1
00:00:00,422 --> 00:00:02,961
Kids, when your Uncle
Marshall's bus broke down
2
00:00:02,993 --> 00:00:06,477
five miles away from the
Farhampton Inn, he made a vow.
3
00:00:06,498 --> 00:00:08,757
I can walk that far.
4
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:12,284
Yes. It was another
exciting installment of...
5
00:00:12,306 --> 00:00:18,198
♪ Marshall versus the machines
6
00:00:18,234 --> 00:00:20,484
♪ Our hero starts his journey
7
00:00:20,502 --> 00:00:22,479
♪ With steely-eyed resolve ♪
8
00:00:22,502 --> 00:00:25,104
♪ But let's skip ahead to later
9
00:00:25,124 --> 00:00:27,307
♪ With a slow dissolve
10
00:00:27,734 --> 00:00:30,344
♪ So tired, dehydrated
11
00:00:30,366 --> 00:00:33,171
♪ Not making any sense
12
00:00:33,195 --> 00:00:36,117
♪ And wait a second,
why is Bigfoot ♪
13
00:00:36,144 --> 00:00:38,343
♪ Standing by that fence?
14
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:41,394
Oh. Hey. You didn't see this.
15
00:00:41,755 --> 00:00:44,584
♪ I'm not hallucinating
16
00:00:44,610 --> 00:00:47,545
♪ Bigfoot really exists
17
00:00:47,576 --> 00:00:51,186
♪ But everyone knows he
quit smoking years ago ♪
18
00:00:51,209 --> 00:00:53,560
Oh, crap. I'm losing it.
19
00:00:57,732 --> 00:00:59,888
Excuse me. Hey.
20
00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:02,053
You guys need a lift?
21
00:01:02,691 --> 00:01:05,063
And that's how Marshall
met your mother.
22
00:01:05,276 --> 00:01:09,276
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x13 ♪
Bass Player Wanted
Original Air Date on December 16, 2013
23
00:01:09,316 --> 00:01:14,316
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync by Norther
24
00:01:18,269 --> 00:01:21,292
This is great.
The whole gang together.
25
00:01:21,338 --> 00:01:23,447
Well, almost the whole gang.
26
00:01:23,470 --> 00:01:26,821
Yeah, there's just one beloved
piece of the puzzle missing.
27
00:01:28,852 --> 00:01:31,243
That bottle of 30-year
Glen McKenna scotch.
28
00:01:31,274 --> 00:01:33,001
Mmm...
29
00:01:33,024 --> 00:01:36,727
So far, that weekend had been
fatal for not just one...
30
00:01:36,751 --> 00:01:41,568
but two bottles of $600 scotch
intended for a special wedding toast.
31
00:01:42,416 --> 00:01:44,065
Also, where the
hell is Marshall?
32
00:01:44,088 --> 00:01:47,690
I still can't believe he took
the judgeship behind my back.
33
00:01:47,723 --> 00:01:51,848
Look, I know this is messy, my
dream versus Marshall's dream.
34
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,637
I won't force you
guys to choose sides.
35
00:01:53,661 --> 00:01:57,784
Good, because I totally side with Marshall.
That would've been so awkward.
36
00:01:58,175 --> 00:02:00,292
Hey, let's go see if they have
any Glen McKenna up at the bar.
37
00:02:00,313 --> 00:02:01,690
Okay.
38
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,421
Hey, look, don't be mad.
39
00:02:03,451 --> 00:02:05,490
Barney just thinks that
if he has a judge friend,
40
00:02:05,498 --> 00:02:08,631
he can get all of his citations
for public urination thrown out.
41
00:02:08,669 --> 00:02:11,263
How often does Barney
pee in public?
42
00:02:11,676 --> 00:02:13,095
A lot.
43
00:02:13,826 --> 00:02:16,162
But don't worry.
I'm on your side.
44
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,430
Aw...
45
00:02:17,461 --> 00:02:19,836
What's poppin', mi amigas?
46
00:02:19,869 --> 00:02:22,338
Oh, boy, who's this idiot?
47
00:02:22,361 --> 00:02:26,338
And which one of us is he
gonna try to make the sex on?
48
00:02:26,371 --> 00:02:28,333
You both look beautiful tonight.
49
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:30,681
Bro, going for the tricycle.
50
00:02:31,339 --> 00:02:34,316
Can you imagine having a
three-way with this creep?
51
00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:36,169
Yeah, right.
52
00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:39,956
You, me and this guy,
naked, going at it.
53
00:02:39,970 --> 00:02:43,214
Then he gets tired and it's
just you and me going at it.
