1 00:00:00,493 --> 00:00:02,556 Two days before Barney and Robin's wedding, 2 00:00:02,557 --> 00:00:04,123 their reverend passed away, 3 00:00:04,125 --> 00:00:06,159 and the search was on for a replacement. 4 00:00:06,161 --> 00:00:08,328 Oh, boy, it's the creepy, 5 00:00:08,330 --> 00:00:10,963 bug-eyed minister from that culty church 6 00:00:10,965 --> 00:00:13,433 who kept asking us if we're "pure enough to die." 7 00:00:13,435 --> 00:00:15,235 He's our best lead. I should get this. 8 00:00:15,237 --> 00:00:17,854 James, unless you have a minister, 9 00:00:17,856 --> 00:00:19,639 I don't want to hear it. 10 00:00:19,641 --> 00:00:21,407 You mean, like this one? 11 00:00:21,409 --> 00:00:23,159 A few years back, 12 00:00:23,161 --> 00:00:27,080 Barney's brother James finally met his long-lost father, Sam, 13 00:00:27,082 --> 00:00:29,082 who turned out to be a reverend. 14 00:00:29,084 --> 00:00:32,318 I know pronounce your asses saved. 15 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,003 Whoa! 16 00:00:34,005 --> 00:00:37,440 Reverend Gibbs wouldn't be the only VIP arrival that day. 17 00:00:37,442 --> 00:00:38,925 Dad! 18 00:00:38,927 --> 00:00:41,845 Barney. Oh, I can't believe you're getting married. 19 00:00:41,847 --> 00:00:44,097 You've grown up so fast. 20 00:00:44,099 --> 00:00:48,334 Then again, I did miss about 30 years of your life. 21 00:00:48,336 --> 00:00:50,770 Did I mention we got you two things from your registry? 22 00:00:50,772 --> 00:00:53,439 Hey, can we buy you guys a drink in a bit? 23 00:00:53,441 --> 00:00:54,774 Sure. We'll meet you at the bar. 24 00:00:54,776 --> 00:00:56,059 Yeah. 25 00:00:56,061 --> 00:00:57,393 Here. All right. 26 00:00:57,395 --> 00:00:58,561 Hey. 27 00:00:58,563 --> 00:01:00,463 Oh. Whoa. Look. 28 00:01:00,465 --> 00:01:02,065 My dad hasn't seen my mom in years, 29 00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:03,283 not since he bailed on her. 30 00:01:03,285 --> 00:01:05,485 Oh, man, take it from a fellow child of divorce, 31 00:01:05,487 --> 00:01:07,237 this could get real messy. 32 00:01:07,239 --> 00:01:09,539 Loretta, good to see you. 33 00:01:09,541 --> 00:01:11,741 You, too, Jerry. 34 00:01:13,510 --> 00:01:14,878 Wow. 35 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,963 Yeah. Thank God, no drama. 36 00:01:16,965 --> 00:01:18,965 They're in love! 37 00:01:18,967 --> 00:01:22,669 My mom and dad are getting back together again! 38 00:01:22,671 --> 00:01:25,204 Uh-oh. 39 00:01:27,543 --> 00:01:31,543 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x10 ♪ Mom and Dad Original Air Date on November 18, 2013 40 00:01:31,544 --> 00:01:36,544 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 41 00:01:38,545 --> 00:01:39,932 Hey, quick favor. 42 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,682 I want to give this to Robin. 43 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:42,967 Gretzky's her hero. 44 00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,969 She says his name sometimes in bed. I've accepted it. 45 00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:47,254 Can you, uh, hide it for me till the rehearsal dinner? 46 00:01:47,256 --> 00:01:48,856 The best man is on it. 47 00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:51,091 Great. Now I'm gonna go get my mom and dad back together. 48 00:01:51,093 --> 00:01:52,477 They're totally in love. I know. It's amazing. 49 00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:53,594 I'm walking on air. 50 00:01:53,596 --> 00:01:55,813 My family's gonna be whole again! 51 00:01:56,765 --> 00:01:58,816 Should we stop him or something? 52 00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:00,952 The best man is staying on the Gretzky thing. 53 00:02:02,654 --> 00:02:06,157 ♪ Well, I would walk 500 miles and ♪ 54 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:09,410 ♪ I would walk 500 more 55 00:02:09,412 --> 00:02:14,632 ♪ Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles ♪ 56 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:18,619 ♪ Then falls down at your door. ♪ 57 00:02:18,621 --> 00:02:19,971 Ha! 58 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,172 You're right. 59 00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,590 That crap grows on you. 60 00:02:22,592 --> 00:02:23,891 Again? 