1 00:00:00,664 --> 00:00:02,798 It was the day of Barney and Robin's wedding, 2 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:05,080 and a surprise guest had just arrived. 3 00:00:05,081 --> 00:00:07,548 Mom, I-I can't believe you're here. 4 00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:08,616 How did you get here? 5 00:00:08,618 --> 00:00:10,017 On a plane. 6 00:00:10,019 --> 00:00:12,887 With your fear of flying? What, did the plane drive here? 7 00:00:12,889 --> 00:00:15,623 I've made enormous strides 8 00:00:15,625 --> 00:00:17,658 since you last saw me, dear. 9 00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:19,627 This is nice. 10 00:00:19,629 --> 00:00:21,629 I don't love flying, I must admit. 11 00:00:21,631 --> 00:00:24,064 I haven't been on a plane in years, but... 12 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,733 maybe this won't be such a bad... 13 00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:27,735 Ladies and gentlemen, we are cleared for takeoff. 14 00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:30,704 We're all gonna die! 15 00:00:30,706 --> 00:00:32,640 We're all gonna die! 16 00:00:33,876 --> 00:00:36,510 During the flight, I'll admit, 17 00:00:36,512 --> 00:00:39,246 I-I had a few... difficult moments, 18 00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:40,314 but, you know, 19 00:00:40,316 --> 00:00:41,882 by the time we'd landed... 20 00:00:41,884 --> 00:00:43,450 Here already. 21 00:00:43,452 --> 00:00:47,721 Well, I have to say, it wasn't so dreadful after all. 22 00:00:47,723 --> 00:00:51,025 Oh, I do apologize if I caused any distress. 23 00:00:51,027 --> 00:00:54,228 And, oh, I'm terribly sorry about the door. 24 00:00:54,230 --> 00:00:57,698 I had no idea it would fly off like that. 25 00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,667 Please, please send me a bill, 26 00:00:59,669 --> 00:01:01,969 because I'd like to replace it. 27 00:01:03,038 --> 00:01:05,573 I'll be taking the train home. 28 00:01:06,850 --> 00:01:10,850 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x20 ♪ Daisy Original Air Date on March 10, 2014 29 00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:15,875 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 30 00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:24,233 Well, it's official: I'm gonna be 31 00:01:24,235 --> 00:01:26,201 Judge Marshall Eriksen. 32 00:01:26,203 --> 00:01:28,003 That is great. 33 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,239 Can you help me get a driver's license? 34 00:01:30,241 --> 00:01:32,174 A what? 35 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,508 Marshall, you, uh, you don't sound 36 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:34,943 too excited to become a judge. 37 00:01:34,945 --> 00:01:36,745 I feel kind of guilty about it. 38 00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:39,414 I mean, I know how badly Lily wanted to move to Italy. 39 00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:40,782 Don't do this, bro. 40 00:01:40,784 --> 00:01:42,217 Classic mistake. 41 00:01:42,219 --> 00:01:43,785 You won-- enjoy it. 42 00:01:43,787 --> 00:01:47,189 Drink the blood of your vanquished enemy and move on. 43 00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:49,424 You're gonna be a great husband. 44 00:01:49,426 --> 00:01:50,993 No, no, wait, he has a point. 45 00:01:50,995 --> 00:01:52,928 I mean, you said yourself, it was her decision. 46 00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:54,663 Lily chose to give up her job 47 00:01:54,665 --> 00:01:56,932 and not move to Rome so you could be a judge. 48 00:01:56,934 --> 00:01:58,233 Yeah, but something seemed off. 49 00:01:58,235 --> 00:02:00,636 We had this big fight and she stormed out, 50 00:02:00,638 --> 00:02:03,639 and when she came back, she had totally, like, changed her mind. 51 00:02:03,641 --> 00:02:04,773 Wait, what time was this? 52 00:02:04,775 --> 00:02:07,476 A little after 3:00 a.m., Billy Zabka. Why? 53 00:02:07,478 --> 00:02:08,777 Well, last night, I was out 54 00:02:08,779 --> 00:02:10,245 doing some late-night dirt-biking in the sand. 55 00:02:10,247 --> 00:02:11,813 Naturally. Continue. And I ended up 56 00:02:11,815 --> 00:02:14,216 at that EZ Pick a few miles up the road. 