54
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,934
Uh, Lily...
That'd be so stupid.
55
00:02:45,974 --> 00:02:48,185
So stupid...
56
00:02:48,194 --> 00:02:50,483
Um, okay, I'll shoot him down.
57
00:02:50,505 --> 00:02:54,325
By the way, I am so psyched for
the wedding tomorrow, Robin.
58
00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:57,478
I'm truly honored that you and
Barney asked me to be a part of it.
59
00:02:58,330 --> 00:03:00,080
We're honored...
60
00:03:00,111 --> 00:03:01,477
you're here...
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00:03:02,937 --> 00:03:05,554
...valued invitee.
62
00:03:05,597 --> 00:03:07,370
Help me. Who is this?
63
00:03:07,411 --> 00:03:10,411
Maybe he's one of your
long-lost Canadian cousins?
64
00:03:10,442 --> 00:03:14,216
Uh, do you happen to have all
of your fingers and teeth?
65
00:03:14,248 --> 00:03:16,673
Uh... yeah.
66
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,601
Not one of my cousins.
67
00:03:20,065 --> 00:03:22,175
Hey, thanks again
for picking us up.
68
00:03:22,198 --> 00:03:25,362
It's been a crazy couple of days. You
can't imagine what we've been through.
69
00:03:25,395 --> 00:03:26,590
Wait, let me guess.
70
00:03:26,616 --> 00:03:29,704
You were visiting a relative,
71
00:03:29,728 --> 00:03:31,947
maybe... your mother?
72
00:03:32,219 --> 00:03:36,114
And I'm getting a Midwest vibe,
somewhere like... Wisconsin...
73
00:03:36,209 --> 00:03:37,735
...no, Minnesota?
74
00:03:38,244 --> 00:03:40,566
Wow. You're-you're, like,
really good at this.
75
00:03:40,577 --> 00:03:43,765
You're planning an overseas
trip with your wife.
76
00:03:44,168 --> 00:03:47,745
I'm seeing a... a feisty
redhead who loves art.
77
00:03:47,768 --> 00:03:50,057
She just got a job in
Europe, maybe France?
78
00:03:50,081 --> 00:03:51,480
No. Italy?
79
00:03:52,592 --> 00:03:54,948
Total shot in the dark, but...
80
00:03:55,883 --> 00:03:57,345
Rome?
81
00:03:59,801 --> 00:04:02,757
Maybe I'll just, like...
I'll get out right here.
82
00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:05,965
You're not going anywhere.
83
00:04:07,495 --> 00:04:10,214
No, I'm just messin' with ya. I
rode the train with your wife.
84
00:04:10,236 --> 00:04:13,333
She told me all about you.
You must be Marshall.
85
00:04:17,730 --> 00:04:19,137
Um...
86
00:04:19,147 --> 00:04:20,434
I was checking on the baby.
87
00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:23,687
Wait-wait a minute,
wait a minute.
88
00:04:23,715 --> 00:04:28,003
So you guys both got locked out
on the roof in your pajamas?
89
00:04:28,023 --> 00:04:31,398
You guys are hilarious
and adorable!
90
00:04:32,017 --> 00:04:33,642
Any idea who this guy is?
91
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:37,835
No, but I like that he gets how
hilarious and adorable we are!
92
00:04:37,854 --> 00:04:40,113
We are hilarious and adorable!
93
00:04:40,576 --> 00:04:41,764
I'll get the next round.
94
00:04:41,789 --> 00:04:44,533
- Oh, thanks.
- Thanks, Lil.
95
00:04:44,778 --> 00:04:47,950
Hey, I'm sorry if I
barged in on you guys.
96
00:04:47,974 --> 00:04:51,348
I can be a little overeager
to connect sometimes.
97
00:04:51,371 --> 00:04:53,541
Probably because
of my childhood.
98
00:04:54,066 --> 00:04:57,077
Right. Because of that
thing that happened.
99
00:04:57,107 --> 00:05:01,037
My mother died on a hunting
trip when I was very young.
100
00:05:01,066 --> 00:05:03,450
Yeah, that's it,
that's the thing.
101
00:05:03,585 --> 00:05:05,343
Sorry, blah, too heavy!
102
00:05:06,451 --> 00:05:07,813
So, Robin.
103
00:05:07,838 --> 00:05:10,660
What's going on... with you?
104
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,084
Oh, nothing.
105
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:14,037
I mean, uh, nothing big, anyway.
106
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,563
Hey, hey, hey...
107
00:05:15,768 --> 00:05:17,916
this is me you're talking to.
108
00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:21,631
Well, there is
this thing with Lily...
