ted... Ted's our
best friend.
57
00:02:31,804 --> 00:02:34,788
If his gift hasn't arrived
yet, it's on the way.
58
00:02:34,790 --> 00:02:37,424
But time passed,
and no gift arrived.
59
00:02:37,426 --> 00:02:39,192
Finally, Marshall started
dropping hints.
60
00:02:39,194 --> 00:02:40,494
Hey, man,
61
00:02:40,496 --> 00:02:41,979
it was great having you
at our wedding.
62
00:02:41,981 --> 00:02:44,014
Thanks, Bro,
and thanks for this coffee.
63
00:02:44,016 --> 00:02:45,565
It is great.
64
00:02:45,567 --> 00:02:48,335
You were not wedding absent.
65
00:02:48,337 --> 00:02:50,354
No, sir.
66
00:02:50,356 --> 00:02:53,006
You were wedding present.
67
00:02:53,008 --> 00:02:55,709
Do I detect a note
of hazelnut?
68
00:02:57,396 --> 00:02:59,713
Wedding present.
69
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,034
I think he got it.
70
00:03:05,169 --> 00:03:06,837
But I didn't get it.
71
00:03:06,839 --> 00:03:08,405
More months passed.
72
00:03:08,407 --> 00:03:10,173
His hints got more desperate.
73
00:03:10,175 --> 00:03:11,541
Happy Halloween!
74
00:03:11,543 --> 00:03:13,593
Yeah. What-what are
you supposed to be?
75
00:03:13,595 --> 00:03:15,595
Well, I'm a wedding present,
Ted!
76
00:03:15,597 --> 00:03:18,181
How could you not get me
a wedding present?
77
00:03:18,183 --> 00:03:22,102
I mean, how could you not get
that I am a wedding present?
78
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,305
Get me? A wedding present!
79
00:03:25,307 --> 00:03:28,675
Get me a wedding present.
80
00:03:28,677 --> 00:03:29,943
Why isn't he getting it?!
81
00:03:29,945 --> 00:03:31,111
I don't know.
82
00:03:31,113 --> 00:03:32,496
Why didn't you
get the message
83
00:03:32,498 --> 00:03:35,065
to dress up like a pregnant
teenager, home skillet?
84
00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:38,068
But he kept on waiting
until the summer of 2008
85
00:03:38,070 --> 00:03:39,503
when I got engaged.
86
00:03:39,505 --> 00:03:41,371
So Ted's getting married, huh?
87
00:03:41,373 --> 00:03:43,707
Bet he'd love a gift
from his old pal Marshall.
88
00:03:43,709 --> 00:03:44,991
Well, he can forget it!
89
00:03:44,993 --> 00:03:46,910
We're getting them a gift.
90
00:03:46,912 --> 00:03:48,178
But Lily, this is the dream.
91
00:03:48,180 --> 00:03:50,480
This is the whole reason
we wanted Ted to get married.
92
00:03:50,482 --> 00:03:52,282
So we could not
give him a wedding gift,
93
00:03:52,284 --> 00:03:53,950
and he would know
exactly how it feels!
94
00:03:53,952 --> 00:03:57,020
Baby, I'm as pissed as you are,
but we're getting them a gift.
95
00:03:57,022 --> 00:03:58,422
We have to.
96
00:04:00,258 --> 00:04:02,426
Fine.
97
00:04:02,428 --> 00:04:05,228
We'll get them a gift.
98
00:04:05,230 --> 00:04:08,265
A gift that'll send
a message loud and clear.
99
00:04:08,267 --> 00:04:11,168
A gift-wrapping
station!
100
00:04:11,170 --> 00:04:13,820
Oh, boy. This time,
101
00:04:13,822 --> 00:04:15,939
he has to get it.
102
00:04:15,941 --> 00:04:18,442
And not long after
that, a package arrived.
103
00:04:18,444 --> 00:04:20,660
Oh, well, well, well.
104
00:04:20,662 --> 00:04:23,580
Package from one
Mr. Ted Mosby.
105
00:04:23,582 --> 00:04:25,499
It's a little late, but...
106
00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:27,751
What the balls is this?!
107
00:04:27,753 --> 00:04:29,753
It-It's a thank you note
108
00:04:29,755 --> 00:04:32,923
for the gift-wrapping station.
109
00:04:32,925 --> 00:04:35,408
Which explains the face.
110
00:04:35,410 --> 00:04:36,943
Wedding gift.
111
00:04:36,945 --> 00:04:38,411
Hey, Barney.
112
00:04:38,413 --> 00:04:39,980
I've got a wedding gift
for you, too.
113
00:04:39,982 --> 00:04:41,247
Don't get married.
114
00:04:41,249 --> 00:04:42,415
Ah.