57 00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:15,684 And, well... 58 00:02:23,192 --> 00:02:24,793 That's odd. 59 00:02:24,795 --> 00:02:27,062 Boo...! 60 00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:29,865 You saw Lily getting into someone's car? 61 00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:31,066 I wonder who it was. 62 00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:33,068 What did the license plate say? 63 00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,503 It said... 64 00:02:34,505 --> 00:02:36,371 "AHOY!!!" 65 00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,807 The Captain! Lily's boss. 66 00:02:38,809 --> 00:02:40,175 He has a house out here. 67 00:02:40,177 --> 00:02:42,411 Wait, why was Lily getting into the Captain's car 68 00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:43,912 at 3:00 in the morning? 69 00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,914 Guys... 70 00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:49,551 I hate to even say this, but... 71 00:02:49,553 --> 00:02:52,254 do you think it's possible... 72 00:02:53,189 --> 00:02:55,457 ...that I could eat six of these saltines 73 00:02:55,459 --> 00:02:56,925 in under a minute? 74 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,261 Challenge accepted! 75 00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:02,764 Well, I can't wait to meet this Barney. 76 00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:05,033 I haven't met him already, have I? 77 00:03:05,035 --> 00:03:07,102 Because they said after getting Tasered, 78 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:10,672 I might suffer from short-term memory loss. 79 00:03:10,674 --> 00:03:12,174 Oh, you'd remember if you'd met Barney. 80 00:03:12,176 --> 00:03:15,711 Why don't I see what he's doing right now? 81 00:03:16,814 --> 00:03:19,014 Barney's phone. Ted, where's Barney? 82 00:03:19,016 --> 00:03:19,948 He's trying to eat 83 00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,550 six saltines in under a minute. 84 00:03:21,552 --> 00:03:24,386 Well, his future mother-in-law is here. 85 00:03:24,388 --> 00:03:25,721 Robin's mom is here. 86 00:03:26,856 --> 00:03:28,190 And she wants to meet him. 87 00:03:28,192 --> 00:03:29,424 She wants to meet you. 88 00:03:31,928 --> 00:03:34,496 He's kind of in the middle of a saltine challenge at the moment. 89 00:03:36,265 --> 00:03:38,834 But as soon as he's done, he'll just, uh, pop right over. 90 00:03:38,836 --> 00:03:40,235 All right. Good-bye. 91 00:03:40,237 --> 00:03:41,670 The saltine challenge? 92 00:03:41,672 --> 00:03:43,038 Now? 93 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,673 It's his wedding day. 94 00:03:44,675 --> 00:03:46,341 Guys do weird things on their wedding day. 95 00:03:46,343 --> 00:03:47,642 Well, on my wedding day, 96 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,778 Robin's father completely disappeared 97 00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,279 for about three hours. 98 00:03:51,281 --> 00:03:52,614 He just said, "I've got to go 99 00:03:52,616 --> 00:03:55,517 and teach somebody some manners," and off he went. 100 00:03:55,519 --> 00:03:56,385 And then 101 00:03:56,387 --> 00:03:57,552 three hours later, 102 00:03:57,554 --> 00:04:00,288 he emerged from the woods with a dead elk 103 00:04:00,290 --> 00:04:02,024 slung across his shoulder. 104 00:04:02,026 --> 00:04:06,495 And I didn't even know that there were elk in Bermuda. 105 00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:07,429 But this Barney-- 106 00:04:07,431 --> 00:04:09,931 he sounds like a fine young man. 107 00:04:09,933 --> 00:04:11,333 Yes, he is. 108 00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,402 We're going again. 109 00:04:14,470 --> 00:04:15,537 Marshall, are you okay? 110 00:04:15,539 --> 00:04:16,905 Why did she get into the Captain's car, 111 00:04:16,907 --> 00:04:18,206 and why didn't she tell me about it? 112 00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:19,975 Well, maybe it was a work thing. What? No. 113 00:04:19,977 --> 00:04:21,276 She has a big fight with me, 114 00:04:21,278 --> 00:04:22,611 she goes down to an EZ Pick, 115 00:04:22,613 --> 00:04:23,845 she gets into the Captain's Mercedes, 116 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:24,946 and then three hours later, 117 00:04:24,948 --> 00:04:26,548 she doesn't want to go to Italy anymore? 