1
00:00:04,132 --> 00:00:07,017
"Let's get this party started."
2
00:00:08,353 --> 00:00:09,686
Hey, can you
push the button?
3
00:00:09,688 --> 00:00:11,455
Do not touch
that button.
4
00:00:11,457 --> 00:00:13,523
Just give it a little push.
Don't push it.
5
00:00:13,525 --> 00:00:14,808
Just push it a little.
Don't listen to him.
6
00:00:14,810 --> 00:00:16,059
Half of it, halfway, halfway...
Don't even touch it.
7
00:00:16,061 --> 00:00:17,561
Why can't I
push the button?
8
00:00:17,563 --> 00:00:19,596
Because whenever Barney
sees a button-- any button--
9
00:00:19,598 --> 00:00:21,231
as to push it.
10
00:00:23,402 --> 00:00:25,435
Sorry.
11
00:00:25,437 --> 00:00:27,054
Why are you so mad?
12
00:00:27,056 --> 00:00:29,272
Because my rehearsal dinner
13
00:00:29,274 --> 00:00:31,408
was supposed to start
ten minutes ago.
14
00:00:31,410 --> 00:00:33,777
But instead of stuffing my face
15
00:00:33,779 --> 00:00:35,212
with hors d'oeuvres
16
00:00:35,214 --> 00:00:37,330
that I have been dreaming
about for months,
17
00:00:37,332 --> 00:00:39,750
I am in a laser tag
18
00:00:39,752 --> 00:00:41,501
security office,
19
00:00:41,503 --> 00:00:44,921
waiting for the police
to arrest my fiancé
20
00:00:44,923 --> 00:00:46,556
for causing a disturbance.
21
00:00:46,558 --> 00:00:47,758
Hey, you said "fiancé."
22
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,426
That's a good sign.
23
00:00:49,428 --> 00:00:50,894
Now what do you say
we give that old button a push?
24
00:00:50,896 --> 00:00:53,430
Take a good look at
this face, Barney, okay?
25
00:00:53,432 --> 00:00:56,233
'Cause it'll be useful
for the future.
26
00:00:56,984 --> 00:00:58,935
This is my "pretty mad" face.
27
00:00:58,937 --> 00:01:00,737
Well, then, we've got a problem.
28
00:01:00,739 --> 00:01:03,690
'Cause it looks a lot like
your "pretty hungry" face.
29
00:01:03,692 --> 00:01:05,275
I'm missing
the bacon-wrapped figs!
30
00:01:05,277 --> 00:01:07,143
Please push the button!
31
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:11,168
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x12 ♪
The Rehearsal Dinner
Original Air Date on December 2, 2013
32
00:01:11,193 --> 00:01:16,193
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
33
00:01:19,924 --> 00:01:21,792
Why is it
so cold in here?
34
00:01:21,794 --> 00:01:23,510
You trying to get me to talk
or something?
35
00:01:23,512 --> 00:01:24,678
Not really.
36
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,213
In fact, if you could just
sit there quietly...
37
00:01:26,215 --> 00:01:27,714
Fine, I'll talk.
38
00:01:27,716 --> 00:01:29,683
It all started a few months ago,
39
00:01:29,685 --> 00:01:32,936
when I had the most
awesome idea ever.
40
00:01:32,938 --> 00:01:35,722
Laser tag
rehearsal dinner!
41
00:01:35,724 --> 00:01:37,724
That might be the worst idea
you've ever had,
42
00:01:37,726 --> 00:01:38,859
which is saying a lot.
43
00:01:38,861 --> 00:01:41,278
Name one bad idea
I've ever had.
44
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,113
Gluten-free edible panties.
45
00:01:43,115 --> 00:01:44,364
Hot dog on a stick
on a bun.
46
00:01:44,366 --> 00:01:45,966
Inflatable sex toy life raft.
47
00:01:45,968 --> 00:01:47,367
The breast
augmentation channel.
48
00:01:47,369 --> 00:01:49,035
Single malt
Scotch tape.
49
00:01:49,037 --> 00:01:50,070
The time you ran for mayor.
50
00:01:50,072 --> 00:01:51,688
I still have 12,000 buttons
that say,
51
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:53,790
"The only poll I care about
is in my pants."
52
00:01:54,876 --> 00:01:56,326
Barney, planning
a wedding
53
00:01:56,328 --> 00:01:57,828
is all about compromise.
54
00:01:57,830 --> 00:01:59,129
Do you remember that one night,
55
00:01:59,131 --> 00:02:00,714
right after we got engaged?
56
00:02:00,716 --> 00:02:02,516
Where is this wedding
gonna be, anyway?
57
00:02:02,518 --> 00:02:05,669
You know, I thought it might be
nice to get married in Canada.
58
00:02:05,671 --> 00:02:07,387
I mean, it's where
I'm from, and...
59
00:02:08,339 --> 00:02:09,489
Okay.
60
00:02:09,491 --> 00:02:11,424
Let's have it.
Get it over with,
61
00:02:11,426 --> 00:02:12,509
get it all out
of your system.
62
00:02:12,511 --> 00:02:13,477
I'm the groom,
63
00:02:13,479 --> 00:02:14,845
I'm the groom,
I might as well start.
64
00:02:14,847 --> 00:02:16,563
Canada?