115
00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:44,634
In fact, it comes
in His and Hers.
116
00:04:44,636 --> 00:04:46,019
Don't get married!
117
00:04:46,021 --> 00:04:47,304
Don't get married!
118
00:04:47,306 --> 00:04:48,638
Ah.
119
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,758
I'm not cheating!
Don't tell anyone!
120
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,226
I'll cut you in on half!
121
00:04:53,228 --> 00:04:54,795
Hey, Barney,
122
00:04:54,797 --> 00:04:58,448
can you ask James to stop
crapping all over marriage?
123
00:04:58,450 --> 00:05:00,300
He's not crapping on marriage.
124
00:05:00,302 --> 00:05:02,486
He literally drew this
on the toilet.
125
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:06,523
Come on, Robin. Please
don't ask me to pick sides.
126
00:05:06,525 --> 00:05:08,959
In two days,
he's gonna be your brother, too.
127
00:05:08,961 --> 00:05:11,411
Just be honest and tell him
what's bothering you.
128
00:05:11,413 --> 00:05:13,697
Okay.
129
00:05:14,917 --> 00:05:16,216
Marshall, are you...?
130
00:05:16,218 --> 00:05:17,517
Hey, Andretti!
131
00:05:17,519 --> 00:05:19,503
Beat it!
132
00:05:19,505 --> 00:05:22,906
Marshall, are you sitting down?
133
00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:24,123
Well, I'm in a car,
134
00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:25,642
and you were pretty clear about
135
00:05:25,644 --> 00:05:27,177
the No-Teen-Wolfing
Now-That-I'm-A-Dad rule,
136
00:05:27,179 --> 00:05:29,062
so, yeah, I'm sitting down.
137
00:05:29,064 --> 00:05:32,933
Ted is getting Barney and Robin
three wedding gifts!
138
00:05:34,018 --> 00:05:36,019
I hate him.
139
00:05:36,021 --> 00:05:37,020
Lily,
140
00:05:37,022 --> 00:05:38,605
requesting permission
to make a stink?
141
00:05:38,607 --> 00:05:40,490
Stink away!
142
00:05:40,492 --> 00:05:44,110
Hurry up and get it over with.
143
00:05:45,863 --> 00:05:47,330
Oh, that's Marshall.
144
00:05:47,332 --> 00:05:48,582
I should take this.
145
00:05:48,584 --> 00:05:49,783
Well,
146
00:05:49,785 --> 00:05:52,936
call me Akira Yoshizawa.
147
00:05:54,539 --> 00:05:56,289
World's most famous origamist?
148
00:05:57,975 --> 00:06:00,260
I fold.
149
00:06:01,446 --> 00:06:04,614
Barney, here's a good one.
150
00:06:04,616 --> 00:06:05,549
What's the difference
151
00:06:05,551 --> 00:06:06,716
between a Journey song
152
00:06:06,718 --> 00:06:08,201
and a husband?
153
00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:11,388
A Journey song has a climax.
154
00:06:12,608 --> 00:06:13,907
I'm sorry, Robin.
155
00:06:13,909 --> 00:06:15,892
I'm just messing with you.
156
00:06:15,894 --> 00:06:17,176
Raise a hundred.
157
00:06:17,178 --> 00:06:19,112
No, it's fine.
158
00:06:19,114 --> 00:06:21,982
It's just funny hearing all
this anti-marriage stuff
159
00:06:21,984 --> 00:06:24,367
from a divorced guy who
still wears his wedding ring.
160
00:06:24,369 --> 00:06:26,286
What, this?
Mm.
161
00:06:26,288 --> 00:06:27,571
Only wear it because,
162
00:06:27,573 --> 00:06:30,407
nothing attracts a gay guy
faster than a wedding ring.
163
00:06:30,409 --> 00:06:31,992
Except saying hi to him.
164
00:06:31,994 --> 00:06:35,545
Or being in the same room,
or every app on my phone.
165
00:06:35,547 --> 00:06:38,548
People, it is a good time
to be gay.
166
00:06:38,550 --> 00:06:41,334
So you can just... you can take
that ring off anytime you want?
167
00:06:41,336 --> 00:06:42,619
Anytime.
168
00:06:42,621 --> 00:06:46,890
I'm all in.
169
00:06:46,892 --> 00:06:48,875
And raise you...
170
00:06:48,877 --> 00:06:51,094
one ring.
171
00:06:51,096 --> 00:06:53,430
Ooh!
172
00:06:55,650 --> 00:06:57,817
Fine.
173
00:06:57,819 --> 00:07:00,053
It's just a ring.
174
00:07:00,055 --> 00:07:03,189
Okay, let's see
what you got.
175
00:07:03,191 --> 00:07:05,942
Robin has three jacks, James
176
00:07:05,944 --> 00:07:07,077
has...