109
00:05:22,064 --> 00:05:24,563
You know, Ted, if you
really want to get a bottle
110
00:05:24,586 --> 00:05:26,743
of Glen McKenna 30-year
for Barney,
111
00:05:26,766 --> 00:05:29,417
I got that last one at the
Farhampton Liquor Store.
112
00:05:29,442 --> 00:05:31,406
The security there
is a total joke!
113
00:05:31,421 --> 00:05:33,609
No, see, I don't
want to know that.
114
00:05:33,635 --> 00:05:35,971
I won't be an accomplice
to grand larceny.
115
00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:38,791
I am not confirming
or denying a thing.
116
00:05:38,821 --> 00:05:41,736
But there's a really high window in the
storage room and if you climb up...
117
00:05:41,754 --> 00:05:44,017
La la la la la,
I'm not listening!
118
00:05:44,032 --> 00:05:46,822
I love Barney, but I'm not
going to jail for him.
119
00:05:46,845 --> 00:05:49,001
What? Really? Why not?
I'd go to jail for you.
120
00:05:49,022 --> 00:05:50,457
- No, you wouldn't.
- Yes, I would.
121
00:05:50,491 --> 00:05:52,968
Going to jail for your best friend?
That's the dream.
122
00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:55,556
Really? That's the dream?
123
00:05:55,584 --> 00:05:58,725
Yeah, it's the most
noble-- nay, bro-ble--
124
00:05:58,740 --> 00:06:00,857
- thing a bro can do for a fellow bro.
- Mm-hmm.
125
00:06:00,890 --> 00:06:03,842
So yes, Ted, that's the dream.
126
00:06:03,865 --> 00:06:05,810
You're too liberal with the phrase
"That's the dream."
127
00:06:05,831 --> 00:06:07,284
Name one other time
I've said that!
128
00:06:07,305 --> 00:06:10,055
A suit made of prosciutto so
you can eat your way naked,
129
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,164
"That's the dream."
130
00:06:11,179 --> 00:06:14,286
A pack of lions fighting a
tyrannosaurus, "That's the dream."
131
00:06:14,293 --> 00:06:15,927
Being able to take a whole
year's worth of dumps
132
00:06:15,935 --> 00:06:18,925
in one, nonstop 24-hour period
then not having to dump again
133
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,462
for the rest of the year,
"That's the dream."
134
00:06:21,477 --> 00:06:23,985
I never said Dump Day
was the dream.
135
00:06:24,011 --> 00:06:26,107
I said science is
this close to a pill.
136
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,145
There can only be
one "the dream"!
137
00:06:28,165 --> 00:06:30,493
You're saying it's going
to jail for a bro?
138
00:06:30,521 --> 00:06:33,642
You're comfortable with that being
the one and only dream, forever?
139
00:06:34,731 --> 00:06:35,493
Yes.
140
00:06:35,509 --> 00:06:37,382
Great, now you can never
use that phrase again.
141
00:06:37,401 --> 00:06:39,401
And for me, that's the dream.
142
00:06:39,965 --> 00:06:42,278
Hey, Lily, Robin just
told me about Italy!
143
00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:44,836
Oh, yeah, it's gonna be great.
144
00:06:44,853 --> 00:06:47,276
Well, that is, if I can
convince my husband
145
00:06:47,297 --> 00:06:49,587
to keep his promise
and move there with me.
146
00:06:49,853 --> 00:06:53,822
Robin, I know you told me you want
Marshall to win, but I don't know.
147
00:06:53,845 --> 00:06:55,533
I gotta side
with Lily on this one.
148
00:06:55,561 --> 00:06:57,037
Later, skaters.
149
00:07:00,564 --> 00:07:02,244
Thanks again for saving us.
150
00:07:02,263 --> 00:07:04,458
Well, I don't normally
stop like that, but
151
00:07:04,481 --> 00:07:07,981
I just had to for the cutest
hitchhiker in the world!
152
00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:09,607
Thank you.
153
00:07:10,341 --> 00:07:11,896
Oh, you were talking
about Marvin.
154
00:07:12,184 --> 00:07:15,301
Sorry, it's been a
really, really long day.
155
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,191
When we get there,
I'll buy you a drink.
156
00:07:17,205 --> 00:07:19,730
Thank you, but, um,
after I drop you off,
157
00:07:19,755 --> 00:07:22,056
I'm heading back to the city.
158
00:07:22,082 --> 00:07:24,238
What? I thought you said that
your-your band's playing the wedding.
159
00:07:24,261 --> 00:07:26,675
- Why are you leaving?
- The lead singer.