118 00:04:26,550 --> 00:04:28,116 I mean, do you think this means... 119 00:04:28,118 --> 00:04:30,285 That the Captain moored his dinghy in Lily's lagoon? 120 00:04:30,287 --> 00:04:31,253 Most definitely. 121 00:04:31,255 --> 00:04:32,554 That's crazy. 122 00:04:32,556 --> 00:04:34,256 You'd never moor a dinghy in a lagoon. 123 00:04:34,258 --> 00:04:35,223 I don't know, Ted. 124 00:04:35,225 --> 00:04:36,491 In certain tidal conditions, 125 00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:37,659 if you had a protected inlet... 126 00:04:37,661 --> 00:04:39,127 Okay, you know what? It doesn't matter. 127 00:04:39,129 --> 00:04:40,695 Today is Barney's wedding. 128 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,664 Let's just forget it. 129 00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:45,000 Marshall... 130 00:04:45,002 --> 00:04:47,269 do you want to go over to the Captain's house right now, 131 00:04:47,271 --> 00:04:48,603 punch him in the face really fast 132 00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:50,705 and then come back and do this wedding? 133 00:04:53,276 --> 00:04:54,743 Would that be okay? 134 00:04:54,745 --> 00:04:56,111 Ranjit, get the car. 135 00:04:56,113 --> 00:04:57,879 Getting the car. 136 00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,082 Baby, I can't wait to meet your mom, 137 00:05:00,084 --> 00:05:01,716 but I kind of got to go on 138 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,518 a little excursion with the boys right now. 139 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,986 What? Where are you going? 140 00:05:04,988 --> 00:05:08,423 Me and the boys have to go teach someone some manners. 141 00:05:11,494 --> 00:05:13,895 Are there any elk on Long Island? 142 00:05:18,134 --> 00:05:20,135 ♪ My gallant housekeeping crew ♪ 143 00:05:20,137 --> 00:05:21,136 ♪ Good morning. 144 00:05:21,138 --> 00:05:23,205 ♪ Sir! Good morning. 145 00:05:23,207 --> 00:05:25,207 ♪ I hope you are quite well. 146 00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:27,542 ♪ Quite well, and you, sir? 147 00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,177 ♪ I am in reasonable health. 148 00:05:29,179 --> 00:05:30,879 ♪ And happy to meet you all once... ♪ 149 00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:33,615 Oh, bother it! 150 00:05:33,617 --> 00:05:34,816 I'll get it. 151 00:05:39,252 --> 00:05:40,585 Ahoy, Marshall! 152 00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:44,985 Are you okay, Robin? No, I'm not okay, 153 00:05:44,986 --> 00:05:47,486 because apparently, I am marrying my dad 154 00:05:47,488 --> 00:05:48,821 in a few hours. 155 00:05:48,823 --> 00:05:50,322 Oh, sweetie, no. 156 00:05:50,324 --> 00:05:52,358 I'm sure that's not true. 157 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,692 I mean, th-there's so much 158 00:05:53,694 --> 00:05:55,194 you don't know about your father. 159 00:05:55,196 --> 00:05:57,363 There were... oh, there were so many other 160 00:05:57,365 --> 00:05:59,031 red flags in our marriage. 161 00:05:59,033 --> 00:06:00,432 I mean, for instance, 162 00:06:00,434 --> 00:06:01,400 do you know that 163 00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,202 before he was engaged to me, 164 00:06:03,204 --> 00:06:06,172 he was engaged to marry an exotic dancer? 165 00:06:06,174 --> 00:06:07,807 Hello! 166 00:06:07,809 --> 00:06:08,941 Red flag! 167 00:06:08,943 --> 00:06:10,476 Oh, Genevieve, 168 00:06:10,478 --> 00:06:11,477 not good. 169 00:06:11,479 --> 00:06:13,646 And did you know that one time, 170 00:06:13,648 --> 00:06:15,247 to impress women, 171 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,683 he dressed up like a Prussian aristocrat, 172 00:06:17,685 --> 00:06:19,251 had a painting of himself made, 173 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:22,154 and posed next to it in an art gallery? 174 00:06:22,156 --> 00:06:23,522 Can you imagine? 175 00:06:23,524 --> 00:06:25,891 Oh, that's a rough one. 176 00:06:25,893 --> 00:06:28,360 Darling, darling, the list goes on. 177 00:06:28,362 --> 00:06:31,530 He would always take his mother's side in arguments. 