177
00:07:07,079 --> 00:07:09,946
just shy of a pair
of a sixes.
178
00:07:09,948 --> 00:07:12,198
Thank you.
179
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,166
Yeah.
180
00:07:13,168 --> 00:07:14,567
I'm gonna hit the gym.
181
00:07:14,569 --> 00:07:16,036
Let me know if you want
to get some dinner later.
182
00:07:16,038 --> 00:07:19,238
Oh, we'll give you a ring,
just not this one. Ho!
183
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,144
You, Ted Mosby,
184
00:07:24,146 --> 00:07:26,379
never got me
and Lily a wedding gift!
185
00:07:26,381 --> 00:07:27,681
J'accuse!
186
00:07:27,683 --> 00:07:29,466
I did, too, get you a gift!
187
00:07:29,468 --> 00:07:31,184
It was a coffeemaker,
188
00:07:31,186 --> 00:07:33,603
and you never sent me
a thank you note!
189
00:07:33,605 --> 00:07:35,588
Oh.
190
00:07:35,590 --> 00:07:38,275
So-so... me-cuse?
191
00:07:38,277 --> 00:07:40,677
You-cuse!
192
00:07:40,679 --> 00:07:43,280
Robin, when I said, "Be honest
and say what's bothering you,"
193
00:07:43,282 --> 00:07:45,365
I meant, stuff it down
and never do anything about it.
194
00:07:45,367 --> 00:07:46,583
How did you not get that?
195
00:07:46,585 --> 00:07:48,818
It's fine.
He's a grown-up.
196
00:07:50,238 --> 00:07:53,657
What did you do
to my little boy?
197
00:07:54,943 --> 00:07:56,826
Hi, Mom.
198
00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:02,132
You get your brother's ring back!
Mom, please don't make me
199
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,288
take sides!
That's your brother out there.
200
00:08:04,289 --> 00:08:06,372
You two shared bunk
beds and baseball mitts,
201
00:08:06,374 --> 00:08:09,308
and, when you were hungry,
these supple breasts.
202
00:08:09,310 --> 00:08:11,210
Arguably a little too long.
203
00:08:11,212 --> 00:08:12,979
Stinsons stand up
for each other.
204
00:08:12,981 --> 00:08:14,213
Take care of this!
205
00:08:14,215 --> 00:08:16,132
I...
I'm gonna play some cards.
206
00:08:16,134 --> 00:08:18,935
All right, chumps.
207
00:08:18,937 --> 00:08:21,554
I'm gonna tell you what I
told Frampton's guitar tech
208
00:08:21,556 --> 00:08:24,774
when he couldn't find
a condom: let's gamble.
209
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,277
You gave us a coffeemaker?
210
00:08:28,279 --> 00:08:30,263
Not just ah coffeemaker.
211
00:08:30,265 --> 00:08:33,065
I asked what they used
at your favorite coffeehouse
212
00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:35,952
and got you that exact...
one tier down model.
213
00:08:35,954 --> 00:08:39,388
And you know
what you got me? Huh?
214
00:08:39,390 --> 00:08:41,207
No thank you note.
215
00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:43,259
So I started dropping hints
about it.
216
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:45,494
Do I detect a note of hazelnut?
217
00:08:45,496 --> 00:08:46,662
Wedding present.
218
00:08:46,664 --> 00:08:48,681
Kind of want to say thank you
219
00:08:48,683 --> 00:08:51,217
to that note of hazelnut.
220
00:08:51,219 --> 00:08:53,252
Thank you... note.
221
00:08:54,656 --> 00:08:57,023
Wedding... present.
222
00:08:57,025 --> 00:09:00,042
Anyway...
223
00:09:00,044 --> 00:09:02,161
Thank you note.
224
00:09:04,014 --> 00:09:06,732
Yeah, he got it.
225
00:09:06,734 --> 00:09:08,651
But you never got it!
226
00:09:08,653 --> 00:09:10,603
I drank so much coffee
that year,
227
00:09:10,605 --> 00:09:11,904
hoping you'd take the hint,
228
00:09:11,906 --> 00:09:14,690
my resting pulse was like
the drum solo from "Wipeout."
229
00:09:14,692 --> 00:09:17,410
And then, uh,
Halloween rolled around.
230
00:09:17,412 --> 00:09:18,611
Get me a wedding present.
231
00:09:18,613 --> 00:09:20,830
On that note...
232
00:09:20,832 --> 00:09:22,331
I think you'll like my costume.
233
00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:23,649
Mm.
234
00:09:23,651 --> 00:09:26,985
I'm a thank you note.
235
00:09:26,987 --> 00:09:28,487
Thank you note.
Ah.
236
00:09:28,489 --> 00:09:31,540
Guess you could say
that we sort of go together.