What, are we gonna
65
00:02:16,565 --> 00:02:18,682
walk down the aisle to
Crash Test Dummies?
66
00:02:18,684 --> 00:02:19,883
Play's to Marshall.
67
00:02:19,885 --> 00:02:21,351
Canada?
What are you gonna do,
68
00:02:21,353 --> 00:02:23,520
hire a regular dog sled
or a stretch?
69
00:02:24,071 --> 00:02:25,021
Canada?
70
00:02:25,023 --> 00:02:26,857
Are you registered
at Tim Hortons?
71
00:02:26,859 --> 00:02:27,774
Canada.
72
00:02:27,776 --> 00:02:29,392
Oh, does
the organist play
73
00:02:29,394 --> 00:02:30,527
wearing mittens?
74
00:02:30,529 --> 00:02:32,028
Canada? How are you gonna
75
00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:33,246
slip the ring on
the bride's finger
76
00:02:33,248 --> 00:02:34,564
if she's wearing
mittens?
77
00:02:35,751 --> 00:02:37,000
Two mitten jokes
in a row?
78
00:02:37,002 --> 00:02:39,286
So... you're pretty
much done, then?
79
00:02:39,288 --> 00:02:41,538
Kids... we weren't even close.
80
00:02:41,540 --> 00:02:42,756
Canada.
81
00:02:42,758 --> 00:02:44,374
What do we ask on
the wedding invitation?
82
00:02:44,376 --> 00:02:47,127
"Will you be having
the elk or the moose?"
83
00:02:47,129 --> 00:02:48,211
Canada.
84
00:02:48,213 --> 00:02:50,096
What, are you gonna
walk down the aisle
85
00:02:50,098 --> 00:02:51,381
wearing snowshoes?!
86
00:02:52,384 --> 00:02:53,767
Canada.
87
00:02:53,769 --> 00:02:55,886
What, is everyone gonna have
access to universal healthcare
88
00:02:55,888 --> 00:02:58,021
so no one has to choose
between going bankrupt
89
00:02:58,023 --> 00:03:00,607
and treating
a life-threatening illness?
90
00:03:00,609 --> 00:03:01,925
Canada?
91
00:03:01,927 --> 00:03:03,793
W-What's the band gonna play
for your first dance?
92
00:03:03,795 --> 00:03:05,245
Crash Test Dummies?
93
00:03:05,247 --> 00:03:06,763
See, it's funny
94
00:03:06,765 --> 00:03:08,164
'cause who gets a band?
95
00:03:08,166 --> 00:03:10,066
Enough.
It was just an idea.
96
00:03:10,068 --> 00:03:11,201
Okay, okay.
97
00:03:11,203 --> 00:03:12,936
Seriously, Robin,
doing it here in New York
98
00:03:12,938 --> 00:03:14,988
would be easier, since
all of our friends
99
00:03:14,990 --> 00:03:16,623
and a lot of
our family are here.
100
00:03:16,625 --> 00:03:20,076
But... I want you to have the wedding
that you want.
101
00:03:20,078 --> 00:03:21,795
So if it's Canada...
102
00:03:21,797 --> 00:03:23,330
just say the word.
103
00:03:24,299 --> 00:03:26,299
And then say it again
in French.
104
00:03:27,469 --> 00:03:29,920
See? I compromised.
105
00:03:29,922 --> 00:03:31,171
Fine.
106
00:03:31,173 --> 00:03:33,790
We'll just have a nice,
tasteful rehearsal dinner.
107
00:03:33,792 --> 00:03:36,593
Maybe at a French restaurant.
108
00:03:36,595 --> 00:03:37,928
I know just the place.
109
00:03:37,930 --> 00:03:39,763
What's the name
of the restaurant?
110
00:03:39,765 --> 00:03:42,933
La... ser tag.
111
00:03:43,901 --> 00:03:45,352
You know, I was thinking about
112
00:03:45,354 --> 00:03:47,136
what to get you guys
for a wedding gift.
113
00:03:47,138 --> 00:03:48,271
As you know,
114
00:03:48,273 --> 00:03:50,407
I'm kind of
the wedding gift master.
115
00:03:51,108 --> 00:03:52,442
And, well,
all this talk
116
00:03:52,444 --> 00:03:53,410
of the rehearsal dinner
117
00:03:53,412 --> 00:03:55,195
gives me a fantastic idea.
118
00:03:55,197 --> 00:03:56,363
I've been
meaning
119
00:03:56,365 --> 00:03:58,665
to start taking
piano lessons again.
120
00:03:58,667 --> 00:03:59,749
No.
121
00:03:59,751 --> 00:04:00,817
No piano time.
Guys!
122
00:04:00,819 --> 00:04:02,002
Just let me perform something.
123
00:04:02,004 --> 00:04:03,453
I'll-I'll tickle the keys.
124
00:04:03,455 --> 00:04:04,421
It'll be great.
125
00:04:04,423 --> 00:04:06,706
Not even if you
dressed up as Liberace.
126
00:04:06,708 --> 00:04:08,174
What if I dressed up
as Liberace?
127
00:04:08,176 --> 00:04:09,158
Sold!
Sold.
128
00:04:10,761 --> 00:04:12,545
And that was the end of it.
129
00:04:12,547 --> 00:04:14,163
Until my bachelor party.