178 00:06:31,532 --> 00:06:33,799 He never checked with me before making plans. 179 00:06:33,801 --> 00:06:37,169 And our rehearsal dinner... oh, boy, did we have it out 180 00:06:37,171 --> 00:06:39,972 right before our rehearsal dinner! 181 00:06:42,709 --> 00:06:43,876 Thank you, Linus. 182 00:06:45,111 --> 00:06:46,145 For the first 183 00:06:46,147 --> 00:06:47,880 ten years I knew him, 184 00:06:47,882 --> 00:06:50,549 I didn't even know what your father did for a living. 185 00:06:50,551 --> 00:06:51,817 Every time I used to ask him, 186 00:06:51,819 --> 00:06:53,319 he'd just say... Please! 187 00:06:53,321 --> 00:06:55,254 Yes, that's exactly what he used to say. 188 00:06:55,256 --> 00:06:56,689 How did you know that? 189 00:06:58,225 --> 00:06:59,391 Heck of a jab, Marshall. 190 00:06:59,393 --> 00:07:00,459 Well-placed. 191 00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:01,493 Captain, 192 00:07:01,495 --> 00:07:02,995 I know something happened 193 00:07:02,997 --> 00:07:04,864 between you and Lily last night. 194 00:07:04,866 --> 00:07:05,898 What? 195 00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:07,333 No. Nothing happened. 196 00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:08,567 Captain's honor. 197 00:07:08,569 --> 00:07:10,035 Well, you can ask my fiancée. 198 00:07:10,037 --> 00:07:11,904 Fiancée? What-what fiancée? 199 00:07:11,906 --> 00:07:12,905 Captain. 200 00:07:12,907 --> 00:07:14,640 Permission to clear things up? Granted. 201 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:15,774 Me. 202 00:07:15,776 --> 00:07:16,909 We're engaged. 203 00:07:16,911 --> 00:07:18,544 It's "boats, boats, boats"! 204 00:07:18,546 --> 00:07:20,713 Ted, look! Uh, yeah. 205 00:07:20,715 --> 00:07:23,015 I mean, yeah, I know her from that commercial. 206 00:07:23,017 --> 00:07:24,216 Boats, boats, boats! 207 00:07:24,218 --> 00:07:26,151 And only from that commercial. 208 00:07:26,153 --> 00:07:28,053 No, you banged her. 209 00:07:28,055 --> 00:07:29,088 Remember? 210 00:07:29,090 --> 00:07:30,289 Like, a bunch of times. 211 00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:32,391 You knocked "boots, boots, boots"" 212 00:07:32,393 --> 00:07:33,859 All right, Captain. What the hell 213 00:07:33,861 --> 00:07:35,027 happened here last night? 214 00:07:35,029 --> 00:07:37,229 Well, it was just after four bells. 215 00:07:38,132 --> 00:07:39,198 Ahoy! 216 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,566 Hi, I-I know it's late, 217 00:07:40,568 --> 00:07:41,901 but I've got to get out of here. 218 00:07:41,903 --> 00:07:44,236 So I sent the car. When she got here... 219 00:07:44,238 --> 00:07:45,371 Lily, what a lovely... 220 00:07:45,373 --> 00:07:46,972 Can I use your powder room? 221 00:07:46,974 --> 00:07:49,008 And then she went to the powder room. 222 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,542 She was in there quite a while, actually. 223 00:07:50,544 --> 00:07:52,611 Probably a deuce. Go on. 224 00:07:52,613 --> 00:07:53,813 And when she came out, 225 00:07:53,814 --> 00:07:55,214 she had to leave right away. 226 00:07:55,216 --> 00:07:56,482 It was odd. 227 00:07:56,484 --> 00:07:58,751 But I assure you, nothing inappropriate happened 228 00:07:58,753 --> 00:07:59,985 between me and your wife. 229 00:07:59,987 --> 00:08:01,954 Captain, I understand what you're saying, 230 00:08:01,956 --> 00:08:04,390 but what you don't understand is that 231 00:08:04,392 --> 00:08:05,624 Lily is my wife, 232 00:08:05,626 --> 00:08:07,092 and I love her way too much 233 00:08:07,094 --> 00:08:08,260 to behave rationally right now! 234 00:08:08,262 --> 00:08:09,528 En garde! 235 00:08:10,263 --> 00:08:13,332 This is the best day of my life. 236 00:08:13,334 --> 00:08:16,101 Oh, darling, come on, no, no. 237 00:08:16,103 --> 00:08:18,237 You're not marrying your father. 238 00:08:18,239 --> 00:08:19,571 I mean, your father... 239 00:08:19,573 --> 00:08:21,573 I mean, let's just put it this way. 240 00:08:21,575 --> 00:08:23,542 Your father was a sociopath. 241 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,245 He slept with over 20 women. 