237
00:09:31,542 --> 00:09:33,259
That's right, Marshall.
That's right.
238
00:09:33,261 --> 00:09:35,294
When someone gets you a gift,
239
00:09:35,296 --> 00:09:38,097
you give them
a thank you note.
240
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:39,215
That is how it works.
241
00:09:39,217 --> 00:09:41,367
Give a gift, get a note.
242
00:09:41,369 --> 00:09:42,752
Agreed.
Exactly.
243
00:09:42,754 --> 00:09:43,819
Exactly.
244
00:09:43,821 --> 00:09:46,856
Exactly.
Exactly.
245
00:09:49,359 --> 00:09:51,644
I think he got it.
246
00:09:51,646 --> 00:09:54,063
Yeah. Yeah, he got it.
247
00:09:54,065 --> 00:09:56,282
I have to find a bathroom.
248
00:09:57,701 --> 00:09:58,784
I didn't get it!
249
00:09:58,786 --> 00:10:00,403
And I thought for sure
you'd get it
250
00:10:00,405 --> 00:10:03,105
when I sent that thank you note
for the wrapping station.
251
00:10:03,107 --> 00:10:06,826
"Dear Marshall and Lily,
252
00:10:06,828 --> 00:10:09,628
"this is a thank you note
to thank you
253
00:10:09,630 --> 00:10:12,248
"for the gift-wrapping station.
254
00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:15,167
"Because even though
the wedding never happened,
255
00:10:15,169 --> 00:10:18,921
"there's one thing that
didn't leave me at the altar,
256
00:10:18,923 --> 00:10:21,757
and that's my manners."
257
00:10:21,759 --> 00:10:23,092
I can't believe this.
258
00:10:23,094 --> 00:10:24,643
Eriksens send thank you notes.
259
00:10:24,645 --> 00:10:26,679
It's the one thing
that we always do!
260
00:10:26,681 --> 00:10:28,681
We even have
a family saying about it.
261
00:10:28,683 --> 00:10:30,566
"Lick it, before you stick it!"
262
00:10:30,568 --> 00:10:33,319
"It" being the stamp
on the thank you note,
263
00:10:33,321 --> 00:10:35,521
before you stick it
in the mailbox.
264
00:10:35,523 --> 00:10:37,222
I will make this right!
265
00:10:37,224 --> 00:10:38,691
I know, right?
266
00:10:38,693 --> 00:10:40,609
Hey, listen, we're about
to go through a tunnel.
267
00:10:40,611 --> 00:10:41,894
Guys, big dilemma.
268
00:10:41,896 --> 00:10:44,229
My mom's insisting
that I get Robin
269
00:10:44,231 --> 00:10:47,733
to give James his ring back,
but Robin's refusing.
270
00:10:47,735 --> 00:10:50,503
But James seems like
he's really upset.
271
00:10:50,505 --> 00:10:52,588
But Robin's
gonna be my wife.
272
00:10:52,590 --> 00:10:54,573
But James
is my brother.
273
00:10:54,575 --> 00:10:56,592
But Robin lets me do sex to her.
274
00:10:56,594 --> 00:10:58,177
But I have
275
00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,846
to spend eternity
in my mom's mausoleum.
276
00:11:00,848 --> 00:11:03,966
I just wish there was a way
I didn't have to take sides!
277
00:11:03,968 --> 00:11:06,051
What should I do?!
278
00:11:07,855 --> 00:11:09,088
Choose your wife.
279
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:11,423
You always choose
your wife. Easy.
280
00:11:11,425 --> 00:11:13,976
Got any other stumpers,
like how to answer
281
00:11:13,978 --> 00:11:15,428
"Does this make me look fat?"
282
00:11:15,430 --> 00:11:17,980
Well, maybe a little around
the hips but no more than usual.
283
00:11:17,982 --> 00:11:19,532
You're getting married,
284
00:11:19,534 --> 00:11:22,100
so I will deal with that
one after your honeymoon.
285
00:11:22,102 --> 00:11:23,202
And she did.
286
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:26,188
Belize was amazi...
287
00:11:29,076 --> 00:11:32,378
In marriage, being right is less
important than being supportive.
288
00:11:32,380 --> 00:11:35,798
Remember: happy wife
equals happy life.
289
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,134
Wow, thanks.
That's some great advice, Lil.
290
00:11:38,136 --> 00:11:39,969
I knew I could count on you.
291
00:11:42,656 --> 00:11:45,007
He's gotten very respectful
with his fake listening.
292
00:11:45,009 --> 00:11:46,308
Anyway, Lily,
293
00:11:46,310 --> 00:11:47,810
I told Marshall this
already, but...