61 00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:24,926 Proclaim it! 62 00:02:26,796 --> 00:02:29,063 Hey. So there I am, 63 00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:31,098 lying in the wet, filthy sand under the patio, 64 00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:34,185 just minding my own business, when my dad bumps into my mom, 65 00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:35,937 and he says-- get this-- 66 00:02:35,939 --> 00:02:38,773 he says to her, "Weather's improving, huh?" 67 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:44,078 It's like, why don't you just do it already? Huh? 68 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,747 Barney, I know you've always dreamed of a reunited family, 69 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,866 but... Jerry's married. 70 00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:51,335 So what? Marriage is just a meaningless piece of paper. 71 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,486 I'm a lucky gal. 72 00:02:52,488 --> 00:02:53,788 Sweetie, this just isn't gonna happen. 73 00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:55,990 Now, please promise me 74 00:02:55,992 --> 00:02:58,158 you haven't already put some crazy scheme in motion. 75 00:03:00,546 --> 00:03:03,497 I haven't put some crazy scheme in motion. 76 00:03:03,499 --> 00:03:05,833 Why did you pause? 77 00:03:08,704 --> 00:03:10,137 I didn't pause. 78 00:03:10,139 --> 00:03:11,689 Why did you pause?! 79 00:03:19,731 --> 00:03:22,200 Ah. Hey, there. 80 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,618 Hi. 81 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,853 Barney texted me to meet him ASAP, 82 00:03:25,855 --> 00:03:27,187 but the stairs are wet. 83 00:03:27,189 --> 00:03:28,355 No, broken. 84 00:03:28,357 --> 00:03:29,991 Yeah, the stairs are broken. 85 00:03:29,993 --> 00:03:32,660 Yeah. I got the same text. 86 00:03:32,662 --> 00:03:35,663 Oh. 87 00:03:35,665 --> 00:03:37,215 Barney, Jerry has a wife. 88 00:03:38,199 --> 00:03:40,218 Oh, God, what did you do to the wife? 89 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,669 So, my husband 90 00:03:41,671 --> 00:03:44,972 snuck off to go parasailing, and he wants me to join him? 91 00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:46,724 Yes. 92 00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,596 Who is ready to rock it 93 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:55,149 Scottish-identical- twin-brothers style? 94 00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:57,401 ♪ When I wake up 95 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,854 ♪ Yeah, I know I'm gonna be ♪ 96 00:03:59,856 --> 00:04:02,823 ♪ I'm gonna be the man who ends up next to you... ♪ 97 00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:05,743 Oh, man, I hope they're not singing to the same girl. 98 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,695 Or to each other. 99 00:04:07,697 --> 00:04:10,114 Shut up! Music sucks! 100 00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:12,566 Scotland sucks! You suck! 101 00:04:12,568 --> 00:04:15,586 Just drive, pumpkin head. 102 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,538 Hey, guys, don't worry. 103 00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:18,589 Help's on the way. 104 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,541 Oh! Thank you, Barney. Thank you, honey. 105 00:04:20,543 --> 00:04:21,842 In the meantime, 106 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,911 I'll try to keep you two as comfortable as possible. 107 00:04:23,913 --> 00:04:25,846 ♪ I said, bang... 108 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,598 Well, we don't need wine. 109 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,767 ♪ Bang 110 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:32,470 ♪ Bangity bang... 111 00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:35,439 We don't need champagne, either. We need help! 112 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,391 This could be very unsafe! 113 00:04:37,393 --> 00:04:38,859 Oh. 114 00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:40,861 I'll say something. 115 00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:43,271 No. You've had a whole lifetime of this. Let me. 116 00:04:43,296 --> 00:04:43,932 Oh. 117 00:04:43,933 --> 00:04:45,483 Barney, are you thinking 118 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:48,069 you can get your mother and me back together? 119 00:04:48,071 --> 00:04:49,787 Because I'm married. 120 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,622 My wife is right upstairs! 121 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:52,657 No, she's not. 122 00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:54,274 What's that? Nothing! 123 00:04:54,276 --> 00:04:55,710 I'm just trying to keep you refreshed 124 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:59,213 through this unexpected and flukish elevator malfunction! 