130
00:04:14,165 --> 00:04:15,348
Uh-oh.
131
00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:16,566
Let me guess:
132
00:04:16,568 --> 00:04:17,934
there was a stripper.
133
00:04:18,636 --> 00:04:20,169
You had a little fun.
134
00:04:20,171 --> 00:04:22,806
Maybe took some
ill-advised pictures.
135
00:04:22,808 --> 00:04:23,890
Next thing
you know,
136
00:04:23,892 --> 00:04:25,942
she's blackmailing you
into bankruptcy,
137
00:04:25,944 --> 00:04:27,360
and your medical degree's
hanging on the wall
138
00:04:27,362 --> 00:04:29,813
of a laser tag security office!
139
00:04:30,681 --> 00:04:32,949
No.
140
00:04:32,951 --> 00:04:34,818
The night of my bachelor party,
my friends took me
141
00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:36,152
to a crappy hotel,
142
00:04:36,154 --> 00:04:37,988
hired my ex-fiancée
to be the stripper,
143
00:04:37,990 --> 00:04:39,856
I lost thousands of dollars,
and my best friend
144
00:04:39,858 --> 00:04:40,857
even had his hand cut off.
145
00:04:40,859 --> 00:04:41,858
It would've been
146
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,076
the worst night of all time
147
00:04:43,078 --> 00:04:44,360
if the whole thing hadn't been
148
00:04:44,362 --> 00:04:45,462
a prank planned by
149
00:04:45,464 --> 00:04:47,414
my beautiful, amazing fiancée.
150
00:04:47,416 --> 00:04:49,833
She put me through hell
just to give me the best
151
00:04:49,835 --> 00:04:52,218
surprise of my life...which,
p.s.,included an appearance
152
00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:53,420
by my favorite actor--
153
00:04:53,422 --> 00:04:55,505
non-porn category.
154
00:04:55,507 --> 00:04:57,707
Wow, that sounds pretty cool.
155
00:04:57,709 --> 00:04:59,576
Yeah. Except
pretty not cool,
156
00:04:59,578 --> 00:05:01,761
because he kept talking about
how he was gonna get me back,
157
00:05:01,763 --> 00:05:04,097
and sure enough,
a few days later...
158
00:05:04,099 --> 00:05:06,733
Robin, there's no
good way to say this.
159
00:05:07,401 --> 00:05:09,019
I've made a huge mistake.
160
00:05:09,021 --> 00:05:10,820
I can't go through
with the wedding.
161
00:05:10,822 --> 00:05:12,489
What?
162
00:05:12,491 --> 00:05:13,690
I'm so sorry.
163
00:05:13,692 --> 00:05:15,492
I-I just...
I had to tell you
164
00:05:15,494 --> 00:05:17,193
before it was too late.
165
00:05:18,012 --> 00:05:19,496
Oh, my God, you're serious.
166
00:05:19,498 --> 00:05:20,396
Yeah.
167
00:05:21,866 --> 00:05:23,232
And since this is my apartment,
168
00:05:23,234 --> 00:05:25,168
I think that
you should move out.
169
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:29,756
Fine.
170
00:05:31,258 --> 00:05:34,410
Puppies!
171
00:05:36,430 --> 00:05:38,465
I know.
Great prank, right?
172
00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:40,083
That is awful.
173
00:05:40,085 --> 00:05:41,751
You're a frickin' weirdo.
174
00:05:41,753 --> 00:05:44,771
Such a weirdo.
175
00:05:44,773 --> 00:05:46,139
Careful, watch the robe.
176
00:05:46,141 --> 00:05:47,774
Anyway,
177
00:05:47,776 --> 00:05:49,776
for reasons only
you guys and Robin
178
00:05:49,778 --> 00:05:51,861
but nobody normal
like me would understand,
179
00:05:51,863 --> 00:05:53,262
she got cranky.
180
00:05:53,264 --> 00:05:55,148
And she laid
down the law.
181
00:05:55,150 --> 00:05:56,566
No more surprises.
182
00:05:56,568 --> 00:05:58,318
But you love surprises.
183
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,237
Almost as much as
I love lickin' myself!
184
00:06:01,239 --> 00:06:03,106
That was me talking,
not the puppy.
185
00:06:03,108 --> 00:06:04,457
Barney, the surprises
are out of hand
186
00:06:04,459 --> 00:06:05,408
and they have to stop.
187
00:06:05,410 --> 00:06:06,960
Deal?
But...
188
00:06:06,962 --> 00:06:07,911
Deal?
But...
189
00:06:07,913 --> 00:06:10,046
Deal.
Butt...
190
00:06:10,048 --> 00:06:10,780
Barney...
191
00:06:10,782 --> 00:06:13,133
Fine.
192
00:06:13,135 --> 00:06:14,617
Deal.
193
00:06:15,452 --> 00:06:16,469
Man.
194
00:06:16,471 --> 00:06:18,421
This whole "no more
surprises" thing
195
00:06:18,423 --> 00:06:20,123
is so unfair.
196
00:06:20,125 --> 00:06:21,141
Who does that?
197
00:06:21,143 --> 00:06:23,476
Barney,
the "no more surprises" thing
198
00:06:23,478 --> 00:06:25,261
is the best part
of being married.