242 00:08:26,247 --> 00:08:28,247 And sure, you know, 243 00:08:28,249 --> 00:08:29,481 we were friends for years first 244 00:08:29,483 --> 00:08:31,784 and it was entertaining watching him lie 245 00:08:31,786 --> 00:08:34,486 to those poor girls to get inside their snow pants, 246 00:08:34,488 --> 00:08:37,256 but I should have known back then 247 00:08:37,258 --> 00:08:39,558 this was not husband material. 248 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,260 I mean, even your Uncle Jim, you know, 249 00:08:41,262 --> 00:08:42,461 his gay black brother... 250 00:08:42,463 --> 00:08:43,929 Will you shut up! 251 00:08:46,099 --> 00:08:47,466 Go for Barney! 252 00:08:47,468 --> 00:08:49,835 Your bride is freaking the crap out right now. 253 00:08:49,837 --> 00:08:51,136 Where the hell are you? 254 00:08:51,138 --> 00:08:52,871 I warn you, Captain, 255 00:08:52,873 --> 00:08:57,943 I've pretended to have a duel with actual swords twice. 256 00:08:57,945 --> 00:08:59,278 I warn you, Marshall, 257 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,080 I was on the Olympic fencing team. 258 00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,948 Won three gold medals. 259 00:09:02,950 --> 00:09:04,616 I warn you, Captain, 260 00:09:04,618 --> 00:09:06,986 I'm starting to feel like this was a mistake. 261 00:09:06,988 --> 00:09:09,521 I think I'd better not say where I am. 262 00:09:09,523 --> 00:09:11,156 I am not kidding around here! 263 00:09:11,158 --> 00:09:12,524 Tell me where you are! 264 00:09:13,728 --> 00:09:15,794 We're at the Captain's house. 265 00:09:19,599 --> 00:09:21,166 What is it? What's wrong? 266 00:09:22,035 --> 00:09:25,337 I am so busted. 267 00:09:28,308 --> 00:09:31,176 Thank you, Linus. 268 00:09:34,981 --> 00:09:36,982 You have another piece of gum? 269 00:09:41,221 --> 00:09:42,988 I can keep a secret. 270 00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:45,157 I can keep a secret real good. 271 00:09:45,159 --> 00:09:46,959 Are you chewing gum? 272 00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,028 I can keep a secret like nobody's business, 273 00:09:49,030 --> 00:09:51,730 'cause it is nobody's business. 274 00:09:51,732 --> 00:09:53,032 You never chew gum. 275 00:09:53,034 --> 00:09:54,767 You shouldn't chew gum in here. 276 00:09:54,769 --> 00:09:57,069 'Cause it's a secret, and I'm keeping it! 277 00:09:57,071 --> 00:09:58,904 Wait! 278 00:09:58,906 --> 00:10:00,039 Stop the duel! 279 00:10:00,041 --> 00:10:00,806 Oh, thank God. 280 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,207 I mean, why? 281 00:10:02,209 --> 00:10:03,175 Why? 282 00:10:03,177 --> 00:10:04,843 Because I just solved the mystery, 283 00:10:04,845 --> 00:10:05,878 that's why. 284 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,480 Mosby Boys! 285 00:10:10,016 --> 00:10:12,251 We agreed you wouldn't do that anymore. 286 00:10:13,019 --> 00:10:14,720 Mystery? What mystery? 287 00:10:14,722 --> 00:10:16,855 Lily has a secret. 288 00:10:18,258 --> 00:10:19,992 She's hiding something, 289 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,694 and I know what it is. 290 00:10:31,371 --> 00:10:33,872 Okay, what is she hiding? 291 00:10:33,874 --> 00:10:35,774 I'll tell you in a minute. 292 00:10:35,776 --> 00:10:39,344 I want to enjoy the suspense a little bit first. 293 00:10:40,313 --> 00:10:42,481 Ooh. 294 00:10:49,927 --> 00:10:52,695 Oh, my God, will you just tell us! 295 00:10:55,032 --> 00:10:56,699 Very well. 296 00:10:56,701 --> 00:10:57,934 Now, we can all agree 297 00:10:57,936 --> 00:11:00,537 that this is the first time I've ever set foot 298 00:11:00,539 --> 00:11:02,005 in this house, correct? 299 00:11:02,007 --> 00:11:04,207 Oh, this is going to be unbearable. 300 00:11:04,209 --> 00:11:06,142 Now, Captain, your powder room-- 301 00:11:06,144 --> 00:11:08,778 does it face out on the ocean? 302 00:11:08,780 --> 00:11:10,880 Of course, right over the cliff. 303 00:11:10,882 --> 00:11:12,048 Just as I suspected. 304 00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:13,449 And if I were to walk 305 00:11:13,451 --> 00:11:15,351 into this powder room right now, 306 00:11:15,353 --> 00:11:17,854 I believe I'd see a potted plant of some sort. 307 00:11:17,856 --> 00:11:19,055 Is that correct? 308 00:11:19,057 --> 00:11:21,057 Yes. There's a daisy. 309 00:11:21,059 --> 00:11:23,359 A daisy. Interesting. 310 00:11:23,361 --> 00:11:25,929 Uh, not traditionally an indoor plant, 311 00:11:25,931 --> 00:11:29,032 but I suppose it gets plenty of light 312 00:11:29,034 --> 00:11:30,833 with the southern exposure. 