160
00:07:26,695 --> 00:07:29,156
He's the devil. He's a
total fire-starter.
161
00:07:29,193 --> 00:07:31,599
He just ruins people's lives
for his own amusement.
162
00:07:31,628 --> 00:07:35,230
You know, he will walk up to two
friends, he will find the one thing
163
00:07:35,251 --> 00:07:38,548
that will destroy their
friendship and just-- poof!--
164
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:40,404
burn it to the ground.
165
00:07:40,434 --> 00:07:41,724
Wow.
166
00:07:41,801 --> 00:07:43,371
What's his name?
167
00:07:43,967 --> 00:07:45,810
What's poppin', mi amigos?
168
00:07:45,825 --> 00:07:47,492
Darren.
169
00:07:49,967 --> 00:07:52,045
You're rooting for Marshall?!
170
00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:54,944
Well, why don't you just get
a Team Marshall T-shirt?
171
00:07:54,952 --> 00:07:57,108
What size are you?
Extra-traitor?
172
00:07:57,138 --> 00:08:00,428
No. No, okay...
What I said was...
173
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,493
See, all I meant was...
God, how did we get here?
174
00:08:04,508 --> 00:08:06,680
That's the question you're
left asking yourself.
175
00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,376
So here's how he does it:
176
00:08:08,384 --> 00:08:11,915
First, he makes you feel like
you are the most hilarious
177
00:08:11,943 --> 00:08:14,528
and adorable person
in the world...
178
00:08:14,746 --> 00:08:17,629
You guys are hilarious
and adorable!
179
00:08:17,668 --> 00:08:20,786
I like that he gets how
hilarious and adorable we are.
180
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:23,207
We are hilarious and adorable.
181
00:08:24,564 --> 00:08:28,295
Next, he finds some flimsy connection
with you based on where you're from...
182
00:08:28,318 --> 00:08:29,412
- Cleveland?
- Yeah.
183
00:08:29,435 --> 00:08:30,541
Galluci's serves...
184
00:08:30,566 --> 00:08:32,948
- the best pepperoni bread!
- The best pepperoni bread!
185
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:34,386
And Staten Island!
186
00:08:34,409 --> 00:08:36,558
Guys getting in fights
on their front lawns!
187
00:08:36,581 --> 00:08:38,306
It's like you're from there!
188
00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:43,158
- This guy's awesome!
- So awesome!
189
00:08:43,175 --> 00:08:45,331
I'd totally go to jail for him.
190
00:08:45,656 --> 00:08:47,156
That hurts.
191
00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:50,881
Next, he tells you
a "deep personal secret"
192
00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:54,135
that is usually the tragic back-story
from an animated kid's film.
193
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:56,565
My mother died on
a hunting trip.
194
00:08:56,596 --> 00:08:58,151
It's often Bambi.
195
00:08:58,184 --> 00:09:02,457
My father was betrayed and
killed by a trusted advisor.
196
00:09:02,487 --> 00:09:05,128
Sometimes he'll throw a
little Lion King in there.
197
00:09:05,309 --> 00:09:07,115
I have no family.
198
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,598
But tonight...
199
00:09:08,961 --> 00:09:10,910
I think maybe
I found two brothers.
200
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,924
Sorry, blah, too heavy.
201
00:09:14,938 --> 00:09:17,829
- That's okay, man.
- Let me get you a drink.
202
00:09:17,845 --> 00:09:19,610
And then, once your
guard is down,
203
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,408
the emotional prostate
exam begins...
204
00:09:22,432 --> 00:09:25,933
So, Ted, what's going on...
with you?
205
00:09:26,622 --> 00:09:29,122
Well... I mean,
there was this thing...
206
00:09:29,526 --> 00:09:31,873
- Never mind.
- Hey, hey, hey...
207
00:09:32,296 --> 00:09:33,937
This is me you're talking to.
208
00:09:36,346 --> 00:09:40,102
Look, all I meant was that
there are two sides here.
209
00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:44,625
Yes, Italy is your dream, but
being a judge is Marshall's.
210
00:09:44,648 --> 00:09:47,414
Well, that and teaching prop
comedy to a tropical bird.
211
00:09:47,437 --> 00:09:50,141
Parrot Top has nothing
to do with this!
212
00:09:50,164 --> 00:09:52,086
I don't need objectivity.
213
00:09:52,109 --> 00:09:54,972
You're my best friend,
I just need your support.
214
00:09:54,993 --> 00:09:56,659
I understand.
You got it.
215
00:09:57,051 --> 00:09:58,926
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, me, too.
216
00:09:58,955 --> 00:10:00,315
Forgot my phone.