125 00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:02,616 Here's some water! 126 00:05:02,618 --> 00:05:04,802 Ah... drat. 127 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,304 Clumsy hands much, Barney? 128 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,422 Just disrobe and send up those wet clothes. 129 00:05:08,424 --> 00:05:11,125 You'll be cold, so I'll send down strawberry warming gel 130 00:05:11,127 --> 00:05:13,961 and some cozy, zippered masks. 131 00:05:13,963 --> 00:05:16,063 Ooh. 132 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:18,482 My calligraphy ink! 133 00:05:19,818 --> 00:05:21,468 I mean, the Gretzky photo! 134 00:05:23,171 --> 00:05:25,606 Some bastard snuck into my room 135 00:05:25,608 --> 00:05:27,525 and spilled ink all over the Gretzky photo 136 00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:28,909 I was holding for Barney. 137 00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,578 Detective Mosby is on the case. 138 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:32,997 Oh, God, that's horrible. I know. 139 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,148 It was a gift for Robin. 140 00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,783 No, I mean, 141 00:05:35,785 --> 00:05:38,669 "Oh, God, that's horrible. Detective Mosby's the worst." 142 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,154 Mm, Detective Mosby is 143 00:05:40,156 --> 00:05:41,872 the case-crackingest private dick on the scene. 144 00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:44,375 Really? Like that case from eight years ago 145 00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:46,093 you still haven't cracked? 146 00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,795 I'm callin' it. 147 00:05:50,849 --> 00:05:52,500 Damn it! 148 00:05:52,502 --> 00:05:54,385 My greatest failure. 149 00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:56,020 I will solve this case. 150 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,521 Now, there were three people nearby 151 00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:59,190 when Barney gave me that head shot: 152 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:02,610 Karate Kid bad boy Billy Zabka, 153 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:06,013 a shifty-eyed bellhop, 154 00:06:06,015 --> 00:06:08,348 and Robin's cousin Claude from Quebec 155 00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:10,317 with the neck trouble. 156 00:06:10,319 --> 00:06:13,687 Right, 'cause an elaborate conspiracy is much more likely 157 00:06:13,689 --> 00:06:17,041 than you leaving the photo next to an open ink bottle. 158 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:20,194 Thank you! You can't even detect sarcasm! 159 00:06:20,196 --> 00:06:22,463 Why don't you just try to fix the photo? 160 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:23,714 Don't you have ink remover? 161 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:24,999 Of course I have ink remover. 162 00:06:25,001 --> 00:06:26,867 I'm not one of those sloppy, punk calligraphers 163 00:06:26,869 --> 00:06:28,386 who's in it for glory over craft. 164 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,304 No, we got to solve this! 165 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:31,839 Now, the question is, 166 00:06:31,841 --> 00:06:34,892 which of those three suspects had the most cause to frame me? 167 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:39,213 The one that I replaced as Barney's best man? 168 00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:41,899 I'm coming for you, Mosby. 169 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,934 Billy Zabka! 170 00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:46,720 Okay, real quick, I need fresh-cut 171 00:06:46,722 --> 00:06:49,240 English lavender, a copy of Shakespeare's 18th sonnet, 172 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,826 and enough Nutella to cover a 60-year-old woman. 173 00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:55,029 Oh, great. You guys escaped. 174 00:06:55,031 --> 00:06:56,363 Got rescued! 175 00:06:56,365 --> 00:06:57,698 Are you okay? 176 00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,033 A bit shaken up. 177 00:06:59,035 --> 00:07:00,901 Being trapped in an elevator is scary. 178 00:07:00,903 --> 00:07:02,837 No, Barney lowered in a TV 179 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:06,257 showing some pretty graphic 1970s pornography. 180 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,459 Still, a lot of familiar faces in there. 