199
00:06:25,263 --> 00:06:26,796
It's true. When I wake up
in the morning,
200
00:06:26,798 --> 00:06:29,298
I know what Lily's breath
is gonna smell like.
201
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:30,984
It's like...
roses.
202
00:06:31,719 --> 00:06:33,019
Do you really
want a marriage
203
00:06:33,021 --> 00:06:34,187
where you have
this paranoia
204
00:06:34,189 --> 00:06:36,156
that Robin's hiding
around every corner,
205
00:06:36,158 --> 00:06:38,608
planning to get you back
with some crazy new prank?
206
00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:40,527
You're
absolutely right.
207
00:06:40,529 --> 00:06:41,528
Thank you, Lily.
208
00:06:41,530 --> 00:06:43,613
No, th...
that was me, over here.
209
00:06:43,615 --> 00:06:44,497
He wasn't listening.
210
00:06:44,499 --> 00:06:45,782
If you guys
are saying
211
00:06:45,784 --> 00:06:46,916
what I think
you're saying...
212
00:06:46,918 --> 00:06:48,118
Probably not.
Go on.
213
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,152
...then that
must mean...
214
00:06:49,154 --> 00:06:50,153
No, it doesn't.
215
00:06:50,155 --> 00:06:52,455
...that Robin is
planning a surprise
216
00:06:52,457 --> 00:06:54,841
laser tag
rehearsal dinner!
217
00:06:56,831 --> 00:06:59,426
Dude, Robin is not planning
218
00:06:59,427 --> 00:07:01,427
a surprise laser tag
rehearsal dinner.
219
00:07:01,429 --> 00:07:02,378
Yes, she is.
220
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,179
No, she isn't.
Yes, she is.
221
00:07:04,181 --> 00:07:05,814
No, I'm not!
222
00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:07,016
Yes, she is.
223
00:07:07,018 --> 00:07:08,784
No, she isn't.
224
00:07:08,786 --> 00:07:10,452
Then why did
she pretend
225
00:07:10,454 --> 00:07:12,554
to ridicule it
as an idiotic idea?
226
00:07:12,556 --> 00:07:15,724
Because it is
an idiotic idea.
227
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,526
If Robin
actually was
228
00:07:17,528 --> 00:07:19,028
planning a surprise,
229
00:07:19,030 --> 00:07:21,096
don't you think she would
tell her maid of honor?
230
00:07:21,098 --> 00:07:22,982
She didn't tell you
'cause you can keep a secret
231
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,867
the way my dentist
keeps his car keys.
232
00:07:26,303 --> 00:07:29,604
You don't know him,
but he's lost them...
233
00:07:29,606 --> 00:07:30,706
like, twice.
234
00:07:30,708 --> 00:07:31,940
Actually,
just once, and...
235
00:07:31,942 --> 00:07:34,043
that time they were
in his other pocket.
236
00:07:34,045 --> 00:07:36,245
I can't keep a secret?
237
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,579
He does have a point, Lily.
238
00:07:37,581 --> 00:07:39,281
You're kind of famous for
the old blabbity-blabbity.
239
00:07:39,283 --> 00:07:40,416
Hey.
240
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,634
How was lunch
with Debbie?
241
00:07:41,636 --> 00:07:43,252
Great.
She's pregnant!
242
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,303
Oops.
243
00:07:44,305 --> 00:07:46,138
I'm not supposed to tell anybody.
Why not?
244
00:07:46,140 --> 00:07:47,806
Because she's getting
a divorce.
245
00:07:47,808 --> 00:07:48,957
Damn it!
246
00:07:48,959 --> 00:07:50,125
Debbie's getting
a divorce?
247
00:07:50,127 --> 00:07:52,845
Yeah, she walked in
on her husband having sex.
248
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:54,063
Oh! Come on, Lily.
249
00:07:54,065 --> 00:07:55,814
Well, maybe we don't
need to know every gory...
250
00:07:55,816 --> 00:07:56,932
With a man.
251
00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:59,768
Will you get it
together, Aldrin?!
252
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:00,936
You okay, Lily?
253
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:03,638
And that guy's
the father of the baby.
254
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,908
I gotta go lie down.
255
00:08:06,743 --> 00:08:09,028
Which brings us
to earlier today,
256
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,997
when Robin was setting up
the decoy rehearsal dinner,
257
00:08:11,999 --> 00:08:13,916
complete with fake booze.
258
00:08:15,368 --> 00:08:17,419
Trying to pass
this off as Scotch,
259
00:08:17,421 --> 00:08:19,672
and we all know
it's apple juice.
260
00:08:25,512 --> 00:08:28,163
Typical apple juice burn.
261
00:08:29,099 --> 00:08:31,300
Yes, Barney,
the booze is real.
262
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:32,601
The food is real.
263
00:08:32,603 --> 00:08:34,937
Ooh, speaking of which,
where are the bacon-wrapped figs?
264
00:08:34,939 --> 00:08:36,722
Probably at...
265
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:38,006
...the laser tag place,
266
00:08:38,008 --> 00:08:40,309
where the real rehearsal
dinner's going down.
267
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,479
Isn't that right,
Theodore?
268
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,898
Barney, there is
no laser tag.