217
00:10:00,330 --> 00:10:02,318
I'm sorry, you guys are probably
talking wedding details.
218
00:10:02,343 --> 00:10:05,068
I mean, no maid of honor's gonna steal
the spotlight with her own problem
219
00:10:05,089 --> 00:10:07,239
on the bride's big
weekend, am I right?
220
00:10:07,414 --> 00:10:08,969
Keep it real, homies!
221
00:10:11,149 --> 00:10:12,666
You know, he is right.
222
00:10:12,681 --> 00:10:14,314
Why is this all about you?
223
00:10:14,329 --> 00:10:16,951
I mean, you have been preoccupied
with Marshall all weekend.
224
00:10:16,976 --> 00:10:17,968
I have not!
225
00:10:17,989 --> 00:10:21,789
You have been sleeping with a doll made
of cushions that you named after him.
226
00:10:21,804 --> 00:10:22,852
Not true!
227
00:10:22,882 --> 00:10:25,873
After we do our business, I make
Marshpillow sleep on the couch!
228
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,731
- So there!
- Oh, my God, that is so ridiculous!
229
00:10:27,763 --> 00:10:29,857
So, what did Darren do to you?
230
00:10:29,872 --> 00:10:32,255
Well, a few years ago,
I started this band.
231
00:10:32,270 --> 00:10:33,531
And, you know, it was a goof--
232
00:10:33,554 --> 00:10:36,577
it was just me and a couple
of dorks from business school.
233
00:10:36,829 --> 00:10:39,493
I'm actually embarrassed
to tell you our name.
234
00:10:39,542 --> 00:10:40,928
I had an all-lawyer funk band
235
00:10:40,951 --> 00:10:43,495
called The Funk, The Whole Funk,
And Nothing But The Funk.
236
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,823
Oh, I now feel very safe
talking about my band--
237
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,096
Super-Freak-Onomics.
238
00:10:47,127 --> 00:10:48,580
Nice.
239
00:10:48,605 --> 00:10:53,238
Anyway, I brought Darren in to split
lead vocals, and he took over.
240
00:10:53,307 --> 00:10:54,936
You know, first he
took away my solos,
241
00:10:54,959 --> 00:10:57,077
then I got demoted
to backup vocals,
242
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,602
and now the only
time I use a mic
243
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:01,820
is after Darren's first
false exit, when I say,
244
00:11:01,865 --> 00:11:03,953
"Do you guys want more Darren?"
245
00:11:04,303 --> 00:11:08,113
And then today, I
found this ad online.
246
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,526
- "Ass player wanted"?
- Move your thumb.
247
00:11:11,549 --> 00:11:13,612
Oh, "bass player wanted."
248
00:11:14,003 --> 00:11:15,855
Wait, he was gonna kick you
out of your own band?
249
00:11:15,878 --> 00:11:17,105
Yeah.
250
00:11:17,145 --> 00:11:18,965
But instead..
251
00:11:18,990 --> 00:11:20,154
I quit.
252
00:11:20,177 --> 00:11:22,273
You quit?! That's it?
253
00:11:22,313 --> 00:11:24,790
But it's your band--
you must be avenged!
254
00:11:24,813 --> 00:11:29,197
Funny you should say that, because as I was
leaving the hotel, I ran into someone.
255
00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:32,984
You need to steal this
douche monkey's van.
256
00:11:33,211 --> 00:11:35,966
Aldrin Justice, nice!
257
00:11:36,175 --> 00:11:39,122
- Your wife is cool.
- Oh, the coolest.
258
00:11:40,442 --> 00:11:42,129
Hey, did she, um,
happen to mention
259
00:11:42,152 --> 00:11:45,285
the fact that I'm sort of ruining
her dream of moving to Italy?
260
00:11:45,318 --> 00:11:47,582
Uh, yeah, that did come up.
261
00:11:48,136 --> 00:11:51,378
You need to steal this
douche monkey's van.
262
00:11:52,089 --> 00:11:55,177
And then run my
husband over with it.
263
00:11:55,857 --> 00:11:58,165
I think you've got a
tough talk coming.
264
00:11:58,188 --> 00:11:59,938
Yeah, well, so do you.
265
00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:01,257
When we get to the
Farhampton Inn,
266
00:12:01,272 --> 00:12:03,382
you're gonna go in there and
you're gonna stand up to Darren.
267
00:12:03,397 --> 00:12:05,851
Oh, come on,
I Aldrin Justiced him.
268
00:12:05,877 --> 00:12:09,252
Yeah, but I bet you're just gonna
give this van right back to him.