294
00:11:47,812 --> 00:11:49,728
don't worry about not sending
a thank you note
295
00:11:49,730 --> 00:11:52,148
for the coffeemaker. It's cool.
296
00:11:52,150 --> 00:11:55,384
Uh, we did send a thank you note
for the coffeemaker.
297
00:11:55,386 --> 00:11:57,987
Uh... no, you didn't.
298
00:11:57,989 --> 00:12:00,990
Uh... yes, we did.
299
00:12:00,992 --> 00:12:02,908
To Stuart and Claudia,
300
00:12:02,910 --> 00:12:05,778
the people who gave us
the coffeemaker.
301
00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:09,365
Uh...
302
00:12:09,367 --> 00:12:10,900
what?
303
00:12:10,902 --> 00:12:12,218
Hey, you two!
304
00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:13,469
Hey.
Hey.
305
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:15,421
Hey, thanks again
for that coffeemaker.
306
00:12:15,423 --> 00:12:17,089
We use it all the time.
307
00:12:17,091 --> 00:12:19,592
Especially when Ted's over.
308
00:12:19,594 --> 00:12:20,676
Yeah, it's
a great machine.
309
00:12:20,678 --> 00:12:22,962
We have one at home
and we love it.
310
00:12:22,964 --> 00:12:25,848
Did I forget
to get you a wedding gift?
311
00:12:26,533 --> 00:12:27,716
What kind of monster am I?
312
00:12:27,718 --> 00:12:29,468
Mosbys always give
wedding gifts.
313
00:12:29,470 --> 00:12:32,221
We even have an expression:
"Wrap it before you tap it."
314
00:12:32,223 --> 00:12:33,472
You know,
315
00:12:33,474 --> 00:12:34,523
wrap the gift
316
00:12:34,525 --> 00:12:36,174
before you tap the person
on the shoulder
317
00:12:36,176 --> 00:12:37,610
and say, "Here's your gift."
318
00:12:37,612 --> 00:12:40,629
I will make this right.
319
00:12:41,514 --> 00:12:42,982
Robin? Two things:
320
00:12:42,984 --> 00:12:44,483
number one, are you
dropping heat right now?
321
00:12:44,485 --> 00:12:46,118
No.
Great.
322
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,953
Number two.
323
00:12:47,955 --> 00:12:50,289
Nice.
Thanks. Anyway,
324
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:51,740
I came up with an amazing plan
325
00:12:51,742 --> 00:12:53,292
that I think
will make everyone happy.
326
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:56,862
Step one: you let my mom win the
ring back in a hand of poker.
327
00:12:56,864 --> 00:12:58,747
Step two...
328
00:12:58,749 --> 00:12:59,915
No, that's all the steps.
329
00:12:59,917 --> 00:13:01,050
What do you think?
330
00:13:01,052 --> 00:13:04,053
So your plan is
you do absolutely nothing
331
00:13:04,055 --> 00:13:05,588
to get your fiancée's back.
332
00:13:05,590 --> 00:13:06,722
Okay.
333
00:13:06,724 --> 00:13:09,058
Let me propose
a different plan.
334
00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:10,392
Step one...
335
00:13:10,394 --> 00:13:13,178
Good game, everybody!
336
00:13:13,180 --> 00:13:15,331
And that's all the steps.
337
00:13:19,152 --> 00:13:22,021
That's a really
pretty bra, Mom.
338
00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:27,434
Well, I'd better leave now
before I lose
339
00:13:27,435 --> 00:13:28,717
any more of my dignity,
340
00:13:28,719 --> 00:13:30,319
the likelihood
of which
341
00:13:30,321 --> 00:13:33,889
is increasing every moment
in this very chilly room.
342
00:13:33,891 --> 00:13:35,641
Oh...
343
00:13:36,443 --> 00:13:38,761
Not good, Robin.
344
00:13:38,763 --> 00:13:40,396
Very not good.
345
00:13:40,398 --> 00:13:42,131
How do you
keep winning, anyway?
346
00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:43,632
Well, to the keen observer,
347
00:13:43,634 --> 00:13:47,553
all of you Stinsons have
the same very subtle tell.
348
00:13:48,188 --> 00:13:49,104
Whenever you're bluffing,
349
00:13:49,106 --> 00:13:50,940
you say the word "bluff."
350
00:13:50,942 --> 00:13:52,558
Hey, I'm hungry. Uh...
351
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,426
should we get
some bluffalo wings?
352
00:13:54,428 --> 00:13:57,062
Raise you $20.
353
00:13:57,064 --> 00:14:00,616
When I walked in, I saw
an all-you-can-eat bluffet.
354
00:14:00,618 --> 00:14:02,768
Raise $50.
355
00:14:02,770 --> 00:14:06,038
Mmm... I could use
a bluffberry muffin.
356
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,073
A blueberry bluffin. Sorry.