313 00:11:30,835 --> 00:11:32,569 That's right, it does. 314 00:11:32,571 --> 00:11:34,904 Will you please fetch the daisy? 315 00:11:34,906 --> 00:11:37,140 Aye-aye. 316 00:11:38,409 --> 00:11:39,809 I totally solved it. 317 00:11:39,811 --> 00:11:41,177 You didn't solve it. 318 00:11:41,946 --> 00:11:43,880 You didn't solve it. 319 00:11:43,882 --> 00:11:45,081 You didn't solve it. 320 00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:46,583 You didn't solve it. 321 00:11:46,585 --> 00:11:48,585 Did you solve...? No, you didn't solve it. 322 00:11:48,587 --> 00:11:50,386 I solved it! 323 00:11:50,388 --> 00:11:51,821 Ah. 324 00:11:51,823 --> 00:11:53,590 Thank you, Captain. 325 00:11:53,592 --> 00:11:55,625 Now... 326 00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:57,760 a simple question. 327 00:11:57,762 --> 00:12:01,230 When Lily and Marshall are apart for an extended period of time, 328 00:12:01,232 --> 00:12:04,934 what is the one thing Lily always does? 329 00:12:04,936 --> 00:12:05,935 Cry? 330 00:12:05,937 --> 00:12:07,170 Masturbate? 331 00:12:07,172 --> 00:12:08,037 Karate? 332 00:12:08,039 --> 00:12:09,105 Go sailing? 333 00:12:09,107 --> 00:12:11,107 No. 334 00:12:11,109 --> 00:12:13,376 When Lily and Marshall are apart 335 00:12:13,378 --> 00:12:16,879 for a long period of time, 336 00:12:16,881 --> 00:12:20,483 Lily... always... 337 00:12:28,292 --> 00:12:30,693 ...starts smoking again. 338 00:12:31,495 --> 00:12:33,363 That's true, she does. 339 00:12:33,365 --> 00:12:35,398 Happened when she went to Paris in college. 340 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,501 It happened when she moved to San Francisco, and last week, 341 00:12:38,503 --> 00:12:40,370 it happened again. 342 00:12:40,372 --> 00:12:42,705 From the moment Marshall left for Minnesota, 343 00:12:42,707 --> 00:12:44,641 Lily's been secretly puffing down the ciggies 344 00:12:44,643 --> 00:12:47,610 like a 46-year-old grandma at a Reno slot machine. 345 00:12:47,612 --> 00:12:49,812 Problem was, come Friday morning, 346 00:12:49,814 --> 00:12:53,049 she knew she'd have to quit again,cold turkey. 347 00:12:53,051 --> 00:12:54,851 And it wouldn't be easy. 348 00:12:54,853 --> 00:12:56,886 She tried to make it a whole car ride 349 00:12:56,888 --> 00:12:58,154 without a fix, but couldn't. 350 00:12:58,156 --> 00:12:59,822 So, she pretended to be annoyed 351 00:12:59,824 --> 00:13:02,759 by perfectly reasonable things, like my stylish driving gloves 352 00:13:02,761 --> 00:13:06,396 and my appreciation of the historic van Otterloop manse. 353 00:13:06,398 --> 00:13:11,934 All so she could have one last smoke on the train. 354 00:13:11,936 --> 00:13:14,237 But afterwards, her breath told the tale. 355 00:13:14,239 --> 00:13:17,573 And that's why, when she got to the hotel, 356 00:13:17,575 --> 00:13:19,509 Lily... 357 00:13:19,511 --> 00:13:22,578 was chewing... gum. 358 00:13:22,580 --> 00:13:23,780 Lily never chews gum. 359 00:13:23,782 --> 00:13:24,681 What? Never? 360 00:13:24,683 --> 00:13:25,748 Well, hardly ever. 361 00:13:25,750 --> 00:13:27,283 Great job, Ted. 362 00:13:27,285 --> 00:13:29,986 That's some pretty solid evidence. Gum. 363 00:13:29,988 --> 00:13:33,456 Oh, Barney, my dear boy. 364 00:13:33,458 --> 00:13:35,058 I'm just getting started. 365 00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:36,459 Getting started? 366 00:13:36,461 --> 00:13:37,593 Lily knew that cigarette 367 00:13:37,595 --> 00:13:38,995 was probably her last for a while. 368 00:13:38,997 --> 00:13:41,097 She needed something to keep her nerves calm, 369 00:13:41,099 --> 00:13:42,732 so she headed to the bar. 370 00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:45,301 Anytime you see me without a drink in my hand, 371 00:13:45,303 --> 00:13:47,570 you put a drink in my hand. 372 00:13:47,572 --> 00:13:50,273 Are you my guy, Linus? 373 00:13:50,275 --> 00:13:53,443 What followed was a long day and a half for Lily. 374 00:13:53,445 --> 00:13:55,378 A really long day and a half. 375 00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:56,913 Oh, it's kind of insane 376 00:13:56,915 --> 00:13:59,148 how much happened in just a day and a half. 377 00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:00,950 Anyway, Marshall returned, 378 00:14:00,952 --> 00:14:04,387 they had a big fight, Lily stormed out. 379 00:14:04,389 --> 00:14:05,555 And that's when she realized, 380 00:14:05,557 --> 00:14:07,523 if she was gonna sneak one this weekend, 381 00:14:07,525 --> 00:14:08,725 this was her chance. 