181 00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:09,927 Well, not just faces. 182 00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,129 I'm gonna go find my wife. 183 00:07:13,381 --> 00:07:16,250 Nice job, bro. 184 00:07:16,252 --> 00:07:18,919 Mom was just about to get some action 185 00:07:18,921 --> 00:07:20,554 for the first time since she conceived me. 186 00:07:20,556 --> 00:07:21,922 Barney, this has to stop. 187 00:07:21,924 --> 00:07:23,107 You're being delusional. 188 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,325 Mom is not getting back together with Jerry. 189 00:07:25,261 --> 00:07:27,928 Because she's getting back together with my daddy! 190 00:07:32,639 --> 00:07:34,913 I see what you're doing. 191 00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:37,064 You didn't bring your dad here to marry us. 192 00:07:37,066 --> 00:07:39,116 You want him to get back together with Mom! 193 00:07:39,118 --> 00:07:41,519 Which is completely insane, by the way. 194 00:07:41,521 --> 00:07:43,988 Um, my dad's single, Mom's single. 195 00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:45,956 Your dad's happily married with two kids. 196 00:07:45,958 --> 00:07:47,291 Which one makes more sense? 197 00:07:47,293 --> 00:07:48,859 I agree. It's a tie. 198 00:07:48,861 --> 00:07:50,044 What do we do? 199 00:07:50,046 --> 00:07:51,178 You back down 200 00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,763 and let me get my mom and dad back together? 201 00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:54,265 Um, how about you back down 202 00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:56,384 and let me get my mom and dad back together? 203 00:07:56,386 --> 00:07:58,519 I can already picture it. 204 00:08:00,690 --> 00:08:04,275 ♪ We're reunited and we're going so strong ♪ 205 00:08:04,277 --> 00:08:08,012 ♪ My wife died parasailing and I've moved on ♪ 206 00:08:08,014 --> 00:08:11,232 ♪ And now our Barney-boy will always be near ♪ 207 00:08:11,234 --> 00:08:14,435 ♪ I'll come to live with you and it won't be weird ♪ 208 00:08:14,437 --> 00:08:15,903 Of course not, Wuv-Wuv! 209 00:08:15,905 --> 00:08:18,823 ♪ Back together and forever we'll be ♪ 210 00:08:18,825 --> 00:08:20,708 ♪ Mom 211 00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:23,094 ♪ And Dad 212 00:08:23,096 --> 00:08:25,446 ♪ And Barney makes three 213 00:08:25,448 --> 00:08:26,914 We love you, champ! 214 00:08:26,916 --> 00:08:28,615 ♪ And I'll live here, too, since we're married ♪ 215 00:08:28,617 --> 00:08:31,969 ♪ And I'm totally cool with it! ♪ 216 00:08:32,972 --> 00:08:34,972 That's completely insane. 217 00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:36,924 This is how it's gonna be. 218 00:08:36,926 --> 00:08:40,878 ♪ We're reunited and I'm feeling so glad ♪ 219 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,597 ♪ I'm so much sexier than Barney's dad ♪ 220 00:08:44,934 --> 00:08:48,436 ♪ Back together, now our life's right on track ♪ 221 00:08:48,438 --> 00:08:51,856 ♪ But she's banging my dad behind your dad's back ♪ 222 00:08:51,858 --> 00:08:56,143 ♪ When you're at work, I'm all over her rack ♪ 223 00:08:56,145 --> 00:08:58,095 ♪ That's not true ♪ ♪ Yes, it is 224 00:08:58,097 --> 00:08:59,280 ♪ That's not funny ♪ 225 00:08:59,282 --> 00:09:00,765 ♪ Mom, break the news 226 00:09:00,767 --> 00:09:03,334 ♪ Okay, we're screwin' like bunnies ♪ 227 00:09:03,336 --> 00:09:04,535 ♪ I'll kick your ass ♪ 228 00:09:04,537 --> 00:09:06,820 ♪ I'd like to see you try ♪ 229 00:09:06,822 --> 00:09:09,840 ♪ Well, my dad would win in a fight ♪ 230 00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:13,327 ♪ No, my dad would win in a fight ♪ 231 00:09:13,329 --> 00:09:14,345 ♪ No ♪ Yeah 232 00:09:14,347 --> 00:09:15,629 ♪ My dad would win ♪ Yeah 233 00:09:15,631 --> 00:09:17,765 ♪ In a fight ♪ Yeah! 234 00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:20,000 No, my dad would win in a fight! Nuh-uh! 235 00:09:20,002 --> 00:09:22,169 Uh-huh! Don't fight! 236 00:09:22,171 --> 00:09:24,004 - I'm marrying into this family. - Stop. 237 00:09:24,006 --> 00:09:25,856 You stupid! I won't stop. 238 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,977 Where the heck is this parasailing place? 239 00:09:29,979 --> 00:09:31,195 You know what? 240 00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:32,863 I'm gonna... I'm gonna call Jerry. 241 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,366 Oh, that's weird. 242 00:09:35,368 --> 00:09:37,201 I just lost cell reception. 243 00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:39,036 Yes. 244 00:09:39,038 --> 00:09:41,622 Weird. 