357
00:14:08,075 --> 00:14:11,126
A bluebluffy muffbluff. All in.
358
00:14:11,128 --> 00:14:12,294
I don't believe it.
359
00:14:12,296 --> 00:14:14,380
Robin, you've got
to give her that blouse back.
360
00:14:14,382 --> 00:14:15,781
She loves that blouse.
361
00:14:15,783 --> 00:14:20,719
She got those sequins from
Rick James...'s open casket.
362
00:14:20,721 --> 00:14:21,921
Nope. Not happening.
363
00:14:21,923 --> 00:14:25,975
Woman, as your bridegroom,
I command you!
364
00:14:25,977 --> 00:14:27,259
We'll leave and
365
00:14:27,261 --> 00:14:30,295
give you guys
some privacy.
366
00:14:31,064 --> 00:14:32,965
You, uh,
367
00:14:32,967 --> 00:14:35,017
want to take back
that "I command you" thing?
368
00:14:35,019 --> 00:14:36,352
Please can I?
369
00:14:36,354 --> 00:14:38,437
Why is this so important to you?
370
00:14:38,439 --> 00:14:40,272
Because it's my family.
371
00:14:40,274 --> 00:14:44,159
And, so help me, you and I
will never have sex again
372
00:14:44,161 --> 00:14:46,144
if you don't give back
their bluff.
373
00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:47,830
Stuff! Damn it.
374
00:14:47,832 --> 00:14:49,815
Look, I just...
I want to feel like
375
00:14:49,817 --> 00:14:52,368
you're on my side
once in a while. That's all.
376
00:14:52,370 --> 00:14:53,535
Look, I'm gonna
be your wife,
377
00:14:53,537 --> 00:14:54,870
for God's sakes.
378
00:14:54,872 --> 00:14:56,221
But, look,
379
00:14:56,223 --> 00:14:58,958
if it's... if it's
that important to you, here.
380
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,159
Do what you want.
381
00:15:01,161 --> 00:15:02,845
Thank you.
382
00:15:02,847 --> 00:15:06,682
And please don't play
strip poker with my mom again.
383
00:15:06,684 --> 00:15:09,835
It's all kinds of confusing.
384
00:15:17,678 --> 00:15:21,814
Oh, that's where
my phone is.
385
00:15:21,816 --> 00:15:24,116
I wasn't eavesdropping.
Hey, baby.
386
00:15:24,118 --> 00:15:25,951
Lily, we were wrong
the whole time.
387
00:15:25,953 --> 00:15:27,569
Ted got us the coffeemaker!
388
00:15:27,571 --> 00:15:29,021
He's a wonderful man!
389
00:15:29,023 --> 00:15:33,025
What? No. Claudia and Stuart
gave us our coffeemaker.
390
00:15:33,027 --> 00:15:35,861
Ted's a rat bastard!
Never mention his name again!
391
00:15:35,863 --> 00:15:36,879
Your coffeemaker?
392
00:15:36,881 --> 00:15:37,830
Ted got you that.
393
00:15:37,832 --> 00:15:38,914
I was with him
when he bought it.
394
00:15:38,916 --> 00:15:40,215
I don't know what to feel!
395
00:15:40,217 --> 00:15:42,267
But Stuart said
he got it for us.
396
00:15:42,269 --> 00:15:44,086
Stuart and Claudia
checked in.
397
00:15:44,088 --> 00:15:45,587
I saw them in the lobby.
398
00:15:47,140 --> 00:15:48,540
Let's go get
to the bottom of this.
399
00:15:52,595 --> 00:15:53,562
Stuart,
400
00:15:53,564 --> 00:15:55,397
no B.S., did you really get us
401
00:15:55,399 --> 00:15:57,232
that coffeemaker
for our wedding?
402
00:15:57,234 --> 00:15:58,667
Of course.
403
00:15:58,669 --> 00:16:01,170
What a crazy
thing to ask.
404
00:16:01,172 --> 00:16:02,705
They never give you enough
of these things.
405
00:16:02,707 --> 00:16:04,773
Oh, my God.
406
00:16:04,775 --> 00:16:06,859
Ted got us
that coffeemaker,
407
00:16:06,861 --> 00:16:09,078
and you just played it off
as your gift.
408
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,247
You're a weasel. Admit it.
409
00:16:12,249 --> 00:16:13,332
No, that's insane.
410
00:16:13,334 --> 00:16:14,399
Really?
411
00:16:14,834 --> 00:16:15,834
Housekeeping!
412
00:16:15,836 --> 00:16:16,919
Conditioner thief!
413
00:16:16,921 --> 00:16:18,837
Okay, shh, shh.
Yes, I am a weasel.
414
00:16:18,839 --> 00:16:22,041
I ripped the card off Ted's gift
and I wrote my name on it.