382 00:14:08,727 --> 00:14:11,627 And after that fight, boy, did she need one. 383 00:14:11,629 --> 00:14:14,731 Only problem: she was all out. 384 00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:16,032 Now, 385 00:14:16,034 --> 00:14:17,166 it's 3:00 a.m., 386 00:14:17,168 --> 00:14:18,367 you need a cigarette, 387 00:14:18,369 --> 00:14:20,069 and the only place that's open is an EZ Pick 388 00:14:20,071 --> 00:14:21,370 that's five miles down the road. 389 00:14:21,372 --> 00:14:22,538 You have no car. 390 00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:24,240 What do you do? Go. 391 00:14:24,242 --> 00:14:25,208 Dirt-bike it. 392 00:14:25,210 --> 00:14:26,309 I can walk that far. 393 00:14:26,311 --> 00:14:27,276 Masturbate. 394 00:14:27,278 --> 00:14:28,277 Take a boat. 395 00:14:28,279 --> 00:14:30,780 What? A boat? No. 396 00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:33,116 Dude, she got a ride in your car, remember? 397 00:14:34,652 --> 00:14:35,818 Ahoy. 398 00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:36,786 Hi. I-I know it's late, 399 00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,187 but I've got to get out of here. 400 00:14:38,189 --> 00:14:40,289 I want to make one stop first. 401 00:14:41,658 --> 00:14:43,760 The problem was, 402 00:14:43,762 --> 00:14:46,662 Lily didn't want to smoke in front of her new employer. 403 00:14:46,664 --> 00:14:47,930 So, when she arrived 404 00:14:47,932 --> 00:14:49,899 at the Captain's house, there was only one 405 00:14:49,901 --> 00:14:51,100 possible course of action. 406 00:14:51,102 --> 00:14:52,635 Can I use your powder room? 407 00:14:54,705 --> 00:14:56,839 Now, 408 00:14:56,841 --> 00:14:57,707 you're Lily. 409 00:14:57,709 --> 00:14:58,975 You've just had a cigarette 410 00:14:58,977 --> 00:15:00,076 in your boss's powder room. 411 00:15:00,078 --> 00:15:01,844 What do you do with the cigarette butt? 412 00:15:01,846 --> 00:15:03,446 Throw it out the window? Flush it? 413 00:15:03,448 --> 00:15:05,081 No, she-she wouldn't do either of those things. 414 00:15:05,083 --> 00:15:06,382 She's an environmentalist. 415 00:15:06,384 --> 00:15:07,383 Stick it in your purse? 416 00:15:07,385 --> 00:15:08,451 Marshall could find it there. 417 00:15:08,453 --> 00:15:09,819 Throw it in the trash can. 418 00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:11,287 The Captain would find it there. 419 00:15:11,289 --> 00:15:13,022 Hide it in a boat. 420 00:15:13,024 --> 00:15:14,957 A boat? Wait. How would that... 421 00:15:14,959 --> 00:15:16,125 I don't know. 422 00:15:16,127 --> 00:15:18,628 I just... I like boats. 423 00:15:19,797 --> 00:15:21,764 No. 424 00:15:21,766 --> 00:15:24,167 There's only one place that she would put it. 425 00:15:24,169 --> 00:15:26,102 A place where, eventually, 426 00:15:26,104 --> 00:15:29,438 it would decompose and serve as a natural mulch. 427 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,341 It's in the daisy. 428 00:15:32,343 --> 00:15:34,277 And sure enough, 429 00:15:34,279 --> 00:15:36,379 if I dig around... 430 00:15:36,381 --> 00:15:40,316 I am all but guaranteed to find... 431 00:15:42,119 --> 00:15:43,820 A pregnancy test. 432 00:15:46,056 --> 00:15:47,824 You could smoke those? 433 00:16:02,206 --> 00:16:03,506 Oh, no. 434 00:16:03,508 --> 00:16:04,974 So, you want the Kennedy package? 435 00:16:04,976 --> 00:16:06,342 Bingo. 436 00:16:08,212 --> 00:16:10,613 One other little thing. 437 00:16:10,615 --> 00:16:12,782 When you do put a drink in my hand, 438 00:16:12,784 --> 00:16:14,784 let's make it non-alcoholic. 439 00:16:14,786 --> 00:16:17,086 There's a chance I might be pregnant. 440 00:16:17,088 --> 00:16:18,454 Okay, Linus, 441 00:16:18,456 --> 00:16:21,224 don't start popping the sparkling cider just yet. 442 00:16:21,226 --> 00:16:23,359 I'm just being cautious. 