269
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,149
We're gonna have
a nice dinner,
270
00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:48,567
some drinks,
and then,
271
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:49,568
according to Robin,
272
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:51,120
if her Aunt Edith
gets drunk enough,
273
00:08:51,122 --> 00:08:52,854
she'll take off her wig and
they'll play hockey with it.
274
00:08:52,856 --> 00:08:53,956
Poppycock!
275
00:08:53,958 --> 00:08:56,041
You know how
she's gonna do it,
276
00:08:56,043 --> 00:08:57,126
and you're gonna
tell me!
277
00:08:57,128 --> 00:09:00,329
Or do I have
to get my face
278
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:03,698
even closer
to yours?
279
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:04,699
Hey.
280
00:09:04,701 --> 00:09:05,968
How come you're
not getting
281
00:09:05,970 --> 00:09:07,536
uncomfortably
close to my face?
282
00:09:07,538 --> 00:09:10,038
I could be in on it, too.
283
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:12,874
'Course you could,
Lil.
284
00:09:12,876 --> 00:09:14,510
I can keep a secret.
285
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,928
Lily, don't
make me laugh.
286
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,312
I'd trust you
with a secret
287
00:09:17,314 --> 00:09:19,231
as much as I'd trust
Marshall with Pop Secret.
288
00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:21,383
I can keep a secret!
289
00:09:21,385 --> 00:09:23,435
I can keep a secret
real good.
290
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:25,771
I can keep a secret
like nobody's business,
291
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:28,723
'cause it is
nobody's business.
292
00:09:28,725 --> 00:09:29,992
'Cause it's a secret,
293
00:09:29,994 --> 00:09:31,726
and I'm keeping it!
294
00:09:31,728 --> 00:09:32,694
Does Marshall
shave his back?
295
00:09:32,696 --> 00:09:34,729
No, I shave it
for him. Damn it!
296
00:09:34,731 --> 00:09:35,730
Ooh!
297
00:09:35,732 --> 00:09:37,082
I should call
Marshall.
298
00:09:37,084 --> 00:09:38,617
I bet he's
in on this.
299
00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:40,735
If he really exists.
300
00:09:41,904 --> 00:09:43,405
Okay.
301
00:09:43,407 --> 00:09:44,673
Setting aside the fact
302
00:09:44,675 --> 00:09:45,874
that I've kept your whole
303
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:48,177
"moving to Chicago" thing
a secret,
304
00:09:48,179 --> 00:09:51,079
aren't you supposed to be
dressed like Liberace right now?
305
00:09:51,081 --> 00:09:52,631
Okay, first of all,
306
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:54,266
if I showed up in costume,
307
00:09:54,268 --> 00:09:56,051
it would steal from
the surprise and spectacle
308
00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:57,436
of my grand entrance.
309
00:09:57,438 --> 00:09:59,221
And second of all,
I'm not doing that.
310
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,389
Why not?
311
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:03,758
Because dressing like Liberace
is easy, but...
312
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:07,429
Uh, yes, 4/4, E-sharp...
313
00:10:07,431 --> 00:10:10,765
major...
314
00:10:10,767 --> 00:10:12,484
Okay.
315
00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:15,988
Let's make something
beautiful, shall we?
316
00:10:18,442 --> 00:10:20,442
I think that's
enough for today.
317
00:10:21,828 --> 00:10:24,546
Okay, I figured out how
this is gonna go down.
318
00:10:24,548 --> 00:10:26,965
We're gonna "run out" of ice,
319
00:10:26,967 --> 00:10:28,950
and Robin's gonna ask me
to go get some,
320
00:10:28,952 --> 00:10:31,553
and lo and behold,
the only place that sells ice
321
00:10:31,555 --> 00:10:35,591
in this whole town is right next
to the local laser taggery.
322
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,259
I go inside and...
323
00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:38,393
Surprise!
324
00:10:38,395 --> 00:10:40,762
Beautiful dinner,
family and friends,
325
00:10:40,764 --> 00:10:43,265
free game tokens
and an off-road arcade game
326
00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,267
that's rigged
for unlimited turbos!
327
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:47,186
That is the
single stupidest...
328
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:48,604
Guys, you aren't
gonna believe this.
329
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,823
The ice machine
is broken.
330
00:10:51,441 --> 00:10:52,774
Is it now?
331
00:10:52,776 --> 00:10:56,578
Well, dog my cats,
what are the chances?
332
00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:59,081
Huh? What do we do?
333
00:10:59,083 --> 00:11:01,783
Well, I guess I could go get
some ice.
334
00:11:01,785 --> 00:11:02,918
Uh, no,
they'll send someone.
335
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,620
All right, fine.
Twist my arm. I'll do it.
336
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,754
But seriously,
Hmm?
337
00:11:05,756 --> 00:11:07,539
did you get everything set up
over there?
338
00:11:07,541 --> 00:11:09,208
Do you have enough food,
have enough guns?
339
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,793
Did you get a vest extender
for Grandma Stinson? She's...
340
00:11:11,795 --> 00:11:14,263
What are you
talking about?
341
00:11:14,265 --> 00:11:18,350
Oh, babe, you're so good
at this. I love it.
342
00:11:18,352 --> 00:11:20,302
All right, I'll see you guys
over there.
343
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:21,803
I mean, be right back.