245 00:09:42,908 --> 00:09:46,327 Lot of pretty paintings in this hotel. 246 00:09:46,329 --> 00:09:48,462 I like how they've been... framed. 247 00:09:48,464 --> 00:09:51,081 I've noticed the vintage, antique, 248 00:09:51,083 --> 00:09:52,633 gilded Victorian frames, too. 249 00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:55,719 I'm not blind... but what are you getting at? 250 00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,354 You know damn well what I'm getting at! 251 00:09:57,356 --> 00:09:59,223 You're jealous I got the Best Mansmanship back, 252 00:09:59,225 --> 00:10:01,542 so you destroyed that photo as part of some diabolical scheme 253 00:10:01,544 --> 00:10:03,427 to make me look bad. 254 00:10:03,429 --> 00:10:05,346 I bet you even found some other photo of Wayne Gretzky 255 00:10:05,348 --> 00:10:06,514 so you could swoop in and save the day. 256 00:10:06,516 --> 00:10:07,848 You're insane. Am I? 257 00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:08,983 Yeah. Yeah. Am I? 258 00:10:08,985 --> 00:10:11,735 Where were you today at 3:15 p.m.? 259 00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,904 Right here getting a massage. 260 00:10:13,906 --> 00:10:16,190 Rocked a 60-minute deep tish. 261 00:10:16,192 --> 00:10:18,108 Now if you'll excuse me, Detective, 262 00:10:18,110 --> 00:10:20,227 I think I'll go have some pineapple. 263 00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:22,746 How do you know about that? 264 00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,032 Everybody knows about that! 265 00:10:25,951 --> 00:10:28,169 Excuse me? Mm? 266 00:10:28,171 --> 00:10:29,920 You destroyed that photo, didn't you? 267 00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:31,071 No, I didn't. 268 00:10:31,073 --> 00:10:32,406 Admit it! I complained about you 269 00:10:32,408 --> 00:10:34,875 to the bell captain, so you got your revenge. 270 00:10:34,877 --> 00:10:36,544 You complained about me? 271 00:10:37,362 --> 00:10:40,047 No. 272 00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:44,101 So, Claude... 273 00:10:44,103 --> 00:10:46,387 I see that you're a Montreal Canadiens fan. 274 00:10:46,389 --> 00:10:49,390 Which means you hate the Edmonton Oilers, 275 00:10:49,392 --> 00:10:51,559 which is why you destroyed the Wayne Gretzky head shot! 276 00:10:51,561 --> 00:10:52,643 J'accuse! 277 00:10:52,645 --> 00:10:54,428 C'est ridicule! 278 00:10:54,430 --> 00:10:55,980 If it's so ridicule, 279 00:10:55,982 --> 00:10:58,983 how do you explain this? 280 00:10:58,985 --> 00:11:00,818 Ah, seems like I've caught you... 281 00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:03,437 midnight blue-handed. 282 00:11:03,439 --> 00:11:04,955 Oh, these. Yeah. 283 00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:07,575 I-I was out by the water when... 284 00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:11,212 an elderly R-Rastafarian hang glider... 285 00:11:11,214 --> 00:11:13,664 he-he crash onto a beached squid, 286 00:11:13,666 --> 00:11:17,751 which squirted ink when I ran in to help. 287 00:11:17,753 --> 00:11:19,786 You really expect me to believe that? 288 00:11:19,788 --> 00:11:22,790 Story checks out. 289 00:11:22,792 --> 00:11:24,725 Sorry, Claude. 290 00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:27,261 De rien. 291 00:11:27,263 --> 00:11:29,013 I don't get it. 292 00:11:29,015 --> 00:11:29,980 We were bonding. 293 00:11:30,932 --> 00:11:34,435 I can't think of anything I did wrong! 294 00:11:34,437 --> 00:11:36,303 Okay, I did a few things wrong. 295 00:11:36,305 --> 00:11:37,688 For the last time, 296 00:11:37,690 --> 00:11:41,808 I did not leave the bag of oranges you bought on the roof! 297 00:11:44,145 --> 00:11:46,780 No more breaking the speed limit. And, uh, 298 00:11:46,782 --> 00:11:50,367 thanks for flagging me down and telling me she was going 67. 299 00:11:50,369 --> 00:11:52,202 Just following the rules, Officer. 300 00:11:52,204 --> 00:11:55,489 Oh. She's also not wearing her seat belt. 301 00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,010 You are not allowed to use that word! 302 00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:02,263 Only we're allowed to use that word! 303 00:12:02,265 --> 00:12:04,632 I am so sorry. 304 00:12:04,634 --> 00:12:05,516 I will never 305 00:12:05,518 --> 00:12:08,135 call you or anyone else a... 306 00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:10,054 Trekkie again. 307 00:12:10,056 --> 00:12:12,556 But I apologized and you accepted. 308 00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:14,858 I even bought you more oranges. 