443 00:16:23,361 --> 00:16:25,328 I'll take a test when I get home. 444 00:16:25,330 --> 00:16:27,029 It can wait. 445 00:16:27,031 --> 00:16:30,399 Are Marvin and I and any other future children 446 00:16:30,401 --> 00:16:31,434 we may have 447 00:16:31,436 --> 00:16:33,703 just some consolation prize? 448 00:16:33,705 --> 00:16:35,905 I have to get out of here. 449 00:16:41,012 --> 00:16:43,112 It can't wait. 450 00:16:49,319 --> 00:16:50,253 Lily, what a lovely... 451 00:16:50,255 --> 00:16:52,822 Can I use your powder room? 452 00:16:56,594 --> 00:16:59,662 Two minutes. Here we go. 453 00:17:08,705 --> 00:17:11,307 Guys, we need to go back to the hotel. 454 00:17:13,176 --> 00:17:15,444 Lily peed on that, and you touched it. 455 00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:18,114 Lily? 456 00:17:20,284 --> 00:17:22,718 We're gonna have a baby? 457 00:17:25,722 --> 00:17:28,624 I told you guys I could keep a secret. 458 00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:33,629 Uh, uh, Barney, this-this is my mom. 459 00:17:33,631 --> 00:17:35,464 Hi. Hello. 460 00:17:35,466 --> 00:17:36,565 Oh. 461 00:17:36,567 --> 00:17:37,733 Oh, he's a hugger. 462 00:17:37,735 --> 00:17:39,001 Nothing like your dad. 463 00:17:40,605 --> 00:17:42,772 I'm sorry. I-I was gonna tell you tonight. 464 00:17:42,774 --> 00:17:44,340 No. Oh, my God, no. It's fine. 465 00:17:44,342 --> 00:17:46,175 There's just... there's so much we have to do. 466 00:17:46,177 --> 00:17:48,878 You know, we have to, um... we have to do research on... 467 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,813 uh, hospitals in Italy, and we have to, uh... 468 00:17:50,815 --> 00:17:52,715 We're not going to Italy. 469 00:17:52,717 --> 00:17:54,517 Of course we are. 470 00:17:55,319 --> 00:17:56,552 Lily, we have to do this. 471 00:17:56,554 --> 00:17:57,820 You're gonna live in Rome, 472 00:17:57,822 --> 00:18:00,056 and you're gonna get your dream, because... 473 00:18:00,058 --> 00:18:02,425 because you're giving me mine. 474 00:18:03,293 --> 00:18:04,860 Again. 475 00:18:04,862 --> 00:18:06,696 But there's gonna be all sorts of paperwork, 476 00:18:06,698 --> 00:18:08,931 and-and if she's born outside of the U.S., 477 00:18:08,933 --> 00:18:10,399 she could never become president. 478 00:18:10,401 --> 00:18:12,735 It's a girl? 479 00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:15,871 Oh. I don't know, but... 480 00:18:15,873 --> 00:18:18,140 in my mind, I kind of think she is. 481 00:18:18,142 --> 00:18:19,241 Oh. 482 00:18:19,243 --> 00:18:20,876 I love you so much. 483 00:18:20,878 --> 00:18:23,512 Mmm. 484 00:18:23,514 --> 00:18:25,715 We're gonna give you some privacy. 485 00:18:27,884 --> 00:18:29,952 It's my room. Why do I have to...? 486 00:18:29,954 --> 00:18:31,520 Just... come on. 487 00:18:34,424 --> 00:18:36,359 I thought this was an exit. No, balcony. 488 00:18:36,361 --> 00:18:37,660 Ah. Oh. 489 00:18:37,662 --> 00:18:39,729 Well, we'll just give them a few minutes, and then... 490 00:18:39,731 --> 00:18:42,198 Mm-hmm. ...we'll go back in and... 491 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,666 Oh. 492 00:18:43,668 --> 00:18:45,868 Oh, they are both naked. 493 00:18:45,870 --> 00:18:47,103 Yeah, they work fast. 494 00:18:47,105 --> 00:18:49,138 Yes. 495 00:18:49,140 --> 00:18:51,140 Oh, darling. 496 00:18:51,142 --> 00:18:53,142 Oh, you're going to be fine. 497 00:18:53,144 --> 00:18:55,244 You know, for every marriage in the world 498 00:18:55,246 --> 00:18:57,480 like I had with your dad, you know, there's... 499 00:18:57,482 --> 00:19:00,216 there's a marriage like those two in there. 500 00:19:00,218 --> 00:19:02,518 And, oh, marriage is... 501 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:03,786 Oh, it's terrifying. 502 00:19:03,788 --> 00:19:05,287 It's-it's like flying. 503 00:19:05,289 --> 00:19:08,457 You know, you're-you're filled with this mortal dread, 504 00:19:08,459 --> 00:19:11,060 but if you find someone you feel safe with, 505 00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:14,263 it's like flying! 506 00:19:14,265 --> 00:19:18,367 But if you got someone that you feel is really there for you, 507 00:19:18,369 --> 00:19:20,636 someone you can depend on, 508 00:19:20,638 --> 00:19:22,938 you're gonna be fine. 509 00:19:22,940 --> 00:19:24,840 Do you have someone like that? 510 00:19:24,842 --> 00:19:29,842 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man