269
00:12:09,275 --> 00:12:11,697
I mean, were you at least
gonna pee in it a little?
270
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,486
I was gonna gas it up
and get it washed.
271
00:12:14,511 --> 00:12:16,381
You're too nice.
272
00:12:16,948 --> 00:12:18,550
I'm the same way.
273
00:12:18,582 --> 00:12:21,559
Sometimes you got to get in there
and-and stand up for yourself.
274
00:12:21,586 --> 00:12:24,633
I always cave and side
with the other person.
275
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:27,307
- I can't handle confrontation.
- Yes, you can.
276
00:12:27,322 --> 00:12:28,995
You make some good points.
277
00:12:29,577 --> 00:12:30,733
Look.
278
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:33,991
I don't know you, but I can
tell that you're strong.
279
00:12:34,335 --> 00:12:35,991
That's your band.
280
00:12:36,007 --> 00:12:38,627
Don't let Darren steal it away.
281
00:12:40,553 --> 00:12:42,678
No, there's no
defeating the devil.
282
00:12:42,702 --> 00:12:45,268
He's someone else's problem now.
283
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,938
I'm sorry if I've been
distracted this weekend.
284
00:12:48,961 --> 00:12:51,558
Oh, let's not fight
anymore, okay?
285
00:12:51,891 --> 00:12:54,058
Oh, good, Robin, you
finally told Lily
286
00:12:54,081 --> 00:12:56,933
you feel like she's abandoning you
as a friend by going to Italy.
287
00:12:56,956 --> 00:12:59,344
Honesty is progress.
Stay gold.
288
00:13:01,263 --> 00:13:02,193
I'm not...
289
00:13:02,235 --> 00:13:06,194
Ooh, Ted. When you move to Chicago,
you got to try Gazzola's pizza.
290
00:13:06,673 --> 00:13:08,301
Namaste, hermanos.
291
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,709
You're moving to Chicago?
292
00:13:15,913 --> 00:13:17,882
Is that even a real place?
293
00:13:17,901 --> 00:13:19,524
It's a style of pizza.
294
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,516
Ted, you can't live in a pizza.
295
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,555
I got an amazing
job offer there.
296
00:13:23,588 --> 00:13:27,486
Look, Lily knows, but Marshall and
Robin don't. So please keep it quiet.
297
00:13:27,712 --> 00:13:30,175
You're moving to Chicago?!
298
00:13:30,308 --> 00:13:33,411
He-he's moving to Chicago!
299
00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:37,829
When do you move? At least tell me
it's not until next year or something.
300
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,160
It's not until...
301
00:13:41,329 --> 00:13:42,415
Monday.
302
00:13:42,441 --> 00:13:44,487
Monday?!
303
00:13:44,681 --> 00:13:48,041
So you are just gonna disappear
the day after my wedding?
304
00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:50,645
After ten years of
being best friends?
305
00:13:50,668 --> 00:13:52,801
- Well, actually, Marshall's my...
- Don't even think about it!
306
00:13:52,816 --> 00:13:56,038
- That's fair enough.
- You are gonna give me one day's notice?
307
00:13:56,092 --> 00:13:59,037
Well, I didn't want to upset
you on your wedding weekend.
308
00:13:59,052 --> 00:14:00,333
No, it's good.
309
00:14:00,359 --> 00:14:03,601
It'll be easy to say good-bye now
that I know how much I mean to you.
310
00:14:03,630 --> 00:14:06,083
Well...
311
00:14:09,986 --> 00:14:11,568
Hey.
312
00:14:12,078 --> 00:14:13,578
Hey.
313
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:16,993
Look, I was... I was never
really rooting for Marshall.
314
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:20,046
I was rooting to not
lose my best friend.
315
00:14:20,536 --> 00:14:22,388
But that's selfish.
316
00:14:22,409 --> 00:14:24,268
No matter where you go,
317
00:14:24,294 --> 00:14:26,864
I'm in your corner and
I always will be.
318
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,129
And to prove it...
319
00:14:33,268 --> 00:14:35,121
What are you gonna do
with Marshpillow?
320
00:14:35,148 --> 00:14:38,945
Hold his arms back while you beat
the goose down out of this bastard.
321
00:14:38,975 --> 00:14:41,342
Because that's what
best friends do.
322
00:14:41,496 --> 00:14:43,254
Thanks, it-it's not gonna help.
323
00:14:43,288 --> 00:14:45,085
Try it. One punch.
324
00:14:47,931 --> 00:14:49,548
Ooh,
325
00:14:49,572 --> 00:14:51,408
- that felt good.