309 00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:22,349 Look, it wasn't you, okay? 310 00:12:22,351 --> 00:12:25,719 Baby, I know your speech at the Model U.N. is a big deal, 311 00:12:25,721 --> 00:12:28,205 but I'm just not sure I'll make it in time. 312 00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:29,623 I'm trying. 313 00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:30,824 You know what? 314 00:12:30,826 --> 00:12:32,543 Don't bother coming. 315 00:12:36,331 --> 00:12:38,499 So, back at the airport, that story was true? 316 00:12:38,501 --> 00:12:39,533 You have a daughter? 317 00:12:39,535 --> 00:12:41,251 She lives with her dad. 318 00:12:41,253 --> 00:12:44,705 And since I travel for work, I miss a lot of stuff. 319 00:12:45,757 --> 00:12:49,009 I only work as hard as I do to provide for her. 320 00:12:49,011 --> 00:12:52,346 But kids, they don't understand logic. 321 00:12:52,348 --> 00:12:54,815 Kids understand who shows up. 322 00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:56,183 That's why 323 00:12:56,185 --> 00:12:57,818 her dad's her hero... 324 00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:01,572 and I get hung up on. 325 00:13:01,574 --> 00:13:03,073 Go see your daughter's speech. 326 00:13:03,075 --> 00:13:05,159 If you show up, all will be forgiven. 327 00:13:05,161 --> 00:13:06,410 Just drop it. 328 00:13:07,028 --> 00:13:08,362 And drop me at home. 329 00:13:08,364 --> 00:13:09,947 Then head out to your wedding. 330 00:13:09,949 --> 00:13:11,582 End of discussion. 331 00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,252 Barney, even if your plan worked, 332 00:13:15,254 --> 00:13:16,920 you'd be destroying your dad's marriage. 333 00:13:16,922 --> 00:13:19,072 Okay, you may have a point. 334 00:13:19,074 --> 00:13:20,207 Can I suggest something? 335 00:13:20,909 --> 00:13:21,925 Truce? 336 00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,910 We both agree to drop this. 337 00:13:23,912 --> 00:13:25,912 Agreed. 338 00:13:25,914 --> 00:13:27,364 Hey, I got a replacement bottle 339 00:13:27,366 --> 00:13:30,184 of 30-year Glen McKenna. Okay. 340 00:13:30,186 --> 00:13:32,553 Look, even if Mom never gets back together 341 00:13:32,555 --> 00:13:35,305 with either one of our dads, we're still brothers. 342 00:13:35,307 --> 00:13:37,274 It's not a competition. 343 00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,113 I win! 344 00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:45,282 Hoo-hoo! 345 00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:49,657 Get your damn hands off my mom! 346 00:13:49,658 --> 00:13:51,375 Get your damn hands on my mom! 347 00:13:51,377 --> 00:13:52,709 One on, one off? 348 00:13:52,711 --> 00:13:54,845 What the hell is going on here? 349 00:13:54,847 --> 00:13:56,980 After you boys tracked Sam down a few years back, 350 00:13:56,982 --> 00:13:58,949 we got in touch. We became friends again, 351 00:13:58,951 --> 00:14:00,984 started hanging out. And then one day, 352 00:14:00,986 --> 00:14:03,420 she went from being Loretta to being... 353 00:14:03,422 --> 00:14:05,555 Lo-ret-ta. 354 00:14:05,557 --> 00:14:06,974 We wanted to wait to tell you 355 00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:08,191 because it's still new, 356 00:14:08,193 --> 00:14:10,060 but it was inevitable you'd find out 357 00:14:10,062 --> 00:14:12,396 once Sam came to perform the ceremony. 358 00:14:12,398 --> 00:14:13,847 Is that what you two call it? 359 00:14:13,849 --> 00:14:16,233 "Performing the ceremony"? 360 00:14:16,235 --> 00:14:17,484 Oh, Sam's marrying you tomorrow, dear. 361 00:14:17,486 --> 00:14:20,020 Right. Thank you, Reverend. Look, 362 00:14:20,022 --> 00:14:22,539 is there any way you guys can be all right with this? 363 00:14:22,541 --> 00:14:24,741 Of course I am! 364 00:14:24,743 --> 00:14:27,377 Barney? 365 00:14:27,379 --> 00:14:30,330 I know I've been acting crazy today, but... 366 00:14:30,332 --> 00:14:32,549 I just have one real question, Mom, 367 00:14:32,551 --> 00:14:34,367 and I want an honest answer. 368 00:14:35,136 --> 00:14:36,136 Is there a scenario-- 369 00:14:36,138 --> 00:14:37,170 and hear me out-- 370 00:14:37,172 --> 00:14:39,339 where you might consider 371 00:14:39,341 --> 00:14:41,875 doing kind of a three-way deal with both of our dads? 372 00:14:41,877 --> 00:14:44,061 God! What is wrong with you?! Oh, dude, come on! 373 00:14:44,063 --> 00:14:46,313 That's what I thought! 374 00:14:48,766 --> 00:14:51,018 It's time to admit it, Ted. 375 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,654 You spilled the ink. There's no conspiracy. 376 00:14:53,656 --> 00:14:55,022 I guess you're right. 377 00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:56,440 I mean, the only other person 378 00:14:56,442 --> 00:14:58,742 who saw Barney give me that photo... 