344
00:11:21,805 --> 00:11:25,607
Barney, Barney, this is
our rehearsal dinner, okay?
345
00:11:25,609 --> 00:11:27,309
Do not leave the premises.
346
00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:29,111
Promise me you're not going
anywhere.
347
00:11:29,113 --> 00:11:30,195
Fine.
348
00:11:30,197 --> 00:11:31,029
Say it.
349
00:11:31,031 --> 00:11:33,532
Say you promise
you won't leave.
350
00:11:33,534 --> 00:11:36,902
I promise I won't leave.
351
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:39,037
So I left.
And what do you know,
352
00:11:39,039 --> 00:11:43,125
the ice store is right next
to a laser tag place!
353
00:11:43,127 --> 00:11:45,527
No, it isn't!
It's six miles away
354
00:11:45,529 --> 00:11:46,712
in the opposite direction.
355
00:11:46,714 --> 00:11:48,547
And I told you not to go!
356
00:11:48,549 --> 00:11:49,748
Yeah, well, you also told me
357
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,700
didn't want a ring bear
at the wedding.
358
00:11:51,702 --> 00:11:52,668
Ring bear-er!
359
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:53,719
We all know how great
360
00:11:53,721 --> 00:11:54,869
that's gonna be. The point is,
361
00:11:54,871 --> 00:11:56,255
I played along with her plan,
362
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:59,874
and I acted "natural" so I
wouldn't spoil the surprise.
363
00:11:59,876 --> 00:12:02,628
Oh, my goodness!
364
00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:04,429
Laser tag?!
365
00:12:04,431 --> 00:12:06,548
Maybe I should go in here
for a minute,
366
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:08,267
just check it out
for no apparent reason.
367
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:09,884
And what's this?
368
00:12:09,886 --> 00:12:12,387
My hands-free token satchel?
369
00:12:12,389 --> 00:12:14,990
And my free lifetime refill
root beer mug?
370
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:19,111
So for the past
two months
371
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,163
when we were letting you use
our apartment
372
00:12:21,165 --> 00:12:23,064
to practice the piano
every Sunday night,
373
00:12:23,066 --> 00:12:24,449
what were you doing?
374
00:12:24,451 --> 00:12:28,620
Oh, so that's not traveling
'cause he's the MVP?
375
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,406
Come on!
376
00:12:31,408 --> 00:12:34,042
Where's Barney?
Has anyone seen him?
377
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:35,410
Robin, Ted's totally bailing
378
00:12:35,412 --> 00:12:37,379
on playing the piano
for you and Barney.
379
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:41,016
Oh, really? Ted, you didn't
have to not do that.
380
00:12:41,018 --> 00:12:42,050
But thank you.
381
00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:44,770
But he promised!
A promise is a promise.
382
00:12:44,772 --> 00:12:46,555
You can't say you're
gonna do something
383
00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:49,257
and then suddenly do something
completely different!
384
00:12:49,259 --> 00:12:51,059
Why are you getting
so worked up about this?
385
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:54,863
Because, obviously, I'm worked
up for a different
386
00:12:54,865 --> 00:12:55,897
but somewhat similar reason.
387
00:12:55,899 --> 00:12:57,566
And someone should ask me
about it!
388
00:12:57,568 --> 00:13:00,319
I'm sorry. I don't have time
for your drama right now, Lily.
389
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,486
My fiancé is missing.
390
00:13:01,488 --> 00:13:03,372
Marshall got picked
to be a judge.
391
00:13:03,374 --> 00:13:05,574
He took the job
without even asking me.
392
00:13:06,275 --> 00:13:08,109
Italy's off!
393
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,629
I have time for your drama.
394
00:13:16,347 --> 00:13:20,058
So, Marshall can't go to Italy?
Not if he wants to be a judge.
395
00:13:20,082 --> 00:13:22,449
And my Italian was getting
so good.
396
00:13:22,778 --> 00:13:25,662
It was so.
397
00:13:29,066 --> 00:13:31,334
But wait, you guys already
sublet the apartment.
398
00:13:31,336 --> 00:13:33,203
You're already packed.
399
00:13:33,205 --> 00:13:35,922
Marshall already borrowed
and lost my Rosetta Stone.
400
00:13:35,924 --> 00:13:37,624
That selfish bastard!
401
00:13:37,626 --> 00:13:39,943
Sorry, Lil. Hello.
402
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,678
Okay, I'm mad, too.
403
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,180
I should hope so.
404
00:13:43,182 --> 00:13:45,665
All of a sudden, his dream
is more important than yours?
405
00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:47,334
And he did it behind your back.
406
00:13:47,336 --> 00:13:48,535
Bastardo!
407
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:50,303
He would never hurt me
intentionally.
408
00:13:50,305 --> 00:13:52,055
I'll hurt him intentionally.
409
00:13:52,057 --> 00:13:53,356
Molto bastardo!
410
00:13:53,358 --> 00:13:54,608
That's sweet of you to say.
411
00:13:54,610 --> 00:13:56,760
You could never take
Marshall in a million years,
412
00:13:56,762 --> 00:13:58,612
but that's sweet of you to say.
413
00:13:58,614 --> 00:14:02,616
Well, apparently, Barney went
to the laser tag place
414
00:14:02,618 --> 00:14:05,285
looking for a surprise
rehearsal dinner.