415
00:16:22,043 --> 00:16:23,926
Does Claudia know about this?
416
00:16:23,928 --> 00:16:26,512
No. Please don't tell her.
417
00:16:26,514 --> 00:16:29,465
That gift was a turning point
for us.
418
00:16:29,467 --> 00:16:31,133
Ah.
419
00:16:31,135 --> 00:16:33,068
I got to admit,
420
00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:36,855
I came pretty close
to leaving you.
421
00:16:36,857 --> 00:16:39,692
Bags packed, plane
ticket purchased,
422
00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:41,927
topless pics sent to your
brother, the whole nine.
423
00:16:41,929 --> 00:16:46,065
But seeing that you got our
friends such a nice gift,
424
00:16:46,067 --> 00:16:49,501
ah, it just really puts
you in a whole new light.
425
00:16:49,503 --> 00:16:51,704
Oh.
426
00:16:52,622 --> 00:16:56,158
I'm a pretty great guy.
Oh.
427
00:16:58,211 --> 00:16:59,840
And since that day, on the
428
00:16:59,865 --> 00:17:01,564
foundation of that coffeemaker,
429
00:17:01,565 --> 00:17:05,617
we've built a strong,
nurturing relationship.
430
00:17:05,619 --> 00:17:10,455
Well, out of respect for your
marriage, I won't say anything.
431
00:17:10,457 --> 00:17:13,058
Say hi to Claudia
when she gets out of the shower.
432
00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:14,843
That's not Claudia. Good night.
433
00:17:16,396 --> 00:17:18,180
Tap tap.
434
00:17:18,182 --> 00:17:20,149
Look what I wrapped!
435
00:17:20,784 --> 00:17:21,950
What?
436
00:17:23,971 --> 00:17:26,772
So, I went to give James
his ring back...
437
00:17:27,490 --> 00:17:29,992
Glad you came
to your senses.
438
00:17:29,994 --> 00:17:32,778
You can't let being married
keep you from being you.
439
00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:33,946
It's like Tom,
440
00:17:33,948 --> 00:17:36,314
always telling me I spend
too much time at the gym.
441
00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:37,399
Exactly. Is it so wrong
442
00:17:37,401 --> 00:17:39,151
if you want to work out
a couple times a week?
443
00:17:39,153 --> 00:17:40,986
Right. Or a couple times a day.
444
00:17:40,988 --> 00:17:42,204
Or a couple times...
445
00:17:42,206 --> 00:17:44,256
A couple times a day? Really?
446
00:17:44,258 --> 00:17:47,042
A few hours before work,
a few hours after.
447
00:17:47,044 --> 00:17:50,129
Only way to keep up
the chocolate xylophone.
448
00:17:51,615 --> 00:17:53,849
Still, that's a lot of time
at the gym.
449
00:17:53,851 --> 00:17:55,501
Especially with two kids.
450
00:17:55,503 --> 00:17:56,852
It's like
I always said to Tom,
451
00:17:56,854 --> 00:17:58,804
"I've got to stay in shape
452
00:17:58,806 --> 00:18:00,172
in case I'm ever single again."
453
00:18:00,174 --> 00:18:02,741
And, hello, I was right.
454
00:18:02,743 --> 00:18:05,394
Oh, my God.
455
00:18:05,396 --> 00:18:08,113
I think I finally understand
what Lily was mumbling
456
00:18:08,115 --> 00:18:10,199
in my peripheral vision earlier.
457
00:18:11,034 --> 00:18:12,401
I'm marrying Robin
458
00:18:12,403 --> 00:18:13,852
so I can be part of a team,
459
00:18:13,854 --> 00:18:16,405
not just some guy alone at a gym
460
00:18:16,407 --> 00:18:18,207
with admittedly amazing abs.
461
00:18:18,209 --> 00:18:19,374
Thanks, Bro.
462
00:18:19,376 --> 00:18:22,361
No. Thank you, Bro.
463
00:18:24,430 --> 00:18:26,548
You're not getting this ring.
464
00:18:26,550 --> 00:18:28,801
I'm always gonna have your back.
465
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:30,352
No matter what.
466
00:18:30,354 --> 00:18:32,805
Thank you.
467
00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,289
I love you.
Mmm,
468
00:18:34,291 --> 00:18:35,974
I love you, too.
469
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:39,377
Oh, oh! I almost didn't
tell you the best part!
470
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:40,212
There's more!
471
00:18:40,214 --> 00:18:41,463
Really?
472
00:18:41,465 --> 00:18:44,099
James, let me spell this out
for you:
473
00:18:44,101 --> 00:18:46,151
now that I've got Robin,
474
00:18:46,153 --> 00:18:48,737
we are not brothers anymore.