379 00:14:58,744 --> 00:14:59,993 was you. 380 00:15:01,747 --> 00:15:03,063 Hey. Idiot. 381 00:15:03,065 --> 00:15:04,731 While you've been 382 00:15:04,733 --> 00:15:07,117 playing detective, I've been cleaning up your mess. 383 00:15:07,119 --> 00:15:10,236 Look, the ink remover works. 384 00:15:10,238 --> 00:15:11,004 I'm gonna finish this. 385 00:15:11,006 --> 00:15:13,090 You come clean to Barney. 386 00:15:13,092 --> 00:15:14,574 Okay. 387 00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:16,626 She's been missing all day, 388 00:15:16,628 --> 00:15:20,881 a-and I found what appears to be a-a suicide note on my bed. 389 00:15:20,883 --> 00:15:23,350 But it doesn't really sound like her. 390 00:15:23,352 --> 00:15:27,854 "I'm going to kill my-- wait for it-- self." 391 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,274 Is everything okay with Mr. Zabka? 392 00:15:31,276 --> 00:15:35,261 Wait. W-Wait. Why do you think that's Billy Zabka? 393 00:15:37,616 --> 00:15:39,766 See? 394 00:15:39,768 --> 00:15:41,735 The man from the lobby got this massage. 395 00:15:41,737 --> 00:15:43,820 A younger gentleman bought it for him as a gift. 396 00:15:43,822 --> 00:15:45,238 He even signed his name for him. 397 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,439 Right here. 398 00:15:59,453 --> 00:16:01,304 I'm telling all y'all... 399 00:16:01,306 --> 00:16:03,006 it's Zabka-tage. 400 00:16:03,008 --> 00:16:05,458 ♪ I can't stand it, I know you planned it ♪ 401 00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:08,512 ♪ I'm gonna set it straight, this Watergate ♪ 402 00:16:08,514 --> 00:16:10,296 ♪ I can't stand rocking when I'm in here ♪ 403 00:16:10,298 --> 00:16:12,632 ♪ 'Cause your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear ♪ 404 00:16:12,634 --> 00:16:16,302 ♪ So while you sit back and wonder why ♪ 405 00:16:16,304 --> 00:16:19,756 ♪ I got this ... thorn in my side ♪ 406 00:16:21,293 --> 00:16:23,326 Lily's second tackle of the weekend. 407 00:16:23,328 --> 00:16:26,947 ♪ Sabotage. 408 00:16:26,949 --> 00:16:28,915 Wakey, wakey. 409 00:16:32,820 --> 00:16:34,237 Wait, this isn't... 410 00:16:34,239 --> 00:16:35,589 It's your daughter's school. 411 00:16:35,591 --> 00:16:37,174 You need to go in. 412 00:16:37,176 --> 00:16:39,159 She asked me not to come, Marshall. 413 00:16:39,161 --> 00:16:41,545 This doesn't make any sense. 414 00:16:41,547 --> 00:16:43,346 Kids don't understand logic. 415 00:16:43,348 --> 00:16:46,550 Kids understand who shows up. 416 00:17:05,536 --> 00:17:08,622 People say children are the future. 417 00:17:08,624 --> 00:17:10,190 I say... 418 00:17:10,192 --> 00:17:11,658 oil is the future! 419 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:14,044 Don't listen to these gutless environmental sissies! 420 00:17:14,046 --> 00:17:15,862 That's my baby. Drill in the oceans! 421 00:17:15,864 --> 00:17:17,497 Thank you. Drill in the wetlands! 422 00:17:17,499 --> 00:17:19,299 Pumpkin head. Drill in the national parks! 423 00:17:19,301 --> 00:17:20,533 You're welcome. 424 00:17:20,535 --> 00:17:22,135 Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill! 425 00:17:22,137 --> 00:17:24,204 Drill, baby, drill! We should go. 426 00:17:24,206 --> 00:17:26,506 Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill! 427 00:17:26,508 --> 00:17:29,843 Drill, baby, drill! Drill, baby, drill! 428 00:17:29,845 --> 00:17:31,344 Drill, baby, drill! 429 00:17:31,346 --> 00:17:32,979 You said it was nuts 430 00:17:32,981 --> 00:17:35,215 to think that my mom and dad would get back together. 431 00:17:35,217 --> 00:17:36,716 But that's what happened for James. 432 00:17:36,718 --> 00:17:39,069 I've been dreaming of that since I was five. 433 00:17:39,071 --> 00:17:42,055 Well, that and my own operational Death Star. 434 00:17:42,057 --> 00:17:44,357 But mostly them getting back together. 435 00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:46,359 Why does James get it and I don't? 436 00:17:46,361 --> 00:17:47,444 Well, think about it. 437 00:17:47,446 --> 00:17:49,996 You have me, your dad has Cheryl... 438 00:17:49,998 --> 00:17:51,081 "So to summarize: 439 00:17:51,083 --> 00:17:52,165 "I'm super dead, 440 00:17:52,167 --> 00:17:54,668 "you should totally bone Loretta, 441 00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:55,418 "and I never 442 00:17:55,420 --> 00:17:57,254 loved you, Cheryl," 443 00:17:57,256 --> 00:17:59,923 which is misspelled. 444 00:17:59,925 --> 00:18:01,842 ...but James is going through a divorce. 445 00:18:01,844 --> 00:18:03,743 He just lost his family. 