415
00:14:05,287 --> 00:14:07,604
When he didn't find one,
he threatened
416
00:14:07,606 --> 00:14:09,272
to dunk
the snack bar guy's head
417
00:14:09,274 --> 00:14:12,909
into a vat
of scalding nacho Whiz.
418
00:14:12,911 --> 00:14:14,578
He's being held
until the police arrive
419
00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:17,464
I need your apple juice.
420
00:14:18,449 --> 00:14:21,218
Ha!
421
00:14:21,220 --> 00:14:22,552
And here we are.
422
00:14:22,554 --> 00:14:26,473
Now, I believe this charade
has gone on long enough.
423
00:14:26,475 --> 00:14:30,126
Can we please get to the
surprise laser tag rehearsal?
424
00:14:30,128 --> 00:14:32,679
Hey, there is no surprise
laser tag rehearsal dinner!
425
00:14:32,681 --> 00:14:36,633
Okay, but if I may offer
an opposing view.
426
00:14:36,635 --> 00:14:38,268
Of course there is!
427
00:14:38,270 --> 00:14:40,470
This place is lousy
with clues.
428
00:14:40,472 --> 00:14:43,940
Is he even really
a security guard?
429
00:14:43,942 --> 00:14:46,576
Because he looks an awful lot
like a non-Pakistani version
430
00:14:46,578 --> 00:14:49,579
of the guy who delivers
sandwiches at my office.
431
00:14:49,581 --> 00:14:51,248
Also...
432
00:14:51,250 --> 00:14:58,154
"laser tag" has the same number
of letters as "rehearsal."
433
00:14:58,156 --> 00:15:01,374
Laser tag has eight,
rehearsal has nine.
434
00:15:01,376 --> 00:15:05,929
And if you rearrange the letters
and add some other ones,
435
00:15:05,931 --> 00:15:10,183
it says, "Get ready, Barney,
for the biggest surprise ever,
436
00:15:10,185 --> 00:15:12,536
you handsome son of a..."
437
00:15:12,538 --> 00:15:15,004
and then not quite enough
letters for "bitch,"
438
00:15:15,006 --> 00:15:16,056
but good try, Robin.
439
00:15:16,058 --> 00:15:18,391
This is crazy, Barney.
440
00:15:18,393 --> 00:15:20,560
We-We can't have a marriage
like this.
441
00:15:20,562 --> 00:15:24,564
A marriage has to be built on
honesty and trust
442
00:15:24,566 --> 00:15:26,950
and all of that Lily-
and-Marshall crap.
443
00:15:26,952 --> 00:15:30,320
I though our marriage was built
on honesty and trust
444
00:15:30,322 --> 00:15:33,740
and all that Lily-
and-Marshal crap.
445
00:15:33,742 --> 00:15:36,459
I just feel so alone right now.
446
00:15:36,461 --> 00:15:39,079
Well, you're not. I'm here.
447
00:15:40,197 --> 00:15:42,632
And I know you can keep
a secret.
448
00:15:42,634 --> 00:15:44,634
Yeah, right.
449
00:15:44,636 --> 00:15:45,886
Tell you what.
450
00:15:45,888 --> 00:15:48,538
How about I let you in
on another secret?
451
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:50,507
Something bigger.
452
00:15:50,509 --> 00:15:52,509
Bigger than Chicago?
453
00:15:54,128 --> 00:15:57,013
Are you kidding?
454
00:15:57,015 --> 00:15:59,983
Nope. Want to do the honors?
455
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,388
Ladies and gentlemen,
456
00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:08,725
there's been a slight change
of plan.
457
00:16:08,727 --> 00:16:10,660
Fine! Fine.
458
00:16:10,662 --> 00:16:12,112
You're right, Robin.
459
00:16:12,114 --> 00:16:14,948
Marriage isn't about playing
crazy pranks.
460
00:16:14,950 --> 00:16:18,067
It isn't about telling
long expertly crafted lies
461
00:16:18,069 --> 00:16:19,169
to cover those pranks...
462
00:16:19,171 --> 00:16:20,954
How'd you get out
of those handcuffs?
463
00:16:20,956 --> 00:16:23,123
...and hiring actors
to play security guards
464
00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:25,709
and spending exorbitant
amounts of money on things
465
00:16:25,711 --> 00:16:27,761
like giant,
fake laser tag signs.
466
00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:29,596
No, it's about honesty.
467
00:16:29,598 --> 00:16:31,715
Size six skate, right?
468
00:16:31,717 --> 00:16:32,766
Yeah.
469
00:16:32,768 --> 00:16:36,136
And in that spirit,
I got to be honest.
470
00:16:36,138 --> 00:16:38,722
Every now and then,
471
00:16:38,724 --> 00:16:42,926
I am gonna lie to you.
I just am.
472
00:16:42,928 --> 00:16:46,262
If it's in the interest
of an amazing surprise, that is.
473
00:16:46,264 --> 00:16:50,533
You're gonna get bamboozled,
hoodwinked.
474
00:16:50,535 --> 00:16:52,986
Heck, I'll just say it.
475
00:16:52,988 --> 00:16:55,705
You're gonna get snowed.
476
00:16:57,792 --> 00:16:59,292
Why is it snowing in here?
477
00:16:59,294 --> 00:17:00,460
Put on the skates.