- Mm-hmm.
326
00:14:51,712 --> 00:14:53,196
Yeah, that's it, sweetheart.
327
00:14:53,223 --> 00:14:56,576
Head, body, head.
Head, body, head.
328
00:14:58,650 --> 00:15:00,377
Barney, wait, wait!
329
00:15:00,402 --> 00:15:03,582
Your friendship is important to me.
I swear on my mother's...
330
00:15:03,627 --> 00:15:04,993
No, I swear to God.
331
00:15:05,011 --> 00:15:06,699
No... I swear to Hef.
332
00:15:07,570 --> 00:15:09,716
Don't take that name in vain.
333
00:15:09,739 --> 00:15:13,388
If someone is important to you,
you tell them you're moving.
334
00:15:13,525 --> 00:15:16,322
I'm just some guy you used
to know back in New York.
335
00:15:16,339 --> 00:15:17,722
Hey.
336
00:15:21,165 --> 00:15:22,603
Whoa.
337
00:15:22,644 --> 00:15:23,630
How...?
338
00:15:31,370 --> 00:15:34,604
That's a $600 bottle. Ted,
339
00:15:34,878 --> 00:15:38,308
that's grand larceny. You really
could go to jail for this.
340
00:15:38,659 --> 00:15:40,600
That's the dream.
341
00:15:41,996 --> 00:15:43,387
So...
342
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,585
you're moving to Chicago.
343
00:15:46,704 --> 00:15:47,924
I'm going to Chicago.
344
00:15:47,958 --> 00:15:50,058
Why? I know Marshall
and Lily might leave,
345
00:15:50,073 --> 00:15:52,128
but it's only a year,
and in the meantime,
346
00:15:52,143 --> 00:15:55,062
we'll still see each other all the time.
You, me, Robin...
347
00:15:57,537 --> 00:15:59,219
Oh.
348
00:16:01,859 --> 00:16:03,740
I need a new start.
349
00:16:05,410 --> 00:16:08,807
- I'm gonna miss you.
- I'm gonna miss you so much.
350
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:14,861
Well, here we are.
351
00:16:14,915 --> 00:16:16,205
Good luck in there.
352
00:16:16,237 --> 00:16:17,675
Thank you.
353
00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:20,208
And don't worry, at the
reception, I'll yell,
354
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,304
"The lead singer sucks skunk
junk," after every song.
355
00:16:24,253 --> 00:16:27,028
I'll come up with something
better than "skunk junk."
356
00:16:27,476 --> 00:16:30,140
No, no. "Skunk junk"
is pretty solid.
357
00:16:32,265 --> 00:16:34,898
You can't yell that
at the lead singer.
358
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,436
Because I don't suck skunk junk.
359
00:16:38,990 --> 00:16:40,950
- Wait, are you saying...?
- I'm coming in.
360
00:16:40,965 --> 00:16:44,622
Darren and I are gonna
have a chat about my band!
361
00:16:45,773 --> 00:16:47,561
Skunk junk.
362
00:16:52,001 --> 00:16:54,064
- For the record...
- Uh-huh.
363
00:16:54,098 --> 00:16:56,246
his first word...
364
00:16:56,777 --> 00:16:58,675
- was "Mommy."
- Mm-hmm.
365
00:16:59,112 --> 00:17:01,745
This is my band. I started it.
366
00:17:01,769 --> 00:17:05,918
And if anyone is getting fired
here, it's you, Darren.
367
00:17:05,949 --> 00:17:08,785
So hit the bricks, s-skunk...
368
00:17:08,816 --> 00:17:10,273
junk.
369
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:13,026
Is that even a little
bit intimidating?
370
00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:15,488
Nope, and the
knitting's not helping.
371
00:17:15,510 --> 00:17:18,260
I'm sorry, I just met this
baby and he needs a hat.
372
00:17:18,286 --> 00:17:20,434
What... You can't fire Darren.
373
00:17:20,452 --> 00:17:23,577
He gets how hilarious
and adorable I am.
374
00:17:23,604 --> 00:17:29,268
Plus it is so inspiring how he overcame
his mother being eaten by a barracuda.
375
00:17:29,297 --> 00:17:31,688
Gah! It's Finding Nemo.
376
00:17:32,929 --> 00:17:34,252
That's new.
377
00:17:35,173 --> 00:17:37,597
There's no defeating the devil.
378
00:17:38,402 --> 00:17:39,566
New plan.
379
00:17:39,590 --> 00:17:42,013
Linus, if at any point tonight you
see me with an empty glass...
380
00:17:42,043 --> 00:17:44,629
Kennedy package. It's a very
popular choice this weekend.