446 00:18:03,745 --> 00:18:06,796 I-I know you've been dreaming of this, but... 447 00:18:06,798 --> 00:18:09,432 maybe he needs "Mom and Dad" more than you. 448 00:18:10,751 --> 00:18:14,554 So, Billy, did you really think you could get away with it? 449 00:18:14,556 --> 00:18:15,605 Actually, I did. 450 00:18:15,607 --> 00:18:16,473 Ah. I was gonna 451 00:18:16,475 --> 00:18:17,757 give this to Barney 452 00:18:17,759 --> 00:18:18,859 and say I'd driven an hour away 453 00:18:18,861 --> 00:18:20,977 to get a replacement from an autograph dealer. 454 00:18:20,979 --> 00:18:22,879 First, I needed an alibi. 455 00:18:22,881 --> 00:18:24,781 So I got Barney's dad a massage 456 00:18:24,783 --> 00:18:27,067 but signed in my name. 457 00:18:27,069 --> 00:18:30,436 Then I switched the Gretzky head shot with one of myself. 458 00:18:30,438 --> 00:18:33,206 I always travel with 2,000 of those handsome devils 459 00:18:33,208 --> 00:18:35,408 in the trunk of my car. 460 00:18:36,827 --> 00:18:39,746 I have so many questions for you, but first... 461 00:18:39,748 --> 00:18:43,166 you keep 2,000 head shots of yourself in your trunk? 462 00:18:43,168 --> 00:18:44,968 No one ever wants them! They only want 463 00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:47,170 the "good guy's" autograph! 464 00:18:47,172 --> 00:18:49,806 In the '80s, I was the bad guy in every movie. 465 00:18:49,808 --> 00:18:52,425 Do you know what my life has been like? 466 00:18:52,427 --> 00:18:55,812 Every premiere, when I came on-screen... 467 00:18:56,982 --> 00:18:58,565 I wasn't a bad guy in real life, 468 00:18:58,567 --> 00:19:00,400 just a kick-ass actor. 469 00:19:00,402 --> 00:19:01,818 No one got that. 470 00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:03,970 It happened everywhere I went. 471 00:19:03,972 --> 00:19:06,606 Somehow, people always had popcorn. 472 00:19:06,608 --> 00:19:10,577 25 years of getting crane-kicked in the nuts, 473 00:19:10,579 --> 00:19:14,447 until Barney Stinson gave me the best moment of my life. 474 00:19:14,449 --> 00:19:17,083 Hey. Hey, some issues just came up with Ted, so... 475 00:19:17,085 --> 00:19:18,335 will you be my best man? 476 00:19:18,337 --> 00:19:19,703 Sure. Thanks. 477 00:19:22,623 --> 00:19:24,791 Hello? Mom? 478 00:19:24,793 --> 00:19:26,760 No, no, listen, listen. 479 00:19:26,762 --> 00:19:29,012 I just became somebody's best man. 480 00:19:29,014 --> 00:19:32,665 You can come to Thanksgiving this year! 481 00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:35,001 To Barney Stinson, I wasn't a bad guy. 482 00:19:35,003 --> 00:19:39,339 To Barney Stinson, I was the best man. 483 00:19:39,341 --> 00:19:43,059 I thought if Ted screwed up again, I'd have another shot. 484 00:19:44,111 --> 00:19:46,613 But I guess this time I really was the bad guy. 485 00:19:46,615 --> 00:19:48,281 Hey, Ted, what's so urgent? 486 00:19:48,283 --> 00:19:50,867 I have something to tell you. 487 00:19:52,154 --> 00:19:54,687 I destroyed that Gretzky head shot 488 00:19:54,689 --> 00:19:57,190 and I couldn't fix it. Billy saved the day 489 00:19:57,192 --> 00:19:59,960 by getting a new one from an autograph dealer nearby. 490 00:19:59,962 --> 00:20:01,127 A-An hour away. 491 00:20:01,129 --> 00:20:03,163 An hour away. Just be cool. 492 00:20:03,165 --> 00:20:05,131 Awesome. Thanks, Billy! 493 00:20:06,468 --> 00:20:09,085 Ah. 494 00:20:09,087 --> 00:20:11,054 And, Ted... 495 00:20:11,056 --> 00:20:13,423 I really appreciate that you told the truth. 496 00:20:13,425 --> 00:20:15,141 Ow... Psych! 497 00:20:15,143 --> 00:20:16,676 Billy rules, Ted drools, 498 00:20:16,678 --> 00:20:17,877 Stinson out. 499 00:20:19,730 --> 00:20:21,765 You're all right, Mosby. 500 00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:25,235 And for an all too rare moment that weekend, 501 00:20:25,237 --> 00:20:26,719 everything was all right. 502 00:20:28,357 --> 00:20:30,690 ♪ Bang bang 503 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,194 ♪ Bangity bang Um, Barney? 504 00:20:34,196 --> 00:20:36,746 Is this your way of saying you're supporting us? 505 00:20:36,748 --> 00:20:38,398 Yes! Go for it. 506 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,950 ♪ I said bang Consummate your love! 507 00:20:40,952 --> 00:20:42,619 ♪ Bang Thanks, bro. 508 00:20:42,621 --> 00:20:46,456 ♪ Bangity bang But this is super weird. 509 00:20:47,458 --> 00:20:50,376 Super weird. 510 00:20:50,378 --> 00:20:51,627 ♪ Bang bang. 511 00:20:53,833 --> 00:20:55,451 Are we almost there? 512 00:20:55,452 --> 00:20:56,985 Almost there. 513 00:20:58,714 --> 00:21:01,287 Give me back my wife, you son of a bitch! 514 00:21:03,340 --> 00:21:08,340 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man