478
00:17:00,462 --> 00:17:01,878
We gotta go.
479
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:03,663
Where?
480
00:17:03,665 --> 00:17:05,949
Where are we going?
481
00:17:05,951 --> 00:17:08,168
To the rehearsal dinner, silly.
482
00:17:09,003 --> 00:17:11,588
Let's get this party started.
483
00:17:14,425 --> 00:17:16,559
What?!
484
00:17:16,561 --> 00:17:18,511
Surprise!
485
00:17:19,296 --> 00:17:21,815
What-What is going on?
486
00:17:21,817 --> 00:17:26,236
I know how much you wanted
to be in Canada this weekend.
487
00:17:26,238 --> 00:17:28,154
So I brought Canada to you.
488
00:17:28,156 --> 00:17:31,641
Oh, and here's an autographed
picture of Wayne Gretzky.
489
00:17:31,643 --> 00:17:32,976
Thanks.
490
00:17:32,978 --> 00:17:36,112
And this guy's not really
a security guard.
491
00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:44,170
♪ Once there was this boy who
492
00:17:44,172 --> 00:17:50,326
♪ Wore a lot of suits and said
that stuff was "legendary" ♪
493
00:17:50,328 --> 00:17:54,381
♪ He gave lots of high fives
494
00:17:54,383 --> 00:17:57,517
♪ And swore...
495
00:17:57,519 --> 00:18:02,605
♪ That he would
never get married ♪
496
00:18:03,774 --> 00:18:05,976
♪ He really thought
he meant it ♪
497
00:18:05,978 --> 00:18:08,111
Thanks for letting me
in on this.
498
00:18:08,113 --> 00:18:10,063
Even if it was
at the very end.
499
00:18:10,065 --> 00:18:11,197
My pleasure.
500
00:18:11,199 --> 00:18:12,732
Oh, and by the way,
501
00:18:12,734 --> 00:18:14,701
there's one more secret
I've been keeping.
502
00:18:14,703 --> 00:18:16,236
All those nights
I was supposed
503
00:18:16,238 --> 00:18:17,620
to be taking piano lessons?
504
00:18:17,622 --> 00:18:22,375
I was actually taking
figure skating lessons!
505
00:18:24,078 --> 00:18:26,830
♪ Once, there was
this girl who... ♪
506
00:18:26,832 --> 00:18:28,748
Kids, it takes more
than two months
507
00:18:28,750 --> 00:18:31,301
to learn how to figure skate.
508
00:18:33,187 --> 00:18:34,671
I love you.
509
00:18:34,673 --> 00:18:36,723
I love you, too.
510
00:18:36,725 --> 00:18:39,259
I'm gonna get you back, you know?
Bring it.
511
00:18:39,261 --> 00:18:46,716
♪ And swore she'd also
never get married ♪
512
00:18:46,718 --> 00:18:50,320
♪ She really thought
she meant it. ♪
513
00:18:52,251 --> 00:18:54,469
I can't believe
you did all of this.
514
00:18:54,471 --> 00:18:56,304
Hey, I thought you
didn't like Canada.
515
00:18:56,306 --> 00:18:58,223
Are you kidding?
I love Canada.
516
00:18:58,225 --> 00:19:02,460
Holy musk ox, is that legendary
Canadian doctor Frederick Banting?
517
00:19:02,462 --> 00:19:03,595
Whoa!
518
00:19:03,597 --> 00:19:05,897
In 1924,
I discovered insulin.
519
00:19:05,899 --> 00:19:07,766
Take that, diabetes.
520
00:19:07,768 --> 00:19:10,885
Hey, look, it's Manitoba's
native son, Norman Breakey.
521
00:19:10,887 --> 00:19:11,987
You're welcome, world.
522
00:19:11,989 --> 00:19:15,156
Enjoy my invention,
the paint roller.
523
00:19:15,158 --> 00:19:17,993
And of course,
you know Alan Thicke.
524
00:19:17,995 --> 00:19:19,661
Hey, hey, you...
Oh, hey.
525
00:19:19,663 --> 00:19:21,563
...are the prettiest girl
in the place.
526
00:19:21,565 --> 00:19:22,697
Oh, thank you,
Alan.
527
00:19:22,699 --> 00:19:24,232
All right, all right,
all right.
528
00:19:24,234 --> 00:19:25,367
Good to see you.
529
00:19:25,369 --> 00:19:26,668
Hey, look,
it's Louise Poirier,
530
00:19:26,670 --> 00:19:28,370
who I think worked
for the company
531
00:19:28,372 --> 00:19:29,788
that probably created
Wonderbra.
532
00:19:32,092 --> 00:19:33,508
Okay, okay.
533
00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:36,450
Canadians also helped
win two world wars...
534
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:37,129
Mm-hmm.
535
00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:38,930
...and gave the world
Neil Young, William Shatner,
536
00:19:38,932 --> 00:19:40,582
Leonard Cohen,
Pamela Anderson,
537
00:19:40,584 --> 00:19:42,100
one quarter
of Barney Stinson,
538
00:19:42,102 --> 00:19:45,937
instant mashed potatoes,
and best of all, you.
539
00:19:45,939 --> 00:19:47,856
Thank you.
540
00:19:47,858 --> 00:19:52,858
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man