475
00:18:48,739 --> 00:18:49,655
What?!
476
00:18:49,657 --> 00:18:51,323
Uh-huh.
477
00:18:51,325 --> 00:18:53,075
If you and
Robin are both
478
00:18:53,077 --> 00:18:55,077
ever hanging from a cliff
479
00:18:55,079 --> 00:18:56,995
and I have one hand free,
480
00:18:56,997 --> 00:18:58,363
enjoy the fall.
481
00:18:58,365 --> 00:18:59,865
Uh, buh-bye.
482
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:02,417
If you...
Oh, Mom! Good!
483
00:19:02,419 --> 00:19:03,535
You should hear this, too.
484
00:19:03,537 --> 00:19:06,455
This mother-son thing--
it's over.
485
00:19:06,457 --> 00:19:07,756
It's been
a nice few decades,
486
00:19:07,758 --> 00:19:09,458
but I've got a wife now,
487
00:19:09,460 --> 00:19:11,409
so you mean nothing to me.
488
00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:13,345
Oh, and me coming over
489
00:19:13,347 --> 00:19:14,513
for Thanksgiving and Christmas,
490
00:19:14,515 --> 00:19:15,464
that's done!
491
00:19:15,466 --> 00:19:16,798
No more of that!
492
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,016
And you know why?
493
00:19:18,018 --> 00:19:19,935
Because Robin said so!
494
00:19:19,937 --> 00:19:22,921
This came directly from her!
495
00:19:23,756 --> 00:19:27,592
See ya, losers!
496
00:19:27,594 --> 00:19:28,777
Oh, my God.
497
00:19:28,779 --> 00:19:29,778
Yeah.
498
00:19:29,780 --> 00:19:31,930
Fiancé of the year?
499
00:19:31,932 --> 00:19:34,983
I think I know what's next.
Oh, God.
500
00:19:34,985 --> 00:19:37,319
Oh, God. I can't leave this room
for the rest of the weekend.
501
00:19:37,321 --> 00:19:41,907
I'm sure we can find
something to do, eh?
502
00:19:41,909 --> 00:19:43,642
Ted, I'm so sorry!
503
00:19:43,644 --> 00:19:45,627
No, I'm sorry.
504
00:19:45,629 --> 00:19:47,546
I shouldn't have spent the last
six years passive-aggressively
505
00:19:47,548 --> 00:19:49,581
drinking gallons
of coffee around you.
506
00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:51,133
And I shouldn't have taken
that sewing class
507
00:19:51,135 --> 00:19:53,502
to learn how to make
that wedding present costume.
508
00:19:53,504 --> 00:19:55,671
I regret all of it.
Me, too!
509
00:19:55,673 --> 00:19:57,973
Except I actually don't regret
that sewing class.
510
00:19:57,975 --> 00:20:00,458
I learned a fun and useful
lifetime skill.
511
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:03,312
But, seriously,
even without the coffeemaker,
512
00:20:03,314 --> 00:20:05,314
you've given us more
than enough.
513
00:20:05,316 --> 00:20:08,483
Well, there is one more gift
on the way.
514
00:20:08,485 --> 00:20:10,903
Whatever it is, send it back.
515
00:20:10,905 --> 00:20:12,971
It's a little late for that.
516
00:20:14,073 --> 00:20:15,691
Marshall Eriksen?!
517
00:20:15,693 --> 00:20:17,075
Yes?!
518
00:20:17,077 --> 00:20:19,528
I got your pizza!
519
00:20:19,530 --> 00:20:21,113
Oh, Ted!
520
00:20:21,115 --> 00:20:23,248
You are the best friend ever!
521
00:20:23,250 --> 00:20:24,950
Don't say another word,
Marshall.
522
00:20:24,952 --> 00:20:27,319
Save it for the thank you note.
523
00:20:27,321 --> 00:20:28,486
You got it, buddy!
524
00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:29,621
And, kids,
525
00:20:29,623 --> 00:20:30,706
I got that thank you note
526
00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:33,658
four months later.
527
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:35,877
Four months.
528
00:20:39,127 --> 00:20:40,360
Uh, here's
your blouse back.
529
00:20:41,350 --> 00:20:43,167
Is there any way
we could just, um...
530
00:20:43,169 --> 00:20:44,702
forget about all this?
531
00:20:44,704 --> 00:20:47,521
Oh, no, dear,
you keep the blouse.
532
00:20:47,523 --> 00:20:50,458
Think of it
as your consolation prize.
533
00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:51,959
Consolation prize?
534
00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:55,079
You won the battle.
535
00:20:55,081 --> 00:20:57,248
But I'll win the war.
536
00:20:59,551 --> 00:21:01,201
Game on, bitch.
537
00:21:01,203 --> 00:21:06,203
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man