381
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,338
Thank you, Linus.
382
00:17:47,204 --> 00:17:48,773
Yup.
383
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,681
Uh, Lily?
384
00:17:52,961 --> 00:17:54,454
Lily.
385
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:56,312
Lily.
386
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,056
Pause?
387
00:18:11,651 --> 00:18:13,319
Pause.
388
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,707
Hi.
389
00:18:23,381 --> 00:18:25,351
- Thank you, Linus.
- Mm-hmm.
390
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,581
There are real villains
in this world.
391
00:18:29,058 --> 00:18:31,992
But they don't always get
real justice, do they?
392
00:18:32,919 --> 00:18:35,013
You want to believe
karma's gonna get them.
393
00:18:35,038 --> 00:18:36,609
All right, who wants a drink?
394
00:18:36,632 --> 00:18:38,522
I'm stealing.
395
00:18:39,802 --> 00:18:41,406
But
396
00:18:41,657 --> 00:18:43,634
karma doesn't always
come through.
397
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,461
I love how strong
your marriage is.
398
00:18:45,469 --> 00:18:48,641
And you don't need to lose weight,
Louise, no matter what he told me.
399
00:18:48,663 --> 00:18:50,782
Catch you on the
flip-flop, muchachos.
400
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,424
Oh!
401
00:18:53,986 --> 00:18:55,939
Sorry, mi amigos.
402
00:18:55,978 --> 00:18:59,013
I guess you have to accept
that sometimes in life...
403
00:19:00,243 --> 00:19:02,735
...you just don't get that
knockout punch.
404
00:19:11,093 --> 00:19:12,610
Hey, can I get some ice?
405
00:19:12,633 --> 00:19:15,212
The best man just punched me
in the face for no reason.
406
00:19:16,133 --> 00:19:18,180
Oh, what, that's funny to you?
407
00:19:18,208 --> 00:19:21,497
You know what? I quit. You can
have your stupid band back.
408
00:19:21,523 --> 00:19:25,180
I miss being in a band where
people are decent to each other
409
00:19:25,212 --> 00:19:27,039
and there's no drama.
410
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,628
I'm going back to the
new Guns N' Roses.
411
00:19:31,493 --> 00:19:33,556
Linus, whoever that best man is,
412
00:19:33,577 --> 00:19:36,353
I would like to buy him a
double of your finest scotch.
413
00:19:36,381 --> 00:19:39,165
♪ You started a band
414
00:19:39,777 --> 00:19:41,894
♪ That was cool for a while
415
00:19:41,917 --> 00:19:44,730
♪ But it turned pretty bland
416
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:47,868
♪ I started a fight
417
00:19:48,173 --> 00:19:50,349
♪ With a neighbor next door
418
00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:53,063
♪ And his pesky wife...
419
00:19:53,633 --> 00:19:55,333
Here you go.
420
00:19:55,656 --> 00:19:56,836
Is this from one of you guys?
421
00:19:56,871 --> 00:19:59,066
- Nah. - Uh-uh. - No.
- Okay.
422
00:19:59,094 --> 00:20:02,184
♪ And hate even more
when you're not ♪
423
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:04,277
Well... this is incredible.
What is this?
424
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,583
It's the Glen McKenna 35-year.
425
00:20:07,779 --> 00:20:10,953
Wait a minute. This whole time,
you had Glen McKenna 35-year?
426
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:12,465
Why didn't you say something?
427
00:20:12,481 --> 00:20:14,214
You didn't ask about the 35.
428
00:20:14,427 --> 00:20:18,331
And, kids, that's the first drink
your mother ever bought me.
429
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:26,719
Hey, Barney, I'm so sorry I
missed your rehearsal dinner.
430
00:20:26,749 --> 00:20:31,550
Oh, that's okay. We didn't even
know you weren't here, jerk.
431
00:20:31,801 --> 00:20:33,614
Listen, I know that I can't
make up for being late,
432
00:20:33,636 --> 00:20:35,466
but I did get you
a-a special gift.
433
00:20:35,493 --> 00:20:37,307
Well, hand it over, fathead.
434
00:20:37,314 --> 00:20:39,346
Well, you might want to wait
until after the wedding photos.
435
00:20:39,378 --> 00:20:41,995
Hand it over now, travel breath.
436
00:20:42,012 --> 00:20:44,373
Okay, Barney, I'll hand it over.
437
00:20:46,230 --> 00:20:49,022
Oh, God, it's the fourth slap! I
don't know why I was so obnoxious.
438
00:20:49,057 --> 00:20:54,057
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync by Norther